cowards

"Y/n," Y/n turned his head to look at the door of his room that had swung open, revealing a girl still wearing her wedding dress. Only the makeup on her face had been removed, and her hair was let down, slightly messy. The girl had been his wife for a few hours now.

"What's wrong?" Y/n said softly, although his face clearly showed he wasn't interested.

"I was opening our wedding gifts and found this." The girl lifted a long rectangular white envelope. "I think this belongs to you and you only." She chuckled at the end of her sentence as she approached Y/n's desk.

Y/n remained silent as he looked at the letter. There was beautiful cursive writing on the front that read: For Y/n Only.

"Thank you," he said while glancing at his wife. "Why haven't you changed your clothes yet?"

The girl observed him for a few seconds then smiled. "I was waiting for you." She teased while winking one eye and giggled when she saw Y/n sigh, looking annoyed. "Kidding! I still want to open our wedding gifts. I got a lot of lingeries, for your information." She giggled again and left Y/n's room after successfully teasing her husband.

After his wife left, Y/n picked up the letter and leaned back in his chair, turning the white envelope over to examine it. Besides the writing stating that the letter was addressed only to Y/n—which seemed to emphasize that only Y/n had the right to it—there was no other writing on the white envelope.

Y/n tilted his head. He was still guessing who it was from and what the contents of the letter were when he brought the envelope closer. A sweet spice scent mixed with a familiar citrus and musky fragrance attacked his sense of smell. His brain immediately thought of one name—the owner of this perfume scent.

Y/n's heart beat fast, and suddenly he became very nervous. His gaze, which had been sharp and flat, began to show emotion. Y/n knew many people who used similar-smelling perfumes, but for some reason, out of all the names he knew, his brain only thought of that girl. However, the trace of floral honey scent that became the base of the perfume was indeed a characteristic unique to her.

It felt tight because of the many emotions that suddenly attacked his chest, making it difficult for him to breathe, and Y/n's eyes became watery.

For quite a while, Y/n just stared at the letter in his hand. Y/n was sure it was her. But Y/n couldn't guess why the girl had given him this letter.

"What is this for, Ahn Yujin?" Y/n muttered, staring blankly at the letter.

Without wanting to think too much about the letter, Y/n simply set the envelope aside and stood up from his work chair, leaving his desk. Y/n knew Yujin was indeed a slightly more poetic person, and the girl might have just sent congratulations on his wedding. Y/n smiled bitterly.

However, he had only taken one step out of his room when Y/n froze in place. His hand gripped the door handle tightly. Although his face remained flat and looked firm, the faint wrinkles on his forehead and eyebrows couldn't be hidden. The man sighed, turned his body around, and went back into his room, then locked the door.

Y/n's steps were firm as he walked toward his desk and sat back down in his favorite chair—completely the opposite of his heart, which was filled with turmoil.

He picked up the envelope and opened the seal in a hurry, but still tried not to damage it. The scent of the letter wafted out, attacking his sense of smell.

Y/n’s breathing felt heavy as he saw the folded ivory-white paper and took it out. Y/n closed his eyes. He felt like he needed to gather a lot of courage to read the letter. Because Y/n knew that even if the contents were just strings of prayers and congratulations for him, it could still hurt his heart.

Y/n took a long breath twice and opened his eyes.

"Fuck you, Ahn Yujin." He hissed and unfolded the paper.

"...."

For a moment that felt torturous, Y/n felt his heart stop and then beat again, only to throb painfully as soon as he read the two opening sentences of the letter. He had not expected to receive a surprise like this.

A letter for Y/n.

The guy I like for a couple long good years.

Hi!

To be honest, it's kinda awkward for me and I don't know where to start.

If I were to recall where and when it all began, it might take another couple years.

But let's just start it. So, here we go.

We're neighbors. But we're really never friends. Just two people who coincidentally became neighbors who ended up sharing a very little part of each other's childhood.

But as time passed by and we grew up, things changed.

To be specific, things only changed for me. And not for you.

At first, to be honest, it was kind of confusing for me.

Because it was something I've never felt before.

It was odd and new...

But somehow, it didn't feel bad. It was good, great actually.

That time I knew, I have a crush on you.

But I still found it confusing cause we hardly ever talked nor interacted, then how the fuck I like you?

That was exactly what I was thinking when I realized what I feel for you.

It was just... How??? Why???

Was it because of your eyes?

Or your sweet smile that goes along with it when you played with the kids?

Or maybe that white and black shabby polo shirts you were always wearing?

Or because of your kind heart who once helped me with no second thought when I was asking your favor jokingly?

Or maybe..., I don't need any reason because it was literally everything about you?

I really don't know.

All I knew was..., By only thinking about you could make me feel flustered and shy but happy. Only seeing you walk past me could make me feel like there were lots of butterflies flying in my tummy.

I was young that time, too ignorant and naive. But I know, I was happy. Having a crush on you, loving you, making me happy.

Even though it's one sided.

But then, a lot of things happened about you, about me.

College and work keep us away. I can't see you as often as I used to.

I can only miss you. But everytime I come back home, I'll try to stay updated about you.