Reality Kicks Me Far Away

Once again, Nayeon disappeared. Without a trace. And now I was starting to drown in guilt. For nearly a week, her figure had vanished from my sight.

Our parting at the beach the other day was quite bad. In the end, both she and I were left alone. There was no playing in the sand or chasing the waves along the shoreline. No laughter was created. Only foolish stories that, until now, I still don’t understand.

"No, Y/n. Don’t do this again!"

Again. That word carried a meaning that had been making it hard for me to sleep lately. I had to meet Nayeon—maybe there was something I didn’t know but should have known.

Even so, today I had to set that aside. Arriving in Jeju made me feel a little calmer. Though in reality, my reason for coming here reminded me of an old wound.

Yes, today marked the first anniversary of my older brother’s death. That’s why I had to come home and pay my respects to him.

The taxi stopped in front of my family’s fairly large house. Several people had already arrived and were chatting in the front yard. Noticing my presence, they flocked to welcome me.

I quickly put on a polite and friendly smile, accepting their outstretched hands and shaking them one by one.

Dad and Mom also appeared from inside. Mom immediately hugged me warmly. Oh dear. Even though I still come home often even while studying in Seoul, Mom always overdoes it.

"Quick, go pay your respects to your brother."

I nodded slowly as Mom patted the top of my head, standing on her tiptoes. I promptly set down my belongings and approached my brother’s portrait on one side of the house.

It turned out someone was also there paying respects and praying. A girl who looked somewhat familiar to my eyes.

I chose to wait until she finished. Apparently, Mom had come in earlier too and was now standing beside me.

"Who is that, Mom? Do I know her?" I asked in a near-whisper, making Mom smile bitterly as she gazed at the back of the girl who was still praying.

"She’s your older brother’s girlfriend. That accident must have made you forget about her." Mom’s words clearly left me confused.

"Brother’s girlfriend? Forget how?"

Mom turned to me. "Mom thinks she has to tell you everything today. All this time, Mom didn’t dare. Mom was afraid of hurting your feelings."

I really didn’t understand. Why did it suddenly feel like so many things had been hidden from me?

Right after Mom spoke, the girl we had just been talking about stood up. She bowed once before turning around.

It was IM Nayeon.

I stared at her in disbelief. What did all of this mean?

"She..."

Both Mom and Nayeon looked away. I was left curious with giant question marks swirling in my head.

"Mom, tell me! What’s really going on?!"

I unconsciously raised my voice, causing Mom to sob beside me.

"You have amnesia, Y/n. But only partial. You lost your memories regarding me and that accident."

I fell silent, staring at Nayeon who had just answered my question.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" A moment later, I looked at Nayeon with pain and sharpness.

Nayeon kept her head down. "I was shocked too, Y/n. We met the same way again. Doing the same things again. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence when I met you at the minimarket. But the second time, I started feeling uneasy because it was as if you were repeating our meeting all over again. That’s what you called me being clumsy. Actually, I was trapped in my own thoughts."

I remained motionless; clearly Nayeon still wanted to continue her story.

"The next day was the same—everything was exactly like before the accident happened. Nothing was excluded. It made me even more restless and wondering how I should face you."

"Then why did I go to Jeju the day after I got into that fight?"

Nayeon suddenly looked at me. "I couldn’t sleep, Y/n. I remembered again how you and Suwon fought that day, before the accident. I rushed to Jeju and asked Auntie for advice."

I could hear Mom sobbing harder beside me. I started to feel stupid and ridiculous for not knowing anything.

"Auntie told me to tell you everything, but I wasn’t ready yet. I wanted to tell you everything when I invited you to eat ramen, but it all failed. I couldn’t even look into your eyes—how was I supposed to tell you everything?"

That’s right.

So this was why Nayeon never wanted to look into my eyes. The color of my eyes was exactly like my brother Suwon’s. She must have been tormented all this time.

"Your eyes always remind me of Suwon. It makes me feel pain and hate you. You probably still don’t know that those eyes belong to Suwon. He gave his last treasure to you."

It felt like my heart had just been brutally beaten. There was a sharp pain and tightness in my chest.

"Y/n-ah, forgive Mom. Mom has been hiding it for a year." Mom sobbed even harder, hugging me from the side.

I felt like I was being killed but couldn’t die. This reality hit me hard.

"The reason I fought with Brother Suwon—"

"It was me. You two fought because of me."

That sorrowful voice became Nayeon’s last words before the girl cried silently. It made me want to pull her into my arms; but after knowing what had happened, I had to know my place. There was my brother’s portrait over there. Nayeon was the girl he loved the most before he left forever.

"No, Nayeon. It must have been because of me. I must have tried to take you from Brother back then, right?"

Nayeon didn’t answer. Her tears flowed even heavier. That made me conclude that what I said was true.

Just as I was about to speak again, my head suddenly felt dizzy and throbbed painfully. Everything seemed to crash down on me fiercely and brutally. This might be the complete answer to my lost memories.

— END —