INTERLUDE. 4 | Numb / Breaking the Habit

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“What the fuck is going on with you lately?”

Yeji was standing in your doorway, arms crossed and stern-faced, with a pair of piercing eyes that were tearing you apart limb from limb. Her shiny jet-black hair didn’t help; it only made her look more terrifying than she already was when she was upset.

“It’s been months now,” Yeji continued, and started counting her fingers. “I’ve barely seen you, barely spoken to you, you don’t come to the house anymore, and I’m fucking sick of the awkwardness!”

Unable to meet her eyes, you hung your head, trapped in your own embarrassment.

Yeji took a step closer to you.

“Look, I don’t know what happened that night, but I’m close to not caring anymore,” she said. “Chaeryeong isn’t giving us any details, and if that’s stressful enough on its own, add to that the fact that Ryujin keeps talking about how it’s her turn to win you over and that Lia is worried sick about you. The fact is, whatever happened between you and Chaery is affecting my girls.”

“I tried to handle the matter as best I could because I care about you and love you, but at this point, I assumed the easiest thing would be to get to the root of the matter with you and not Chaery.”

Yeji let the silence take over, letting her words pass over you like a speeding train. You expected this moment to come sooner or later. It was almost as inevitable as the sun rising every morning. And for months, you did everything you could to distract yourself while hoping the guillotine wouldn’t fall on your neck.

Now, you were almost certainly beheaded.

You hated knowing that Chaery was having a bad time, but most of all, you hated that the situation was spilling over onto the girls. Something you never wanted to happen from the beginning.

In your defense, the months that had passed since that night hadn’t been easy.

Chaery hadn’t been the only person you’d hurt since then. You’d developed a certain self-destructive tendency: you skipped meals from time to time, didn’t take calls, procrastinated excessively, and worst of all, a small dependence on alcohol had developed within you. You weren’t a stinking alcoholic, but finding solace in the drink had become a bad habit.

On the other hand, work wasn’t even your biggest problem lately. Circumstances had managed to form a kind of shell in you that made you insensitive to every job you took. That’s how you’d been doing every crap they asked you to do without even hesitating. Some jobs weren’t bad: just trivial and common problems. But you were sure you had to do some really bad things. Some of it must have weighed on your conscience, but you couldn’t even remember it. Consequences of doing everything on autopilot.

What you did remember was the way you had pushed the snowball down the hill until it became unstoppable. It started with you being rude and isolating yourself from Gunwook’s reach. That was bad, yes, but then there was the night you also treated Rina badly. She had stopped by your apartment, rightfully concerned and wanting to help you, and you were a son of a bitch for telling her that unless she wanted to fuck, it would be best for her to go home.

You didn’t like what you were becoming, but you didn’t know how to stop yourself. Hell, you even spent the new year alone. Fortunately, someone was there to pull the lever for you, right in front of you.

You let out a heavy sigh.

“Come in,” you said to Yeji, stepping aside.

At that moment, you were scared stiff, even more so than the first time you met her at the spa. Her fierce reputation was well known, but until then, you’d only known her softer side. It was true that she loved to act dominant while actually being a sweetheart, but this time you weren’t so sure about that. She seemed very serious.

Yeji sat in the center of the sofa and crossed her legs, her feline gaze following you as you sat down in one of the chairs. It might seem silly, but the scariest thing was that today her makeup wasn’t as elaborate as usual. It was rather plain, with a pronounced pink blush on her cheeks and some lip gloss. Almost nothing on her eyes: just a thin liner. No eyeshadow at all. Besides, she was well-dressed, in a turtleneck sweater and black pants.

She was the damn grim reaper.

“How many more empty soju and beer bottles are you going to leave in the kitchen?” Yeji asked. “It looks like you had a party here, but I know you haven’t had guests in a while.”

“Chaery hasn’t been the only one dealing with everything badly, Yeji.”

Yeji frowned.

“And how have you been dealing with everything?” Yeji asked, tilting her head. “Behaving like a royal ashole? Jimin told me what you did to her.”

You looked away. There was no way you could meet her eyes. You were ashamed as hell.

“You were supposed to be different, you know?” Yeji said, her voice thick with disappointment. “Now you’re acting like the very people you’re supposed to be protecting us from.”

You swallowed thickly, rested your forearms on your thighs, and laced your fingers between your knees, your gaze still downcast. It was one of the worst things she could say to you, but you definitely deserved it.

“I’m not proud of it,” you retorted. “It’s a fucking vicious cycle. I drink because I’m unhappy with myself, then I do something I’m not proud of while I’m doing it, then I don’t like myself anymore, and I drink again. And the fucking cycle continues.”

“It won’t stop unless you make it stop,” Yeji pointed out. “But surely you’re mature enough not to let a breakup you knew was inevitable affect you like this, right?”

Yeji stood up abruptly, causing you to jump.

“What the fuck happened?!” Desperation tore the words from her throat, making them echo in your eardrums. “Wake the fuck up!!”

You brought a hand to the back of your neck, rubbing your hair as you stared at the floor.

“You’ll want to sit back down, because it’s a long story.”

4 MONTHS AGO. October 2023.

To your surprise, Chaery managed to compose herself with a deep breath and walked confidently toward you and Ning.

You released Ning’s waist, causing her to remove her arms from around your neck and turn toward the hallway.

“Oh, hey, unnie!” Ning smiled at Chaery as she stood beside you. “It’s good to have you back. How was your tour?”

Chaery smiled back at Ning. A smile you knew was fake.

“It went pretty well!” she replied. “Though it would have been even better if I could have taken my boy with me. Just like you did!” Chaery added that last bit with some venom behind her voice.

Ning chuckled.

“It was a relief to have him around,” she said, not wanting to give up any ground. “He was always very attentive to us.”

Chaery decided to end the first round in a draw and turned to you.

“Hi, darling!” Chaery hugged you and kissed your lips. “I missed you so much!”

You wrapped your arms around her and hugged her close. This wasn’t part of her little show; she really missed you, and you missed her. But something told you that not everything was going to be rosy that night.

Chaery gently pulled away from you and punched your shoulder.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were moving? Chaeyeon had to tell me about it.”

“Sorry, sweetheart, things have been hectic,” you said. “I didn’t want to burden you with my problems while you were on tour. And I thought the city view would be a nice surprise.”