It was clear that something was different. Mina was sensitive enough to feel that something had changed in Chaeyoung. The playful Chaeyoung, who used to laugh at her own spontaneous antics and mischief—for the past few days, Mina had lost all of that. What she encountered now was only caution, a noticeable mysterious aura, and Chaeyoung who didn’t talk much. Even so, Chaeyoung still warmly hugged her and listened to every story Mina had each day, but Mina understood well enough that something wasn’t quite right.
Mina had been counting the days without fail, and today marked the sixth full day since Chaeyoung had changed. Ah, no—not changed. Just different. Yes, different. If before this past week Chaeyoung would at least hug her and kiss her forehead before leaving for work, this past week it felt bland. Chaeyoung would only pat Mina’s head and—poof—disappear from sight.
This morning, Mina made a decision: no matter what, she would ask about what she believed felt off. Chaeyoung was currently showering; she had just finished her morning weekend workout. Mina herself was busy preparing breakfast and fruit juice for Chaeyoung. Her main mission, of course, was to make the most of this one morning opportunity as carefully as possible so that Chaeyoung wouldn’t feel offended or angry with her.
Breakfast and juice were ready on the table. Only Mina wasn’t ready yet because she was a little nervous about approaching her. She washed her hands at the sink, fixed her hair tie and bangs—doing it over and over again to make sure she was a beautiful sight for her Chaeyoung. Until a voice gave her a small jolt in her chest.
“Already beautiful, Mina-yaa.”
It was Chaeyoung’s voice. She stood at the edge of the dining table wearing a plain white t-shirt and black training pants, her hair still wet. Mina was caught off guard and shyly approached Chaeyoung. One perfect hug landed on Chaeyoung’s body.
“I want to be beautiful for you every moment, Chaeyoung-yaa”
“Enough, you’re already perfect even before you realize it. I’m hungry, let’s eat.”
Chaeyoung ended their short hug. Secretly, Mina felt disappointed, but a smile still bloomed on her lips. Sitting side by side at the table, Mina watched Chaeyoung sip her juice with focus. She bit her lip, hesitating to start the conversation.
“Baby...” Mina called Chaeyoung carefully.
“Mm?”
“Gwenchana?” (Are you okay?)
All the words Mina had prepared in her head scattered, replaced by one simple word she uttered just like that. Chaeyoung placed her juice glass on the table, licked her wet lower lip, and turned to Mina.
“Ne, I’m fine. Healthy. You can see that now. What’s wrong?”
“I... I think there’s something different about you. Lately you seem not... mmm...”
Thinking of the most appropriate word to describe her uneasy feeling, Mina found the word that represented it.
“...Happy, Chaeyoung-yaa..”
Mina’s expression changed, worried that Chaeyoung would be angry with her.
Before Chaeyoung could answer, Mina hurriedly corrected herself. “I don’t mean it like that. You seem different. Maybe it’s my fault or something and I’m anxious because you’ve changed. Am I not making you happy?”
Mina was nervous; it was obvious from her words. Chaeyoung only smiled at her lover, who rarely felt this anxious before.
“How should happiness be expressed, Mina-yaa?” Chaeyoung asked back.
“Mm, that...”
Mina was thinking of an answer to Chaeyoung’s question when suddenly her cheeks were cupped and Chaeyoung’s soft lips kissed her deeply. Warm, gentle, and full of feeling.
“Do you feel happy, Mina? Is this how you express your happiness?” Chaeyoung said after pulling her lips away from Mina’s.
“I... mmm I...” Mina stammered.
“I’m happy even if it doesn’t look like it. What you see is not always the same as reality, Mina. Remember that.”
Forgetting the anxiety in her chest, Mina chose to remember every word from Chaeyoung and understand it. Besides, Chaeyoung’s earlier kiss on her lips had already shattered all her worries. It erased all words.
