TWENTY ONE

My whole body shook with anxiety, an uncomfortable lump forming in the back of my throat. What was wrong with me? It’s Tiffany, I’ve seen her and talked to her and even slept in the same bed as her.

While I questioned my body’s reaction, in reality, I knew exactly why this was happening: it was my first time, since admitting to myself my crush on Tiffany, seeing her, in person or otherwise. My fear of facing her and knowing my feelings towards her caused me to shy away from all forms of direct contact with her the last two days: what if I accidentally spoke aloud my thoughts and confessed to her while still unprepared? What if Tiffany just somehow read my mind from the way I reacted to her or my facial expressions and started acting more distant because of it?

The reason I brought myself here, situated directly outside of Tiffany’s apartment, was partially due to Hayeon’s encouragement, partially because of my feeling of guilt for having avoided face-to-face contact with Tiffany for the last few days, and partially from Tiffany having expressed her sadness to me yesterday of ‘not having seen my cute face for so long’. Even over the phone, she refused to stop teasing me.

Just be mindful of what your mouth is doing at all times, Taeyeon. Just try to be normal; being flustered is ok since that happened all the time, even before two days ago.

I breathed deeply one last time before firmly knocking on her door, not giving myself any more chances to run away. However, whether it was due to my nervousness that caused time to feel stretched out or because Tiffany was presently unprepared for guests, a good few minutes had passed before Tiffany’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Taeyeon? What are you doing here?”

The breathless nature of her voice indicated to me that she was either working out (an image of which inevitable creeped into my mind that I expelled as quickly as I could) or that she was in a rush, the surprised edge in her voice on top of her refusal to open the door telling me it was the latter.

“Didn’t you miss me?” I said as planned, lacing my voice with aegyo.

“Yes, but I’m not ready yet,” she said in a rushed voice, “I’ll unlock the door, but wait for a few seconds before opening the door, ok? I need to do my makeup and everything.”

“Wait!” I said quickly, grabbing the door handle of the still closed door. My mind raced, looking for the words I had planned in this situation, somehow already drawing blanks. “Fany, you shouldn’t—you don’t need to—I mean, I didn’t come to verify that you’re pretty. I came because I wanted to see you.”

My heart burst into a sporadic pulse, horrified at what I had just said. That wasn’t my ‘normal’ personality, not by a long shot. This cheesy, flirty stuff was Tiffany’s domain. Surely Tiffany would notice this and become suspicious of me. Right? Well, maybe she wouldn’t notice if she was as panicked as she sounded.

The door slowly slid open, revealing a disheveled Tiffany, donning a cute loose, pink pajama outfit. She tried for a grin, stepping to the side and letting me in. I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful her bare-faced smile still was, proceeding to do everything in my power to not blush at the thought.

“You’re no fair Taeyeon, I don’t even look like a woman compared to how angelic you look,” she pouted in an incredibly cute fashion.

“I-I don’t look like an angel,” I scoffed, suddenly self-conscious of the amount of makeup I had done. I would never admit this to Tiffany, but compared the other days, I had more makeup today than most other days. I tried to make it as natural as possible, but I guess nothing got past her.

“I’m sorry, but do you mind waiting in my living room for a bit? You can watch the TV, I just need to do my makeup first,” she said, unwilling to face me.

“Let me help you!” If there was one thing I was confident in myself in, it was makeup. “You have work in a few hours, right? Do you normally just put on your makeup right before going?”

Tiffany shook her head, complacent in my joining her in her bathroom. “I just woke up, actually.” A snicker escaped my lips before I could stop myself.

“Sorry,” I said, trying to pass it off. Unfortunately, Tiffany seemed to notice it.

“I can sleep until noon, can’t I? I’m allowed to, right?” Her inquires, while challenging, were spoken in a playful manner.

“Yes, you are; do you have a chair or something to sit down in?”

“I’ll go get one,” she replied, leaving quickly and returning with the same haste, chair in hand.

“Ok,” I murmured to myself, quickly associating myself to her makeup palette. “Do you want to do what you usually do?”

“Hm? Oh, do you know what I usually do?”

