13. 2 Thessalonians 3:3
“But the Lord is faithful. He will strengthen you and guard you against the evil one.”
Jimin’s fingers hovered over the lines, its meaning echoing in her mind. The lord protects his people, guards them against evil forces. She repeated the verse silently, her lips barely moving. She was alone in the chapel. She always felt as if the world paused whenever she prayed in the morning. She traced the verse again, the coldness of the paper meeting her just as cold fingers.
She pressed both of her palms on her lap, a sigh escaping her lips. Holiness brought her peace, it was a slow waltz between her and God. Religion was not just her refuge, it was the safe place she grew up with, the one thing she couldn't get rid of.
She had been raised this way, her knees pressed into the hardwood floors beside her mother every morning, verses before bed, confession every Sunday, her parents' voices always reminding her that God was watching and that he demanded devotion in return for a peaceful life.
She remembered the first time she had felt something she wasn't supposed to. The warmth had startled her, left her breathless and ashamed. She had spent that night on her knees, begging God to forgive her, promising him she would never let it happen again if he spared her mercy just this once.
From then on, she had stripped herself bare from distractions, dedicating her life to faith and obedience when she had entered St. Joseph's convent. It gave her direction and purpose; everything she needed to avoid facing the parts of herself that frightened her the most.
Jimin felt a presence behind her but she didn't turn around. Wonyoung began her prayers quietly, her voice no louder than a whisper. Jimin closed her eyes, trying to focus but the sound of Wonyoung praying made something shameful crawl up her spine. "Hail Mary, full of grace.." Jimin's hands tightened in her lap, and her heart rate picked up. She inhaled deeply and bowed her head forward, her fingers still hovering over the Bible. She swallowed hard, trying to remember the verse she kept on repeating.
When Wonyoung had first joined the convent Jimin learned that she had been sent by her parents even though she didn't know the reason behind it. She never tried to dig, curiosity was a vice and her only focus was supposed to be on God. Wonyoung was just another sister in training that happened to be her roommate, merely what one could call a friend. She was just another soul seeking salvation.
Still, Jimin had noticed a few things about the girl. Like the curve of her lashes when she bowed her head to pray, the softness of her voice when she sang during mass, and the sorrow she hid behind her gentle smile. That sorrow made Jimin want to understand her, help her and touch her to tell her God would help her.
Her eyes snapped opened and she let out a shaky breath. Touch her. The evil ones test even the faithful. She straightened her back and stared at the altar, her heartbeat echoing in her ears.
Father Jules had paired them together for the semester. They would spend half of their time at St. Cecilia's girls college as postulants to supervise the students and introduce them to theology classes. She knew it was a test, to see if they were capable of becoming real nuns and that it was an opportunity for them to show their devotion to the Lord.
They had visited the building for the first time the day before. It was adjacent to the convent and was a place she had walked past a thousand times. The college welcomed just over a hundred young women everyday, women that were not as devoted as she was to God. They were all prone to temptation in a way she wasn't.
Lord, make me of pure heart.
Her fingers tightened around her Rosary.
Make me blind to temptation.
She let out a breath.
Make me stronger.
She looked forward to helping these girls that were her age, but who weren't following the same path. She believed she could be helping them grow closer to God, she believed she was strong enough to handle anything she saw there. Even their skirts swaying in the wind, their hair undone and their their youthful recklessness.
But there was something terrifying in looking at them, in looking at a life she had forbidden herself to live. There was something terrifying in joy, desire. She was a servant of God, a daughter of devotion, a future bride of heaven. That was the life she had chosen.
Wonyoung rose from her prayer and stepped past her, her skirt brushing against Jimin's knee. "Ready?" She whispered.
Jimin nodded slowly. "Yes, of course."
Wonyoung offered her a gentle smile and Jimin followed her outside of the chapel, repeating the verse over and over in her mind. The Lord is faithful. He will strengthen you and guard you against the evil one. But as they stepped closer to the classroom where the students were waiting, Jimin feared that the evil one was closer than she thought, that it was already inside her.
The classroom that had been assigned to them smelled faintly of chalk dust but she liked it. The rows of desks were filled with students who whispered, laughed and looked at them with curious eyes. Jimin stood in front of them, her fingers hovering over her notes, her voice as steady as possible as she talked about discipline and faith. It wasn't hard for her to do so, she believed in what she was taught, she believed that devotion to God was a gift and that obedience brought peace. Some of the girls listened and others merely pretended to, their eyes flicking toward the window or to other classmates.
Her gaze flickered to two girls sitting together in the back of the classroom, their knees brushing under the desk. One of them leaned sideways in her chair, her arm hooked over the backrest and the other one was staring at her quite intensely, as if challenging her. She seemed bold, seemed enjoying defying authority. Jimin had clearly expected some of them to behave that way, but it didn't make it less unsettling.
3 likes from ryuchae truther, Perdido En Tí, and TheReturnofTheBlueBird.