October 16, 1995
“That’s crazy,” Tzuyu said as she parked the car. She didn’t switch off the engine and let it stay idle as she tried to register what Dahyun just told her. She shook her head. “Your six-month probation ended last month. You’re supposed to be able to file a leave!”
Dahyun was looking out the window, her body sinking into the seat. She felt like dying. Saying the words out loud made her feel even worse. It was like it was the truth and there was nothing she could do about it.
“Did you ask HR?”
She nodded. “They were the ones who told me that they’ll ask my supervisor if he’ll consider it,” she said dejectedly.
Tzuyu huffed. “You have a partner; they would be fine if you left for two weeks!”
Dahyun sighed. The words from Nayeon’s last letter were playing in her mind.
I want to see you soon. Because you owe me a tight hug.
She thought that she was going crazy when she read those words. Because the mere thought of being in front of Nayeon, face-to-face, standing in front of each other, seeing her face for the first time. It was enough to send her to the moon and she wouldn’t want to come back. Nayeon was driving her insane.
And she wanted a hug? From her? And it wasn’t just a hug. She wanted to hug her tightly.
It made her dizzy, and her heart was pounding, and she had no idea what was going on but she felt it. She felt every single bit of it.
So, when she went to work the morning after she sent that letter, she immediately took the time to visit Human Resources and applied for that leave. She was given the form, filled up everything and submitted it to the HR for review.
But when the old woman finally came back to her, they told her that it was up for discussion.
Which didn’t make any sense because Dahyun knew she should be eligible for that leave.
Could it be because she wrote that she was going to fly back to Seoul? Or the fact that it was a full fourteen days? She specified that her travel time was within the days she applied for.
“We need to discuss this first with your supervisor. Let’s hope they’ll consider it.”
That didn’t make sense.
Shouldn’t that be illegal?
“I’m going to look into this,” Tzuyu said with a huff, taking out her small purse filled with coins and opening the door to her car, Dahyun didn’t even notice that she finally killed the engine.
Dahyun furrowed her brows. “Where are you going?”
“Payphone. I’m gonna call my friend, Elkie,” she said, still looking very crossed but determined. “She’s a lawyer and I’m sure she knows a thing or two about this situation.”
She raised her hand to stop Tzuyu, but her friend was already out the door. She sighed, removing her seatbelt and grabbed her bag before she got out of the car.
“You don’t have to—“
Tzuyu raised a finger at her, pressing the button on her key fob to lock the door. Dahyun still thought that was an impressive invention. “I’m going to make sure this isn’t some corporate scam here. So, wait for me in your apartment, I’ll catch up once I’m done with the call.”
She sighed again and nodded in defeat. Tzuyu didn’t wait for another word and immediately walked towards the nearest payphone.
Dahyun stood there for a moment, wondering how to move with the heavy feeling in her chest. But she took a deep breath, tried to feel the hope in Tzuyu’s voice and turned around to walk into her apartment.
Tzuyu was being hopeful for her, so she should too. But it was hard. Because there was a chance that she wouldn’t be able to go home. She didn’t want that. She wanted to go home. Even if it was just for two days. If she didn’t have paid leaves, then that would be fine as well.
The only reason why she took the job was because they promised her that she would have the chance to go home, just as long as she didn’t mess up her probation period. Which was the last thing she did. She wasn’t late, she wasn’t absent, she didn’t make any mistakes with her files, nor did she pick up fights with her workmates.
Dahyun knew she tried everything. So why was her job suddenly ‘considering’ her application?
It was dumb. She didn’t understand. She even followed the rules intricately. If there was a mistake, they should have let her know, right? That was her right as an employee.
She didn’t want to think about it too much. It was getting heavier on her chest.
Because she missed her mom so much. She missed her brother. Chaeyoung. Jeongyeon and Jihyo.
What if she wouldn’t be able to see Nayeon? What if Nayeon couldn’t wait any longer and gave up on her?
That wouldn’t happen, right?
Nayeon said so many nice things to her. Many things to believe that she was important. She made a promise, and Nayeon made her promise something. There was no way that Nayeon would give up on her because she wouldn’t be able to go home.
Right?
She only had two months left. Should she have filed for that leave earlier than that? Would it have given her more leverage? But that would also be impossible because she just got regularized back in September.
Her mind was a mess.
There had to be a solution.
Because what if they reject her request? What if Tzuyu’s friend couldn’t leave? Was she going to spend Christmas and New Years alone?
What about Nayeon? Would Dahyun’s letters reach her in time? Should she tell Nayeon as soon as now that she shouldn’t hold her breath? That their hug had to be held off for… God knows when?
“Good afternoon, Miss Kim,” the doorman suddenly greeted her, and she was taken aback by it. But she composed herself and bowed to him.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Liu,” she greeted back shyly, hoping he didn’t notice that she was having a mental breakdown as she entered through the doors.
Luckily, the old man simply smiled at her and then pointed back outside. “You have another letter,” he said calmly and then chuckled. “It’s the time of the month where you come up with a big smile on your face.”
