Special Person

“I… I don’t know if I can handle this anymore… (sob) It… It’ll be better if we both just… move on!” Dead silence afterwards, followed by the ruthless beeping sound from your phone.

That’s the last sentence you heard before your girlfriend Kim Jiwon hung up the call. To be more exact, she is your ex-girlfriend right now. You let your phone slide down on the mattress in awe, by the moment you realize to call her back, her number is already in voice mail mode. Within expectation, Message is sent and left on read. A few days later, your number was added to her Blocked list, no more “Can I talk to you?” or “Liz, please let me explain!” ever got through.

---

Her cracked and sad murmuring lingered in your head like a curse over the past week. Why? You swear everything in your relationship was going so smoothly. Hell, it was better than the few romances you had before you met Liz.

The first anniversary was just last week. You took a huge chunk of your PhD stipend to book a fancy restaurant that serves little food on very big plates and surprised Liz with a bouquet full of pink roses. You hid the bouquet behind you as you walked towards her. She’s wearing a brown tank top beneath a black cardigan. Her hair dyed brown, her plump lips are glassy under the orange late-afternoon sun. “She’s literally an angel.” You thought.

“Jiwon, I made a guess that you’ll probably like this.” You hand her the bouquet, trying to act calm despite your face is just as pink as the flowers.

“Aw~ they’re so lovely! How do you know I like pink roses?” Liz is blushed as well; your gaze meets each other’s. Her endearing dimple makes you fall deeper each time you look at her.

“I thought gorgeous and elegant girls all like roses. Like yourself.” You squeeze a faint smile, pulling her close on your side while she holds the bouquet with both hands, eyes flickered full of joy from your compliment.

“You’re trying to make me blush again, stop~” Liz hides her face into your neck, her warm breath brushing your skin. That fresh vanilla scent of her shampoo makes you smile.

You hug her closer to you and she hums softly, your palm never leaving her waist.

The rest of the date was phenomenal, you thought.

The way how she couldn’t hide her smile when you held her hand into the restaurant and told her to order whatever she wanted to eat.

The way her cheeks turned so pink after the second glass of wine was down to her stomach.

The way she covers her face shyly while mumbling something like, “Babe… I love you so much. Hehehe…”

The way how she eagerly kissed you when you shut her apartment door and she pinched you to the wall.

The way how she let out soft moans like melodies from heaven when you really felt her with your body.

The way your bodies and the sheets tangling together the morning after, her room filled with nothing but love.

---

“I loved you too, Liz. I still fucking love you right now. I still do…” Maybe it was the sixth can of beer tonight? Maybe seventh. You lost track.

---

But that was all in past tense. It wouldn’t change the fact that you’re now single again for reasons that are still unknown to you. You wish you have something to do, just to distract your attention somewhere else. But unfortunately, this year is the time you took to fully prepare the upcoming GRE exam so your life is nothing but doing practice exams and studying.

How the fuck you’re supposed to study when your girlfriend just cut you off after your first anniversary? You stare at the window with a pair of eyes that are red from too much crying. Even the weather is not on your side right now, 5 days of consecutive raining already. There is no sunlight, just non-stopping tears dropping down from heaven.

You rub your eyes with the back of your bandaged palm: injured from slamming the table while you re-watched every video clip you filmed from the past dates. Blossom bite marks turned into purple bruise still clearly visible as you bit your forearm as a desperate measure to stop your never-ending grief. You caress your neck, where Liz left you a hickey at that night – the final proof of her existence on your body.

For maybe the tenth time today, you persuade yourself to pick yourself up. You throw your phone onto your bed without mercy; it bounces a few times before it lands on the pillow. The lockscreen is still the first picture you ever took with Liz. In that amusement park. She forced you to wear cat ears like she did and it had been your wallpaper ever since. You have yet to replace it.

You stare into the empty practice exam booklet, each problem is easier to solve than to figure out why she left you like this, broken and messy. The knots in topology are like how your heart is tangling and twitching. Those non-converging sequences in those metric spaces are cruel reminders of how the distance between you and Liz is approaching infinitely, no matter how you define it.

“What did I do wrong that you abandoned me like this, Liz?” You ask yourself this one question. For many years since you really dived into the world of academia, intellect had been the only weapon you had against the world. And apparently you want to know the answer to this more than anything else on the booklet. So, you attempt to solve your broken heart.

Maybe someone else is doing the same.

---

Liz is working her shift in the boba shop next to your campus. She looks tiny in front of the shelves full of tea jugs and syrup bottles. Never enough makeup can cover her grief and joyless face. The good news is, it is not busy because of the endless rain in the past a few days. The bad news is, it is not busy that Liz is guaranteed to be mourning the lost love.

“How can I help you today?” She manages to smile weakly, letting her dimple to the work of greeting a new customer walking in.

“An iced Thai tea, half sugar and half ice, please.” The young man says.

She picks up a sharpie on the cash register, writing the man’s order on the cup.

“50% of sugar and 50% ice, but 0% of probability that I can stop thinking about him.”

Liz lets out a quiet sigh as she turns to make the drink. She isn’t living a good life for days either, dark circles from sleep deprivation. Her apron is stained with tea and the residues of brown sugar that she’s too exhausted to clean up.

She adds the tea base into the plastic cup, one pump of syrup instead of two. Then she fills the cup with ice, the ice cubes bounce with each other, that crisp sound temporally overrides the sad rhythm of rain drops onto the roof.

“Shuck-a-shuck” Liz shakes the cup harder than usual, maybe she is hoping that she can shake you off her mind. But she knows for a fact that she cannot.

For the past a few days, she asked for longer shifts from her manager as she claimed she is free and willing to help. But certainly, Liz herself knows the exact reason why. She needs work to numb herself.

