I picked up my blazer from the floor, took a deep breath, and fixed my hair while looking around the hotel room. The messy sheets were clear evidence of what had just happened, just like the other woman in this suite who was currently getting dressed.
Even though this wasn’t the first time I’d done this, guilt was still the main feeling.
“I’m so tired of all this, Nayeon,” I heard the other woman say as I put on my shoes.
“When are you going to tell her?”
“Soon,” I answered softly.
“You’ve been saying that for the past six months. I’m starting to get bored.” Momo replied, anger rising in her voice.
“It’s not that easy, but I will tell her. Just give me time,” I sighed deeply.
“I won’t be your mistress forever, Nayeon,” said my ‘business partner’.
“Either you tell her this week or we’re done.”
“Momo-yaa,” I tried to calm her down and walked toward her.
“No, I’m serious this time.” She responded with determination and avoided my attempt to wrap my arms around her waist.
“I’ve been patient, but this isn’t what I want. Sneaking around and doing this behind her back was exciting at first, I admit, but it’s been too long. I’m starting to get tired.”
The shorter woman walked past me and headed for the door.
“You have to tell Mina about us,” Momo added before leaving the room.
“Good evening, Madam.”
As usual every night, I was greeted by our housekeeper who took my coat and smiled politely.
“Thank you,” I muttered tiredly.
“Where are Mina and Seungjun?”
“They’re in Madam’s room. Would you like me to prepare dinner?”
“No need, thank you.”
At first, I planned to check on our child, Seungjun, in his room. But since he was probably already asleep and I didn’t want to wake him, I went straight to the master bedroom—my and Mina’s room.
Opening the door, I saw Mina on the bed with a Nitendo in her hands, glasses perched on her nose, her long hair tucked behind her ear, and almost her entire body covered by the blanket. It was the same sight I usually came home to.
My wife of eleven years, Mina, looked up from her Nitendo as I entered.
“Hi, honey.” She greeted me with a gentle smile.
“Hi.” I whispered for some reason.
My stomach felt like it was tied in knots. The memory of my conversation with Momo earlier made my heart beat fast. I knew I had to tell Mina sooner or later.
I stood in the middle of the room and just stared at the brown-eyed woman. There was a part of me that loved her and didn’t want to hurt the woman who had been by my side through everything all this time. But another part of me said that we weren’t as happy as we used to be anymore.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Mina asked worriedly as she put down her book.
"We need to talk," my voice was already trembling.
After I spoke with Mina, I knew there was no turning back.
"I don't know how to tell you," I whispered.
"You know how, Nayeon," Mina replied, and I looked up to meet those eyes.
Something in the way Mina reassured me told me that she might already know where this conversation was heading.
"I feel like we've grown distant lately," I heard my voice trembling again.
"You know that I care about you so much, and there's a part of me that will always love you. But lately, I think we're no longer happy in this relationship. We've become so distant. I rarely see you, and I know that's my fault because I'm busy with work. So I feel like we might be happier... if we..."
"If we divorce," Mina finished my sentence while struggling to find the right words.
Our eyes met again, and I felt tears burning in my eyes. Even though I was sure we weren't as happy as before, my heart sank at the idea of truly closing this chapter of my life. Mina's eyes were also glistening, but she put on a stronger face than mine, as if hiding something.
"Alright." I almost choked on the simple word that Mina uttered.
Mina bit her lower lip and sighed softly. I knew she was upset, but she reacted in an unexpected way.
She just nodded.
"I agree." She suddenly said, and my eyebrows rose in surprise.
"I want you to be happy, Nayeon.. And I know you've been unhappy with me for a long time."
"I don't want to hurt you, Mina." I said, and she gave a sad smile now.
"I know, darling," she murmured almost inaudibly. "I'm not angry if that's what you're worried about. There are always two people to blame if things don't work out."
We fell silent for a few moments until the uncomfortable atmosphere became too heavy for me to handle.
