Without You

 "This is all your fault!"

Wonyoung's voice was muffled and muted as she darted down the stairs, holding up a set of folders in one hand, using them to cover her face. She bowed politely as she passed by a reporter, ducking her head so the paparazzi couldn't take clear photos of her as she brushed past them. She glared and bit her lip. "Ya, you're lucky the company didn't chew you out that hard."

Yujin swatted at her with a goofy smile. When she saw a cameraman point a lens at her, she jerked towards Wonyoung and grabbed her by the waist, making the younger girl flinch and scream in surprise. Yujin pressed her head against Wonyoung's shoulder and hushed her, pushing her gently forward so they could walk faster out of the building. "How many times do I have to tell you--I'm sorry, ok? I'm trying to help fix things--."

When they got to the doors, a ring of interviewers and journalists who were desperate to capitalize on the latest scoop swarmed them from all sides. Their chaperone stopped abruptly and tried to turn Yujin and Wonyoung around to usher the girls elsewhere, but he too was swallowed up by the wave of desperate correspondents. The two girls stopped in their tracks as well before Yujin yanked Wonyoung sideways through the crowd. 

"This hardly looks like 'fixing things'," Wonyoung muttered mockingly into Yujin's ear, making sure no one heard. Someone tried to grab onto her wrist, so she swatted them away briskly. "I am never going to let you go for this."

Yujin cupped her face with one hand and smirked up at her. "Good, I don't want to let you go."

Wonyoung rolled her eyes and slipped her fingers through Yujin's, holding tightly. "Then get us through, dummy. Go, go, go!"

Yujin felt the heat rush to her cheeks and gave the slender girl a nod. With a renewed sense of vigor, Yujin hauled ass and pulled them through the wave of bodies clamoring for them. Like a fish being reeled out of the water, Wonyoung followed her every step of the way, clinging tightly onto her friend with the hopes of making it out alive and to safety. Once they finally made it onto the sidewalk, Yujin spotted the blurred image of one of the company's black vans in the distance. Nudging Wonyoung with her elbow, she smirked. And Wonyoung understood.

They both made a run for it.

"Just like the old days," Yujin remarked, still clasping onto Wonyoung, their joined hands bouncing with every paced footfall. "Never gets old."

"You never change--it was always you who'd get us into messes like this. Did you really have to post that picture out of all the other pictures you had on your phone?" Wonyoung retorted, struggling to keep up with the more athletic one of the two. "You could have used our selca from the other day."

Yujin shrugged as they turned a corner and ducked out of the way before an elderly couple could bump into them. They spared no time to apologize, bowing their heads to everyone they passed as they righted themselves once more. Yujin fixed the beanie on her head and puffed her cheeks, panting as she replied, "I get it, I get it--I messed up! Our manager won't shut up about it. Besides, I can already tell from the others that everyone thinks I'm a disappointment."

Wonyoung smiled and tugged on their combined hands. "Maybe not everyone."

Yujin's heart skipped a beat as she squinted at her. "Maybe."

After running for three blocks, they finally reached the van in question. Yujin checked the plate to be sure before knocking on the heavily tinted lens. As it came down, a twin-bunned girl was shaking her head in the passenger's seat. "Ya, Yujin-unnie, did you forget to wear your covers again?"

"Now's not the time, Rei. Open the door!"

Rei rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Could have said please first." As the paparazzi began catching up--now a block away from them--Rei gestured with her head and unlocked all the doors. Wonyoung grabbed one of the handles and yanked it open, revealing the other members who were cramped into the second row of the van.

"In you go, hurry, hurry!" Gaeul ushered as she reached out to help Wonyoung in. Yujin smacked her butt playfully as she pushed Wonyoung up and into the back row. Liz was wearing her shades and face mask, keeping her head lowered as she drummed her fingers on her lap, trying to calm herself down. Leeseo, on the other hand, was all over the place, swapping between the different windows like she's on some sort of lookout. 

Yujin dove for the back row in time for Gaeul to slam the door shut behind her. Rei locked the doors once more before signaling to their driver, who looked at the girls behind him in confusion. "What about your manager?"

"Screw the manager!" Yujin and Wonyoung shouted together. They shared a brief look before bursting into laughter. Yujin gathered herself immediately and tapped the roof of the vehicle. "Get us out of here--please! We can pick him up later."

Sighing, the driver shrugged his shoulders and pulled down the handbrake. As the first few reporters began leaping into the way of the van to try and block it from leaving, their driver maneuvered back out of his parallel parking with ease, turning the van back around so he could get them out of there through the side streets.

