It was clear that something was different. Mina was sensitive enough to feel that something had changed in Chaeyoung. The playful Chaeyoung, who used to laugh at her own spontaneous antics and mischief—for the past few days, Mina had lost all of that. What she encountered now was only caution, a noticeable mysterious aura, and Chaeyoung who didn’t talk much. Even so, Chaeyoung still warmly hugged her and listened to every story Mina had each day, but Mina understood well enough that something wasn’t quite right.
Mina had been counting the days without fail, and today marked the sixth full day since Chaeyoung had changed. Ah, no—not changed. Just different. Yes, different. If before this past week Chaeyoung would at least hug her and kiss her forehead before leaving for work, this past week it felt bland. Chaeyoung would only pat Mina’s head and—poof—disappear from sight.
This morning, Mina made a decision: no matter what, she would ask about what she believed felt off. Chaeyoung was currently showering; she had just finished her morning weekend workout. Mina herself was busy preparing breakfast and fruit juice for Chaeyoung. Her main mission, of course, was to make the most of this one morning opportunity as carefully as possible so that Chaeyoung wouldn’t feel offended or angry with her.
Breakfast and juice were ready on the table. Only Mina wasn’t ready yet because she was a little nervous about approaching her. She washed her hands at the sink, fixed her hair tie and bangs—doing it over and over again to make sure she was a beautiful sight for her Chaeyoung. Until a voice gave her a small jolt in her chest.
“Already beautiful, Mina-yaa.”
It was Chaeyoung’s voice. She stood at the edge of the dining table wearing a plain white t-shirt and black training pants, her hair still wet. Mina was caught off guard and shyly approached Chaeyoung. One perfect hug landed on Chaeyoung’s body.
“I want to be beautiful for you every moment, Chaeyoung-yaa”
“Enough, you’re already perfect even before you realize it. I’m hungry, let’s eat.”
Chaeyoung ended their short hug. Secretly, Mina felt disappointed, but a smile still bloomed on her lips. Sitting side by side at the table, Mina watched Chaeyoung sip her juice with focus. She bit her lip, hesitating to start the conversation.
“Baby...” Mina called Chaeyoung carefully.
“Mm?”
“Gwenchana?” (Are you okay?)
All the words Mina had prepared in her head scattered, replaced by one simple word she uttered just like that. Chaeyoung placed her juice glass on the table, licked her wet lower lip, and turned to Mina.
“Ne, I’m fine. Healthy. You can see that now. What’s wrong?”
“I... I think there’s something different about you. Lately you seem not... mmm...”
Thinking of the most appropriate word to describe her uneasy feeling, Mina found the word that represented it.
“...Happy, Chaeyoung-yaa..”
Mina’s expression changed, worried that Chaeyoung would be angry with her.
Before Chaeyoung could answer, Mina hurriedly corrected herself. “I don’t mean it like that. You seem different. Maybe it’s my fault or something and I’m anxious because you’ve changed. Am I not making you happy?”
Mina was nervous; it was obvious from her words. Chaeyoung only smiled at her lover, who rarely felt this anxious before.
“How should happiness be expressed, Mina-yaa?” Chaeyoung asked back.
“Mm, that...”
Mina was thinking of an answer to Chaeyoung’s question when suddenly her cheeks were cupped and Chaeyoung’s soft lips kissed her deeply. Warm, gentle, and full of feeling.
“Do you feel happy, Mina? Is this how you express your happiness?” Chaeyoung said after pulling her lips away from Mina’s.
“I... mmm I...” Mina stammered.
“I’m happy even if it doesn’t look like it. What you see is not always the same as reality, Mina. Remember that.”
Forgetting the anxiety in her chest, Mina chose to remember every word from Chaeyoung and understand it. Besides, Chaeyoung’s earlier kiss on her lips had already shattered all her worries. It erased all words.
After the gentle kiss on the lips yesterday, Mina felt everything had improved a little. At least the protective Chaeyoung had returned. Tonight was one of the proofs. The two of them were sitting on the balcony sofa in the bedroom, gazing at the night sky where one of the stars was side by side with the moon. Chaeyoung wouldn’t let Mina be even an inch away from her. She wrapped them both in a blanket that she had dragged from the room five minutes earlier. One warm hug from Chaeyoung landed on Mina’s body.
“If your hug is this tight, I might run out of breath, darling.” Mina interrupted but didn’t dare look at Chaeyoung.
“Mina-yaa, look at me.”
Mina hesitated at Chaeyoung’s commanding tone, but she still turned her face toward her lover.
“Hm, what?”
“It’s enough for the moon and stars to be apart. Not us.”
“Eoh?”
“It only looks like the moon and stars are close. Do you really know how much they suffer from missing each other even though the distance seems close? I don’t want to suffer from that kind of distance. So you’re not allowed to be far from me.”
Mina was stunned, a little unsure that the person who had just spoken so beautifully was the same Chaeyoung who had seemed different a week ago.
There was a brief silence because Mina was busy searching through the vocabulary in her head, choosing an answer that matched Chaeyoung’s statement.
“Umm… even if they’re far apart like that, the star still stays with the moon, it doesn’t go anywhere. I’m the same with you.”
In her heart, Mina was surprised by her own sentence—it was too poetic. Maybe she had caught it from Chaeyoung.
“Mina-yaa…” Chaeyoung’s eyes looked truly serious this time.
“Ummm, why?”
“If the moon is you and I am your star, have you ever thought that the star is really me?” Chaeyoung chose the moon and stars as a metaphor.
“Uhh?” Mina started to feel dizzy because Chaeyoung’s vocabulary was increasingly beyond the reach of the dictionary in her brain.
“There are millions of stars in the sky, there are millions of people who are better than this girl who is speaking right now. What if a moon like you is not destined for this star? I am a star, but not one that shines too brightly. Were you born for a dim star like me, Mina-yaa? Will we always be together and close without any distance?”
Mina lost the dictionary in her head. She was more interested in the beautiful galaxy sparkling in Chaeyoung’s eyes. She immersed herself there, trying to find an answer to Chaeyoung’s increasingly meaningful question.
Two days had passed since the conversation about the moon and stars. Mina was still thinking about Chaeyoung’s question. From the little bit of diction Chaeyoung chose, Mina understood the direction of their conversation that night. Specifically, the direction of Chaeyoung’s question for her.
What if Mina wasn’t born for Chaeyoung? What if Mina was destined for someone else and not Chaeyoung?
Thinking about that made Mina suddenly get a terrible headache. Her chest felt tight, as if thousands of needles were being stuck there. Even though Mina had never thought about separating from Chaeyoung. She wouldn’t be able to stand it if she wasn’t with her beloved even for a short while.
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