"Do you want me to sleep in the guest room tonight?" I asked carefully.
"No, of course not... don't be silly." Mina gave a smile that reminded me of our teenage years.
My heart tightened thinking about us back then. We were so happy — so in love with each other.
"Let's talk about the details tomorrow, okay? I'm tired." Mina smiled wearily.
"Alright." I agreed and took the other side of the bed.
Lying down, I stared at the ceiling. I didn't dare look to the side where Mina was; I knew I would most likely cry. As relieved as I felt, a part of my heart had been shattered beyond repair.
The next night, I found Mina sitting at the dining table downstairs. Instead of eating her dinner, she was writing something. There were many papers scattered on the wooden surface.
"What are you doing?" I asked curiously and sat beside her.
"I'm writing a few things," Mina explained. "Here..." She handed me several sheets of paper, and I swallowed hard.
"Is this a divorce paper?" I was a bit surprised.
"Not exactly, but I thought it would be better if we handled some things before we separate," Mina replied calmly.
"You want our coffee shop to be entirely mine? That won't happen, Mina. We built it together and you'll have your share of everything, plus joint custody of Seungjun. You even want me to have our house in Jeju? Don't you really like that beach house?" I kept rambling as I read the paper with growing surprise.
"I only want one thing from you, darling," her voice now carried a slight tremor.
"What?" I asked immediately.
"I want you to carry me to bed for 30 days."
When I heard her words and met those brown eyes, I wasn't sure what I saw in them except anxiety.
"You're not... serious... right?" I asked carefully.
"I am serious," she answered immediately.
"I want you to carry me from the sofa and take me upstairs to bed like you did after our wedding day. Don't worry, I'm not asking for what we did afterward in bed." Mina laughed heartily.
"That's the only thing I want from you—for 30 days—then you're free to go."
“So, can I start now?” I asked with a slight smirk, looking into her eyes.
“Of course.” Mina laughed softly, and the sound made my heart beat faster. “Besides, I’m tired.”
“Let’s go then.” I tried to hide my nervousness by shrugging casually.
I stood up, about to bend down, when Mina got to her feet first.
“I’ll make it easy for your first day,” she said.
“You’re being nice to me now.” I teased with a grin, but I felt nervous as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
I swallowed slowly and felt my cheeks starting to heat up. In one quick motion, I swept her legs off the floor, holding her with one arm while the other supported her upper body. Mina let out a surprised squeak, and my heart skipped another beat.
“And you still haven’t learned from before,” she said, slightly breathless now that we were so close.
I smiled widely and started walking without hesitation. Mina was still very light, I thought.
“It wasn’t this hard climbing the stairs back then.” I complained lightly when we reached the upper floor.
“You always said you wanted to exercise more and become my ‘strongest wife’, then you’d show off your abs.” Mina laughed melodiously, and I made the mistake of looking at her.
Our faces were so close that I stopped walking for a millisecond. It was a strange yet pleasant combination of feelings.
It was undeniable that it felt good to be more comfortable around each other again. The closeness of our bodies wasn’t something we had shared in a long time, but it immediately felt familiar.
Kicking open the bedroom door, Mina laughed softly once more, and this time I laughed along with her. A few more steps and I reached the bed.
Carefully laying Mina’s body down, we were still giggling when a different voice filled the room.
“What are Mommy and Mama doing?”
We both turned to the side and found our son staring at us skeptically. The six-year-old boy looked surprised to see us laughing. Just the sight of it was heartbreaking.
“Your Mommy is being nice and carrying me because I’m tired, sweetheart.” Mina took the initiative and answered first. “She’s used to doing this with you all the time.”
“I know, Mama,” Seungjun smiled now and approached us.
As he got closer, Mina hugged him and kissed his black hair. I rarely saw them interact like this lately because I was hardly ever home.
It was slowly killing me to see them like this—in the best possible way.
“Can you carry me upstairs tomorrow, Mom?” Seungjun asked.