Each time the door chimes, she’d forget to breath for a fraction of a second before realizing it is just another stranger walking in for drinks.

She started to make mistakes.

“Excuse me, miss? I believe I didn’t order for extra espresso and less sugar? It is too bitter, it is undrinkable.” A middle-aged woman grumbles, pushing the cup on the table aggressively, while pointing at the dark sharpie inks, saying “Espresso +2”.

“I… I am so sorry ma’am, I’ll make you a new one right now.” Liz stares into the plastic cup.

Vietnamese Iced Coffee, light ice and half sugar, adding two shots of extra espresso. There is no way she gets the order wrong, the lady literally just asked for a plain Vietnamese Iced Coffee, no customizations.

It is because of her muscle memory.

It is because that was your favorite drink.

Liz pours the mistakenly made drink in the sink. The brown liquid swirls on the metals, trying one last time to resist before getting dragged to eternal darkness by gravity. She sighs, the cup is being thrown into trash, but that sharpie ink is like a mark that she can never erase.

She quickly remakes the drink; the woman grabs it from the table and leaves without looking at Liz again. Glad that she didn’t, because Liz is zoned out again.

“Oppa… How can you sleep? Two extra shots of espresso at 10 P.M.?” Liz winked her puppy eyes at you as you visited during one of her late-night shifts.

“Don’t worry about me, Liz-ah. I’m going to pull an all-nighter, I am so behind on the topics and I need to catch up!” You smiled, putting your credit card onto the card reader.

“Okie~ Give me a moment! You’ll be my last customer tonight anyway!” Liz gave you a big, warm smile as she started to make the drink for you.

“Take your time, babe. I’m not going anywhere until you’re home safe.”

“You’re the best, you know that right?” She was so happy.

It was beyond suspicious if you say you didn’t plan all this beforehand. Because the late-night walk to Liz’s place inevitably led to further events. You kissed her while you were still in the doorway. Her finger trembled so hard while trying to insert the key to her apartment. Her face looked like a peach that you eagerly wanted to taste.

Your hands were already all over her slim frame as Liz impatiently kicked the door shut after you.

“My room, Oppa…” Her breath hitched, one hand on your belt with another cupping your face.

---

The first night was rather a fever dream for both of you, she insisted you to sleep over as it was already past midnight when you two were done with the “stuff”. You oblige.

---

“We’re never going back… I am sorry Oppa, I… I wasn’t good enough for you.” Tears in Liz’s eyes drag her back to the reality.

As the final customer has his drink and leaves the door closed, Liz walks out to the door to flip that sign from “Welcome in!” to “Closed”. She stands under the dripping roof, staring into the heavy fog under the city lights. She sees your silhouette like a mirage that she always couldn’t catch up on.

“He’ll be better off without me.”

She thinks too much. Always too much.

Liz recalls that one night before your last final exam before you put that Bachelor’s degree in your bag. She called you for dinner together. You didn’t reject her, but you brought your laptop with you.

As much as she tried to cheer you up and said something like, “Oppa, I know you will be fine, you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met!” You didn’t respond. Your eyes are lifeless and locked onto the pages of complex variables.

“Oppa~ Take a break! Does my outfit look cute tonight?” She insisted, tapping on your shoulder. You flinched.

She saw you flinched.

You knew you didn’t mean to dismiss her like this but you were caught up in the middle of a theorem - unfortunately she thought you did.

“I’m so sorry, Liz-ah… I am really behind and the exam is tomorrow, if I don’t get an A, my GPA falls under the scholarship threshold and my Grad school will be a huge financial burden on me. I promise I’ll compensate you this weekend, do you want to go to that amusement park again? It’s gonna be on me.” You packed your stuff up, paid the bill and walked out the restaurant.

“It… it is ok Oppa, I understand.” She remained seated, tried her best to finish her plate of spaghetti. When she was done, she ran out of the door trying to chase you. But you were nowhere to be seen already.

“I’m a distraction… and he’s so far away… there is no way I am catching up with him”

That was the start of her grand scheme of overthinking.

And the storyline inevitably shifted to the day of your anniversary.

---

Liz is still standing under the roof. The shift had already ended, her only colleague had finished their cleaning tasks and locked the front door. Liz farewells the girl as her boyfriend comes to pick her up. She tried to hold it longer, making sure they’re far away enough.

She ducks down, burying her face into her palms and start crying.

“Oppa… I’ll try to get better; will you ever want me back?” She sobs.

Her mind travels back a week before, to that anniversary date. She hated herself for being smart at the wrong moment, that she got all the “messages” she THOUGHT you were giving her.

Liz could not contain her happiness when she saw your approaching her with that bouquet of pink roses, she dived into your embrace, mumbling how much she loved you.

Until you ‘accidentally’ slipped the fact that you took out a big chunk of your stipend for that night.

The rain has no sign of stopping, so does Liz’s crying. She looks so small under the huge banner of the boba shop, the raindrops ruthlessly accelerate into the ground before splashing onto her face. Her face that she intentionally put on extra layers of makeup to cover up her sadness.

How she wished she never overthought about a simple dinner and kept playing the game with you?

But she could not when you two finally sat down in the fancy restaurant and when the waitress handed the wine menu to you.

Liz was nervous, she didn’t know what to order.

“Oppa… we… we really don’t have to drink wine! It’s too expensive… I am fine with water, really.” She pulls the bottom of your shirt nervously.

But what she saw was how you confidently skipped two pages of the “By Glass” section and went directly into the “By Bottle” ones. She saw how you confidently pointed at the Tignanello on the reserve list that easily surpassed two days’ worth of her salary. Liz watched the waitress quickly returns to the table with a big smile like she treated you two as some VIPs. Her stomach dropped.

Liz took a sip of the wine when the waitress politely poured her half a glass. It tasted like velvet: smooth, soft. But it also tasted like some debt that she felt she could never pay back. She took a peek at you, tried to guess what’s hiding beneath your emotionless face.

