Tunnel Light

Another rainy day. Another day of endless gray misery. Jiyu prepares her breakfast, alone, in her and her boyfriend’s shared apartment. She just made sandwiches, just a plain one, with boiled chicken breast, mayo, and nothing else. She puts one inside her lunchbox, and eats the other. Her boyfriend? Well, he already left. Jiyu clenches her fist hard. She wants to disappear entirely from the place she’s supposed to call home.

Jiyu leaves the apartment before 9AM to catch the train to work. It is packed full of people. Many are wearing office attire, Jiyu herself is no exception. The train is damp, and dampness always brings an unpleasant smell, Jiyu tries her best to ignore the smell in that 20 minutes of train ride to her office. In the middle of the commute, her phone beeps. There’s a message.

“Hey, you in the office already?” it is her boyfriend.

“I’m on my way.”

“Right. Sorry I left early, there’s an abrupt meeting. New project. I already ate on the way to work, there’s some food in the apartment right?”

“Yeah, made some sandwiches.”

“I see. You used the spam in the fridge right? There’s chili oil too. You have been looking really gloomy lately. You should really eat something other than plain boiled chicken, no?”

Jiyu only stares at her screen. She grips the phone stronger. She put it back in her blazer pocket before gazing outside through the window again—which admittedly isn’t easy since the train is full and her body is short. 5 more minutes before she arrives at the station.

Jiyu finally arrives at the station. It is still raining. She opens up her umbrella then walks quickly towards the office building. Luckily it isn’t that far, only about 5 minutes of walking from the station. However, given how hard the rain was, she still has to take off her shoes and her leggings altogether. She arrives at the office barefoot, with the miniskirt soaked despite the umbrella.

“Morning, Jiyu.”

“Morning,” Jiyu answers her coworker's greetings without much care, deliberately making it short to go to the bathroom as soon as possible.

The others just see Jiyu almost sprinting—barefoot, bare legs—to the bathroom while silently giving a judging stare. The girl has not been trying to be accepted well in this work environment she entered six months prior.

To be fair, she hasn’t got it easy. Office life isn’t exactly the thing she has wanted to do ever since she was a child. Jiyu has always liked moving, as in, doing athletic stuff. She likes sports, even competing in it as well at some points in her life. She attended a gymnastic class since she was a child, until life decided to say otherwise.

Back to the bathroom. Jiyu wipes her toned legs dry with paper towels. Patting her skirt until it isn’t dripping wet anymore. Then put on her leggings and the shoes. She then stands in front of the mirror, in there, her reflection is looking dark. She shakes her head, then reapplies her make up. She leaves the bathroom after smiling for at least a minute in front of the mirror.

“Good enough,” she thinks, as she walks leaving the bathroom.

“Are you done back there?” one of her coworkers says.

Jiyu only nods to answer, just another of those unimportant small talks. The day goes on as it always has. Boring. Uneventful—even though her boss asked her to do a shit-ton of tasks. The rain going on almost consistently heavy all day really doesn’t help in cheering up her day. Until it’s finally time to go home.

“Only two more days until Saturday,” Jiyu thinks as she packs her stuff into her briefcase. If people paid extra attention to her in that moment, they could certainly see that she’s smiling, ever so slightly.

Jiyu comes back to the apartment to see the light is already switched on inside. “I’m home.”

“Oh, hi honey!” her boyfriend comes out of the closet, his hair is still damp.

Jiyu sighs before taking off her shoes. “Didn’t you say you have a meeting today? You came back earlier than I thought.”

“Oooh, do you think a man with a meeting scheduled for him cannot come back home earlier?”

“That’s not what I said,” Jiyu says as she flings her bag across the room, she sits down on the dining chair.

“Hahahah, just joking honey. I came back earlier because of a good thing actually! See, it was a promotion. Hurray!” her boyfriend put both his hands in the air, also looking up all the while.

“That’s goo-”

“- Which means, that leaves us with free time...? How about a date on Saturday? Yeah? Yeah?!” he unintentionally cut Jiyu off her sentences, but quickly realized what he’s done. “Ah, sorry honey, what were you trying to say?”

