NINETEEN

From how Jessica responded to my ignoring her calls the previous day, I assumed her predisposition would be to receive the call immediately. Instead, I sat on the chair in my room anxiously, staring at the black screen of my phone, the ring tone dialing nine times before she picked up.

“Taeyeon! You called!”

The screen burst with life as Jessica’s face replaced the black screen. The shirt she was wearing was a shade of light purple I’ve never seen before; maybe it was just poor memory, but I quickly found myself wondering about the topic.

“Hi Sica,” I replied, waving at the screen with my free hand, “Is that a new shirt?”

“Oh! Yeah, it is!”

Jessica had this quirk about her in which her voice rose in pitch whenever she was excited. She must have been genuinely excited to receive my call from how she was speaking; but if this was the case, then why did she take almost half a minute to pick up?

“I’m so happy you noticed!” she said, her voice again increasing in pitch ever so slightly, “I got this outfit a few days ago, actually.” Jessica carefully balanced her phone against something as she said those words, after which she distanced herself from her phone to reveal her entire outfit: a light purple crop-top with ruffles paired with a normal pair of skinny, light-blue jeans that showed off her nice figure, adorned with an embezzled zipper.

“It’s a very cute outfit,” I replied as Jessica did a 360. As she did so, something caught my eye: the state of her room.

Ordinarily, Jessica was a very neat and organized person: every day, she would lay out her plan for what schoolwork she was to do and would accomplish it with nearly 100% certainty. As her roommate, I could personally testify to the fact that she carried on this trait to every other aspect of her life: her room was always immaculately clean, her dishes were always done as soon as she was done using them, even the way she ate left no crumbs or stains anywhere. My expectation of her led to a sense of bewilderment as I spotted a few pieces of clothing lying on the ground, an empty cup on the nightstand next to her bed, and what looked like another outfit lying on the bed behind her.

Jessica didn’t give me much of a chance to observe, quickly returning to her phone and grabbing it. “Right? I knew you’d like it too,” she said excitedly.

I debated asking about her room but ultimately decided against it. It wasn’t fair to expect her to be perfect all the time, right?

“Is it comfortable?”

She pursed her lips and nodded. “Yeah; I don’t think it’s supposed to show this much skin, but oh well.”

I laughed. “It’s cute! What, are you just bragging about your boobs?”

“Well, I guess I’m not not bragging about them,” she said, spirited smile playing at her lips.

I scoffed. “I know mine are small, ok? You don’t have to remind me so often.”

Jessica chuckled. “It’s ok Taengoo, your boobs are just fine.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” I said accusingly, narrowing my eyes at her while she simply smiled back. It was then I noticed something. “Wait Sica, do you have dark circles under your eyes?”

“Do I?” she replied, looking above the screen to what presumably was a mirror. I waited for a few seconds as she leaned forward, my phone’s screen briefly filled the light-purple color of her crop-top. “I guess I do,” she replied, leaning back, readjusting her phone so that it framed her face, idly brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Another thing I found amazing about Jessica was how much sleep she managed to get. Aside from being an almost straight-A student, she also found time to participate in her club, hang out with her friends, and read fashion magazines, all while sleeping eight or more hours a day. Maybe she just never had to worry about eye bags? I always assumed that she covered it up with makeup, but now it was seeming like that wasn’t the case.

“Are you not getting enough sleep?”

Jessica grinned. “Why, are you worried for me?” she cooed.

“Of course! It’s summer break, you should focus even more on resting well,” I told her in an unintentionally scolding manner.

“Well, I was so excited from seeing you yesterday that I couldn’t fall asleep.”

I studied her face carefully, but she didn’t crack: she was wearing that innocent smile on her face, the type one was inclined to believe. It was a shame, really; as attractive as my best friend was, she never dated anyone in college. From what I can tell, she didn’t have one for the later part of high school, either.

“That doesn’t sound believable,” I accused.

“Oh, really?” she responded mysteriously with a smile of similar nature.

Maybe it was because of my recent realization of my feelings for Tiffany—whatever they were—but I suddenly started to question her. Why would she lose sleep just because we saw each other? Maybe it was because we didn’t see each other for a week? If that was the case, then what about previous summer breaks?

I uneasily shrugged it off. Before, I would always disregard Jessica saying such things because of who she is, and this time should be no different, I reasoned with myself.

“Did you lose sleep over your job?” I inquired, “You don’t have anything to write in your report, right? Do you need me to help?”

Jessica’s warm, motherly smile widened as I spoke. “Taengoo~ I’m so happy you’re not mad at me about that as well~”

A well of guilt pooled up inside me behind the façade of my smile. It felt like I had betrayed Jessica, my best friend … my best friend. And for someone like me, who doesn’t have many friends, to betray my best friend was something akin to social suicide. “Of course not! I couldn’t be mad with you! I just …” I stopped briefly, only to be interrupted by Jessica.

“Taeyeon, you’re doing it again, right?” My eyes jumped up to the screen to meet a stern-looking face. Frankly, I was shocked at how quickly she responded to me, so I simply let her continue on. “You’re blaming yourself for something. Do you feel guilty about something? Don’t feel guilty, even I admit that I’m in the wrong here.”

“I…”

I didn’t know how to respond. It was scary, really, how Jessica was sometimes able to read my mind—actually, now that I thought about it, Tiffany seemed to have this ability too. Was I just easy to read? Or maybe the two were just usually perceptive?

“I trust that you have a reason for what you’re doing,” I told her truthfully. “Honestly … promise you won’t get mad at me?”

Jessica laughed, as if I had said the most ridiculous thing in the world. “Taengoo, you already know that I could never get mad at you, right?”

I nodded to myself, motivated by her encouragement. “Honestly, I didn’t pick up your calls was because I was afraid Tiffany might dislike me if I did.”

Jessica’s eyes lit up—not necessarily in a good way, I learned: it was a look I recognized immediately. I opened my mouth, regretting my choice of words, but Jessica beat me to the punch. “Ooh, so that’s how it is, huh? You have a vested interest in maintaining a positive relationship with Tiffany? So the reason you betrayed me is for her, huh?”

One would have assumed that at this point, after knowing Jessica for this long, I would know how to respond to this type of situation. I didn’t.

Jessica, on the other hand, was pouting. “Taengoo-yah, you’re so mean, going after Tiffany when you have me already…”

“Wh-What? ‘Going after’?” I stammered, turning my phone to the side to mask my flushed face. I mean, I wasn’t actively ‘going after’ her, but …

“Oh, was I right? Is cute little Taengoo in looove~?” she said, saying the last word in a singsong tone.

“Stop it, Sica!” I whined, “I’m going to hang up if you continue with that,” I threatened.

“Ok ok, I’m sorry,” she said, chuckling all the meanwhile, “Don’t hang up, I’ll stop.”

I took a second to regain my composure before turning my phone’s camera back towards myself. “Wait, so if that was your reason, then why are you calling me now?”

“Ah, right. After you left yesterday, I asked Tiffany to reconsider and she agreed to lunch at 1 today; are you ok with that?” And before Jessica could respond, I cut her off, saying, “And it’s not a date of any kind. Tiffany tried using that joke too.”

Jessica frowned. “You’re no fun, Taengoo,” she protested, quickly switching to a smile, “But if you invited me somewhere, I have no choice but to go, don’t I?”

“So you’ll come?” I said excitedly, feeling a smile growing on my own face. When she nodded, I did a small fist pump to myself in celebration. “Ok, I’ll text you the address, ok? It’s a barbeque place,” I told her, getting up and heading towards my closet.

She smiled. “You’re cute. See you soon!”