Day Six

“You still haven’t replied to Kazuha.”

You lift your head off the countertop and hold a pear out for her.

“Because you were right. That wasn’t true love.”

“That’s it? You’re just going to ignore her?” Yunjin bites into the pear. “Just like that?”

“You said it yourself, she’s a Seraph and I’m just a stupid human,” you shrug.

“Oh come on, don’t rebound now,” Yunjin groans. “You were doing so well.”

“What do you want from me? I thought this sex stuff would be a lot easier, but I just feel like shit constantly. I don’t know if I can keep taking it.”

“You took it pretty well last night–”

“I’m serious Yunjin,” you stare into her angelic gaze. “I hardly slept. I couldn’t stop thinking about… I just can’t.”

Yunjin leans over you and picks through a little box of cherries until she finds one she likes. “What’s inside you that’s making this all so…” she sets the half-eaten pear next to your face “...unpearable?”

“Not your best work,” you swivel the stool around towards the sunrise.

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?”

Your stomach drops and your jaw tightens, but you don’t respond.

It’s the same feeling you felt the day it ended with her – that same feeling you spent years trying to pretend didn’t exist inside you.

The same feeling that keeps coming back these days.

“The first love, so romantic,” Yunjin continues casually. “The one you couldn’t get over. The one you compare every girl to. Are you done pretending?”

“I’m… not pretending…” you feel your eyes go wet.

“Does it feel nice when you distract yourself with other girls?” Yunjin keeps going. “She was hot, I get it. Unreal body, sculpted through hours and hours of dancing. Now that I think about it, I kinda see why Kazuha reminds you of her–”

“No, it doesn’t fucking feel nice,” you snap. “Now stop talking about her. Why do you even know what she looks like?”

“I got curious about the girl who left such a…” she pauses for a second to reach into her mouth and holds up the little pit with a cheeky smile before continuing. “...in your heart.”

“I’ve moved on,” you swivel back towards her. “Texting her was dumb and a mistake.”

“Oh yeah, so is it time for another girl? Like maybe… Kazuha?”

“Not her,” you shake your head. “I hate Seraphs.”

“What about Karina?” Yunjin pretends not to hear that last part. “It seemed like you two were getting serious. It was disgustingly cute how you two were acting.”

“Karina was just…” you make big circles with your arms in front of your chest, “and a pretty face.”

Yunjin tosses a cherry at your head.

“You are actually one of the worst human beings ever,” she scoffs, arms crossed. “Would it kill you to be respectful?”

“What do you want me to say? I barely know her, I just wanted to suck her on her tits. Happy? Is that what you want?”

Yunjin purses her lips at you. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“I’m just…”

“Just what?” Yunjin pops another cherry into her mouth. “A rude jerk? I don’t get why you have to take it out on your Seraph friend. You’re not being very nice.”

You stay silent.

“Why not Wonyoung?” Yunjin continues. “You two obviously have chemistry.”

“That one’s complicated,” you mumble. “I have a lot of love for Wonyoung, but she’s not the one.”

“Oh, you believe in the soulmate stuff,” Yunjin sets aside the cherries.

“Not necessarily, I just know Wonyoung and I aren’t meant to be,” you respond.

“Is it because even when you were with Wonyoung, you never stopped loving her?”

“It’s not like that, Yunjin,” you shake your head. “Everything I had with Wonyoung was genuine.”

“Okay, sure, I’m not saying it wasn’t,” Yunjin grabs one of the bananas off your counter. “Maybe you didn’t know it at the time, but in hindsight you obviously still loved her. Wasn’t that why you broke things off with Wonyoung?”

You wait a few seconds in silence, trying to make sense of how much heavier your heart feels now as you relive the history.

“I never told Wonyoung that was the reason…” you wipe your eyes with the back of your hand. “I didn’t want to hurt her.”

“Noble,” Yunjin continues peeling the banana casually. “And then after things didn’t work out with her the second time, you decided you’re going to hurt every girl you meet? Are you trying to get back at the universe for what happened?”

“No…”

“Then why did you become such an asshole?”

“You tell me!” you shout before taking a deep breath to steady your trembling body. “Do… do you really think it’s because of her?”

“How would I know? I’m just here for the fruits.”

“Yunjin,” you stare into her indifferent eyes. “I lied. I don’t regret texting her.”

“No shit?” Yunjin pretends to cover her mouth in shock before chuckling softly. “You regret that she didn’t reply.”

You stare at your phone on the counter, warmth flowing through your veins as you think back.

When you texted her, you honestly thought she’d reply. You never would have sent a message if you didn’t.