Die with a smile

“Do you trust me?” Aeri asked, putting on her helmet hastily, her breathing ragged from running all the way to her motorcycle. 

Jimin nodded eagerly, hopping behind her on the engine, putting the helmet on with the same speed. She immediately wrapped her arms around her lover's waist, swallowing hard. “Of course I do. I trust you with my life, Aeri.” 

With a flick of her wrist, Aeri gunned the engine and the bike roared beneath them. The parking lot’s fluorescent lights blurred into streaks as Aeri sped up. The smell of gasoline was all Jimin could smell, along with the burnt rubber. She pressed her chest flush against Aeri’s back and felt the rapid hammering of her girlfriend’s heart against her joint hands. 

In the distance, the sirens had already started echoing. They burst out onto the street just as the first patrol round the corner three blocks behind. 

Aeri took a deep breath and leaned hard into a turn. Jimin tightened her hold on her and followed her sideways. She was more than used to riding behind her girlfriend; they had spent countless time running away together before, so she knew exactly how Aeri liked her to behave on the engine. 

Their knees nearly scraped the asphalt before Aeri righted the bike, racing down the empty avenue, the wind the only thing that could’ve stopped her from speeding up. The city lights reflected on the spots on the road, the ground still wet from a previous rain shower. 

“Hold on tight!” Aeri shouted over the Kawasaki’s roar, and Jimin followed the order right away. 

They swerved between two taxis and mounted a curb to bypass a red light. The bike’s suspension jolted hard beneath them and Jimin sucked in a sharp breath, adrenaline coursing through her veins. Her visor had fogged from her ragged breathing. She reached up with one hand to flip it open, desperately needing to see, to feel the cold air brushing against her face. 

They drove onto the highway ramp way past the speed limit and the bike screamed with the strain. Jimin pressed her face against Aeri’s shoulder blade further, trying to feel the warmth of her body to ease her nerves. Her eyes burned, and she had to blink hard to watch the highway lights streak past, counting them like the number of seconds they had left. 

The highway was almost empty at this late hour so Aeri pushed the bike faster. One ten, one twenty, one thirty, one forty, Jimin could read over her lover’s right shoulder. The white lines on the asphalt soon became a single line. Jimin’s hands were numb from gripping Aeri’s leather jacket, her knuckles lacking blood beneath the leather of her gloves. 

The sound of the sirens behind them kept on amplifying, multiplying as more cars joined the pursuit. She thought of the hotel room they had left behind, the unmade bed, the half-drunk bottle of wine. They had just celebrated their five year anniversary. They had just made love to each other all night before someone recognized their faces in the lobby and made a phone call. 

Aeri took the highway exit without slowing and Jimin felt the bike tilt to an angle that should’ve sent them sliding across the pavement. Somehow, Aeri managed to hold it, her desperation to live probably giving her an insane amount of strength. They shot onto a smaller road that curved up into the mountains. 

The sirens fell back just slightly, the patrol cars struggling to keep up with the tight turns. The road narrowed, trees pressing on them from both sides, their branches forming a canopy that blocked out the moonlight. Jimin caught glimpses of the valley below, saw how far down it went, how the darkness seemed to swallow everything. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, and she pressed herself closer to Aeri, adjusting herself against her spine. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you so much. 

They climbed higher, and Jimin could feel how cold the air had grown through the layers of her clothes. Her thighs ached from gripping the bike, from holding on too tight to Aeri. 

Her girlfriend’s breath was less ragged now, but that only scared Jimin more. The road straightened slightly and Aeri accelerated again, the speedometer creeping up rapidly. Jimin watched the guardrail from the corner of the eye, the barrier the only thing between them and the valley. She could see the flashing lights reflecting off the trees; bright red and blue contrasting with the darkness of the night. 

She thought of all the things they would never get to do. Thought of the apartment they had talked about renting once this was over, once they would have saved enough money. Thought of the trip they had planned, the one where they had promised to do nothing but lie on the beach and eat too much, making love to each other with the windows open so they could hear the ocean. 

The future they had envisioned was now nothing but a distant dream, an illusion of hope and foolishness. 

Aeri moved her hand to briefly cover Jimin’s where it rested on her stomach. She squeezed it once, firmly, the gesture whispering: I love you, I’m sorry, this is all we can do, before she placed it back to the throttle. Jimin’s eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away. 

The road curved sharply and Aeri took it wide, so close to the edge that Jimin could see straight down into the valley. Her breath caught, and for a moment she thought that this was it, that their moment had come, that Aeri had already made the choice. But when she gasped for air again, they were back upright. 

“Who do you take me for?” Aeri shouted and a nervous laugh followed, letting Jimin understand that her girlfriend was just as terrified as she was. 

They kept climbing higher, and Jimin’s ears popped from the altitude. The patrol cars had fallen back again, struggling with the hairpin turns, but Jimin knew that it was only a matter of time before they reached the peak. This road only led so high before it dead-ended at an old farm that had been left abandoned for years now. They had driven it before, months ago, back when they had first started running away and had tried every possible route in a hundred-mile radius. 

The bike’s engine stuttered slightly and Aeri cursed under her breath. She eased off the throttle just enough to let it breathe but kept on taking the curves at angles that defied any possible common sense. Jimin closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. In through her nose, out through her mouth. Hold the exhale for four seconds, inhale, exhale, hold, repeat. 

She opened her eyes again after less than a minute of desperately trying in vain,  her gaze was met with the valley again. She swallowed hard as she saw how small the houses further down looked. Within those houses, families, couples, or just people were probably sleeping soundly in their beds. They would wake up tomorrow and go about their normal lives, they would never have to worry about staying alive. They wouldn’t even care if they lost their lives in the pursuit. 

She wanted to scream, wanted to yell at the universe for giving her Aeri and letting her fall so completely in love that the idea of living without her was now more terrifying than dying. Five years, only five little years out of a lifetime they should have spent together. 

Instead of screaming, she just held the love of her life tighter and pressed her helmet against her back, trying to breathe through the sobs. She could feel Aeri’s body trembling in her hold, meaning that she was crying as well.