“It’s okay. I was just saying that’s good to hear,” Jiyu smiles.

“Ah. Hahah. Phew, thank you honey,” he closes in on her, to then pat her head and kiss her hair. “Okay then, Saturday alright? I swear I’ll make it nice,” he said before kissing her forehead.

Jiyu shivers, and nods silently.

“Anyway, the bath is ready. I just cleaned the bathroom. You should shower, I’ll prepare dinner,” he says while smiling as wide as he always does.

“Thanks hun,” Jiyu smiles back.

“But what about my Saturday?” Jiyu says inside her head. She’s screaming her heart out in it.

Jiyu’s childhood was the nicer part of her life as a whole. At least that’s how she liked to think about it. She was almost 5 when she was first introduced to the world of gymnastics. She was playing with a friend in a park just a few blocks from their houses when they suddenly talked about what they like to do.

“What do you like to do, Jiyu?”

“What? Playing with you of course.”

“Nooo! I mean, like, hmm, Ah! What is your hobby!”

“Ooh, right. My Mom asked me about that before. Hmm, I don’t really know. What do you like to do?”

“Hehe. I like to do gymnastics!”

“Huh? Gymnastics? What is that?”

“It’s a sport Jiyu! Where you stretch your body, and do some poses. You know, jumping, flipping in the air. You seem like you will be reaaally good at it!”

“Really?”

“Totes! Come with me next time! I’ll ask my teacher to teach you too! But only to go easy on you since it is really hard!”

“Pfft. There’s no such thing as hard for me. Alright then, I’ll make gymnastics my hobby, Haum.”

With that, Jiyu started attending gymnastic classes with Haum.

Haum lived across the street. Naturally, coming from the same age bracket, the two got along. They share the same school, and the same class too. Haum was a cheerful kid, much in contrast to how Jiyu was, which was probably why they got close in the first place. Haum always filled the gap of Jiyu’s quietness. Jiyu on the other hand never really cared about how Haum took care of her. If anything, Jiyu was grateful for Haum’s presence.

Jiyu and Haum were an only child. Haum’s parents were really outgoing–Haum inherited the trait–, compared to Jiyu’s absence of a parent. Haum often came by Jiyu’s house to invite her to play, whether to play at the park or to play at Haum’s house. Being together both in school and after further deepened their relationship.

Jiyu was good. Exceptionally good even. The muscles in her body were supremely flexible—or so the coaches said—which meant she has a higher physical strength amongst her peers, which also meant that Jiyu has a much higher skill ceiling in gymnastics. It was relatively easier for her to do harder and harder routines as time went on. In only two years of doing gymnastics, she has already surpassed Haum in terms of her mastery of the basics.

“Hah~ hah~ wow. That was awesome Jiyu! How do you even get this good, this fast?” Haum asked in the middle of a break in their training session.

“I actually don’t know,” Jiyu answered with a smile.

“Nahhh you’re playing it cool. C’mon show me the secret!”

“Hmm. Well. If I had to say, it’s probably because of you,” Jiyu said bluntly, unknowingly making the person talking with her blush.

“Whuh, hahah..., What the hell do you mean by that?”

Only then Jiyu looked up and realized Haum was blushing really hard. Jiyu laughed at her. “No, no. I didn’t mean it in a weird way. It’s just that I remember my sole motivation to do this was to prove you wrong. You said to me that this sport was hard, so I’m trying my best to make it look easy,” Jiyu said, looking very proud of herself.

“Hahah! Well, you do make it look easy now. I’ll give you that.”

It was now Jiyu’s turn to blush. Difference was, not only was Jiyu blushing, she also suddenly became super awkward. “Ah, uhm, thanks. I guess,” it was clearly visible that her entire head was turning red.

“Pffft. Hahahah! Don’t tell me you still can’t take a compliment!? You never even looked this red after the harshest training!” Haum laughed louder, which only further embarrassed Jiyu.

“Shhh! Shut it!”

Haum laughed even louder. 

