September 7, 1995
This felt ridiculous.
But it was for Nayeon, so Dahyun was going to stop complaining and just do it.
Even if her fingertips were getting sore and she was beyond frustrated that it wasn’t turning out the way she wanted it to look like. But she took Chaeyoung’s suggestion to heart and she was going to finish this scarf.
Dahyun thought about going to the mall and looking for a gift there but maybe the call with her best friend was a sign that her gift shouldn’t be a simple afterthought.
If Nayeon meant so much to her, which surprisingly, she did in a short amount of time and from a number of handwritten letters. Nayeon was… wow, she didn’t realize it until she actually gave it some thought.
Nayeon was important to her; she was someone special. Someone that had made her way to Dahyun’s heart one written word at a time.
“So what does a person need to be rewarded with your heart, Dahyun?”
She remembered the words that Nayeon wrote on one of her letters and she genuinely wanted to know the answer to that as well. Because she didn’t know either.
Chaeyoung had always found many ways to make Dahyun feel many things, they were best friends since diapers, Dahyun had nothing but love to give for her. Tzuyu was her second best friend, but she was also her first crush. It only ever happened because they took the time to talk about their feelings, shared about their dreams, and did everything together. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu, eventually Jeongyeon, were her people. She couldn’t trust anyone like how she trusted them, no one could ever replace that.
Eventually Jihyo and Mina came into the picture but that was because of how they treated her friends. They were great girlfriends; they deserved a lot of love.
But that was it.
Anyone else that had tried to enter her life had always only been at arm’s reach. Or maybe further from that. Maybe with twenty-five meter sticks tied together into one long meter stick.
People try to invade her space and squeeze their way into her life and sometimes Dahyun didn’t know if they deserved to be there or not. What could she do with them? How could she accommodate them in a way that it would benefit them both? What if she didn’t want them there in the first place?
It was odd. How she looked at herself and how she dealt with her relationships. Because Chaeyoung, Tzuyu and the rest of her friends seemed to have everything figured out. Simple equations. Simple answers. One plus one was two and that was it.
Why did hers always feel like a quadratic equation where she needed to find the value of x but had to solve for the square root of sin, cos and tan at the same time. She took a business course; she was never good at math. It felt like one plus one was eleven and it would never make sense to her why that was the only answer.
Having Nayeon in her life felt weird and different. That this strange and unfamiliar thing began to be something she craved for every day. Each day that she waited for a letter, each and every time she read through the messy, lovely handwriting. Her words that made Dahyun believe in so many things, proving to everyone that she was naive and gullible.
All because of one person.
One person she hasn’t met yet.
“That’s looking… great,” Tzuyu suddenly said over her shoulder, making her wince and try to cover the poor excuse of a scarf.
“It’s not perfect,” she said, dejectedly. "But thanks I guess."
"You're welcome." Tzuyu chuckled, plopping herself right next to Dahyun on the couch, then handing her the one thing that made her entire month so much better. “As usual, a letter from your new friend,” Tzuyu said teasingly, then she reached over to the coffee table, grabbing the remote and turning on the television. Her favorite drama was on and Tzuyu liked watching it in Dahyun’s apartment.
It was quieter than at her house.
Made sense.
Dahyun took the letter and stared at it for a moment. She would rather read the letter in her room, where she wouldn't bother Tzuyu and she could read it in peace. She decided to clean up, picking up the horribly made scarf, maybe redoing the whole thing and trying again from scratch. Maybe she should look for a workshop, but she didn’t have a lot of time and she would rather send the gift soon. Dahyun had to just work a little harder.
She entered her bedroom, placed her knitting items on her desk, then went to her bed to finally read the letter.
There was something brewing in her chest. Something that she could quite understand. But looking at how Nayeon wrote her name had done something inside of her that she wanted to know what was the name of the feeling.
Maybe it was best to ignore it for now, there had been so much going on in her head that she wasn’t sure if she could organize them immediately.
Reading Nayeon’s letter might help.
It always did.
With careful movements, she tore the letter at the side, not enough to destroy the paper and once it was wide enough, she took the letter out, smiling to herself as she read Nayeon’s words.
Dear Dahyun,
I don’t understand what you’re talking about because I believe that you look lovely. It’s like I’ve seen you before, but I don’t know where. You look familiar to me, but I can’t place my finger on it. Or you just have a friendly looking face that makes me feel comforted just looking at it.
These are lovely, Dahyun. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I’ll keep them safe. You must love taking scenery photos then? I wish I could. But I’m not good at using a camera or learning when the film is up and how to even change to a new one. But this is perfect. Thank you again.
I tried Chaeyoung’s strawberry shortcake. You were right. It definitely was worth it. But I wasn’t able to get it myself, someone from work did it for me, so I don’t know who was at the cashier. I haven’t been able to go there recently, but my workmates go there too cause they enjoy the pastries. I hope your friends are enjoying the new amount of customers they’re getting.
I’m assuming your work trip is over? But how was it? I’ve never been to that place before. I heard Taiwan has lovely scenery. I honestly would love to go to gardens and just stare at pretty flowers. I heard there was something like that there. I saw it in a magazine I was reading. I wish I didn’t flip the page so soon, now I’m curious.
She smiled widely at her words. But the line that came next suddenly made her feel like something strong and thunderous was beating through her chest. That she needed to clutch her shirt to keep her heart from exploding.
Dahyun? I wish I could hug you.
I wish you were here, next to me. So I could hug you or lean my head on your shoulder. Or watch sad movies with you and eat ice cream or noodles while we do. Then I would love to listen to the funny stories you said you were good at telling.
Is this crazy? That this is how you make me feel? Because you have given me this opportunity to reset my heart, and I don’t feel as broken as I used to be. I don’t feel like my life is a mess. I just feel like everything would be much more complete if… I get to see you. Even just this once.
I love your photo. I feel like I’ve been your friend for many years. But I want to know what it’s like to hug you.
But I don’t know. I could still be emotionally wrecked because everything about my dog had crippled me and it’s making me say all of these weird things. I want to crumple this piece of paper and throw it but I also want you to know that this is how much you mean to me.
Do you feel the same?
I want to show you a picture of me, but I’m scared you’d think of me differently. Is that okay? I’m sorry. I’m just… scared.
Take care, Dahyun.
Yours,
Nayeon
Dahyun took a moment to breathe. She felt as if every word Nayeon said had pierced right through her. She dropped her head on her hand, trying to regulate her breathing.
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