A horrible idea had emerged from the bottle of her heart.

“It feels like a pity gift… I feel like I’m drinking away his future…”

Once the seed of doubt has been planted, it started to grow violently.

She recalled ten minutes before, when you explained to her the reason you picked Tignanello from the menu. Liz remembered you mentioned something about “elegance”, “high-end”. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about your future academia society. You’d be no strangers to those fancy wines for those social gatherings, yet she’d still be the boba shop girl who would never fit in.

The compliments you gave her every five minutes to make her feel more confident, turned into “duties” in her ears. She didn’t hear you sincerely said how pretty she was at that night, but instead interpreted as your one last attempt to make her feel like she belonged in the place. The live band was grooving in the beats; saxophones were playing beautiful harmonies. But Liz’s heart was nothing but dead silence.

When the food was served, Liz tried one more time to observe you. But what she saw was just another big hit to her fluttering, overthinking heart. You were in the middle of introducing something interesting you read recently to Liz, while effortlessly picked up the smaller fork to eat your salad.

Yet, she froze when her main course was brought to her by the waitress. Liz stared at the row of polished silverwares like huge walls that separate her world from yours. She looked at your face one more time, you seemed pretty relaxed and like you were no strangers to those “big plates and little food” places.

She frightened. Your hands waved in the air while you commended the food, and you told her with a big smile on your face, “Liz-ah… their steak is really nice, do you like it? If you like it here, we can come here more often. You deserve the best, babe.”

“Do I really?” … Her heart skipped a bit.

It was at that moment; a decision was made by Liz.

“He… he’ll be better off without me, without someone who takes away his meal stipend for flowers and tuition money for a bottle of wine…”

You didn’t see a drop of tear fell of her beautiful chin in silence.

“But tonight, I’m going to give him everything. I’m leaving but I am going to love him so well that he’ll have enough warmth to last the entire lifetime…”

“Babe, it was really a nice meal. I love you so much! Wanna come to my place?” Liz managed to smile as happily as she could.

“Hell yeah…” You could read her implication; your face started to burn but you couldn’t contain your excitement and eagerness.

But maybe for the only time, that intellectual brain of yours guessed it wrong.

The taxi ride back to her place was nothing but silence. You thought you were both nervous for the incoming romance and intimacy for the anniversary night. But Liz had a mental breakdown, repeating the breakup message she’d sent you like a mantra.

You held her hand tightly as you exited the taxicab, you let her lead the way up the stairs. You loved her, you were excited and impatient. You started to plant soft kisses onto Liz’s neck on the stair case. The night breeze blew through your body and you both shivered, you pulled Liz closer to you for a hug, murmuring maybe for the fiftieth time for the night, “Liz… babe, I love you so much.”

It all sounded like a pitiful lie to her.

The door was unlocked; Liz flicked the light switch open. The dim, orange lamp adds a bit warmth to the atmosphere. You remembered how eager Liz was.

Her mouth was already all over yours. You thought it was the alcohol kicking in as you felt a bit lightheaded. But you didn’t expect Liz to be this... aggressive. It was not the first time you two had intimate moments like this, but she was always on that shy side. You were the one that initiated and took the lead.

Instead, she pushed you against her bedroom wall while she impatiently kicked off her flats. “Babe... give me everything tonight. Don’t leave any regret behind.” She said as she gave you another wet, open-mouthed kiss.

“Regret? Damn... this girl is going all in!” You felt like a winner. It must’ve been the date night you spent a lot of efforts planning made her so happy. It must’ve been that you showed how deeply you loved her, that she was moved and wanted to love you as much in return.

So, when her fingers scratched and dug a little bit too deep into your chest, you didn’t feel the pain. Instead, you took it as a love language of how deeply she loved you. But for Liz, as she watched the angry red lines bloom across your chest—marks left by her own desperate, searching fingertips - Liz didn’t see a sign of passion.

To her, those scratches were a handwritten ledger of everything she was about to give up. They weren't meant to hurt you; they were Liz’s final, selfish attempt to make sure that for at least a few days, you couldn't even change your shirt without feeling the ghost of her touch. Of course, you never knew it.

You felt so triumphed that you finally won her.

You felt so inspired that Liz finally gave herself to you.

You felt so loved that her body and yours are merging into one.

For Liz... it was how she tried so hard to trace every inch of your skin for one last time. It was her attempt to touch you, to feel you as much as possible. When she left, she could hold on to the texture of your body a bit longer. Liz was mentally archiving the shape of you. The knob on your shoulders for days of sitting and studying, the muscles of your arms.

Liz moved with a desperate, silent greed, memorizing the weight of your limbs like a student cramming for an exam she was destined to fail. She wanted to lock the heavy rhythm of your heartbeat into her bones, creating a relic of you inside her mind that she could mourn once she exiles herself from your future.

You kissed her back, only to realize Liz’s eyes were shut the whole time. Maybe she was just lost in the sensation, maybe you made her feel so overwhelmed from the desires that she needed to mute one of her senses to focus on the others.

What you didn’t know was how she tried her best to not lock onto you gaze before her decision crumbles. Her decision to break her heart, and yours, for your future success.

You shifted your hands lower and lower, light touches here and there. Her small but perky tits, flat tummy and eventually to her swollen entrance beneath the black lace pantie.

“Liz-Ah... you’re already so wet for me.” You teased, sliding one finger into her.

“Mmph....” She responded with nothing but a breathy moan. Her hips locked onto your hands a bit tighter, eyes still closed.

Although she tried her best to not let go of your finger inside her, the pleasure pushed her to give in. Her arms crossed around your neck; her pretty doll eyes started to flutter from the sensation.

Once, twice. She started to grind into your finger, so you added in one more into her.

