The Sixteenth Letter From Her

October 18, 1995

Dear Nayeon,

Thank you. You have no idea how your words make me feel. I was honestly feeling sad and

“No, that doesn’t feel right,” she mumbled to herself. She crumpled the piece of paper, grabbed a new one and started again.

Dear Nayeon,

I don’t know how you knew I was
How are you?
Are you feeling okay?

Dear Nayeon,

Are you thinking about me? I think about you all the time.

Dear Nayeon,

Why are your words so meaningful?

Dear Nayeon,

I wish I can see you

Dear Nayeon,

I think I can’t

Dahyun placed her pen down and took a moment to breathe. She stared at the paper, her horrible handwriting, and the clumsiness of her words in disdain.

She didn’t want Nayeon to sense anything, even if writing words could be taken out of its true meaning. She had to write it in a way where it was going to tell Nayeon everything she wanted to say but not express too much nor too little.

What if Nayeon was going to worry? And then what? What was that going to do?

Dahyun just needed to get her shit together and do her best with this because Nayeon loved her letters. If she did, then Dahyun was going to do her best to make each one better than the last one.

Her hands were starting to loosen tension, and when she felt ready, she grabbed the pen then started writing again.

Dear Nayeon,

Thank you.

I’m not very good with words, if I’m being honest.

But I’m good with only two. Thank you.

I wish there was a better way for me to show you how thankful I am that isn’t just limited to words.

And you said that you wished that you could do something to make me happy all the time? Well, I don’t think you need to do much because you just need to exist in this world, smiling or laughing and enjoying yourself, your letters, the words that were carefully thought of before you write it. You don’t have to do much, Nayeon. I think the very thought of you alone excites me.

Is that weird to say? I hope not.

I guess I’m feeling overwhelmed. It can’t be helped sometimes. I haven’t met anyone like you, really.

There aren’t many words in this world that could come close to how I feel. But I hope this is enough.

And thank you.

I’m glad you exist as well.

Sincerely,
Dahyun

There was something that she felt when she finished writing the letter.

Something that overcame her feeling of turmoil, but it was replaced with something even more unsettling and new.

She wasn’t sure what it was. But the unfamiliar feeling stuck to her for the rest of the day, right after she wrote the words on that letter, even when she dropped it inside the mailbox for it to be delivered.

It stayed.

Lingered.

Brewing slowly inside the deepest parts of her emotional chambers, a place where it had always been locked in or untouched.

It definitely wasn’t sadness anymore. Because when she wrote those words, she didn’t feel it at all. Nothing of the sort.

A part of her wondered if it was anything close to what she felt for Tzuyu those many years ago. The thought and memory of the feeling was so distant but when she thought of Nayeon, the steady pulse of it came back to life and Dahyun wasn’t sure what it was exactly.

She turned in her bed, trying to find comfort in her pillows.

Emotions were such a funny thing.