The Day You Lost Her

There’s something about the way you can sense her arrival.

When the concrete and crowd part for a moment, when the heavy mixed scent of sweat and food are overtaken by the hint of light green honey wind and lilies of the valley, when her smile beams at you like a beacon and pulls you towards her, you know—you known damn well—who’s right there waiting for you.

Naoi Rei. Your best friend.

Dressed in this caramel sweater that hugs just past her waist, wrapping up what you cannot determine—is that a white dress or a two-piece ensemble?—beneath the surface, she throws her hair back and waves at you. “Oppa!”

You jog up to her from across the other end of the entrance and when she leans in you throw up a fist. When you connect with her, your hands morph into a series of symbols that none of the passers-by can understand as you perform the entire length of your secret handshake without shame.

“Kept me waiting. I’ve been here since like,” you pause, checking your phone. “Eight, I’d like to say?”

“Dude, the park doesn’t open ’til nine. That’s on you,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes at you. But not before bunching up closer to you and bouncing on the heels of her feet. “Guess someone’s excited.”

“Excited? Why wouldn’t I be? We’ve been planning this for ages, dude. If any problems came up for my thesis yesterday, I would have genuinely killed myself,” you uttered, shuddering and mimicking throwing up. “Slogged through finals just for this, you know? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

She glances down at her shoes—Mary Janes—for a moment before peeking up and smiling at you. “I … I was pretty excited for this too.”

You chuckle and ruffle her head. But not so hard. She’s got an adorable polkadotted headband on, and you don’t want to ruin her outfit for the day. “So, shall we? Unless we’re forgetting anything else?”

“Mmm, nope!” she hummed, picking up your arm and lacing herself around it. “Let’s go!”

You both raise your fists in the air and cheer at the top of your lungs before heading towards the line by the turnstiles.

You and Rei have been best friends for years now—ever since freshman year. A silly incident at the cafeteria involving noodles and translations later and you found yourself a soulmate. Rei’s a breath of fresh air. In your circle of friends, she’s the one you sat next to almost immediately because she’s always saved a space for you. Whenever you forgot your wallet at home, she never hesitated to cover for your share—but not before berating you a little for it. After exhausting days at class, whenever bullshit sprung up at university, after every time your sorry ass got rejected after confessions, or when you just wanted to disappear from the world, Rei’s the first person you think of.

She’s your go-to. She’s your best friend.

So when she invited you a couple weeks ago to hang out. Just the two of you. At this theme park. You didn’t think twice to say yes. Going on this friendly date with her is the least you can do for all the things she’s done for you in the past. You even offered to pay for her ticket as well.

Combing through her hair to make sure it was still neat, she perks up and gives you the grabby hands. “Give me my phone. Let me check the map.”

You bowed down to your waist and offered her mobile device above your head. She chuckles and pinches your cheek. “So extra.”

“Anything for the princess.”

When you stand back up, you could have sworn she was blushing for a moment there. “Whatever, loser. Want to start with some warm-ups? I think we can do a few chiller rides before we go onto the bigger more intense ones.”

“Who needs warm-ups? I’m raring to go. Let’s go for that one,” you challenge, pointing at the rollercoaster in the distance that has a drop steeper than your general weighted average from last semester. “Holy shit, they just disappeared into the fucking ground.”

“Ehh, I don’t want to go to the crazy ones just yet! It’ll ruin the rest of our date if my tummy gets all jumbled up.”

Date? 

Maybe it’s an accident. Slip of the tongue. Rei likes to embellish things all the time. You ignore it and instead let out a laugh that’s more mocking than you intended it to. “Alright, alright. Let’s start slowly then. Want to go to Fantasy Land first?”

She navigates the digital map with a finger, her mouth doing that adorable rapid twitching thing it always does when she’s deep in thought. You almost want to pinch her cheek—but you know she’s going to kick you in the balls for it. “Sure!”

You were about to head out when she lifts her hand up above her thigh.

“Hm? Oh, let’s fucking go, dude!”

Clap.

You curl your arm backwards and high five her like that. Bit of an awkward position for a high five, but you’re hyped the fuck up and just keep nodding. “Let’s go!”

She doesn’t move.

You lift a brow. “Something wrong?”

She flits her hand up and down in small motions. Like that’s supposed to mean something. Like you’re supposed to understand it.

“Oh.”

The swell of your knuckles inches towards the small of her palm, and once your hands fit together like puzzle pieces, you squeeze hers in affirmation.

Your interlaced fingers swing back and forth for a few moments as you both just look at each other.

You’re not sure if you’re supposed to be doing this.

You’ve only ever seen her hold hands with Liz, who’s like her other bestie. You think she’s held hands with Wonyoung a few times before when they went shopping. You vaguely remember seeing them push and pull against one another while you were holding their bags. Maybe she’s held Leeseo’s hands like these too when the younger one was in tears?

But you’ve never held Rei’s hand like this before. It feels … different.

Lifting her hand up, you smile. You kiss the little bumps of her knuckles. One by one.

“Stop …”

“What, you’re the one who wanted to hold hands, dude. You’ve got cute fingers.”

“I only meant to … whatever …”

You stick your tongue out and gently bite one of her digits.”

“YA! Don’t eat me!”

You can’t help but chuckle now as you press the back of her hand against your cheek, pull her closer, and gesture ahead of you. “Can’t hold you like this if I did eat you. Tell me if my palm gets too sweaty.”

“Nuh uh, I don’t mind.”

You shake your head and look away. “Dude, sweaty palms are gross.”

She squeezes your hand and shakes your head. “Don’t let go,” Rei whispers.

You feel a burning behind your ears as you tighten your hold on her. “Ok.”

And so, you in fact do not let go of her. You hold onto Rei like you might lose her for good otherwise—like she might slip away from you.

You hold her hand as she drags you down the long stretch of brick road towards Fantasy Land, hair bouncing with each footfall, cheeks fluffed and full as she smiles, eyes locking onto yours as she glances at you over her shoulder.