sickly sweet

So, to begin selfishly, you were blue-balled because Yunjin decided to barge into the room while you were being Eunchae's little bitch boy.

Then, to begin with a little more empathy and impartial judgement, Yunjin saw your illicit affairs happening in the same studio that the girls, just mere minutes ago, listened to your demo.

Finally, to begin selflessly, you fucked up.

The relationship is one aspect of risk, indeed — an idol and her peasant, even if almost a young adult prodigy, producer. Your ever-messy emotions are another thing to be considered.

What are we?

I hate labels.

Physically, you're still in the same studio you had your tryst with Eunchae — completely frozen, utterly agitated. You don't bother turning off the demo that has been on loop for the eighth time. It's almost nine (o'clock). Your body cannot move an inch. Well, there are the shaking hands, not voluntarily, however.

You still remember the way Eunchae plunges her left middle finger into your mouth — the floral scent, the metallic tang. You still remember the way she says bitch at you — unforgiving, almost meaningful. You still remember the way her nipples harden between your digits — desire to be touched, aching for your fingerprints.

All of this just to be wholly demolished by an oh my fucking God.

You didn't build a habit of knocking on the doors for them. You didn't close the door, even. You didn't resist the urge to let Eunchae toy with your fragile heart. They're all your fault, obviously.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Okay, you need a plan — an emergency plan. The comeback is in a month. You should see Eunchae and Yunjin just one more time for the recording. Okay, fuck, what if Yunjin tells the other women you let Eunchae bounce on your lap crazy style?

The comeback is in a month. You should see Eunchae, Yunjin, Chaewon, Sakura, and Kazuha just one more time for the recording.

That's rather fucked up, genuinely.

Maybe you call in for sick leave on the recording day. You don't fucking know. It's probably the best shot you've got at avoiding Eunchae.

Okay, let's see what tomorrow brings first, and you move accordingly.

—

Alright, great, you can't sleep, and tomorrow will be a wait rather than a teleportation. You've been shifting and flipping your pillows back and forth for two and a half hours now. Eunchae and Yunjin are plaguing your mind — the doubts, the risks, your career. You keep replaying the possibilities of the next days in your head nervously. Maybe Eunchae stops talking to you completely. Maybe Yunjin resents you for your rendezvous. Maybe you're getting your ass kicked out of Hybe as damage control from the executives.

Your phone dings with a message, and you pick it up to read it.

jensuisjen, 1:30: we have to talk

You sigh. The allure to open the DM is there, surely, but you just can't face—

Oh, your fingers work on their own, prompting a read on Yunjin's side at 1:30 ante meridiem. Yeah, you can't just leave her at that when the clock is in the second half of the night.

You type the first thing that comes to your mind.

turnstyle, 1:30: i'm fucked ain't i

Three dots from Yunjin, then it disappears. Your anticipation runs wild, bracing yourself for the worst — a fuck you, a screw you (practically means the same thing). You close your eyes, not wanting to see the rant Yunjin is about to give you this late into the night. Oh, maybe it's worse. Maybe she just leaves you on—

jensuisjen, 1:31: [Grimacing Face]

jensuisjen, 1:31: my honest reaction

Oh.

That's not as bad as you thought. Three dots continue bouncing on the screen, though. There's more from Yunjin, and you watch her type expectantly.

jensuisjen, 1:32: i'm just shocked

jensuisjen, 1:32: that's all

So she's shocked, maybe a pang of disdain in there, still.

jensuisjen, 1:32: not that i'm letting you go easily

jensuisjen, 1:33: just never thought you'd see her that way lol

She gets it a bit inaccurately, not too far off the mark, at least. Also, she's probably really just surprised — (likely) zero negative feelings.

turnstyle, 1:33: she kissed me first fwiw

jensuisjen, 1:33: really

jensuisjen, 1:34: ?

turnstyle, 1:34: yeah

turnstyle, 1:34: on the cheek

jensuisjen, 1:35: romantic

Oh, okay, there's no apparent contempt! Sure, you're still wary of your messages you're about to send, but the tension starts to relieve itself. You can feel it. It's like finding a cadence together — not quite perfect, but tender to the ear, for now.

The conversation slowly turns into a fun tug of war — teasing at the potential of you and Eunchae. At one point, you smile quietly in the darkness of your room. Yunjin is melting your heart bit by bit, and you find yourself opening to her a little more with each block of message.

You talk about the day at the dorm — the too-sweet Thai tea, the pleasant-to-the-ear Hatchie, and the not-so-definite-in-its-emotion kiss. She is receptive to your words, nudging you along the way as you let the details of your tryst slip into the reserved space between you and Yunjin.

The important question poses itself, eventually.

jensuisjen, 1:59: so like

jensuisjen, 1:59: are you guys a couple

And yeah, you think — ponder, contemplate, ruminate. Again, you're forced to revisit the structure of your relationship with Eunchae.

I want you — so fucking bad.

I hate labels.