After the gentle kiss on the lips yesterday, Mina felt everything had improved a little. At least the protective Chaeyoung had returned. Tonight was one of the proofs. The two of them were sitting on the balcony sofa in the bedroom, gazing at the night sky where one of the stars was side by side with the moon. Chaeyoung wouldn’t let Mina be even an inch away from her. She wrapped them both in a blanket that she had dragged from the room five minutes earlier. One warm hug from Chaeyoung landed on Mina’s body.
“If your hug is this tight, I might run out of breath, darling.” Mina interrupted but didn’t dare look at Chaeyoung.
“Mina-yaa, look at me.”
Mina hesitated at Chaeyoung’s commanding tone, but she still turned her face toward her lover.
“Hm, what?”
“It’s enough for the moon and stars to be apart. Not us.”
“Eoh?”
“It only looks like the moon and stars are close. Do you really know how much they suffer from missing each other even though the distance seems close? I don’t want to suffer from that kind of distance. So you’re not allowed to be far from me.”
Mina was stunned, a little unsure that the person who had just spoken so beautifully was the same Chaeyoung who had seemed different a week ago.
There was a brief silence because Mina was busy searching through the vocabulary in her head, choosing an answer that matched Chaeyoung’s statement.
“Umm… even if they’re far apart like that, the star still stays with the moon, it doesn’t go anywhere. I’m the same with you.”
In her heart, Mina was surprised by her own sentence—it was too poetic. Maybe she had caught it from Chaeyoung.
“Mina-yaa…” Chaeyoung’s eyes looked truly serious this time.
“Ummm, why?”
“If the moon is you and I am your star, have you ever thought that the star is really me?” Chaeyoung chose the moon and stars as a metaphor.
“Uhh?” Mina started to feel dizzy because Chaeyoung’s vocabulary was increasingly beyond the reach of the dictionary in her brain.
“There are millions of stars in the sky, there are millions of people who are better than this girl who is speaking right now. What if a moon like you is not destined for this star? I am a star, but not one that shines too brightly. Were you born for a dim star like me, Mina-yaa? Will we always be together and close without any distance?”
Mina lost the dictionary in her head. She was more interested in the beautiful galaxy sparkling in Chaeyoung’s eyes. She immersed herself there, trying to find an answer to Chaeyoung’s increasingly meaningful question.
Two days had passed since the conversation about the moon and stars. Mina was still thinking about Chaeyoung’s question. From the little bit of diction Chaeyoung chose, Mina understood the direction of their conversation that night. Specifically, the direction of Chaeyoung’s question for her.
What if Mina wasn’t born for Chaeyoung? What if Mina was destined for someone else and not Chaeyoung?
Thinking about that made Mina suddenly get a terrible headache. Her chest felt tight, as if thousands of needles were being stuck there. Even though Mina had never thought about separating from Chaeyoung. She wouldn’t be able to stand it if she wasn’t with her beloved even for a short while.
Her headache eased when she saw Chaeyoung, who had just come out of the bathroom. She was wearing her favorite black satin pajamas.
Mina’s posture changed from holding her head to spreading her arms — a signal that Chaeyoung immediately understood meant Mina needed a hug. Chaeyoung approached Mina and hugged her.
“Gwenchana?” (Are you okay?)
“I’m scared, Chaeyoung-yaa…” Mina buried her head in Chaeyoung’s chest.
Chaeyoung gently stroked Mina’s head and comforted her.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, darling. I’m here. Let’s sleep now, okay…” Chaeyoung said calmly.
Mina nodded in the embrace, then the two of them moved to the bed and hid under the blanket.
Chaeyoung hugged Mina against her chest, letting Mina feel the warmth in the rhythm of her heartbeat. Her hand caressed Mina’s cheek, stroking the cheeks of her beloved girl.
“Mina…”
Mina lifted her head, turning her face toward Chaeyoung.
“Mm, wae?” (Why?)
“Let’s make love.” Chaeyoung asked directly and without hesitation.
