Sunset

The neon lights outside of Spotlight bathed you and Nayeon in baby blue tint. Unfortunately, you both lost track of time inside “talking” that neither of you noticed rain had started falling during this dark night. The tension between you two was palpable considering what started out as a talk evolved into a break-up. You feel like you were able to say your piece on the relationship, with no stone left unturned. In your mind, you bore it all to her. But, you’re wondering if she did too.

You remember past nights like this. The rain was pouring, you both lost track of time, her manager comes and picks her up. You give her a kiss good night and tell her to text you when she gets home as you help her into the car. Tonight isn’t like one of those nights.

Her manager pulls up with their van. The rain was starting to get hard, so they remotely opened the door from the driver seat. In their mind you were going to help her into the van. Just like any other night. If only they knew. 

When you both finally realize that the manager isn’t going out, you finally act. You pull Nayeon close into a hug, a deep one. You give her one last kiss on her forehead, almost acting like a sigil that you hope would protect her forever. You guide her into the van and give her one last look before speaking.

“Get home safe.”

It was sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. You still deeply cared for her and for her safety, you just couldn’t contact her anymore. The dual meaning of the message hits Nayeon like an eighteen wheeler. You see tears start to form in her eyes as you slowly close the door. You look away, because you know you wouldn’t be able to help yourself in trying to comfort her. It breaks your heart too. You shut the door completely before patting the side, a good to go sign for the manager. It was faint, but you heard her breakdown through the window. Would it have comforted her to know she wasn’t alone? The proverbial dam breaks for you too. Tears start to fall as the van pulls away. It wasn’t like any of the nights you had before.

You stand there in front of Spotlight. Bathed in a baby blue light. One hand covering your eyes desperately trying to stop your tears. Most importantly, you were there, alone, mourning over a love that was lost.

One month later

Your friends tell you that it’s time to move on from Nayeon. A month is enough time to get over a break up. What? Thirty days? Four weeks? In all honesty, you could barely tell. You dove head first into your work. Every assignment that comes your way you immediately take on. It didn’t matter if it was a boring hearing at the assembly or a controversial project that needed to be investigated. You accepted whatever came your way as long as it helped keep your mind off the break up. 

True to your last request, neither of you contacted each other. Were there close calls? Yes. Some drunken instances where you were a shot away from calling her, but the heavy workload powered you through them. You could say that you were just conveniently avoiding anything about her. The job’s workload just played to your favor in that aspect. That is, until today.

The drive back from your next assignment was going to be a long one, so naturally you decided to listen to music on the road. You really haven’t touched your spotify in the past month, so you had no idea what was going to play on the speakers. Unfortunately, you guess that the universe decided to play with you.

“Now here’s a new release from Nayeon that you may have missed!”

Your eyes widened as you jerked the steering wheel to the left, almost hitting the center island barricade. Thankfully no one else was on the road at that time, letting you narrowly avoid a major accident. You keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel, helplessly listening to the song and unable to stop it. 

‘A person like a sunset, so beautiful (i'm stupid, yeah)

Even though you vanished like a lie (vanished like a lie)

Oh, bring back those ecstatic memories, to that exact moment

I'm afraid of the night alone

The sunset is truly beautiful’

When the final chorus ended and the song finished, you found yourself pulling up to a gas station on the side of the highway. You weren’t there to fill up your tank though. 

When the car’s safely parked near the convenience store, you pause. You look at your car’s media center, the current song inaudible. The only thing running through your mind was Nayeon’s song. Hurriedly, you started tapping the back button skipping every song from every other artist until you landed on it. 

Sunset by Nayeon. 

You hit the play button then settle in your seat, hands away from the steering wheel. Your head falls back against the head rest as the song starts to play again. The lyrics get stamped on your brain. Every word piercing you like thorns from a rose. The secondary meanings hitting you like an eighteen wheeler. Unknowingly, tears started to fall from your eyes. All these feelings started to bubble back up to the surface after a month of trying to bury them. All those efforts turned out to be futile. 

When the song ended, your hands started to move by themselves. Your fingers reach for the back button again, followed by pressing the loop option. You have no idea why you would do this, but the cycle repeats anyway. It starts again. 

The melody. 

The lyrics. 

The emotions. 

The memories.

All of them coming together, straining your heart, reaching your soul. Compared to the night you and Nayeon broke up, you choose not to stop the tears. You let them flow. Down your cheeks, staining your shirt.

Each time the song plays again, it keeps adding up. The pain. The sadness. The regret. Especially the regret. It all comes together for you, making the realizations that would soon haunt you for years.

You didn’t want to break up.

You should have fought for her harder.

That night was a mistake.

That night… You were wrong.