Bengal

Obedience.

When Chaeyoung was four, she already had a feeling that she was different from the other kids at school. She was the only one who arrived at kindergarten in a big, shiny car. But she could only get out once all her classmates were inside the classroom. Making her the last to arrive, all the time.

Her mom would always encourage her to make friends or play with the other kids. She didn’t know why her mother always wanted to make friends. She did feel the same as well. It would be nice to be around kids of her age so she could relate to them. But as much as she tried, even with the help of the teachers, no one wanted to play with her.

She was alone.

When she was seven, she loved her new baby brother. It was the only thing she kept repeating to herself and her mom; that she was going to play with him a lot when he was allowed to and that she was going to be the best big sister ever.

A part of her wanted to make sure that he didn’t go through the same things she did. Feeling alone, never having a friend. She wanted to be his friend; and if other people didn’t want him, she was there to make him feel wanted.

But her dad seemed to take her away from him a lot while little Jeonghun was growing up. She would cry when he did, yet she always got punished for it. Though, Chaeyoung was smart; she could sense the patterns in her father’s behavior and developed her senses just to avoid getting another hand on her face. Though there are moments where she would intentionally get in trouble just so she could have thicker skin.

At a young age, she already thought about becoming invulnerable to pain.

When she was ten, she still didn’t make friends. The school was aware of who and what her father was. Thinking she was the same as him. Scary, influential… manipulative.

They spread rumors about her. That she was able to trick her new friends into doing things they didn’t want to do. There was a time when she picked up a pen that her classmate dropped during their lunch break. Just so happened that the classmate hit her head underneath her desk while trying to pick it up as well. A witness saw what happened, but instead of keeping quiet and sticking to the truth, they twisted the story and said Chaeyoung hit the classmate in the head for dropping her pen.

It was crazy, for kids their age to already be poisoned by the art of gossip and lying. She realized in the long run that there wasn’t a good reason to defend herself anymore. Maybe she should live in their lies and illusions. Maybe she should just pretend to be okay with all of this. It seemed like it was better to be alone than be surrounded by people she couldn't trust.

Then one day, she snapped. The rumors got worse. Everyone scrutinized her for everything she did, and it was starting to get to her. She had erratic mood swings, she was always angry, and she had little patience anymore. Chaeyoung wanted to teach them a lesson. She didn’t want to let them think she was easy to pick on.

She came to school with one thing in mind, but she had to wait for the right moment to do it. But she didn’t even have to try and once she got inside the school, a bunch of boys from her grade were insulting her out loud as she walked through the hall.

As expected they followed her, making names and saying a lot of things that weren’t true. But once the leader of the bullies mentioned something about her mom not loving her enough, she turned on her heels and jumped on him. Pinning him on the ground and throwing multiple punches in his face.

She knew he passed out already from the blows but the anger that was seeping inside of her was hard to control. His friends fought for him, but she was quick. She kicked one of them in the stomach, pulled someone’s hair and dragged him on the ground, making his face scratch on the old linoleum.

Everyone was in shock. They knew it was all rumors, but that alone made them believe that it was all true. She was only ten years old, she was shorter than everyone, but the school witnessed her take down five boys all on her own.

She got expelled. Her mother was crying inside the principal’s office when he gave the verdict. Her father on the other hand; he just smiled the whole time. The principal thought that he wasn’t taking it seriously, but he didn’t say anything. A simple thank you and a half-assed apology and then he escorted his family out of the school premises.

Her parents had a long argument about what happened. It was understandable why her mother was so upset with what happened. She was still young, already being treated like this when she didn’t even do anything and yet, in the end, she did the worst thing she could ever do.

Though, her father kept insisting that it was a good thing. It never made sense to her, but when he got out of their bedroom and rushed to Chaeyoung, all he did was shower her with praise. Telling her quietly that sometimes, people need to learn their place with violence. It was the only way to get people to listen.

Maybe that was how he did things. But she didn’t want to ask more. She was too tired to think.

They had to find another school for her to enroll in just so she could finish her middle school.

After the incident, her mother had been obsessed with looking for children from her business partners so they could be friends with her.

Her parents would host many extravagant events in Busan. No one really told her what they were for, but she had to force herself to attend. Her mother requested it and she didn’t want to disappoint her again.

When she turned thirteen, she met the one person that seemed to not care where she was from or what her family did.

The girl was from a rich family that sold houses to other rich people. She and her parents attended one of the parties her mother decided to host during the fall of that year. When they looked at each other for the first time, Chaeyoung could tell right off the bat that she was forced to be there.

