戒

Three years and one week.

That’s approximately one thousand one hundred days. It’s too long, but no long enough for you to truly forget about it. It’s also too short, short to an extent that you feel like it was still yesterday.

Sol Yoona, or as everyone in your friend groups calls her, Sullyoon. She was your first love. The past tense is still a fresh scar on your heart for that ongoing timer to go on. Tomorrow it’ll be three years and eight days since you quitted smoking because you were in love, and your girl didn’t like that you smoked. It was rather unfortunate that the relationship ended not long after.

Of course, the good old excuse of “we can still be friends” seems to work quite nicely on you two, if you will. It wasn’t a messy ending to a messy affair, rather, a mutual understanding of parallel career paths after graduation.

And as we all know, parallel lines don’t intersect. You don’t need Real Analysis to prove that.

You and Sullyoon are in the intersection of many friend groups still, due to the amount of time you two glued together throughout the undergraduate era. Showing up at the same party? Polite and formal chatters. Hanging out individually? Never, for some obvious reasons.

It was just the fact that you never wanted it to happen in the first place, maybe.

Your “going to Seoul and stay there” plan was cut short right after you obtained your Masters - you couldn’t  master the overwhelming stress and the cutthroat competition to stay comfortable. So in the end of the day, you returned to where you’ve started.

It seems to be a bit too late though - that one party your friends set you up to welcome you home? But all you can remember was the fact that you saw a silver ring in Sullyoon’s middle finger.

You soon succumbed to the desire of having someone to love again, and it was when you fell into this trap. A trap that made you going back to nicotine for comfort.

This trap is your now girlfriend. The type that treats you more like a part of her property and a walking ATM machine instead of her lover. Well, you can argue that she showed up right when you needed someone to feel anchored again - and she apparently knew that - so you took the bait naturally. But hey, we aren’t getting too far out there.

Sometimes there needs no reasons to party at all, suddenly an invitation comes through, then a group of friends from college all pull up.

Tonight is those type of night.

You accept the invitation, knowing it is at least a useful coping mechanism to escape. Before you slide your feet into your sneakers, your habit reminds you to make a call.

“Why are you calling?” It is your girlfriend who picks up the phone impatiently, “I’m drinking with my besties, say what you need to say, quick.”

“Hey babe, I’m calling to make you aware that I’ll go to Karaoke with my college friends tonight at 9 o’clock. Only 2 females, all married. Don’t worry. The rest TEN of them are all my buddies.” You emphasize the buddy part, to try to please your girlfriend that apparently has too much to say about your own personal life.

“Obviously I’m not in town, so do it as you wish. Make sure to check your phone, I’ll be texting. Reply in a timely manner.” She dismisses your statement, as she probably took the train up to Seoul again to have some night life there with some of her so-called “influencer friends”.

“Ok, I will. Please take care of yourself, and drink less.” Your response emotionlessly, as these types of conversation had happened for too many times.

“Aw~ you know to take care of me too? I’m touched, really. By the way, do you see that hand cream I sent you? I’d be so happy if I can get it next week!” Why does she sound more excited in the second half of her response?

You can fluently understand that “social cue” between you two. “Oh, yeah, really? I can try look it up for ya. I know you really liked that designer brand; I’ll get it for you if it’s at a reasonable budget...” You stop before you finish as you hear some purring and sighing on the other end.

“Come on! Your pay day was just yesterday, wasn’t it? Don’t you love me?” Again. The classical guilt trip.

“I... I love you, definitely.” You stutter while shaking your head helplessly.

“Then don’t disappoint me, think about when I get back and you’ll too get your reward, isn’t it fair?” She laughs devilishly, instead of kindly asking for a gift, she makes it sound more like a threat.

“No problem, wait for a surprise when you next see me! Catch up with you soon!”

“Yay, oppa is the best man in the world!”