“Oppa... you are making me feel so good... don’t ever leave me...” Liz slipped out a weak murmur. You thought it was just a “standard” thing girls say when they’re aroused.

Liz meant it. She never wanted you to go. But she knew she had to leave herself.

Your hardness almost broke through the fabric of your boxers, so you removed your fingers from Liz and started to unbuckle your belt.

She was lying on her back, breath hitching from the sensation. Liz put her delicate finger onto her clit, drawing lazy circles.

“Mmph… Oppa, give it all to me tonight… Let me feel you already.” Liz murmured.

“Yes… babe, tell me any time if it is too much, ok?” You can’t wait, lining the itching tip of your shaft against her wet entrance. You rub it a few times before pushing into her tight walls. For a moment, you wondered why she didn’t tell you to put on a condom like every single time you two had sex before.

Maybe she wanted to really feel you for once.

You kneeled on her mattress, hands hovering on her waists. Liz put a pillow beneath her back to support it, her big, watery eyes finally locked straight into your gaze. You couldn’t resist the way she looked at you, it only made you want to love her more.

Hence you started your thrusts, deeper and faster each time.

“Mmph… just like that Oppa… I love you… I LOVE YOU!” Liz cried out. “She must be really enjoying the pleasure right now.” You thought, your hips never stopped moving.

Her angelic moans were the catalyst of your unstoppable climax and you were surprised that how closely she clung onto your body and how tightly her fluttering folds squeezed your itching length. It had never been like this before. You grinned; felt so fucking proud of everything you gave her tonight.

“Liz… babe… come for me, don’t hold back…” You noticed how her eyes started to dilate; her legs started to tremble under your grasp. She was close.

“Yes! Yes… I’m gonna come… shit!” Liz rarely cursed, when she did, you knew she was on hell of a ride. She sat up from the bed, hiding her face into your neck as you kept pushing deep inside her. You relocated your palms from her small but firm butt onto her face, pulling her close for a long, wet kiss as you felt her giving herself into you.

“Oppa! I… I am coming! Ah shit… I can never love you enough.” A hitched cry came out from Liz’s glossy lips as she planted another kiss onto your neck.

But what came with her climax was unexpected. First of all, you felt her walls started to spasm, flooding your hard shaft with her sweet nectar. It lasted quite long, longer than it ever had. Meanwhile, you felt a hard sting on your neck. Liz bit down onto your skin with a force that was as hard as her orgasm.

A hickey? Liz had got that dark romantic spirit in her. You thought.

She didn’t feel the same.

Liz didn't just want to kiss you; she wanted to leave a bruise that looked like a blooming rose—a twin to the bouquet you bought her.

She wanted a mark that would turn purple and then yellow, a slow-fading sunset of your relationship. She silently screamed a goodbye into your soul while you groaned out her name in a victory cry.

“Liz!... Fuck…” You quickly felt the urge to come after her, with the pain on your neck surprisingly boosted your pleasure.

“Don’t pull out! Oppa… Let me feel you inside me… please!” Liz begged, eyes already full of tears.

“Did it feel that good?” You didn’t have the time to finish the thought as the pleasure started to emerge and rushed down your spine. Your abdomen started shaking violently, you could’ve help but to push Liz down to the bed and give her one final, deep thrust.

You soon gave in. Spurts after spurts of your essence were pumped into Liz’s body, mixing with her own nectar. Her walls kept fluttering, milking every last drop that you had left in your balls. The oxytocin soon kicked in, you dived your face into her chest, inhaling the faint scent of her vanilla body wash, mixing with a hint of the salt from her sweat.

You planted kiss after kiss on her tits, each time murmuring something like how you loved her and how you would never let her leave you.

“I really love you too… Oppa.” She smiled, faintly.

Your world soon blacked out as Liz kept caressing your messy hair with her fingers. Her addicting scent and soft strokes made your eyes feel heavier and heavier.

That was the last time you see her. What you didn’t witness after was how Liz hid herself next to your body for the whole night with non-stop sobbing and crying.

Next morning, she was already gone by the time you woke up from the beyond-exhausting sex that took place. A short text was sent to you, Liz told you she headed to work already. Your clothes were nicely folded beside you, a cup of coffee was already half-cold, still waiting for you to drink it.

“Last night was a new start of Liz and I, we’re destined to be lovers forever.” You told yourself.

“Last night was the finale of Oppa and I, we’re destined to be apart from now.” Liz cried again in work.

---

Two more cans of beer had been dumped into your stomach that’s filled with nothing but alcohol.

You don’t understand. You genuinely don’t. You thought that anniversary date was a banger. It was an extraordinary attempt to compensate Liz for not being able to take care of her as a girlfriend during the busy days of your exams.

You don’t understand why she’d left despite she seemed so happy at night when she held the bouquet. That bouquet you acquired by skipping your daily caffeine: your only source of happiness in this world besides Liz herself. You thought the roses were a promise. You didn't know she was looking at them like they were a funeral wreath.

You don’t understand why she felt so timid in that restaurant and asked you shyly, “w.., which fork is for salad again?”

“Ah babe, take it easy, use whichever one you feel like. You can even use the spoon, no one is gonna judge you here.” You responded with a confident grin because you wanted her to feel at home. But in this room filled with alcohol-scented air, you realized it was probably a mistake. Maybe the way you tried to liberate those etiquettes for her was making her feel uncomfortable and not belonging.

Your stomach had growled through the entire three-course meal, a hollow reminder of the breakfasts that you’d skipped for a month. But every time you looked across the candlelight at Liz, the hunger didn't matter. You’d trade a thousand meals just to see the way the restaurant’s gold light caught her eyes.

You had a spreadsheet. You knew exactly how many days of ramen it took to afford that bottle of wine she liked. You felt like a genius for pulling it off, like you were finally playing the part of the successful man she always deserved.

