Flightless Bird

Anger.

Dahyun never liked being angry, but it was something she felt a lot when she was growing up. Her parents were always fighting, they were always disappointed, always nagging and yelling.

She felt bad for her older brother, getting all the hurtful words that their parents only knew to say. She still had her share, but it wasn’t as bad as what Myungsoo received. But he wasn’t a bad brother, he defended her all the time when the heat was on her when their parents, especially their mother, decided to throw blame at Dahyun. They only had each other growing up.

She grew up in an ordinary family, with ordinary parents, in an ordinary house. There was nothing interesting about her. Just the fact that she had a weird fascination with birds, pottery and cars; anything else she was just normal.

At school she didn’t stand out, nor did she even dare to. She liked being invisible, no one ever noticed her there or that the teachers would always just keep it to a minimum when they asked her to recite in class.

But because of her timidness, she was also the target of some of her classmates. They would pick on her, call her names and at times they would force her to speak even if she really didn’t want to. Thinking that she would just listen to what they would say since they believed she was helpless.

There were moments where she did feel like that; helpless and smaller than everyone else. It added to the already existing agony she had at home because of how her mother treated her.

But on most days, she powered through; ignoring what people would say or if they try to lay their hands on her bag or her hair.

Dahyun knew she had her limits though.

There was one day when she had enough. A boy from her class, who was her main bully, decided to plant gum on her hair and it got stuck on the deepest parts of her roots. It was the first time she wanted to cry in front of everyone. But she didn’t. She managed to run away quickly to the bathroom to escape.

When she came out after breaking down in one of the stalls, all she felt was complete anger. Her blood boiled and it rushed up to her head. All she could think of was to look for him, whatever came after in her plans was left for whatever fate decided.

She found him at the back of the classroom, sitting on his desk while laughing with the rest of his friends that bullied her. Once she approached, he had the energy to add more insults and tell her that he would cut her hair off for her. He teasingly grabbed a pair of scissors from the back of his bag and started snipping it in front of her.

At the height of her emotions, she slapped it off of his hand and immediately punched him square in the face, making him fall off from the desk he was sitting on. The moment he landed on the floor, she jumped on him, throwing multiple punches and made sure he whimpered in pain.

There was a sudden rush of pleasure when she started seeing blood run down his nose and from his mouth. It was highly satisfying. She wanted to make him cry. Just like how she allowed him to.

It took two teachers to pry her off of him, but she couldn’t control it, throwing her hands out and shouting multiple curse words at him. She was dragged out of the classroom, noticing how her classmates were cowering at the side as if she was some kind of monster.

But she didn’t care. This was what they got for messing with her, was what she thought as she was pulled away.

“Do you have any idea what you did, Miss Kim?” The teacher scolded her as she sat inside the principal's office. The principal sat across from her, watching Dahyun intently as her homeroom teacher kept hammering about discipline or repercussions or some shit.

She stayed mum, she didn’t have the energy to defend herself. Dahyun knew what she did was already enough, and she was accepting the idea of getting punishment for her actions. She didn’t want to care anymore. She could be kicked out of the school, get the full-blown fury from her mother again and then call it a day.

The possibility of her being sent off somewhere else was starting to warm up to her and she really didn’t mind. She would take any chance to leave her house if it meant being far away from her mom.

“Miss Kim, we’ve called your father to pick you up,” The principal said after her teacher finally stopped talking. He gave her the same serious look and then sighed. “You’re a good kid, I know bullying can be bad but resulting in violence doesn’t solve anything. So, you will be suspended for the rest of today. I hope you can understand.”

“Yes, sir,” she mumbled, but it was enough for him to hear it.

“You’re a quiet one, heck, I barely even remembered you existed until today. That’s how I know you’re a good kid,” he unnecessarily added and then signaled her to leave. Seemed like he didn’t want to deal with it anymore. “But if this happens again, it might be a longer suspension.”

She stood up and bowed lowly in front of him and then to her homeroom teacher, then she left the office quietly. At least it wasn’t as bad as she first thought. But the idea of her dad picking her up made her insides churn.

Dahyun didn’t want to talk to him, nor was she in the mood to explain what happened if it just ended up with her getting another round of scolding. His continuous absence in her life has convinced her enough that he doesn’t care about her. She just wishes she could run away or be free from all of this.

