The Loneliest Time

“Damn dude.” Jeongyeon says, taking a big swig from the beer she had on her hand. Momo and Tzuyu took tiny sips from their drinks as Chaeyoung finished telling them everything that happened with her and Mina the other night. It’s been almost a week since their kiss happened and until now she still hasn’t heard anything from Mina. She wasn’t even able to see her at school; but then again, Chaeyoung also did a lot of effort to be as invisible as possible. She wasn’t even sure if she was ready to see Mina after that night.

“So…” Momo started, taking another sip from her cocktail. “That’s it?” Eyes on Chaeyoung now.

Chaeyoung looks at her friend, confusion filling her face. “What do you mean?”

Momo gulps down the last of her drink and signals the bartender to fill her cup again, who swiftly does so. “You’re just gonna let her ignore you and then you’re gonna feel sorry for yourself?”

Tzuyu then nudges her with her shoulder and clicks her teeth. “Do you really need to say that?”

Chaeyoung waves it off in front of her friends. “No, I get it.” She says, downing whatever was left in her bottle. “I really want to do something. I want to see her and talk to her, but I don’t even know what to say.”

Momo could only nod in response, now looking at Jeongyeon. She and Tzuyu were waiting for a response from the best friend, who they knew had the best responses in times like these. But Jeongyeon was left speechless. She had no idea that this was happening.

“I think I’m more amazed that she even responded to everything.” Tzuyu says, in attempt to break the silence amongst them. “I mean, if I didn’t like you—” She pauses and moves her hand in a circular motion. “You know romantically, then I wouldn’t have held your hand, slow danced with you or even responded to your kiss.”

Momo and Jeongyeon nodded in agreement. “Twice.” They both said in unison.

“Tzuyu has a point.” Momo added. “If it were me, I would have probably slapped you across the face for invading my personal space.”

“You never let anyone in your personal space.” Jeongyeon finally spoke, a shit-eating grin on her face. Who only received a hard slap on the arm from Momo. They all laughed but immediately died down when Chaeyoung’s expression went back to being sad. “But yeah, I have to agree as well. I mean, anyone with any hint of attraction would want to respond to things like that.”

Jeongyeon had to pause for a bit before continuing, knowing that her next comment won’t be any help for Chaeyoung’s state. “Unless she was just lonely and wanted intimacy and you apparently gave that to her.”

Without fail, it did. Chaeyoung’s face couldn’t be read when the words sunk into her brain. Her heart was aching again, and she sat back on her seat to take in a deep breath, her fingers roughly rubbing on her brow.

Jeongyeon called the bartender again and signalled him to get two more beers. “But listen—” She started and stared straight into Chaeyoung’s eyes. “Mina, from what I know, is not that kind of person. There is a reason why she did that and also said what she said to you before you guys said goodbye.”

Momo and Tzuyu look at their friend. “And how do you know that?” The younger asked.

Jeongyeon shot them a look of disgust. “I hang out with Chaeyoung, who hangs out with Mina. So I kinda got a glimpse of what Myoui Mina is like.”

“But is it enough to know what she really is?” Momo pressed. It was obvious she wasn’t convinced with what Jeongyeon said. But Chaeyoung knows it’s probably because of Nayeon. She knows they’ve been hanging out a lot these days or whatever they were doing. She has no idea what they were doing exactly but she really didn’t want to know.

Nayeon hasn't left any messages to Chaeyoung either. She knows Mina told her what happened, but maybe she knew her place to not talk about it to Chaeyoung. She didn’t need to be told twice that Nayeon will always be on Mina’s side and that’s understandable.

She just wants to know if Mina is okay.

“That’s not the point.” Jeongyeon brushed it off. “I guess I’m the type of person who wants to see the good in people. Mina just so happens to be a nice person to me, so I’m returning the favour.”

Tzuyu hums in agreement. “Makes sense.”

Momo wasn’t dumb though; she didn’t make a reaction and it made Chaeyoung nervous now. She looked at Jeongyeon for a while and it was starting to eat Chaeyoung.

“What do you guys think I should do?” Chaeyoung suddenly said, trying to get everyone back into the topic. “I mean, I’m clueless here.”

Jeongyeon eyes the friends around the table, hoping that someone would say something. But it was hard for her to say something since she has zero advice when it comes to love, it was always Chaeyoung that had something to say. At that moment, the tables were turned, Chaeyoung was the one who needed help and she wanted to help, and it ate her inside that she couldn’t think of anything useful.

“Honestly, I don’t know either.” Momo said, taking a bigger sip from her drink. She flips her hair to the back and looked straight at Chaeyoung. “If you love her, you’ll do anything. Right?”

“Right.” Chaeyoung said, staring at the cold bottle in her hand then back at Momo.

“Then fight for it.” She said, eyes not leaving her friend. “It seems that Mina may not know what she wants, she might reject you and that’s normal. It happens. But at the end of the day, you can say that you’ve done something about it.”

Momo felt like her alcohol consumption that night was releasing her from any shame and the sudden urge to be honest was there. “I believe Mina has feelings for you. She said that she wanted this, but what was holding her back? Her parents?” She flips her hair again. “It’s exactly what Tzuyu said earlier. If she didn’t like you, she wouldn’t have held your hand, she wouldn’t have kissed you back.”