You had calculated the cost of that night down to the cent. You felt like a king when you handed the waiter your card, even though you knew your bank account was screaming. But now, staring at the empty beer cans, you feel like a fraud.

“Maybe she saw the way my hand shook when the bill came. Maybe she left because she realized she was dating a man who had to choose between a bottle of wine and a week of proper meals. Maybe she didn’t need someone who needed to skip his coffee just to buy her roses …” You murmur in the darkness.

She deserved better.

You stumble your way to the bathroom, not even bothering to turn on the lights. The dim moonlight shines through the curtains, projecting your silhouette onto the walls. The strong urge to vomit makes your gut tangle, but you can only cough and nothing comes out of your mouth. Because you haven’t eaten for a damn long while.

You try to ease the discomfort by splashing cold water onto your face. You stare at your reflection in the mirror but you don’t recognize this person in front of you. Eyes are red, beards are unshaved and hair is messy. Days of skipping meals had already made your jaw line visibly thinner.

Why would Liz ever love a guy like this?

A sense of self-pitying and guilt starts to wrench your exhaust heart. All those sweet moments you had with Liz started to become bitter. You begin to doubt yourself.

Maybe if you didn’t study at that dinner date, she would’ve not seen you as an academic prick that values textbooks more than his girlfriend.

Maybe if your lips didn’t twitch when you signed the bill, she would’ve really trusted you that her life would be better being with you.

Maybe if you didn’t slip the fact that the bouquet was the product of you cutting your caffeine… at least you should’ve still gone to the shop to see her after work.

Or maybe, if you were simply a better person… better to the extend to deserve an angel like her.

You think, at this point, the reason why she left you was clear enough. But you want to give it one more chance because something you see from the mirror.

The hickey that she planted on your neck.

It had already turned yellowish, the bruise that you interpreted as a mark of eternal love was actually an unforeseeable goodbye. By the time it fades, Liz will be long gone. Your relationship with her would already vanish into the void. You hover your trembling fingers onto the faint mark, so afraid that the last tether you have to Liz would disappear. You stare dead into your reflection. One last time.

You wake up your phone, the picture of you and Liz wearing cat-ears is still there.

You just turned it into black and white.

You click into your contacts; the entire page of recent calls is nothing but Liz. But none of the calls ever went through, why should it be any different this time?

“She’s not coming back…” You cry out, tapping the call button regardless.

---

Liz is still standing beneath the roof in the pouring rain. Perhaps an hour had passed? Maybe two. She couldn’t keep track. She had been waiting. Waiting for what? She didn’t even know.

“Oppa… if you still have feelings for me, would you call me? I blocked your number before because I was so afraid that I couldn’t stop myself from running back to you the moment I hear you speak. But, I… I don’t dare to call you first, I’m so afraid that you got mad at me. Even you did, I am not blaming you at all. It was my fault that I left you like this… you… you’re just so far away, I’ll never be able to catch up to you.” She sobs.

Liz then feels something vibrating in the pocket of her jeans. She pulls out her phone and the screen is lit. The same lockscreen as yours: you, her, cat ears. She thinks it is her colleague calling to check if she’s home safe.

“Oh my god…” A fire is lit both on her face and inside her heart.

---

“Liz!!! Can you hear me? Liz!!!” You scream as for a miracle; Liz picks up your call.

You can hear nothing but rain dropping to the ground and occasional car-honking. She does not say a world. Only the consistent, non-stopping rain is reminding you she’s still there. Is she listening?

“L…Liz-ah, I am so sorry.” You quiet down, afraid that you’ll scared Liz away and this one and only chance will go to waste. Chill until you at least figure out the reason.

“Liz... I... should’ve not studied when you asked me out.” You start what you know is the chain of confession and apology.

“I… I was so afraid that if I fucked up that test, I would miss that scholarship threshold. If I didn’t get that stipend, I would be forced to go back to my parents’ house and attend school in my hometown! I… I couldn’t risk to leave you, Liz-ah…” You try your best to be calm, but the sobbing betrays you.

She does not say a thing. You can barely hear Liz’s uneven breath through the call, maybe she is giving you a chance? You don’t know, but you proceed.

“I am so sorry Liz… I should’ve been more confident that night. I really looked like a fraud, weren’t I? I must’ve been wolfing down the steak because I’d never been to such a fancy place before, I am sorry if that made us look bad. Liz-ah, please forgive me! I… I was indeed very hungry…” You are a stutter, crying mess although you tried your best to behave.

“Because I ate fucking instant noodles for weeks to save up money! Liz… I promise I’ll work harder; I’ll find a part-time job to give you more. Please! Please give me a chance!” You are both drunk and sad as hell, your neighbor may even call the police if they can see you hysterically screaming into the phone.

She is still speechless. Only a wet, repeating sound of something hitting onto the walk way.

“Thud, thud, thud…”

You see your own lifeline slip through your finger. But you want to give it a last stand.

“Please… don’t hang up! Liz-ah… I didn’t lose interest in you because I visited your boba shop less frequently!” You heart sinks, tears dropping without control. This is the last thing you want her to know. But this may be the final chance you get to talk to her, she has to know.

She deserves to know… even if that makes you look really bad.

“I HAD to cut my daily iced coffee… not because I didn’t want to see you! I switched to drinking Celsius instead… it was cheaper that way. So, I could add one more dozen of pink roses to the bouquet to make it 24… Liz-ah, do you know why?” You sigh, anticipating a response that you have no faith in receiving.

“Because I love you 24 hours a day. Liz…” You fall onto the floor.

Nothing. Only the frantic noise through the phone as the wind blows harshly into her microphone.

There is a weird sense of relief creeping up your chest, you stare into your phone emptily.