Jiyu looks back to her shoulder. Looking at the calendar, it is already Saturday, a supposedly good day for her if it wasn’t for the sudden date invitation a few days earlier. For Jiyu, Saturday was meant for a gymnastic training session. It is her sanctuary. She always looks forward to it. She feels like this day is the only day in the week, and the only time in her life, that she could be safe for being her true self.

“You ready honey?” asks the boyfriend as he enters the room.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Jiyu answers as she quickly—stealthily—wipes the tears from her cheek and put on her jacket.

They went on a movie date. Then a beach date for the sunset. Then a fancy dinner to close the day off. All of it happened just like that. Jiyu could recall none of it, if she were to be asked.

“Was it fun honey?”

“Huh? Oh, right. Of course!” Jiyu is startled by the sudden question. She was initially zoning out, looking through the window in that restaurant.

“Hey, don’t lie to me alright? I could see you having none of it for this entire day. What is it? ... Is it about your gymnastic class?”

Jiyu slowly nods. Her boyfriend slowly reaches out to grab her hands.

“I’m sorry, okay? I really do. I know how important gymnastics is for you. But, well, this day is important for me as well. You see, I think we should take a step further,” he gets off his seat and puts a knee on the floor. He reaches his pocket while still holding Jiyu with the other hand. “I love you, Jiyu. Will you marry me?”

Jiyu gasps. She covers her mouth. Her entire body is shaking. She couldn’t give him an answer, or rather, she doesn’t want to answer.

Jiyu has reached level 10 at the young age of 13. For reference, there are 10 levels of expertise in the world of gymnastics, before reaching the professional level. So, for Jiyu to reach level 10 this early is nothing short of spectacular. Compared to Haum who could only reach level 7 even though they were the same age. All that being said, Jiyu never really wanted to compete at a professional level. She always felt like having trained beside Haum was all she could ever ask for. So when her coach asked her to go compete at a higher level—she only did regionals before, in which she easily won it all—she always said no.

It wasn’t until her parents were notified about this lack of motivation that Jiyu started to get persuaded to join nationals. She couldn’t say no to her parents, much to their insistence. So eventually, in the second semester of her 13 years of age, she started to prepare for the world of the pros.

“Hey, Jiyu?”

Jiyu, who was sitting in the gym with her back against the wall and her head down low, recognized the voice. She looked up slowly, her expression was gloomy. “Haum. Ssup.”

“Heh. For such a talented person you sure doesn’t seem like it. What’s up?” Haum sat right beside her, bumping shoulders to shoulders.

“I just,” Jiyu stared at the face of her friend. Haum’s eyes widened, her eyebrows raised, her expression clearly showed interest and concern. “Hmm, yeah. I just never thought I would go this far. You know? Being told to go pro and all,” Jiyu continued her sentences while looking at the ceiling. There was hesitation in that proclamation.

Haum laughed a little. There was a bit of a bitter emotion in that laugh, but she concealed it just enough to make it indiscernible. “You do know that would be mean right? Like, it is suuuuper offensive and all.”

Jiyu looked at her once again, confused. Haum noticed. They were staring at each other. Jiyu was indeed genuinely confused.

“Heheheh!” Haum laughed as she bumped Jiyu’s shoulder way harder than it should, but being as gifted as she is, Jiyu didn’t even waver from the impact. “See?! You don’t even realize that you are special! Gosh, honestly it makes me a bit mad, by jealousy of course. Listen to me okay? You should go out there. Have a taste of the world, of the professionals! Cmon! Aren’t you the least excited to know that you have the chance to actually be the best of the best?!”

Seeing Haum’s enthusiasm sparked something alight inside Jiyu’s heart. She smiled sincerely. “Alright. I guess I’ll try.”

The way Jiyu smiled so sincerely, letting all her feelings out like a newborn through that faint curve of her lips, made Haum blush. She threw her head sideways in the opposite direction. “Huh. Good. You better win it all though.”

Still with a smile on her face, Jiyu stood up from her place. She smacked both her palms together. clap Powdered chalks flew all around. “Yup. Well then, let’s go train shall we?” she said as she gave a hand-up to Haum.