“She’s just confused.” Jeongyeon chimed in, Tzuyu nods as well. They were all looking at Chaeyoung. “Momo’s right. If you believe in this, and I know you do, then you can’t give up without a fight.”

Chaeyoung simply nods. But she wasn’t sure if she could do anything and if she did, she has no idea where to start. Mina wasn’t talking to her, Nayeon hasn’t said anything either and she’s not close with Sana and Dahyun. She could approach Jihyo to ask but then that would mean that she needed to tell Jihyo the whole story and she wasn’t sure if she should.

All she can think of right now was Mina. Wondering if she was doing okay, if she was still crying. Chaeyoung’s heart felt heavy at the thoughts, she didn’t want to be the cause of all of this. She never wanted to be a burden to Mina.

But Mina’s words stuck in her head, the image of her crying in front of her and the desperation in her eyes, telling Chaeyoung not to leave her. If she doesn’t want Chaeyoung to leave, then she won’t. She’ll be here for Mina. Even if it’s from afar, even if Mina didn't love her back.

Chaeyoung was not coping well with this. She already skipped three classes within the past few days, and it was starting to make her feel really guilty about it. Tzuyu would come by to her dorm to give her any new handouts that were distributed in class and would offer to keep her company and Chaeyoung would always agree. Luckily, Tzuyu was a very low maintenance friend. She didn’t need to constantly message to show that she was still there. Her actions were really louder than her words and it showed.

Tzuyu was aware of Chaeyoung’s mental illness, so she had an idea that her flaking out of class was most probably her anxiety and depression speaking. She made the effort for her friend and would visit Chaeyoung at her dorm to cook her something and then they would watch movies on tv or random shows on her laptop up until Tzuyu needed to leave. There were days when they wouldn’t meet up, but she would still leave messages to Chaeyoung and remind her to go to class or at least eat whatever was left over from her last stay.

Today, Chaeyoung decided to go to school. Jeongyeon was honest enough to tell Chaeyoung that she has been spending a lot of time with Nayeon and maybe she can get something out of her, but she had to refuse. It was a mix of her not wanting Jeongyeon to be involved and her not wanting to know at all. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear anything about Mina, but it was such a contradicting feeling because she catches herself wanting to call Mina and just ask her if she was fine.

With Tzuyu’s help, she finally has the energy to go to school. It was hard for Chaeyoung to concentrate in class since her mind has been going to many different places and to one person. Tzuyu couldn’t help but notice it as well. Chaeyoung has spent most of her time in class doodling and making different drawings of penguins or whatever figure she was trying to make.

Tzuyu silently agreed to take care of Chaeyoung in lieu of Jeongyeon, who seemed to be absent these days. Chaeyoung knew what was happening, but she doesn’t mind being with Tzuyu. They were the only ones who were classmates since they started college, but because of Jeongyeon and Momo they barely had any time alone. This was a great way to catch up and it gave them more time to spend with each other.

With the amount of time they spent with each other, Chaeyoung would forget how charming Tzuyu can be. She was quiet, aloof but very cunning. She always had the right words to say, and you’d receive it in a moment that you wouldn’t expect. But there was nothing in her that made Chaeyoung attracted to her at all. It was like having a little sister, or a big one since Tzuyu is way taller than her and that she acted more mature than the rest of their friends.

They just finished a class and were now stuck with a very long break; Chaeyoung waited by the edge of Tzuyu’s locker, scrolling through her phone to take her mind off of things while the tall friend was sorting through her books.

“Momo said she has a club meeting, so it’s gonna be the two of us again.” Tzuyu said, her head deep inside her locker as she rustles through her things.

“That’s fine.” Chaeyoung said, her eyes not leaving her phone. “Well… we have like a three hour break right now. Maybe we can go somewhere off campus to find a place to eat.”

Tzuyu sticks her head out with a big smile on her face. “I like that idea.” She grabs the things she needed and neatly sorted them inside her shoulder bag. “I really wish we didn’t have art later. My wrists are already feeling the pain.”

Chaeyoung finally looked up and smirked. “That wouldn’t have been the case if you gave yourself a break from working on the project last night.”

She gave an exasperated sigh as a response and leans her head back, remembering the long hours she spent drawing and sketching. “I know but I don’t want to exceed any deadlines.”

“You could just be like me, who does everything the night before?” Chaeyoung gives a shit-eating grin and shrugs. Earning a hearty laugh from her friend. “How about we work on it in my dorm later?”

“Sounds like fun.” She said, finally standing up after turning the key to secure her locker. “We can head there right after our last class today.”

“Yeah and then we can order in. Maybe get the Chinese food you like.” She looks up to Tzuyu with a big smile, her dimple showing again.

Tzuyu could only smile and then gives Chaeyoung a quick kiss on the cheek. Which made Chaeyoung’s eyes go big; that was the first time she’s ever done that to any of her friends. Since it was always Momo who would force the three of them to give her a kiss on the cheek or would attempt to make them to let her kiss them.

“I’m sorry for bringing this up.” Tzuyu said, bringing her hand up to brush away the short hair covering Chaeyoung’s forehead. “But I really don’t see why Mina wouldn’t want to be with you. You’re a real sweetheart.”

Chaeyoung could only sigh and look down. “That’s her choice.” She looked back up to Tzuyu, but in her peripheral she sees a familiar figure down the hall behind Tzuyu. Her heart stopped when she saw Mina standing there, her face couldn’t be read but it seemed that she saw the exchange between the two.