With the way her mother was too excited to introduce them to each other, she knew she was just going to be another kid her mom is going to force her to be acquainted with just so she can have a friend.

The girl was boastful, probably hiding her true feelings by being condescending. But Chaeyoung was used to this. With the many kids she had met in the past, hurtful words didn’t bother her anymore. If this girl genuinely wanted to be friends then she would allow it.

She did give it a try. She took a different approach as well. But it was predictable with the way the girl responded to what she said and thought maybe she should just give up.

But this girl was still there and started to open up. Which was a bit of a surprise for Chaeyoung since it was the first time something like that happened. This girl wasn’t afraid of her, but if she did realize who she was or what her family did, then maybe she might run like the rest.

Her name was Yoo Jeongyeon. She was her first friend.

As much as she tried to put up a wall around her, the idea of finally having a friend who was willing to be with her was exciting. So she refused to end the night without inviting her to hang out. Even if it was somewhere around the city, she really wanted to see Jeongyeon again.

Her mother was more excited to hear all of this and immediately agreed that they should. Though, the look on Jeongyeon’s mother made her feel a bit uneasy, they reluctantly agreed. Chaeyoung knew that the real reason her parents were at the party was to get her parents to agree to do business with them. She didn’t know to what extent it was, but the way the couple looked so eager made her think that this was important to them.

From her knowledge, she knew her parents got a lot of these types of offers. Maybe because they knew they have the money and the power. A lot of people want the influence her father has but she knew that he was smart enough to choose who he wanted to get involved with. Then again, she was still a child, she didn’t really want to dive into the details.

All she cared about was that she finally had a friend. Maybe this time, she could finally have a life outside her family’s image.

In the same year, she ended up in the same school as Jeongyeon. Her mother was happy enough to bring her to the same school as her friend. Despite the long and thorough talks with the head of the school, and her history, they accepted her. But Jeongyeon was a year older, so they only met up during breaks. Which was fine with her, since even when she had no one to relate to in her class, she had someone to look forward to hanging out with when there was any free time.

Jeongyeon was smart. That was one thing she realized while they spent time with her. Jeongyeon seemed to have answers for everything, and she was really good at a lot of things. Especially games. Sometimes when they were hanging out at her house, Chaeyoung would bring out games for them to do and each time, she would lose because Jeongyeon had a way to find ways to make her do the wrong thing and then it would end up with her winning.

A regular kid would think it would kill the fun because the other wasn’t giving any chances for winning. But then Chaeyoung would just shrug it off and try again. She could tell that Jeongyeon was having fun with it too so she kept going. She liked seeing Jeongyeon smile, it felt scarce. At least they were both having fun.

//

Chaeyoung had dreams. She had something she looked forward to in life. It was a secret she kept with her mother, and it was something she could go to when she actually wanted to be herself.

Her mother bought her a sketch book, sets of pencils and oil pastels. Her mother made sure to buy it in secret so her father wouldn’t know. Chaeyoung believed she had so much love for her mother, it was indescribable at this point.

So on days when her father was away from the house, given days or weeks, Chaeyoung was free to draw whenever she pleased. The broad strokes she made with the pen or with a brush, the feeling of liberation when she could just do whatever she wanted on a piece of paper. It was as if she was putting her hidden desires in her work, and she loved every moment of it.

Then that was when it hit her. She wanted to be an artist.

She ran to her mother and told her everything about it. Once she finished school, she wanted to enroll in the Fine Arts university in Busan. Her mother couldn’t help but encourage her, telling her that she should always keep her head high and follow her dreams. So that was what she did. She practiced every night in the closed walls of her room. Putting up everything she finished on her walls and then covering it with a piece of cloth in case her father entered her room.

It came to a point that when she got to spend time with her brother, she would let him draw as well on her sketch pad and with her pencils. It was a precious moment she shared with him. All she could think of and whisper to him was that he should follow his dreams too. Whatever he wanted to do, she would let him do it. Just as long as he put his heart into it.

Chaeyoung was full of hope and she hadn’t felt so excited for life this much before.

One day at school, she poured everything into Jeongyeon. Telling her everything that she recently discovered, happily showing her the sketches she made while she was at home and her friend was happy to be indulged with it.

She told Jeongyeon her plans, where she would go to college, what was gonna happen to her once she finished her degree. Become a traveling painter or a landscape artist. Anything that had to do with drawing. She was so happy to share this with someone.

But because of one night, it all went down the drain.

That night that she had to sit with her parents, Jeonghun was already sleeping so it was just the three of them, her father dropped the bomb on her. She was to spend several years in training to become the next leader of her father’s gang.

The Dong Sok Gang.