“She’s letting me speak, not because she wants to stay, but because she’s kind. Liz was always kind. She’s giving me a final defense before reading out my death sentence. She’s waiting for me to finish so she can say 'Goodbye' and hang up forever.”

You’ll be glad that you made the biggest mistake in this relationship with Liz.

“Liz! I am sorry! I never deserved you …” You scream one last time into the phone.

Weird enough, you hear your own voice echoing back to your ear through the door. Fortunately, the excess alcohol (double digits of cans, to be exact) did not fully take away your ability to speculate.

You dash to your apartment door like a mad dog, swing the door handle open violently. The door smashes your arm but you don’t care. Because Liz is there.

She is a sobbing mess, just like yourself. Her breath is still hitching; her chest moves up and down so fast that you think she is about to pass out. Her makeup is almost gone, only a faint line of her eyeliners staining on each side of her cheeks. Strands of her messy hair stick onto her forehead because of the rain.

“Oppa… I am so sorry…” Liz falls into your chest, looking up to you. Her pretty doll eyes are watery, filled with nothing but pure guilt.

It is at this moment; you figure everything out. Liz was not acting to be patient; she was not trying to offer you her final bit of mercy by letting you finish everything you wanted to say to her before burying your relationship in the past.

She was sprinting in the rain.

She was running like she was about to lose it all.

She was letting the rain showering her slim frame, hoping that can cleanse her guilt.

She was letting the storm brushing through her shaking body, praying that can blow away how much she was mistaken.

Occasional cars drove pass her, splashing water onto Liz. But she didn’t give a damn.  

People gave her weird looks as a girl was running in the rain, crying like someone had hurt her. But Liz couldn’t care less.

Because all she cared was you.

---

She can barely stand from the exhaustion of sprinting a mile in the heavy rain. You gently pull her into the apartment so she doesn’t catch a cold. “Oppa... I owe you an apology… is it too late to apologize?” Liz’s tone is weak, but her gaze with nothing but sincere.

“It is never too late… Liz-ah! I… I am the one that should say sorry.” You take off her rain-soaked jacket, leave it on the couch while pulling her closer.

“Oppa… I thought I was a liability of you… I am so sorry…” Liz murmurs, her chest moves up and down unevenly.

“Liz-ah… you’re never… I can never love you enough. I promise I’ll give you more from now on, would you give me that chance?” You inhale deeply, trying to take in all of her scent. The vanilla shampoo is fading, gradually replaced by the fresh smell of the rain.

“Oppa, I will never leave again!” She sobs.

You stare at her face; she is still gorgeous despite the blurred makeup. Her cheeks are flushed from the intense running, looking a peach that you suddenly have the urge to acquire a taste.

“Liz-ah, we can save that conversation for later. Now we are gonna get you dry before you get sick, ok?” You let her go, fingers caressing her wet hair. Liz’s tiny body is still shaking; you know for a fact that she’d get a fever if a hot shower is not applied soon.

You carefully hold her hand through the messy kitchen area that you didn’t bother to organize at all: bear cans everywhere, some instant noodle crumbs are just idling on the table, dished still yet to be washed.

“Oppa, did you drink all of this?” Liz asks, while sneezes heavily.

“Yeah… was too sad to have you go like this, but hey! Aren’t you here again? Let… let me worry about it later, we’re gonna take of you first, princess.”

She is amused from the title, one hand covering her mouth shyly but her grin is so obvious that she can’t hid even with both of her hands. You turn the water to the hottest temperature; the mirror starts to fog up as you look at Liz and yourself in the reflection.

Now you know how difficult was the past few days for both of you. Liz’s dark circles are almost at the size of her big eyes, her jawline just visibly thinner like yours. There is her tiny smile as she notices you staring at her through the mirror.

You won’t let her go this time. Not again. You turn around and lean in to kiss her.

Her pink lips are like fire that ignites the foggy bathroom, you cup her face with both of your palms as you keep savoring Liz’s plump lips. You both feel the hunger and eagerness that you tried so hard to suppress for days, now it is like a ruthless flood rushing through a falling dam.

Your tongue quickly enters her mouth, swirling with hers like you’re about to lose it all. You are. Your fingers impatiently unbutton Liz’s blouse, while she stumbles back a few steps to sit on the sink for support.

“Oppa…” This time you don’t let her finish, rarely. Days of separation and yearning for Liz had turned you into a desperate soul, if you had any left. Your hands wrap around her back, unhooking her bra in a shaky motion. The straps fall onto her body, revealing the full view of her upper body.

“I… I love you.” You stutter, before diving into her small but beautifully shaped tits. You put one of her nipples into your mouth softly, sucking her carefully. You are letting Liz know that you never abandoned her, instead you are always worshipping her.

“Mmph!” An airy moan comes through her mouth. You don’t stop. You know she needs it.

You flick your tongue back and forth around her nipple, you feel Liz’s breath hitching each time your hungry movement touches her sensitive tip. You don’t ignore the rest of her stunning frame, of course. Hands all over her firm butt – not the biggest in size, but absolutely perfect for you to grab.

Liz starts to feel the sensation that had been absent for the past week as well, her shaking hands are already on her jeans, unzipping the denim herself before lifting her hips to let the fabric drop to the humid wooden floor.

“I wanna see Oppa too, take your pants off for me~.” Her voice is like honey. You oblige without any hesitation. Your fingers are just as unsteady as hers, missing once before unbuckling your belt and kicking off your pants and boxer.

Your length springs free, Liz wraps her hand around it immediately. A shiver travels up your spine, assaulting your brain that you let out an involuntary moan. “I see it now, Oppa is not lying. I still turn you on~” She teases.

“Fuck… Liz, you always did. Always.” You manage to respond with a cracking tone, hands sliding into her plain black pantie with a white bow on the tip. She is already wet. Wet to the point that friction is almost non-existent as your finger slides directly into her juicy pussy.