My body seized up in panic again. Wait, was this natural? I mean, for someone especially observant, something as simple as noticing the kind of makeup style a friend does is nothing special, right? Could I just pass it off as that, or would that seem too convenient?

“W-Well, I mean, I-I, um, I spend a lot of time with you, and I also am good at—I mean, I’ve spent a lot of time experimenting with makeup and learning about it,” I stammered, “I mean, it’s not like I was staring at you or very closely paying attention to that—I mean, I was, but—”

Tiffany reached back and tenderly placed a hand over my own, which was resting on the backrest of the chair she was sitting on. “You’re cute, Taeyeon. I’m flattered, go ahead,” she said gently, smiling into the mirror at me.

I nodded wordlessly, grabbing the foundation first.

“Oh, and can you do me a favor?” she said just as I was about to apply it to her face.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Could you do makeup to the rest of my body, too?”

My hand slipped, nearly causing me to drop the utensils in my hands. “Wh-What?” I stammered, mind racing with images of doing as Tiffany suggested. Tiffany turned her head to me, smiling innocently. “You don’t—it’s not—what, why?”

“Doesn’t hurt to ask, right?” she shrugged causally, as if what she just said wasn’t as preposterous as it was.

“I don’t know how to do that,” I provided as an excuse, once again retreating from her teasing. If I was to ‘pursue’ Tiffany, shouldn’t I be using this to my advantage? Would it be too obvious?

Well, Tiffany teasing of me is partnered with an expectation that I back away. It’s not like she actually expected—or wanted—what she says to actually happen. If I took her words seriously, I would just be someone who can’t distinguish a joke from a request. But even with that justification, I wondered if I was just making excuses for myself.

We didn’t speak much while I did her makeup, probably because I turned my absolute attention to it. According to Jessica, I had this easily distinguishable facial expression when I focused really hard on something, so Tiffany probably noticed this too and was content with sitting in the comfortable silence.

“Ok, done,” I muttered, looking at my work with a critical eye. I smiled, satisfied; however, for some reason, I didn’t expect her to smile back.

“Thanks, TaeTae!” she beamed.

“No problem,” I replied quietly, moving away to hide my suddenly pink face, my heart skipping a few beats. What was wrong with me? It’s not like I’ve never seen Tiffany smile at me before. Was it because I was aware of my crush on her? “Um, have you eaten yet?”

“No, I just woke up, remember?” she giggled, standing up after me and grabbing the chair.

“Oh, I’ll cook for you then,” I said, shuffling into the kitchen. Tiffany followed suit, putting the chair back down at the dining table.

“I’ll help,” she bounced to my side as I peered into her refrigerator.

“No no, it’s ok,” I shooed her away, pulling out the side dishes she had stored in plastic containers. “You just sit there and look pretty.”

Admittedly, that was one of the lines I had prepared before coming here; it was also my intention to come here and cook lunch for her, but actually doing these things made me nervous, for some reason.

So when I felt Tiffany’s arms come around my sides, I let out a shrill yelp, jumping inside my skin.

“Hehe, you’re cute Taeyeon,” she said again, slipping an apron over my head and securing it around my waist, tying it behind my back. “I missed you a lot,” she told me, resting her chin on my right shoulder, wrapping her arms back around my waist again, this time into a hug.

I jumped again, although not as much this time; I tried to ignore the proximity of her face to mine, the light puff of her breath on my cheek, and her body pressed against me, but it was really, really hard to do. I continued cutting up the vegetables, hoping that she couldn’t see my red face.

“It’s only been four days,” I commented, trying to keep my voice steady as possible.

“That’s a long time,” she whined, nuzzling my neck with her silky hair, “four days without my happiness is too long.”

“What do you mean ‘your happiness’?” I chuckled nervously, feeling my lungs constrict bit by bit.

“I mean you, of course,” she replied simply.

My cheeks flared even hotter, which I discovered was possible. This was not going as I planned at all, and Tiffany’s teasing definitely didn’t help. In my head, I asserted myself as the dominant one with Tiffany being the one blushing and fumbling; despite knowing how unrealistic that was, I didn’t realize there would be this much of a discrepancy between fantasy and real life.