October 2, 1995
Dear Dahyun,
I have no words for this.
You really have so many ways to make me speechless because I didn’t expect this at all.
This scarf is so beautiful, and I honestly can’t believe you made this with your own hands. Is this a hobby you do? Or a special talent? I love everything about it. The softness of the scarf, the initials you sewed in, the fact that it’s baby blue surrounded by white. It’s as if we have matching scarves. But yours seems more special because you made it yourself.
I don’t have that talent. If I made you a scarf, it wouldn’t be as beautiful as yours.
But don’t worry, you don’t have to file a complaint because I received the letter before midnight, and I thought it was perfect timing. Though, I think I was too excited to open it because I wasn’t sure if I opened it in time or not. I really wanted to see what was inside.
I also loved the little poem you made. It was short and sweet, and I hope you know that everything that you wrote is special, and I love it even more because you tried. And you don’t have to worry about me not liking it because if I haven’t said it enough, I like it—love it even. You have no idea.
Well, unlike your birthday, I spent the day working. My mom and sister called, and I promised to visit them during the weekend. My manager got me a cake and Momo came by to give me cake as well. Seeing the big number three and zero on both my cakes just made me realize my own mortality and I don’t feel as young as I used to be. But I’d like to believe that I matured compared to who I was when I was just 25.
After work, I went home, stayed in my living room, thought about Bruce and thought about how lonely I really am. But then I thought about you, and I felt a little better. (Maybe I was also hoping that in some miracle, I would be able to receive your letter within my birthday, don’t ask me if I waited prior.)
Maybe that’s your superpower, Dahyun. That you know exactly how to make me feel alive. Being thirty scares me. That I’m not good enough anymore, that I’m disposable. But at the same time, it doesn’t feel any different. I feel stagnant as well. Then I read your letter, wore your scarf around my neck and all of a sudden, all my worries had vanished. Almost like a distant memory.
How do you do that? Months ago, I could have easily ignored your first letter, but I didn’t. There was something inside of me that compelled me to write back, even if I was rude on our first exchanges (I want to apologize for that, I was hurting). But I did, and you gently opened the doors for me, and I feel like I can be myself again. That I don’t have to worry about anything, that my feelings are valid, and my heartbreaks are heartbreaks.
There really is something about you, Dahyun. I wish I knew what it was.
But I will say, I’m so happy I met you and that you didn't give up on me.
Please take care.
I want to see you soon. Because you owe me a tight hug.
Yours,
Nayeon
1 like from TripleDubu.