Haum grabbed it firmly. “Now that’s definitely an insult. You know damn well I can’t train at your level.”

Jiyu smirked. “You know me so well, Haum.”

The two laughed out loud. Somehow, in that rather busy gym at the time of the day, it felt like there was no one else other than them.

At the age of 16, Jiyu was already a professional gymnast. She has competed in several nationals, although this time not all of it was won by her—she ranked third at worst. Regardless, it was still an extremely good track record for someone so young. It wasn’t long before she was picked to represent her country in the international scene. Just by the time she entered high school.

Having had an insane achievement amongst her peers, Jiyu never took it for granted. In fact, she never even used any of her advantages. For someone as accomplished as her, she could easily choose a high school institution specialized for such activities via scholarship. Instead, she chose to enroll in the same school as Haum.

“Why?” 

Haum wrote in her diary that night as Jiyu called her earlier to let her know that she’s choosing to be in the same school as hers, despite the absolute capability to shoot higher. Haum poured any thought she had about it into the book. Every once in a while, she glanced at Jiyu's house, dimly lit across the road. She looked straight to the window where Jiyu’s room was located, the lights weren’t on.

“Heh, must be sleeping already, that girl is,” Haum giggled as she turned her head once more towards her diary. Haum didn’t notice it herself, that for the whole time she was writing the diary, her lips formed a tender smile.

They were still as close as ever. But their differences in life started to get more and more apparent as time went on. Jiyu was extremely busy since she had to do long hours of training, not to mention the prep-time for the many competitions she was attending. Haum on the other hand was nowhere near as busy as Jiyu. 

Haum still occasionally attended gymnastics classes, but that was only to fill the free time she had between her school. Jiyu was the opposite, thus, she wasn’t doing that well academically. Admittedly, Jiyu’s grades were on the lower side.

Naturally they didn’t meet as frequently as before. Jiyu was often found sleeping in her class, mostly due to her body needing some extra rest for her brutal training schedule. Haum actually visited her more often than not, only to see the one she’s willing to meet was sleeping soundly on the desk. 

Off school, Jiyu has tried her best to persuade Haum to choose the same gym as hers. Haum was reluctant at first, since the only reason she was allowed to enter the gym especially tailored for professionals was the fact that she was a friend of Jiyu the Prodigy. But Jiyu was insistent on it. She even went out of her usual way to confront people who talk things behind them, she successfully shut them off most of the time. Unfortunately, even if they were at the same gym, the fact that Jiyu was still doing a different routine for herself, also the rarity of Haum’s presence—she only went approximately two days a week, on a good week—compared to Jiyu’s almost everyday presence, could do nothing to help them in meeting each other.

“You shouted at people again today, to speak up for me. Isn’t that funny, Jiyu? I used to be the one who would stand up for you. You were always this small, pathetic little girl needing my help for everything. Heh, I guess people change after all, or is it more correct to say that you’ve grown? I don’t know. 
What I know however, is that you can’t stay like this forever, and neither can I. Well, would you look at that? The thought of us being separated…” 

Haum paused to swallow a big gulp. She stared at the last sentence she just wrote in her diary. She stared, and stared, but nothing came up. She then furiously closed it and jumped to her bed. Her mind drifted far away, but the thought of Jiyu being apart from her was insistent. She slept awfully that night.

“Yo, sleepyhead,” Haum said as she barged in Jiyu’s classroom. At that point almost everyone of that class was already well acquaintanced with her, as she spent her time there to socialize every time Jiyu’s asleep during her visit.

yawns “Waddup Haum.”

“Care to join me for a lunch?”

“Mm-hmm, sure.” Jiyu grabbed her lunchbox before getting dragged by her hand, she could only oblige since it was Haum. If it were literally anyone else, she wouldn’t even open an inch of her eyelids.

They went to the school’s rooftop, which thankfully was empty. It was a Saturday after all, the school’s over after lunchtime so people normally went straight back home after the lunch bell rang. They looked for a shaded place to avoid the sunlight, then sat there to open their lunchbox.