“I’m afraid I’m already booked, sweetheart.” I replied with a grin while Mina continued kissing Seungjun’s hair.
“Can we watch a movie together in here?” Our child now looked excited because he saw us happy.
“Of course, sweetheart.” I said immediately.
“Awesome! Can I choose the movie?”
“You and Mama can decide while I change clothes, okay?” I offered, and Seungjun nodded enthusiastically.
23 days had passed.
23 days of carrying my wife, Mina, to bed—every single night.
It sounded monotonous, but it really wasn’t. Some days were easier, and some were harder. Sometimes I didn’t want to do it because I started wondering why Mina had asked for it in the first place. On other days, I couldn’t wait to get home.
Carrying Mina upstairs once again tonight, I couldn’t believe it, but I felt butterflies in my stomach again.
“Have you lost weight or am I just getting too strong?” I wondered aloud while taking careful steps.
“I’ve been cleaning up since earlier and I think I might have lost a few pounds,” Mina’s voice sounded heavy tonight. “But you’re welcome to believe that you’ve just gotten stronger these past few days if that makes you feel better,” she added teasingly.
“Are you tired?” I asked.
“Yes.” Mina sighed and rested her head on my chest. God, I hope she doesn’t notice how wildly my heart is beating right now.
When I reached the bed, she was breathing steadily as if she had fallen asleep in seconds. So I decided not to put her down right away but to lay her on the bed like before.
Suddenly, I felt her hand touch my cheek, her thumb gently stroking my skin while she smiled contentedly. It only lasted a second or two before she pulled away and closed her eyes to sleep.
I licked my lips, then placed a soft kiss on Mina’s forehead. I closed my eyes and savored the brief moment my lips touched her skin. When I pulled back, Mina was still breathing calmly in her sleep.
“I haven’t heard from you in weeks!” Momo’s voice sounded accusatory.
“I’ve been busy.” I was blatantly lying because that wasn’t the real reason I hadn’t spoken to her.
“Oh really? Then I assume your schedule is clear if you asked me to come and meet you. Although I’m surprised you wanted to see me here in your office and not at some hotel somewhere,” I said while struggling to stay calm.
“I need to tell you something.” I sighed softly.
“Did you finally tell Mina that you’re going to end your relationship with her?”
“I…” I couldn’t lie this time. “But…”
“But what?” Momo’s eyebrows furrowed in anger.
“I think I can’t… do this anymore.” I sounded more determined now.
“You can’t do what exactly, Nayeon?” She stood up from her seat and walked toward me.
“I think I can’t leave Mina.” I lifted my head to meet her eyes, which were filled with anger.
“You just can’t leave her yet… or not at all?”
“I’m sorry, Momo.” She shook her head in disbelief.
“I really did want to leave her, but things have changed in the past few weeks. Everything is so confusing, but I don’t think I’m ready—to let go of Mina.”
"Bastard!" The woman in black clothes spat.
"You've been sleeping with me for six months! You could lie to her for that long but you can't leave her?!"
"I really wasn't happy and I swear to you that I didn't try to lead you on—"
I was just about to finish my sentence when I felt her hand collide with my cheek. The sound of the slap filled the large office. I clenched my jaw, knowing I deserved it.
"I have to tell her all the bullshit you've done to her!" Momo hissed with a trembling voice.
"I will tell her," I said softly.
"Besides, she's the one who's going to leave me."
"Don't you dare call yourself the victim now, Momo. I hope she leaves you. Fuck you!"
My cheek felt hot, but what hurt more was the thought that I might lose Mina after telling her the truth.
My heart was beating uncontrollably as I climbed the stairs to the bedroom. In my head, I had planned what I wanted to say, but everything disappeared the moment I saw Mina still lying in bed.
She seemed to be asleep, and I felt disappointed because I couldn't fulfill her request for the last day. I hoped I would still have a chance to continue our habit if she forgave me. It was a big "if."
Approaching the bed, I sat on the edge and studied her facial features. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment.
