Offside

“Offside! Number 24!” the referee bellows as you come to your senses.

“Substitution! Number 24, Mahusay, out! Number 8, Lee, in!”

As much as you want to question your coach’s decision of subbing you out, the anger on her face has you thinking it’s better to accept it.

“Jamie, come on! You look lost out there! You’re lucky this is just a friendly exhibition match.”

“Sorry coach.” you have no excuse. All you can do is apologize.

“Are you homesick or something?” One of your teammates on the bench asks. “You seem to have a lot on your mind.”

A lot on your mind. That’s a fucking understatement. If only they knew what was actually going through your brain right now. If only they knew about what happened that morning.

It’s been half a minute since Yeji first pulled you in for a kiss. You had all that time to pull away and stop this, go back to your breakfast and pretend like it never happened.

But you didn’t.

Instead, your hands migrate from the wall on either side of her head to her waist. On instinct, you lift her up and her legs wrap around your waist. Her hands move from your cheeks to your back as you carry her and pin her against the wall.

Don’t get confused (though at this point you already are), mere seconds ago you were fuming mad. You were already erupting at Yeji after months of pent up frustrations and anger finally make you hit your boiling point.

But now?

Now you can’t seem to pull your lips away from hers. You can’t seem to stop your hands from holding her and roaming around her lean and petite body. You can’t stop yourself from thinking how good she tastes, how right it feels when she holds you and you hold her.

Your legs start moving on their own, carrying Yeji across the apartment and into the dining area. There, you sit her on top of the kitchen counter, neither of your lips separate on the move. Your hands become restless, exploring the rest of her body. Hers does the same, caressing every inch of your torso before resting on the hem of your shirt. Yours on the other hand brushes against the waistband of her shorts.

Yeji grabs the hem of your shirt, ready to pull it up and off of you.

Your fingers breach the waistband of her shorts and panties, stopping just inches away from her core.

It would be the peak of this moment of passion. The penultimate scene.

But then it happens.

Your fingers brush against the mound of her core. 

A quick moment of hesitation comes about from that incidental contact. The one second where your brains regain control and ask “What the actual fuck is happening?”

That's when the two of you come crashing back down to earth.

That’s when the two of you are brought back to reality.

Yeji lets go of your shirt.

Your hand retreats from her shorts.

You both pull away from the kiss. Eyes meeting, filled with more questions than answers. Neither of you move, Yeji still sitting on the counter in between your arms that are flanking her. For a few minutes, no words are said. That is, until Yeji breaks the silence.

“I… uh… have to get to the group schedule.” she mumbles as she hops off from the kitchen counter. You move to the side and let her through.

“Yeah… I… uh… have practice. I have to go too.” You reply.

The awkwardness of the situation fills the atmosphere between you two. Yeji clumsily gathers her things, the ones she dropped when you cornered her and she kissed you. When she does, she speeds out of Ryujin’s apartment, hands covering her still red cheeks.

When the door shuts after Yeji leaves, you're left alone in your girlfriend’s apartment. Sitting in confusion with half a bowl of soggy cereal.

After your disaster of a performance in that tune up exhibition match, you thought a warm shower might help in clearing your head.

Well, you’re wrong.

The scenes from this morning still played through your head, over and over again. Even while sitting on the locker room bench, getting dressed while trying to clear your brain. Suddenly, you see your phone light up in your bag. You check to see what the notification is but get shocked by what the text bubble says:

It's Yeji.

We need to talk about this morning.

Can you meet me at the cafe after 5?

If you were being honest with yourself, you’re conflicted. Most of what your brain is telling you to do is to just pretend the morning never happened. It made sense. Whatever lies underneath the events of this morning feels like a pandora’s box that should not be opened. 

However, there was this little voice inside your head. It was arguing against forgetting. It was telling you the truth: that you’re curious. Actually, more than just curious. The reason you kept replaying the events in your head? It’s because you’re desperate for answers. Desperate to know why she kissed you when you thought she hated you.

Take a guess which voice won you over.

I’m on my way there.

You arrive at the cafe at 4:45. Considering you have fifteen minutes to spare, you decide to order a cold brew. Though that time allowance passes by in an instant as you wait nervously. The stress has you sweating bullets, even finishing your drink quicker than you should have. You decide to order another one just as the clock strikes 5. That’s when you see Yeji enter the cafe. 

Your heart drops when you see her. Aside from the confusion, you have another sudden realization:

Was she with Ryujin before all this?

She said they had a group schedule. Would Yeji have said something to her? What would Ryujin’s reaction be? Would she get jealous? Mad?

While you’re in a state of panic, your gaze meets Yeji’s. It shakes you out of your panic, allowing you to point towards your table, to which she goes to and sits at. When you get your drink, you go back to the table and sit across from her.

“Hey.” you open.

“Hi.” Yeji responds.

“I didn’t know what to get you.”

“It’s fine, I'm not really thirsty anyway.”

“Alright.”

As quick as the conversation went, that’s also how quick the awkward silence took over. You decide to break it anyway.