Mina thought for a moment but still agreed. Chaeyoung, who had received the green light, began kissing Mina gently. From her forehead to her eyes, then both cheeks, and finally her lips. The sweetest part of the sweetest.
“Mmmhh darling…”
A moan slipped from Mina’s lips as she enjoyed Chaeyoung’s kisses that began to trail down to her smooth white neck.
At some point, Chaeyoung had unbuttoned Mina’s pajama top and bra. Now she was preparing to switch attention on another sensitive part of Mina. Chaeyoung was just about to taste that sensitive spot when her phone on the nightstand vibrated several times. The interruption inevitably caught her attention and made her stop her activity on Mina’s chest.
“Wait a moment, darling…” Chaeyoung got up from Mina’s body and picked up her phone.
Silent, Chaeyoung stared at her phone screen carefully. Her expression looked worried, but she tried to stay calm in front of Mina.
“Mina-yaa, I have to go out for a bit. This is really important. Put your pajamas back on, okay…” Chaeyoung spoke carefully while putting on the clothes she had taken off earlier.
“What’s going on? Why are you leaving so suddenly? It’s already night, darling.”
“I can’t tell you right now. I’ll explain later when I get back, okay.”
Mina’s body temperature rose. There was an emotional explosion that seemed ready to erupt in seconds. Emotions clashing because Chaeyoung didn’t finish her ‘activity’ on Mina’s chest and seemed determined to leave.
“You’re not allowed to go, Son Chaeyoung,” Mina said coldly.
“Just for a little while, Mina. I promise I won’t be long. Only—”
“I SAID NO, NO MEANS NO!” This time Mina was furious.
Chaeyoung looked into Mina’s eyes, wanting to convey something that couldn’t be said. Mina’s chest heaved up and down, her breaths coming in short, emotion-filled gasps.
“I promise I’ll be quick, darling. Please…”
“Fine, you can go but don’t come back, Son Chaeyoung. I hate you.”
Mina said it with eyes full of emotion. Chaeyoung remained frozen by the side of the bed, trying to process every word Mina uttered. Inside her head, two things were at war, and Mina didn’t know it.
That gaze was still empty, even as Chaeyoung opened the closet to take her black jacket and something from inside. Her face showed how much she was holding back all kinds of feelings. Feelings whose form was unclear.
Chaeyoung put on her black jacket and slipped in the thing she had taken from the closet earlier. Her face searched for Mina, but Mina was anxiously staring at the edge of their bed.
“I’m going, Mina-yaa. I love you.”
Mina, hearing Chaeyoung’s words, immediately looked for that face. She wasn’t sure about the feelings that had suddenly become chaotic. Meanwhile, Chaeyoung had already left quickly, hurrying away and leaving Mina, who was now sobbing.
In her tears, there were words she regretted.
Waking up with eyes sore from crying all night, Mina felt her head hurting badly too. Her lower back hurt even more. It felt so sore that she wanted to detach her waist and put it somewhere just so the pain would go away for a while. Reflexively, she held her stomach and looked at her own bed.
“Ah, it’s my period. No wonder my body feels crushed.”
Mina was still holding her stomach while looking at the blood stains on the bedsheet. Only after a few moments did she realize that she had slept alone all night.
“Chaeyoung really didn’t come home. But where is she? There’s no other place Chaeyoung would stay overnight besides… Sana and Tzuyu’s house.”
Mina continued monologuing to herself while thinking. She realized her temper had been really bad last night. Mina thought Chaeyoung must have been offended and stayed over at Sana and Tzuyu’s house because of their argument.
Getting up from the bed and heading to the bathroom, Mina prepared to clean herself up, then go after Chaeyoung to apologize and ask her to come home. She really didn’t mean what she said last night. Maybe her sudden mood swing was because her period came unexpectedly.
In her heart, Mina was determined to fix the misunderstanding between her and Chaeyoung from last night. Also, in silence, Mina was still curious about what could have made Chaeyoung so panicked and insistent on leaving.
Mina wanted to know the truth…
...
