Deer in the Headlights

Fear.

It was the only thing she knew when she was growing up.

Tzuyu couldn't remember much when she was little; just her full name, her birthday and where her last house used to be. But it wasn't like she could go back easily to that hell hole. No one wanted her there.

On most days, she would roam aimlessly and alone in the dirty streets of Tainan, Taiwan. She knew she was abandoned as a child and that she didn’t have anyone anymore. She didn’t know who her parents were or if she had siblings and a family. She just remembered being passed around from different families and that none of them accepted her.

She accepted death when she knew that there was no way for her to get food in her stomach and a place to cover her head when the night fell.

“Get up.” A voice appeared in front of her when she was trying to sleep in a box one night. Tzuyu rubbed her eyes awake and was greeted by a beautiful woman in a big purple coat and heavy make-up. “You can’t sleep in a place like this, dear. Come now.”

Tzuyu didn’t care what was going to happen to her, so she accepted the woman’s clean hand and followed her. They walked along the streets where the night didn’t seem darker as she always thought it would be.

There were lights all over, the buildings were tall, and the people were loud. As a child, she thought that people who lived here never slept. Everyone was alive, happy, eating and drinking merrily with each other.

Then they arrived at a building where the lights were of a harsh pink and purple color. The big sign in front of it read ‘Purple Kiss’. It was an odd name; she couldn’t understand why it sounded so weird to her but all she could think about was that everyone inside liked the color.

From the outside the music that was playing was loud and obnoxious and it was painful to her ears.

She was used to the quiet. The only thing that was loud were the shouts and screams of people, telling her to go away because of how dirty and unkempt she looked.

But when they entered, there were women hovering over her, cooing and talking to her gently. One of them with a skin tight outfit brought her to the back to give her a bath that was long overdue.

The feeling of the warm water on her skin was comforting, it gave her relief. The women around washed her up, cleaned her hair and even gave her something new to wear.

The woman that found her was named Meiling, which she knew meant something close to plums. It made sense because the woman wore a lot of purple colored clothing. Her lips and eyes were of that color as well. She knew that the name also meant beautiful, and she really was.

She had long black hair that reached the end of her spine, her skin was soft, and her perfume was the nicest scent she had smelled in so long.

Tzuyu found comfort in Meiling. There was something about this woman that she couldn’t put a finger on, but she knew she liked her.

Meiling took her in as her own over the years, she never went to school, she didn’t meet other kids; Tzuyu’s world revolved around Meiling and the Purple Kiss.

Eventually, she realized the establishment that she was in was a strip club. The men in business suits that come in and out, having one or two women on each side. Some were kissing, hugging and brought to private rooms, when they would come out then men would be smiling from ear to ear and Tzuyu used to think it was because the ladies would show them something that made them happy.

When she grew older, she knew that wasn’t the case.

It was just another place to have sex. To relieve a senseless desire that was itching inside, and people would shamelessly do anything just to have that one moment of it.

Meiling taught her the basic things: she should eat when she was hungry, she should sleep when she was tired, she should ask questions when something confused her and she had to learn when she made mistakes.

But the one, odd thing Tzuyu learned as she stayed with Meiling was that mere kissing and hugging were not enough to satisfy people. Meiling would always repeat the same thing to her, over and over again.

Selfish people would stop at nothing just to get what they want. Even if it cost the trust of others.

//

Tzuyu was now a young adult, a little shy away from eighteen, and she turned out to be a beauty. Something Meiling took pride of, and told everyone that she molded Tzuyu to become the graceful woman that she was.

People adored her, saying she was probably the most beautiful woman in the Purple Kiss or maybe in all of Tainan. They gushed over her, how quiet and well-mannered she was. People wanted to know her, they wanted to be with her, they wanted to be her.

But Tzuyu didn’t care, she didn’t listen to the misleading words that everyone was telling her. Tzuyu only cared about Meiling. Like a long-lost mother she had always wanted. The girls at the club were like her aunts or sisters, and they took care of her when Meiling was out doing business.

