No, It's Not Easy

Mina knew something was up. She could feel it, but again, she didn’t want to acknowledge it.

Whenever she traveled home, she could see them and she wasn’t naive anymore, she knew it was the Dong Sok following her. She recognized the black sedans, the men in the suits, the tiger tattoos on their bodies.

But she didn’t want to think about it. There had to be a reason for it.

It didn’t make sense to her though; they had no reason to do this anymore. Chaeyoung promised her that she was safe. Having them around like vultures preying on their next meal didn’t count as her being safe. They were everywhere.

Everywhere.

When she leaves her apartment to take the bus to work, she could spot the cars. When she left work to go home or drop by a different convenience store, they were also there, watching from an inconspicuous space.

Chaeyoung or Jeongyeon weren’t there with them. It was just the members. She didn’t know any of them and that didn’t settle well with her.

Why were they doing this? What was Chaeyoung doing this time?

She received the flowers and the little gifts that Chaeyoung had sent to her in her apartment, and she loved all of them. She even thought of making a new handmade gift for Chaeyoung again. But after the past few days of being stalked by the members, she was rethinking her decisions again.

It had been a while since she had the urge to run home when she felt unsafe, and the feeling was resurfacing again. She didn’t feel safe anymore.

It had been almost a month.

Sana didn’t want to be bothered by it. But she definitely was. Usually the longest Tzuyu took to visit her would be a week or a week and a half, but she always did show up. For the past months that they had been seeing each other, she always showed up.

It had been the fourth time within the dead hours of the night where she looked back at the door, hoping to see her push through. But each time, there was no one. No one she wanted.

It came to a point that Sana told Sunny that she was going to extend longer the other night, despite knowing her next class was at seven in the morning the next day. But she stayed until three just in case Tzuyu showed up.

But she didn’t.

Sunny was starting to take notice as well, but she knew well enough not to butt in any of the Dong Sok’s affairs, so she would try to find a way to get Sana to distract herself from watching the door all night long.

Sana tried to shrug off the feeling.

Maybe Tzuyu was busy. Maybe she needed to go back to Taiwan and wasn’t able to let her know about it. She had to give it the benefit of the doubt, she didn’t think Tzuyu would be like that. She believed in her.

It couldn’t be because of the sex. That night ended perfectly. They cuddled afterwards, she was showered in kisses by Tzuyu and it made her feel worshiped. Sana was sure she didn’t do anything to offend her, because when they said goodbye it didn’t feel like the last time.

Or maybe it was because Tzuyu got what she wanted and because she finally did, she was done with her.

A painful pang spread throughout her chest, she felt her breathing quickened and her hands were shaking. But she was still on the clock, she still had to keep a smile on her face even though she was dying inside.

Tzuyu didn’t promise her anything. She didn’t have to expect that she would stay.

Then again, she could also be over thinking this. Her mind tended to go on overdrive when she panicked like this.

But there was also a possibility that it was true and she was just being ignorant about it.

Yes, she had one night stands before. But all of them always ended up with an anxiety attack. Which was why Mina always told her to be careful when she went back to dating. But it seemed inevitable this time around with Tzuyu. Though, Sana never meant for it to be a onetime thing. Maybe because of the constant visits, she would think that Tzuyu would be a constant as well.

It didn’t help that she still hasn’t told Mina about what happened yet.

God, she was a mess.

Maybe Sana shouldn’t have rejected Kazuha.

Or she shouldn’t have accepted Kazuha’s offer for a part-time job.

Maybe she should have gone to medical school like what her father always wanted.

Maybe she shouldn’t have forced them to let her study in Korea.

Sana felt light headed, she stumbled on her heels for a bit but luckily one of the dancers was right next to her, so she was caught in time.

“Careful there.”

“Thanks,” she said softly.

When she placed the tray on the balcony, she looked up at the time again.

1:29 AM.

Tzuyu still hasn’t shown up. She didn't mean to count the days or the hours or the minutes; but she knew after their last session, she was more than excited to see her again. Though the fact that it had already been this long meant something happened.

Her breathing was getting heavier, she tried her best to stabilize it but it was starting to get difficult. She couldn’t see straight; her vision was starting to spiral and she needed to be away from the crowd, the heavy music playing in the background was making her body ache.

She tried to walk but her knees were shaking, each step felt like she was walking on quicksand. Like her feet were getting swallowed in by the moldy carpets. She took another step and once she felt more confident in taking another one, she made her way to the back rooms.

She didn’t realize she was running already.

“Sana?” She heard Sunny’s voice call her, but she didn’t look back. Once she pushed through the doors, the dancers were all there preparing for the next act of their performance and they all turned to look at her, confused as to why she suddenly barged in.

Miyeon stood up from one of the seats and walked closer to her. “Babe? You okay?”

She tried to speak but when she opened her mouth, her voice wasn’t there anymore. Her lips were shaking, her hands were getting cold and when it hit her again, she fell on her knees.

“Sana?!”

“Hey, is she okay?”

“What’s going on?”

“Get her a paper bag.”

Sana didn’t realize that she was hyperventilating already, tears were streaming down her eyes, and she covered her ears to get the noises to stop.

Tzuyu never needed you. This was what you get for rejecting the only one that was stable enough to have you around. Maybe you shouldn’t have forced your parents to let you move out of Japan. Maybe your roommate left your dorm because you were so overbearing and annoying. No one wanted to have you around. Mina probably was staying with you because she felt sorry for you.

You’re an absolute slut for sleeping with Tzuyu after kissing Kazuha. Tzuyu was never going to choose you.