It took courage to gently stroke her jaw until I reached her lips. Her upper and lower lips were slightly parted, which was unusual. I often teased her because Mina slept with her mouth open.
Looking closer, I noticed how still she was—too still. My eyebrows furrowed slightly while my pulse quickened. There was an instant moment of panic. It was instinctive in everyone when they were worried, but in most cases it wasn't justified.
"Mina?" I whispered, but she didn't move.
"Honey?" I repeated, this time louder.
My eyes darted in panic now, and I placed my hand on her shoulder, shaking her gently. Her body was limp, and a cold shiver ran down my spine.
While my eyes filled with tears, my trembling hand moved to her wrist to feel her pulse—there was nothing.
"No! Mina!"
I was trapped in shock and panic. My body didn't know how to react. My brain told me to call an ambulance, but I froze. The unimaginable horror of the situation didn't sink in for a few more seconds until I grabbed the phone and called someone for help. After making the call, I dropped the phone and felt my heart shatter into pieces.
My chest physically hurt. I felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly with a knife, the pain growing with every thrust. Hot tears flowed down my face unnoticed. It was impossible, but my throat felt tight as if someone was choking me. I held my breath because I knew I was about to break down.
At one point I breathed again, and with it, the loudest sob escaped my lips. My trembling hands tried to "wake her up" again and again, but no matter how hard I tried, she wouldn't move.
"Mina honey, please wake up."
Mina had left me—in the worst way possible.
I was the last one at the grave.
While everyone else had left, I remained frozen in my seat. I still couldn't accept the reality that I was now a person without a wife, with a child. What was even harder to believe was that I wasn't the only one keeping secrets.
Mina had been diagnosed with stomach cancer several months ago. Her chances were slim since the cancer had spread to most of her organs. She had refused treatment and decided to live her life for as long as she could—without anyone knowing. Her fatigue and weight loss in the past few weeks now made sense.
While my wife, Mina, was going through the worst times of her life, I was too busy with my affair. All I wanted was another chance—a chance to fix things.
My eyes watered again as soon as I realized I would never get that chance.
"Seungjun is waiting in the car," I heard a familiar voice and looked up.
Jihyo's eyes were swollen from crying, but there was something else in them: anger. She never once looked me in the eye. I wasn't sure why, but she was definitely Mina's best friend.
"I'll join him soon, thank you," I said slowly, waiting for Jihyo to leave, but she didn't.
She stood still in her spot and glared at me.
"Mina knew." Jihyo's voice trembled.
"Mina knew about your affair all this time, Nayeon." My heart stopped.
"How many times did I tell her to leave you, but she didn't want to. We fought and didn't speak to each other for two months because of it. I lost time with her because of you. When we made up, she told me about her cancer and that she would probably die in a few weeks."
I couldn't breathe as the woman attacked me with her harsh words.
"Do you want to know why she asked you to carry her to bed every night?" I stayed silent as she shook her head in disbelief, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know right now.
"Mina did it for Seungjun. Because she knew she didn't have much time left, she wanted Seungjun to have one last image of you two as a happy and loving couple. Most importantly, Mina didn't want Seungjun to have bad memories of you. She wanted Seungjun to remember you taking care of her in the end—not abandoning her while she was dying."
Whatever was left in my heart at that moment completely shattered there. All this time I had wondered why Mina asked me for that unusual favor; I certainly never expected this to be the reason.
It showed even more how beautiful she was as a person—someone I didn't deserve from the very beginning.
"You should kneel and thank Mina, because if he had known the truth, Seungjun would hate you just like I do." Sooyoung delivered the fatal blow to my heart because it was the truth.
I couldn't look at her and only stared at the ground while endless tears flowed down my face. The memories of carrying her to bed were the most painful.
Mina was sick without me at her side, and I had missed the chance to tell her one last time how much I loved her.
I wanted one more day to carry her upstairs, but I knew the 30th day would never come.
***END***
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