Yujin climbed up her seat and rested her chin on the headrest as she watched the silhouettes of the reporters fade into a blur in the distance. She chuckled and thought to herself. Ah, that wasn't so bad. That was exciting! Makes me miss those days when we'd get bombarded with paparazzis.

She closed her eyes and pictured a moment she shared with eleven other girls once upon a time in the not-so-distant past.

I wonder if it will feel this way in our new group too.

I wonder if it will feel the same with IVE.

Yujin felt a pinch to her stomach. Wonyoung joined her as she climbed up her seat too, resting an arm against the cushion. "You think they got any pictures?"

"They always do. I wonder if they have any good ones of us," Yujin pondered, swaying her head from side to side. She puckered her lips at Wonyoung and chuckled. "I bet yours will turn out great. You always look good in casual wear, you know?"

"Ya, that's not my point," Wonyoung rebutted, shaking her head in disappointment. She reached forward to flick Yujin's forehead. "We can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?

Wonyoung raised an arm as if to gesture around her. "This. I know ... I know it's been months since we left IZ*ONE. I know you might have missed being in the limelight since then. But just a bit more--just a bit more and we'll be on stage again. We'll start over again."

"Can't you just wait a bit longer?"

Yujin had never verbalized it before, but hearing Wonyoung's words left her feeling vulnerable and exposed. It's been ages since she's last been with the other girls--let alone seen them at all. Produce 48 and IZ*ONE has been a fever dream for her, and she never thought that it would end--that it could end. Now that they've each gone their separate ways, back to their companies, starting up the new chapters of their lives, reality was slowly beginning to dawn onto Yujin. 

And she didn't like the feeling of melancholy that settled within her every night when she thought about it.

It wasn't a surprise that Wonyoung saw right through her. She wasn't sure if she was able to sniff out that she had posted those photos intentionally to draw attention to her--to draw attention to them. She wondered whether Wonyoung could tell that her little rebellious act was a cry for help, that Yujin couldn't take it anymore. Either way, she wasn't surprised that Wonyoung knew her that much. 

She was her best friend after all. She must have felt the same way too.

Yujin sighed and rested her head on Wonyoung's arm, looking into her eyes. Among all the other members of IZ*ONE, Wonyoung was always hers. And Yujin's thankful she still is now. She could be herself around her. She could be at peace with her. Even though the others may be worlds apart from them, she found her own little solace in Wonyoung. It was almost like she was the bridge between her past and her future.

It almost felt like she was her everything.

Speaking of the future, the thought urged Yujin to glance down the two rows in front of her. There, nothing was going on. Nothing was being said. Nothing was being done. Each of the other four girls seemed to be in their own little worlds, minding their own businesses. None of them touched shoulders. None of them looked each other in the eye or exchanged glances. Everyone was still formal with each other. Still on guard. Still tense.

But all those were to be expected from a bunch of girls who had only properly known each other for less than a month, Yujin thought. 

She didn't feel comfortable herself being with the others either. She was never the type to have a lot of friends, so being introduced to four individuals whom she would be sharing the next five or more years with left her clueless. She didn't know how to talk to them, how to befriend them, how to make them feel at ease. She was so stiff around them, unsure where her own boundaries lay with them, unsure of how to get them to start seeing each other--themselves--as a team, as a group.

As IVE.

 If only she had a manual. Why didn't they teach this sort of thing back in school?

Her situation was further complicated by how she was chosen to be the leader too. Now, everyone was predisposed to giving her manufactured respect. Putting up veils and facades more often during conversations. Further widening the distance between them.

God, why did they choose her in the first place?

Wonyoung leaned her head against Yujin's and sighed alongside her, shifting in place so that her body was warmly brushing up against Yujin. She poked Yujin's other side. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the rush of it though."

Yujin perked up and raised a brow. Laughing behind a raised hand, Wonyoung pinched Yujin's cheek. "It's always fun with you. A part of me ... was hesitant about this new group--this IVE--we're about to be a part of. But with you by my side, I think ... I think I'll be ok."

Yujin blushed. "I think I'll be fine with you too."

The two girls stared at each other in silence for a few moments before breaking up the their shared gaze and looking elsewhere. Yujin cleared her throat and fixed herself against her seat, slumping back as she took a deep breath, trying to relax. Wonyoung glanced out the window, one hand splayed across the tinted glass as she stared at the cars passing by.

"Yujin?" Wonyoung muttered with her back turned to the other girl. "Can I tell you something? Something ... important?"

Yujin nodded, but stopped when she realized Wonyoung wasn't looking. She raised a brow and tapped her thigh. "Go ahead. I'm all ears."