Her brows shot up, not entirely expecting that. “Ah—“ she felt her cheeks burn up, reaching for the back of her neck and rubbing it with her hand. “You’re right. I’ll go get it.”
She turned around immediately, wanting to walk away as soon as she could.
“Miss Kim,” the doorman called to her again and she stopped again to look at him. He gave her the same smile as earlier. Small, comforting. Like he knew there was something going on. “Don’t let anyone take that smile away from you.”
She felt the tears form in her eyes, threatening to escape. She wanted to hate herself, because there was no good reason for her to feel this much for something so small.
But maybe it wasn’t so small because it made her feel this much. She gulped, tried her best to keep her composure and bowed to him again. “Thank you, Mr. Liu.”
Without waiting for his response, she turned around and finally walked away from the entrance. If only there was a way for her to enter the building without her passing him again. But that would be difficult.
She could worry about that later.
At least there was another letter from Nayeon.
There was another letter from Nayeon…
Her heart was aching.
She wished it would go away. It wasn’t a big deal, right? It wasn’t even over yet because her company and hopefully her supervisor was going to consider her request. Tzuyu was also there to help out. So, it wasn’t the end.
Right?
Dahyun was probably just overreacting.
It could be because she was exhausted. Or that her loneliness was starting to get louder. Even if Tzuyu was always there for her, at the end of the day, it was just her inside her second home, where she had meals alone, got ready to sleep alone, laid in her bed alone, and was left to be with no one but her thoughts.
She was just tired. She was definitely overreacting.
There was going to be a solution to this. She just had to stop being sad.
That was an easy thing to do. Fake a smile, tell herself time and time again that everything was going to be fine. And if things didn’t turn out the way she wanted, that was going to be fine as well. Life was like that. Nothing was easy, all she needed to do was survive.
As she stood in front of her mailbox, with the key already in her hand, she took a deep breath. She had done this before. Where she felt like the world was crashing down on her and the only thing that would make her feel better was reading Nayeon’s letter.
She wasn’t going to cry this time.
She didn’t want to cry.
She didn’t want to cry.
She wasn’t going to cry.
Dahyun opened her mailbox and saw a white envelope inside, she picked it up slowly and the moment she read her name written in Nayeon’s familiar, messy handwriting, her brows furrowed when tears suddenly fell.
Her throat was dry, and she felt her chest tighten, tracing the dried ink with her thumb. She sniffled, wiping her eyes hastily with the back of her hand. Then carefully, she opened the letter.
Dear Dahyun,
Please don’t make me another scarf. The first one is perfect, and I don’t want a replacement. Okay? You can make other things. Just not another scarf. Because I’m going to use the one you gave when winter arrives. To assure you again, I love it, and I don’t want anything else but it. Okay?
It’s okay to ask about my family. We are friends after all. :)
My mother is okay, she’s been worried about my health and if I’m sad because Bruce is gone. But I assured her that I’m fine and that I have Momo and your letters to make me feel less alone.
My sister asked if I could spend time with her to go shopping. I believe that’s her way of showing love whenever we spend time together. But she doesn’t like it when I buy things for her. She’s so silly. Always tells me to buy her something practical and not something that she could afford. It’s crazy because sometimes she’s the one pampering me, when I should be the one to do it because I’m the older sister! But she’s been working hard, and this is how she takes care of me. I try to give her as much love as possible, so she doesn’t feel like I take her for granted.
Your big brother sounds nice. I have a friend who has a big brother, and she hates him. But that’s because their gap is so close to each other. At least your brother knows when to show you love. It’s not every day that men are brave enough to show they do have emotions.
You deserve to be given love all the time. Because you’re amazing and only good things should happen to you.
And don’t worry, you can ramble all you want. I know that you had good intentions when you were trying to explain that. You were trying and I really appreciate that.
You’re right and your brother is right. It makes sense. I should be looking at it that way, so I wouldn’t live the rest of my life miserable and unhappy. I should be my own reason to be happy. Right? I hope you would think the same way too. You deserve so much happiness, Dahyun. I wish I could do everything to make you happy all the time.
But I guess my letters could be a small step, right? I would like to believe they do make you feel joy. I always feel that way whenever I get a letter from you.
Also, I hope your office would allow you. I bet everyone at home misses you. I haven’t met you in person yet, but I feel like I miss you as well. But I’m trying to translate that into a different feeling. Anticipation? Excitement? I’m not sure.
And stop being silly, of course I want to see you. If you came back home to Seoul and didn’t bother seeing me, then I’ll never forgive you. But I do want a really, really tight hug from you. You promised, okay?
I’m glad we met Dahyun. I don’t know how much more I could be cheesy with my words but I just need to say it so you’d understand. I’m glad we met. I’m glad we’re friends. I’m glad that you sent me letters. I’m glad that you’re you.
I’m glad that you exist.
Yours,
Nayeon
“Dahyun?”
“Hey? What’s wrong? Why are you on the floor?”
“Hey, it’s going to be okay. I’m here. I’m here.”
“It’s okay, Dubs. I’m here. Just let it all out.”
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