Messed Up

It was already the night time when Minjeong got back to the apartment building. She had dinner with her friends to top the night off, and they talked about a lot of things before they dropped her off.

How things were with Yizhuo and Aeri. How Yeji and Ryujin were finally planning to take time and go on that anniversary vacation her friend had been dying to go to. Then they talked about Lia’s plans to go abroad after law school.

But when Minjeong was the topic, they didn’t talk about anything else, they only focused on her feelings about Jimin.

And it made her realize that she had a lot to think about.

It didn't help that Lia finally joined in the conversation and told her what she thought of the situation too. At least from her friends, Lia wasn’t as playful when it came to talking about Jimin, or anything really.

Lia took it more seriously. But Minjeong wasn’t sure if that was a good thing either. Because as she was walking towards her apartment unit, all she could play in her head were the questions her friend asked about how she really felt for Jimin.

As if her thoughts were running wildly and there was no way for her to hit the brakes in time.

If Minjeong was able to ask herself the same questions again, she knew she had feelings for Jimin. But she wasn’t sure when it began.

Maybe around the time that they started getting close. Or the time she felt stupidly jealous over Jimin and Sana. Maybe it was because of their late night calls or when Jimin opened up to her about her trauma. Or maybe it was when Jimin told her the first time that she loved her cookies.

It could be anything, but one thing was for sure was that she really, really liked Jimin.

Not in the way she thought about her friends. But in the way she used to feel when her and Jeno started out.

She found herself wanting to be touched by Jimin. Have her hands on hers, or at least have their fingers graze onto each other. Sometimes Minjeong caught herself looking at Jimin’s hands and wondered why it was smaller than hers, or what it felt like if she held it and intertwined their fingers together.

Minjeong also wanted to be the reason why she smiled, to be allowed to hold her more intimately or to even have her lips on hers.

When Jimin told her she wanted them to hug, there was a skip in Minjeong’s heart when she imagined them doing it. She would have loved to be wrapped in Jimin’s arms, have her head resting on the woman’s chest, pull her closer even if there was no space left.

The thoughts of them kissing were messing with her brain as well. Jimin had the loveliest pair of lips and Minjeong was dangerously curious about how it felt on hers. Maybe she shouldn't be shamefully fantasizing about Jimin's lips as she was approaching their unit.

Minjeong’s thoughts were interrupted when she passed by the familiar door, and she heard someone shout from inside.

It sounded like Chaeyoung.

Minjeong lingered for a bit, and she heard the noise again, to no surprise, it really was Chaeyoung. It made her eager to find out what was going on, but it was late and Minjeong’s social battery was already worn out.

Maybe she could just ask Jimin another time. Or through text. She could decide on that later.

She finally unlocked the door to her unit, threw her things at the kitchen counter and dropped herself on her couch. She was thinking about what the first thing she should do, but her thoughts were bugging her again and she wanted to know what Jimin, and the others were up to.

After much thought, she sighed and reached into her pocket to grab her phone, sending a quick text to Jimin.

9:43 PM

Minjeong: I just passed by your unit, and I can hear Chaeng from outside. Is there a party?

Minjeong kept her phone in her pocket quickly, not wanting to wait for the reply like a fool and picked herself up from the couch to enter her bathroom. She was relieved she could finally freshen up and get ready to go back to her studying.

As she entered the bathroom, stripped most of her clothes off, she heard her phone vibrate against the tiled counter. She quickly checked it, smiling widely when she saw Jimin’s reply.

9:47 PM

Jimin: Oh no. It’s just us catching up.
Jimin: We’re just having a couple of beers.
Jimin: I’d invite you but we’re talking about something private. :(

Minjeong: Oh, that’s okay. I didn’t want to intrude anyway.
Minjeong: Have fun!

She settled with that. At least she got her answer, she didn’t have to go crazy anymore. Maybe having water poured continuously over her head would help her ease her thoughts. Since they were going to different places at once.

With a sigh, Minjeong placed the phone down and hopped into the shower.

A part of her wanted to stay under the warm water for an hour, but she hated it when the pads of her fingers got wrinkly, so she forced herself to cut her time short and finished up.

Once she got out, she wrapped her body with her towel and without thinking, she checked her phone again.

9:56 PM

Jimin: Can I call you after though?

Minjeong: Are you buzzed?

Jimin: Nope, I have a high tolerance when it comes to beer.
Jimin: I’ll be completely sober when I call you.

Minjeong: You’re very eager for my calls, huh?
Minjeong: But what if I’m studying?

Jimin: Can I be your white noise then?

Minjeong: You really are a baby, you know that?
Minjeong: Okay, fine. But only if you’re absolutely free.

Jimin: Yes, your majesty.

Minjeong: Whatever.

Jimin: :P

Jimin should really stop doing these things that were so cute because they were doing something to her heart. It made Minjeong want to kiss her.

Did she even have the courage to kiss her? Or give her a simple peck on the cheek?

Who was she kidding? Of course she didn't.

Or maybe she could muster the courage soon enough… who could tell?

But Minjeong didn’t want to do the first move, she told herself adamantly. If it happened, then it would happen. Jimin had to start something. Minjeong wasn’t sure why, but she couldn’t find it in her to make the first move. It could be that she was used to it, or she wasn't used to it.

It could be her immaturity, or the lack of experience.

Then again, if Jimin really did something, then Minjeong would accept it because she secretly was a hoe for Jimin, as what her friends would always say. But in a respectable way.

God, she wanted to smash her head on a wall.