“Hahahah! Plain chicken and rice again? What are you, a masochist or something?”

“Gah, shut it. I’m tired, okay? This was the simplest and easiest thing to make. My coach suggested that I eat these kinds of food anyway. And no, Haum, I’m no masochist, I’m a professional gymnast,” Jiyu answered with a mocking tone.

“Heh, relax, gymnast prodigy~ Anyway, did your mom not even make you some- … -sorry.”

Jiyu smiled somberly. “Yeah it’s alright, she’s never prepared any breakfast since I was a kid anyway, I’m used to it.”

Haum looked at Jiyu deeply as she ate that sorry piece of chicken. The chicken was as white as mayonnaise. She shuddered at the thought of even having that chicken anywhere near the vicinity of her mouth. She sighed, moving closer to Jiyu to stick their shoulder. “Hey, you can always prepare breakfast in my home instead, you know? Surely you haven’t forgotten that offer. My mom would always be glad to cook for the both of us.”

Jiyu rested her head on Haum’s shoulder. She always liked this feeling of being pampered by Haum. “Yeah, thanks. Of course I haven’t forgotten, the problem is just that I always wake up a bit late, hehe.”

Haum was blushing, Jiyu was resting her head on her shoulder like a cat rubbing their head on its owner. Haum’s heart was thumping fast. She had to take a big gulp to stay cool. Her face was red. Lucky her that Jiyu was not looking up.

“Then that’s your problem dummy. Enjoy that bland ass piece of chicken while I eat my glorious fried chicken,” Haum said, flaunting that golden piece of fried chicken in front of Jiyu, who was still chewing.

Jiyu grumbled. She actually never really cared that much about taste as she only thought of food as a fuel to her body. She was more annoyed by the fact that Haum didn’t offer any chicken, or probably asked her to switch lunch out of consideration. Both of which she would decline anyway, because she cared too much about Haum for her to eat the white-bland-lunch.

“Hehe, I’m joking again jeez. Stop being a child. We’re in high school now” Haum giggled. “Well, anyway, say ‘aaah’,” Haum brought that piece of fried chicken close to Jiyu’s pouting mouth.

“No. I was joking as well you see? Relax, I’m ultra accustomed to my diet anyway, it’s no problem. Trust me.”

“Well, suit yourself big girl~”

Silence followed–with occasional munching voices. They were both eating their own lunch eventually, but unbeknownst to each other, the two were grinning and blushing. 

Enter the third and the final year of highschool. Both of them were equally busy. Jiyu was appointed to become the nation’s representative for the upcoming Olympics. Haum was really focused on studying for the finals, and also for the university entrance. There was literally no time for them to meet at all for the entire year, and it was already hard for them to meet each other the year before. For Jiyu, since the Olympics started in the midterm of the second semester, she really had no chance to study and had to rely everything on the Olympics result. Haum knew about it long before Jiyu even realized it on her own, but then again, no matter how much she wanted to help her study, she just couldn’t get the chance to meet Jiyu, not even in school.

“Jiyu is really busy these days. Like, ultra-mega-super-duper busy. I wanted to help, but what can I do? She’s preparing for the Olympics. Probably the biggest milestone of an athlete’s life. She’s been having bad grades though, I can help with those … but how? Send her my notes? Or ask her to study in my house some times? Nonono, not possible.”

Haum slammed her head on the diary–which rested on the table, so she basically headbanged the table. She couldn’t find a good way to help Jiyu. She groaned, due to the pain of slamming her head and the confusion as to what to do next.

“Oh well, I’ll ask mom tomorrow,” she said, closing the diary and rubbing the stinging part on her head.

Morning came. Haum was eating breakfast with her parents. “Mom, Jiyu is about to compete in the Olympics. What should I do to, you know, show her some support? Or probably even help her? I don’t know, do you have any idea?”

“You two seem really close,” her Mom paused the sentence to give Haum a really big smile, which seemed to rub Haum in the right way judging by the instant change in her demeanor. “Hahahah, relax Haum. You can be close with anyone you want wink. I believe she would be happy just by you being present. Oh! How about cooking her some delicious, hearty food!?”