Mina arrived by taxi right in front of Sana and Tzuyu’s house. Of course she didn’t bring her car because Chaeyoung had taken it last night. However, her feelings suddenly turned uneasy when she looked around the house—there was no Chaeyoung’s car parked there.
After finishing paying the taxi, Mina hurriedly went inside.
“Mina eonni? So sudden, why didn’t you call so I could pick you up?” The door opened with Tzuyu appearing from inside after Mina knocked on the door three times.
“Tzuyu-ya, I’m looking for Chaeyoung. She’s inside, right?”
Tzuyu’s face looked confused, to the point she couldn’t stop Mina who had already barged into the house.
Mina saw Sana preparing to move breakfast from the kitchen to the dining table. Their eyes met, and Sana looked just as surprised as Tzuyu.
“Sana, where’s Chaeyoung? She stayed over here last night, right? Is she still sleeping? I’ll go to the room to wake her up…” said Mina, changing her direction toward the room that Michaeng usually used when they stayed over.
“Chaeyoung, isn’t here. Didn’t she go straight home last night?”
One sentence from Sana was enough to make Mina’s footsteps stop.
“What… What do you mean, Sana?”
“Eonni, sit down first. I’ll explain.” Tzuyu put her arm around Mina’s shoulder and led her to sit.
Tzuyu sat right next to Mina, holding her eonni’s hand which was still in shock and didn’t understand what was happening. Meanwhile, Sana sat across from Tzuyu after pouring tea for the three of them.
“Actually last night I sent a message to Chaeyoung asking her to pick me up because my car was at the repair shop. Because it was already too late, it was hard to get a taxi and I had to walk to a crowded area to easily get one. But I felt like I was being followed.”
Tzuyu carefully explained what had happened the night before so that Mina could understand.
“I felt like two people were following me. I couldn’t call because I was afraid they would suddenly attack me. So I sent an emergency message to Chaeyoung asking her to pick me up. Chaeyoung arrived right on time, probably because she drove really fast. I felt so relieved when we went home together. Chaeyoung escorted me safely to the house.”
Mina listened to everything Tzuyu said. So last night Chaeyoung had been so anxious because she knew Tzuyu was in danger? She had left Mina and postponed their intimate moment just to save Tzuyu?
Mina’s chest felt tight. She had angrily driven Chaeyoung away without giving her a chance to explain the truth. And what was worse, Chaeyoung was with their two bestfriend, Sana and Tzuyu
“I swear I tried to force her to stay over. It was already very late and I was worried about her too. But Chaeyoung said she was in a hurry to get home, so I didn’t hold her back. Now Sana and I are the ones who are confused. Why are you looking for Chaeyoung when we thought she was at home with you?”
Tzuyu even tilted her body to make sure Mina was still listening, because all she saw was Mina staring blankly into space.
“I drove her away. I chased Chaeyoung out of the house, Tzuyu ya,” Mina said bitterly.
“What??!!” Tzuyu and Sana exclaimed in shock at the same time.
Mina sobbed as she remembered what she had done last night—how cruel she had been to Chaeyoung without trusting her first.
“I didn’t know she was going to pick you up from danger when we were just about to sleep. I got angry at her, then I drove her away and told her not to come back. Now I don’t know where she is… hiks hiks…”
Tzuyu hugged Mina to calm her down. Sana moved to Mina’s other side and gently stroked her back.
“Mina, maybe Chaeyoung is afraid you’re still mad at her. She must have gone to her eomma’s house. We can go there after her, right Tzuyu?” Sana asked for Tzuyu’s agreement so Mina would calm down quickly.
“Of course. Chaeyoung must be at eomma’s house. We’ll go there to pick her up after we have breakfast, okay?”
“I don’t have any appetite, Sana ya, Tzuyu-ah. I just want to meet Chaeyoung, apologize, and bring her home.” Mina was still sobbing. Her stubbornness and guilt left her with no hunger at all.
