October 4, 1995
Dear Nayeon,
I'm glad you liked my gift. I was really worried that it wasn’t done well, and you’d have to keep it away because it’s embarrassing and… all that. I’m sorry. I have really low self-esteem sometimes and I just wanted to give you the perfect gift because yours was so perfect.
But I’m going to try again, maybe the next one I’ll make for you will be better? Maybe it won’t be a scarf. It could be… a bonnet or gloves. Or… a mantle. Who knows? The world is our oyster.
I’m glad you were able to still celebrate your birthday despite having to go to work. At least your manager was kind enough to get you a cake. Mine just gave me a pat on the back and a small coupon to the small Chinese restaurant next to our building. It was a small gesture, but I still appreciated it. But two cakes! That’s amazing. And at least Momo was there to celebrate it with you.
How’s your mom and sister? I didn’t know you had a sister. Is she younger or older? Is it okay to ask? Sorry. Just wanted to know. But I’m glad you got to hear from them on your special day.
I have a brother back at home and he’s older than me. He’s not the typical brother that likes to bully me and such, sometimes he teases me but most of the time, he’s very gentle and helps me with everything. I kinda miss him.
Sadly, I don’t know how it feels to be 30. But I do have three years left till I do. Though, I do understand why you would feel scared or worried about it. Sometimes, you wish you could have done so much before you say goodbye to your 20s. But you’re right. Who you were when you turned 20 and 25 is so much different than what you are now.
Tzuyu said that your brain doesn’t fully develop until you reach or are over 25. I wonder if that’s true. I wouldn’t know. Each day, I only wish to be wiser and kinder as time passes. I sure have made mistakes back then, but it’s really up to me if I wanted to learn from it or not. You know?
Sorry I’m rambling. I just didn’t want you to feel bad.
If this helps, my brother told me that he loves being in his 30s. He said that he realized that life has opened a new door for him, and that people took him more seriously. Sure, mortality is real, we’re never getting any younger. But I think that there are more opportunities set for you now that you are 30. It’s scary, but… life goes on, you know?
I wish there was something I could do to help ease your mind. Writing words could only do so much.
This is me trying to tell you that I want to hug you again without saying it but it’s hard for me to resist. I just want to make sure you don’t feel alone. Okay? I may be miles and miles away, but I’m here. I hope you can feel it.
And you don’t have to worry about how we met. I was being silly too. Thinking that you would be open to talking to a stranger. But it made me think that you wanted to be my friend because you still kept sending letters. And you thought I’d stop when you made the effort to send letters just to tell me to stop? I didn’t believe you one bit, Nayeon.
But hey, I’m glad it happened. I’m glad you gave me a chance too. It would have been easier if you stopped responding. But you didn’t. And here we are. Crazy right?
I’m going to the office tomorrow to ask if I could file a vacation leave. I really want to go home. I want to see my mom, my dad, my brother. Chaeyoung, Jeongyeon and Jihyo.
And you. If you’ll let me.
I owe you that hug right?
How tight do you want it to be?
I’m pretty small, so my squeezes might not be enough. But I’ll make sure it is.
Please let me see you when I get there.
I want to see you.
I’ll probably go crazy if I don’t.
Okay? Don’t ever change your mind. I’ll make sure I’ll go home and when I do, I’ll go to you. Okay? Let me see you, Nayeon. Please.
Sincerely,
Dahyun
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