As she waited outside the school, she ignored the bizarre looks students gave her as they passed by. They probably heard about what happened and started to talk shit. It didn’t matter to her; she was going to be an afterthought to these people at the end of the day. She already knew they would be stupid if they wouldn’t let it go.

She watched as the cars passed by and the people walking outside the school gates. From a distance she spotted her dad by the entrance, and let out a long sigh, feeling the strong annoyance in her head as she watched him wave at her. She got up and walked quickly towards him.

But to her surprise, he was wearing a suit, a red shirt, and a black blazer, as if he was going to a party.

“I’ll take you home,” he said with a small smile as she approached him and then led her to a black sedan that was parked at the side of the road.

Dahyun looked at him in confusion. “When did we get this car?”

He chuckled and opened the passenger door for her. “It’s from my job. I’ll be bringing it back anyway.”

She was a bit shocked by that but decided to dismiss the idea.

She had to admit, she did like the car. The interior was beautiful, khaki leather seats and the dashboard was simple enough to understand. It was probably the nicest car she had ever seen. Basing from the appearance, it was probably a front-wheel drive, maybe a 2.2 liter engine with 16 valves. She could imagine that this car had a 70 liter fuel tank and knowing how high the gas prices are and that her dad drove around almost everyday, he needed to gas it up as much as he could. At the back of her mind, she knew they couldn’t afford it, but it made sense when he mentioned it was a car from his job.

Then again, she never really understood what his job was. She just knew he drove for his boss and his family. But anything else, she had no idea what his job really was.

They drove off in silence, and it was definitely something she hoped for. However, the idea of him knowing what she did at school and not saying anything about it was eating her conscience.

“You wanna get ice cream?” he suddenly asked, eyes not leaving the road.

Dahyun whipped her head at him, her face still contorted with confusion. “W-what? You’re not gonna ask me why I got suspended today?”

Her dad spared a glance at her but looked back and smiled. “Oh, I definitely know what happened. But we can just keep it from your mom. Good thing your teacher called me first.”

There was a visible line in between her brows. “You’re not gonna get mad at me?”

Her dad scoffed. “Why would I get mad at you for that? I got bullied in school as well. But unlike you, I wasn’t able to fight back.”

“Oh.” Dahyun stared at her bruised knuckles, wincing at the black and blueish brown staining her skin. She wasn’t expecting to hear that from him.

It was that small innocent realization that this was definitely the first time in a long time that she’d ever talked to him normally. She was starting to think that maybe he wasn’t as bad as he was at home; maybe her mom just brought out the ugly in him.

But there was a part of her that had to hold off from any wishful thinking. That this father-daughter bonding moment wasn’t going to last, and he might probably revert back to shouting at everything once they get home.

As much as she loved to listen to her dad talk about absolutely anything, that small, angry voice inside her head resisted this moment. That she didn’t want to succumb to it and then let her guard down. She was like that at school and looked where that landed her.

As promised, her dad passed by a convenience store and they both went in to buy the ice cream he promised. To her surprise, they both chose something chocolate flavored.

“Guess we have a lot in common, Dahyun,” he said with a smile. He still kept his smile even if she didn’t want to respond to him, this hadn’t happened in a long time, and she wasn’t sure how to act accordingly again.

Her relationship with her dad never blossomed as she hit puberty. Once she was ending her last years in elementary school, he got that new job as a driver, and he was always absent. He barely shared meals with them anymore, always coming home late or even getting up from bed in the middle of the night when his boss would request his services.

But according to Myungsoo, his new job paid well and it did support the family, so it never crossed his mind to question their dad for being out a lot. Of course, Dahyun being so young didn’t understand so quickly like Myungsoo. It wasn't like she was fully aware of what was happening and all she wanted was him to be there when the moment counted.

Her mother wasn’t as supportive as she hoped it would be either. Always complaining about everything and blaming the two kids for giving her a miserable life. It was as if all of that wasn’t giving Dahyun hell.

“Hello?” Her dad was on the phone while they were in line to pay. “W-what? Right now?” His face suddenly changed. It seemed like he was really scared, Dahyun couldn’t help but worry for him. It could be his boss calling for him again. “Yes, hyungnim. I understand. I’m going now.”

“Do you have to go?” Dahyun suddenly asked, not entirely sure why she couldn’t keep it to herself.