It Girl

“It’s always so easy working with her.”

“You’d think by now she would despise the cameras.”

“If she does, it doesn’t show.”

“Should we wrap up? Next shoot in thirty.”

“Maybe just give her a few minutes.”

Her head is down with her eyes closed, but she’s far from asleep – the chair makes sure of that. Still, she knows by staying still she can earn herself just a few more minutes of rest, and she’s absolutely going to cherish every second.

“Alright, enough, we have enough footage. Cameras off. Wonyoung, sweater off, I don’t want you overheating.”

She unzips her top, expression neutral – smiles are for cameras. Only leggings and a sports bra, but sweating in anticipation of what’s to come. This is what she wants, and she’ll be reminded of said fact every time she even considers giving up.

She savors this last sip of water, quietly dragging it on as long as she can without bringing attention to the trainer. She knows there won’t be more in the hour to follow – because ‘idols don’t get water while they perform’.

“Let’s go Wonyoung. Burpees first, and don’t skip the jump this time if you want the rep to count.”

It’s just exercise. This is nothing compared to a concert, at least here no one needs you to smile. Not even the staff, they’re already leaving.

Forget the hours of choreography practice earlier in the day. That was then, this is now. Work hard, power through it. Find the energy, it must exist somewhere inside.

A perfect body doesn’t create itself.

Birthdays are the best. Wonyoung gets an entire bite of cake all to herself.

More than that would be unreasonable, of course, and she would never dare. She knows the tricks by now: make sure you don’t take the first bite, engage in the conversation to distract the viewers, don’t be caught holding the fork or else nefarious edits will imply you want more, and under no circumstance will you look at the cake.

Happy birthday, dear Wonyoung.

“Way too much fidgeting. Why can’t you stand still?”

Apologize and nod, that’s all Wonyoung can do. After all, they’re just looking out for her.

“We don’t want another strawberry situation. Let’s get some more elegance in those headlines; that’s what the sponsors are looking for.”

Wonyoung nods. She needs them and their guidance. It’s her job to soak it in without asking questions, without being difficult.

This is the life she wants, the life only one girl can have. She is the moment, it’s up to her to seize it. Imagine the wasted potential if she didn’t.

“You’re supposed to watch for her! A fan like that should never be close enough to touch her. You’re all lucky she reacted well. She single-handedly saved us from a disaster.”

Of course she did. Wonyoung, unlike her staff, isn’t allowed to make mistakes. Even when it’s out of her control, mistakes are unacceptable. She knows it. She accepts it.

That is her responsibility.

“Airport security doubled for the next stop and don’t even think about mentioning logistics. We’ll put her in another dress and post the pictures to cover the costs, just get it done and protect the product.”

Wonyoung would prefer ‘talent’ or ‘idol’, but complaining would be absurd – it’s just a word. They don’t mean it like that. They know she’s human.

“Is it really so difficult to just stay in the middle? No, don’t look at them, it’s not their fault. Wonyoung, you know better than that, you are supposed to guide them. They weren’t born and raised to be idols the way you were. Do better.”

Bite that tongue, an argument would be stupid, and Wonyoung is not stupid. She’s better than that.

Apologize.

Don’t make the same mistake.

Do better.

“You smiled on the wrong syllable. Do it again.”

Say the words.

People listen when you talk, so get it right.

English is difficult, but that’s not an excuse. You’re Wonyoung, you already accomplish ‘difficult’ on the daily; language is easy compared to your potential. At least, that’s what they keep telling you.

Get the intonation right. Don’t mess up the pace.

Say the words.

She can almost see the adrenaline coursing through her veins as she stares at her pale hands, gripping the edges of the sink. If she lets go now, she’d fall.

Not that anyone would even care, she’s just happy she made it to the bathroom before anyone realized. Just because a day is difficult, that’s no excuse to show weakness.

Wonyoung is stronger than her trembling knees. She knows that. Everyone tells her.

Don’t let that mascara run, you’ve spent long enough in that chair. Makeup is done, hair still needs time, don’t make life more difficult for your stylists. They already work so hard to make sure you’re perfect.

She runs the water over her finger, washing away the blood. One broken acrylic isn’t the end of the world, she’ll survive. Pain is temporary and fleeting, it’s not important.

Don’t let that lip quiver now, and keep that voice steady when you tell them you need a new nail.

A moment of weakness is not acceptable.

They’re just words. Useless words, anonymous faces, so far beneath Wonyoung that they’d never affect her. She doesn’t even care about them, she’s just swiping her thumb against the screen because she’s bored. Criticisms are nothing new. Wonyoung has heard them all by now, nothing can surprise her.

She lingers on a comment, reading it twice before scrolling past, but it definitely didn’t affect her. None of them do. Reviews are part of the job. Criticism helps her grow. If they bothered her, she’d stop reading.

Wonyoung blinks rapidly. It must be time for bed. That’s why she’s stopping, no other reason. She sets her phone aside and lays flat on her back, staring at the roof, expression blank.

None of it matters.

Nothing can affect her.

She’s perfect.

She’s Wonyoung.