“And you’re doing the same to me, oppa… you’re stretching me open with you finger… give me more, Oppa.” Liz mumbles into your ear while you bury your face into her other nipple. You leave slurpy, wet kisses all the way from her tits down to her tummy, to between her legs. The mushy, slightly salty scent of arousal dashes directly into your nostril through the thin fabric.

You kiss her folds through her damp panties; Liz’s response is instant. Her body locks tight and her watery eyes lose focus for a heartbeat. You take your time, hands roaming on her inner thighs and you alternate between touches and light scratches with your fingers.

“Oppa… Please do it already!” Liz moans while her legs clamping your head slightly.

“Aw~ Liz babe… look at you, how impatient. Weren’t you the one that made me wait, baby girl?” Suddenly a twisted thought comes across your head: her innocent, aroused face turned you on in such of a wicked way. You always gave her everything without any second thoughts, but maybe you want to listen to her ask for it?

“Honey, you deserve everything from me. But you are going to use your words, say it out loud and I’ll give it to you. Now what do you want from me?” A smirk climbs up to the tip of your lips.

“Hhmph… Oppa, you’re so bad! I… just… please!” Liz’s face turns from a peach into a tomato.

“Oh. Am I the bad one? I thought I was the victim,” you pout with an obviously fake impatience. “I think you are the bad girl that blocked me without a heads up! But it is fine, because I loved you as always… Tell me exactly though, ‘please’ what? Please let go of you so you can shower, right?” You tease.

“Oppa… I hate you! Please… please eat…” She now let’s go of your cock, instead both hands are covering her faces right now. Her face that is so red from the arousal and the embarrassment.

“Please eat a proper meal? Yeah… I’ve been dumping instant noodles into my poor tummy cuz of you, baby Liz? Hmm?” You push one more time.

She snaps. “Ah! Oppaaaa~ Please eat my pussy already! U… use it however you want if it makes you feel better!  T…treat me as your cumdump for the night if you wish… (sobs) I am so sorry Oppa…”

You snap too.

You never expected such lewd words would come from the purest girl you had in your life. But you also did not mean to hurt her even more. You’re here to make her feel your love, not to treat her as someone who exists just to fulfill your desires. You don’t want her to feel sorry for you, you just want her to be there. To simply exist.

So, you answer her by gently pulling off her panties down to her ankles and approach her swollen folds slowly. “Liz-ah… I was just kidding… I’ll make you feel really good. I try.”

You plant a soft kiss on Liz’s clit; her hands reach for your head in a blink of an eye. She pulls you closer as you slowly worship her beautiful pussy. Your lips wrap around her clit, sucking it like you’re tasting the cherry on top of a cupcake. The effect is electric, her body shivers faster – you are certain that it is not because of the rain previously, it is purely from arousal.

You insert your tongue into her folds, gently slides it across Liz’s wet, smooth walls. You look up to her. Her doll eyes are already shut from the sensation and her back arches forward to let you take in more of her.

“Look at me baby, look at how I am taking care of you, how I am making you feel good.” You murmur while your mouth is still doing its work – non-stop licking and kissing.

“Mmph…” Liz opens her eyes; you kneel on the bathroom floor while your head is deep between her thighs. The view makes the gap between her breathes shorter and shorter. “Oppa... don’t stop, I am so close!” Your oral movement is nowhere close to a halt, not when your precious Liz asks you like this.

You keep lapping her pussy with nothing but pure hunger and devotion. “C…come for me, Liz-ah… I am always yours.” You encourage.

“Don’t stop! Oppa… don’t you ever stop!” Liz is almost there, her pupils start to dilate and her thighs clamping even tighter.

“Give it all to me Liz… I’ve been waiting, fuck… I missed you so bad. Come for me…” You plant another soft kiss onto her swollen clit, and there it comes.

“F…fuck! I am coming!” Liz reaches her climax; her legs shake violently that she has to hold on to your head to not fall of from the sink. Her pussy flutters, waves of waves of her nectar flooding into your mouth. You take them all in, licking her folds continuously through her orgasm.  

You get back up on your feet; legs already numb from the kneeling. But you feel so relaxed because you gave Liz the pleasure, she’s always deserved. She pulls you in for an open mouth kiss, tasting herself from your lips.

Maybe a minute had passed, maybe more. You finally pull back, Liz walks into the shower before embracing her from behind. Liz’s body is still trembling from the aftershocks of her orgasm; her thighs slick not just from the shower but from the way she came so hard on your tongue.

You hold her closer, water streaming down her back, washing away the rain and the days of grief. Her small frame fits perfectly against yours, her wet hair plastered to her shoulders, those big doll eyes half-lidded and glassy with lingering pleasure and fresh tears.

“Oppa…” Liz whispers while turning around, barely audible over the spray. Her fingers trace the fading hickey on your neck, then the scarlet scratches she left on your chest the night she thought she was saying goodbye.

“I was so stupid… I thought I was saving you from me.”

You silence her with a deep kiss, tasting the salt of her tears mixed with the clean heat of the water. “No more thinking, Liz-ah. Just feel me. Let me show you how much I need you.”

Liz reads it. She arches her back forward, hands supporting herself on the door handle. Her full, bouncy butt is on full display. You gulp, already anticipating the long-gone warmth of Liz. You waste no time, lining up your itching cock in front of her folds – still wet from the previous release.

“Liz-ah, I… I am going in, let me know any time if you want me to chance anything.” You nervously make an announcement.

“Give it all to me, Oppa… however you like.” She turns her head around, before biting her bottom lip intentionally to allure you.

And it fucking works.

Her fucking dimple always works, never fail to trap you.