Tzuyu sighed softly and smiled. She clearly understood how worried Mina was about Chaeyoung.
“Alright, but at least drink your tea first. I’ll ask for my car to be delivered now so we can go.”
Mina nodded slowly. She lifted her teacup slowly and drank from it. Her mind was in complete chaos, and so were her feelings. Sana pushed the breakfast sandwiches closer to Mina, hoping she would eat at least a little until Tzuyu’s car arrived from the repair shop.
Their mission was clear: find Chaeyoung.
...
“You girls came too late, kids. Chaeyoung already left early this morning” said Chaeyoung’s mother when they asked about her whereabouts.
“Did Chaeyoung say where she was going, eomma?” Mina asked, her voice trembling.
“Chaeyoung didn’t say anything, Mina-yaa. She only said she would be gone for a bit. That’s why she left her car in the garage.”
Chaeyoung’s mother’s words made Mina’s heart tremble. No one knew where her beloved was.
“Mina-ah, did you two fight? Did Chaeyoung hurt you, dear? Can eomma know?”
Mina hugged her mother-in-law and cried hard, weeping over her own mistake.
“Forgive Mina, eomma. Mina is at fault. Maybe Chaeyoung is so angry that she doesn’t want to come home. Forgive Mina, eomma…”
Chaeyoung’s mother gently stroked Mina’s back with affection. She understood her daughter-in-law’s worry.
Behind this touching scene, Tzuyu also hugged Sana, who had been moved and worried ever since Mina started crying.
“Sana has already contacted all our friends, eomma. We’ll wait for news. Hopefully Chaeyoung will be home before evening,” Tzuyu said carefully while still comforting Sana in her arms.
Chaeyoung’s mother only nodded, then slowly released Mina from the hug.
“Before she left, Chaeyoung left this with eomma. Do you know what this means, Mina?” Chaeyoung’s mother reached into her pocket and took something out.
A key.
Mina received the key in her hand. It felt too familiar. She tried to remember what this key was for—the one Chaeyoung had given her.
The memory of that night replayed in Mina’s head: when Chaeyoung opened the closet to grab her jacket before leaving to pick up Tzuyu.
Maybe this key……
Mina became extremely frustrated. She didn’t want to live through a day like this.
She clutched the box containing a necklace with moon and star pendants.
And a letter that, for the past fourteen days, she had been crying over nonstop, held tightly in her left hand.
...
Fourteen days ago, 24 hours after Chaeyoung disappeared
“Sana and I are going to the police station to file a report. We won’t be long. My suggestion is to try using that key. Maybe it’s a clue to finding Chaeyoung.”
The three of them had returned to Michaeng’s house because there was still no news from anyone who might have seen Chaeyoung. Mina nodded at Tzuyu’s words without saying anything. Then Sana and Tzuyu quickly disappeared from sight.
Ever since they were at Chaeyoung’s mother’s house, Mina had suspected that the key belonged to the box in their closet. The box that Mina had once given to Chaeyoung in London last year.
Mina walked toward the closet and opened it slowly. She checked inside and… Mina found it. A brownish box hidden in the bottom corner of the closet.
She held the box carefully and placed it on the bed. Mina didn’t know what was inside because, as far as she remembered, Chaeyoung had never kept anything in that box.
Mina inserted the key she had received from Chaeyoung’s mother into the box. Click. The box opened.
There was a silver necklace with two pendants: a moon and a star. And a letter that Mina hesitantly opened.
~For the one and only source of light that is the most calming.
My Moon, Myoui Mina.
No matter how many billions of stars are in the sky, I will still be your star. The one who stays close to you even when I sometimes grow dim and disappear.
I’m not really gone. It’s only the darkness of the night that covers me and hides me from your sight.
No matter how often I disappear, I will always be the star by your side. The one that exists but you cannot see, the one that is real but you cannot feel.
Happy Birthday.
I love you.
The dimmest star in the galaxy,
C.~
Mina’s world crumbled before her eyes.