It was the only thing that kept Tzuyu going. She knew that she was attached to all of them, and she didn’t want to leave them for any reason at all.

Though, all of that simply faded when there was a day that Meiling came back to the club, and she wasn’t her usual self. She was colder towards everyone, she barely smiled, and she kept her responses to one or two words and then would fall silent throughout the day.

Tzuyu tried to talk to her, but her foster parent wouldn’t dare to look her in the eye.

“We’ll be having a visitor tomorrow, my little Choo Choo,” Meiling told her one night when Tzuyu was brushing her hair.

“Who’s visiting?” she asked, her hands still combing through the soft darkened locks.

Meiling didn’t answer, tears silently fell from her eyes, but she still refused to face Tzuyu after saying that. Once Tzuyu was done, she bowed and then left Meiling’s room. Maybe Meiling needed to rest.

But then she couldn’t shake the feeling about having a visitor, didn’t they always get visited at the club? Was this person any special?

He wasn’t special at all. When he got inside the club that one afternoon, Meiling wasn’t her usual bubbly self when she accommodated any visitors. She seemed scared, that was what Tzuyu was thinking when she observed their interactions. The older woman’s actions were short and precise, she spoke little and listened to everything he said.

The man was tall, broad shoulders and dark hair. He spoke funny as well, probably foreign but his voice was low, like a growl. The girls in the club hid in the background during his entire stay there. He had men surrounding him, in the same attire and all stood tall and towered over Meiling.

“As promised, Mei-Mei,” he said, looking straight at her as he sat across the table from her. “Where is she?”

Meiling’s body froze with the question, but because of fear she stood up and walked directly at Tzuyu. She took her hand and guided her to stand in front of the man.

“This is Tzuyu, Mr. Lee,” Meiling said, Tzuyu could tell her voice was strained but she forced herself to speak properly. But why her? “This is the best I can offer.”

Offer?

The man rubbed his chin with his fingers, scanning Tzuyu up and down and then immediately stood up. “She’ll do.” He signaled to his men and they approached Tzuyu cautiously, escorting her out of the building. She wanted to stop them; she didn’t want to be taken away.

She didn’t want to be far from Meiling. She resisted once they were at the exit, one of the men pushed her forward but Tzuyu immediately yanked her arm away from him and kicked him straight to his crotch, taking the chance of freedom to run back inside, making her way directly towards Meiling.

She could see the terror in the woman’s eyes as she was closing in, dodging the men as quickly as she could. But once she was about to grab onto Meiling, a big hand stopped her. The firm hand gripped her hard like there was no escape — like a doe that got stuck in a trap. A predator that caught its last chance to capture its prey.

“Taiwanese women never disappoint,” he said with a chuckle. He loosened the grip on her blouse but pulled her close to him. He leaned his head over and looked at her. “If you wanna know the truth, Tzuyu, your mother sold you to me because she can’t keep her promises.”

Her heart stopped when she heard all of this. The sound surrounding her just deafened and the only thing she could hear was the murmurs in the background, the beating of her heart and the voice inside her head saying that she will never have a home.

Mr. Lee didn’t wait another second; he grabbed a firmer hold onto Tzuyu’s shoulder and forced her to leave the club.

“Meiling did something bad, Tzuyu,” he spoke again as they quietly left the building, the man that she kicked winced at her but still held the door of the car open for them to enter.

Tzuyu sat down and as usual, she kept her usual expression. Blank, lifeless, like nothing in the world mattered to her. It had been a long time since she felt this way, before she met Meiling. In the car, she didn’t speak to him, nor did she have any intentions to do so. She refused to show any vulnerability to this man.

“She asked for my help,” he voiced up, he was staring out at the window as the car started moving. “Which I did, I happily helped her out. But when it was my turn to ask for it, she couldn’t return the favor.”

He turned to look at her now, but Tzuyu kept her head low and her eyes glued onto her lap.