“Liz… you’re fucking gorgeous, do you know that?” You grunt, pushing all the way into her slick pussy in one go. She is incredibly wet, and warm like she had always been. Her walls are clenching onto your twitching length so hard like she’s so scared to ever let you go again.

“Mmph… I missed you Oppa… I missed you in me like this, filling me up really good.” Liz moans softly – she normally wouldn’t talk in sex, but you know she means every word if she does say something.

“Liz-ah, I missed you so much too.” You realize you haven’t released yourself for a week too. And as expected, the urge to do so is incredibly strong thanks to how smooth and velvety Liz feels.

Then you start your thrusting. The shower room is like a sauna right now; the mirror had been fogged up and the view of you slamming into Liz’s body becomes a blur.

You hold on to Liz’s hips as you gradually lose yourself into her wetness and warmth. A few breathy moans escape your throat while you keep pushing in and out of Liz in an almost frantic motion. The gut-wrenching self-pitying and loneliness are replaced by neediness and hunger.  

You fuck into her harder, the hot water amplifies the sound of your wet skin slapping onto hers. Liz’s sobs and moans are getting louder at the same time, raw, aroused. “Oppa… just like that, don’t stop please!” Her tone cracks, half from the relief and half from the pleasure after all those empty days.

You lean forward, body pressing again her back. One hand slides up her chest and caresses her tits while the other tightens the grip on her hip. Every thrust is sending ripples through her tiny frame, her ass bounces back against me with each deep stroke.

“Mmph… Liz-ah, you are perfect, so fucking perfect.” You groan against her, kissing her lobe. She whimpers, pushing back harder, her body demanding more. She reaches back, nails scraping your thigh, urging you even deeper.

“I love you… I love you so much, Oppa…” The words tumble out between shaky breaths, her walls fluttering wildly around you. You feel her getting close again, legs trembling, breath coming in short desperate bursts.

You slide your hand down between her legs, rubbing tight circles on her sensitive clit while you keep pounding into her from behind. “Come for me again, baby. Let me feel it.” That’s all it takes.

Liz cries out sharply, her walls pulse violently. Her second wave of climax is doing its work to push you through the finish line with her.

“Liz… I love you…fuck!” You groan, slamming deep one final time. The flood overwhelms your sanity, your cock twitches violently, spilling every drop of your own essence inside her. You keep yourself deep inside her until the mixture of your nectar and her juice leaks out around your cock and running down Liz’s thighs. You stay locked together, panting heavily, her back still pressed to your chest as the water keeps pouring over you both.

Slowly you pull out, turning her gently to face you. Her eyes are glassy, cheeks flushed deep pink, that sweet dimple showing even now. You kiss Liz softly at first, then deeper, holding her tight under the steady spray.

There’s no word needed. You’ve already found your rhythm under the pouring, warm water.

Neither of you want to move as you two enjoy the most perfect moment. Euler’s stupid little formula doesn’t even come close in terms of perfection.

---

A proper shower took place. You took your time washing every inch of your purest angel clean, before wrapping her around with a big towel and kiss your forehead gently. Liz laughs shyly, “Oppa~”

“Hmm?” You raise an eye brow.

“I… I didn’t bring my clothes over, hehehe…” She smiles.

“Ah, that is no problem at all Miss, I shall be right back.”

You walk into your bedroom and open your wardrobe. There is that oversized T-shirt you always let her “borrow” when she stayed over. You return to the bathroom, patiently putting the shirt on Liz’s tiny body. The tip of the shirt even reaches her knees and you cannot stop yourself from laughing. She’s back.

“Stop~ Oppa…” Liz blushes.

“Alright princess… it was a really… tough night. We shall get some rest?” You offer.

“Yes, Oppa.” Liz nods quietly.

To her surprise, you scoop her into your princess carry. Liz keeps laughing, mumbling something like, “Let me down!” or “Are we really doing this?”

She then notices the fading hickey on your neck. She then kisses the mark she left on you last week, bringing your attention back to her.

“Hmm?” You ask.

“The hickey, Oppa. I thought it was a farewell kiss.” Liz says.

“That’s too naïve of you babe, it is a milestone and a new beginning.” You pout, putting her onto your bed.

You fall onto the mattress after her, no more mess, just clean sheets and each other. You pull the duvet over both of you, the fabric still smelling faintly of the laundry detergent you stole from Liz a month ago - a scent you had spent the last week burying your face in while you sobbed.

“Oppa?” she whispers, her voice small and muffled against your skin.

“Yeah, babe?”

“No more skipping meals,” she says, and you feel her grip on your shirt tighten. “I heard everything. I was running, and I was crying, and I was so mad at myself…” Liz looks up, “I thought I was the one distracting you.”

“L…Liz-ah, I… was trying so hard to be someone who can give you everything. But I forgot to be the man that just… loves you with my heart.” You confess with a shaky laugh.

She leans in, her forehead resting against yours.

“Tomorrow,” she whispers, a tired dimple appearing. “We’re going to the market. We’re buying real food. And then... I’m taking you to the shop. I’m making you the biggest boba on the menu, and you’re going to sit there and watch me work, and you aren’t going to think about a single equation. Okay?”

“Okay Liz.” you breathe out, the last of the tension leaving your shoulders.

---

Morning.

The sun does not come out like it is supposed to, like a grand finale of a fiction. But you have Liz still snoring quietly on your side. And that’s enough. That’s more than enough.

You stare at outside of the window, the rain is still going non-stop, the sky is still dim. But you reach out for your phone, unlocking it and go directly into the settings. Your fingers move fast, and a satisfied smirk is on your face.

You put your phone back onto the night stand and hide yourself back under the duvet again.

Your phones are side by side; you tap both of the screens at the same time. The identical picture shows up on the lockscreen.

You.

Liz.

With cat ears.

Colorful this time. The black and white filter is gone.

Maybe you are Liz are each other’s destined special person.