Haum was still blushing. “Y-yeah, sure. We can do that Mom, yeah.”

Her mom and dad laughed at their daughter’s shy behavior. They knew something about them that even their daughter didn’t, yet.

Finally, the day of the Olympics started. Jiyu was mentally preparing herself for the biggest sporting event of her life so far. Which, truth be told, wasn’t that much of a big deal for her. It was just another day of competing in front of the masses. Another day of showing the judges what she could do. Another day of doing an elegantly bold routine, then closing it off with a polite and pretty bow. Just another day of that. What bothered her though, was that she hasn’t had any contact with Haum for the last six months.

Haum was always the number one cheerleader for her during her career. She has never been absent for any of her competition. Jiyu needed to speak with her at least once before showing  up on stage. And yet, she couldn’t spot her anywhere in the audience seat.

On the still quite-far-side of the city, Haum was hauling ass in order to get to the venue. She–with the help of her parents–just made a big feast back home in preparation to make a grand celebration for Jiyu’s debut in the Olympics, which they planned to do by the time she returned from the venue–regardless of the result. What sheer luck to have the day of the Olympics start right in the middle of a snowstorm. What would normally be a one hour drive towards the place was stretched for at least 30 minutes longer. Upon arrival, Haum hurriedly ran towards the backstage, in hope to catch Jiyu and give her some much needed pep talk before she stepped on stage.

“Jiyu, Jiyu! Right here! It’s me!” Haum shouted as she entered the backstage. The other athletes were visibly annoyed.

Jiyu heard a faint calling of her name, she stood up immediately to get a clearer voice.

“Jiyu!!! Hey, c’mon! That right there is my best friend, The Star of The Nation! I need to see her before she comes up on stage! Please, it’s important,” Haum said to the bodyguards blocking her way out of the athlete's designated area.

It was indeed Haum’s voice. Jiyu couldn’t yet see her in the flesh, but that voice, that emotion, it could be none other than Haum. Jiyu was about to run towards the voice before her personal coach grabbed her shoulder.

“You’re up right after this. There’s no time to meet your friend. Calm yourself down Jiyu,” her coach said.

Not only did the words from her coach completely go right over her head, it actually made everything worse for Jiyu.

“Wh – whuh? What? I have no time to meet Haum? What do you mean I have no time to meet her? Wh – what?!” 

Jiyu panicked. All of a sudden her breathing was ragged. She was shivering in fear. Beads of sweat appeared all over her face. This wasn’t without reason. Jiyu has always been calm in many of the competitions she did prior to this, but that was because Haum was always right by her side. Not her parents. Not the coach. It was always Haum who contributed to her success.

In that instance, Jiyu thought that starting from the point of this Olympics onwards, she would no longer have the chance to be by Haum’s side. She didn’t like that thought. Jiyu was terrified of losing Haum. 

.

“AND NOW WE WELCOME, THE STAR OF THE NATION, THE YOUNG PRODIGY, JIYU!”

.

Jiyu slowly stepped on stage. She was still panicking. She walked slowly towards the platform. She shook her head. She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. She reached for the block of chalk available in front of her. Then, with the last attempt of calming herself, she looked forward. The lights were so bright and blinding.

Jiyu slowly but surely started her routine on that grand stage. It went as smooth as it ever was with her. No single person was aware at all that Jiyu was actually in a massive panic state. Not the audience, not the coach, not even the judges. But there was one person who saw through it all.

“Oh no. Jiyu dear!” Haum thought to herself. “She’s moving in fear.”

With all of her strength and willpower, Haum pushed through all the annoying bodyguards blocking her from the view of Jiyu performing on the stage. Haum successfully passed, breaching the area of the many athletes who were preparing for their own show. She took a deep breath. 

“YOU CAN DO THIS JIYU, I BELIEVE YOU!!!”

Jiyu’s clouded mind cleared as soon as she heard that. Her vision, which was previously all dark, slowly regained some lights. In the middle of the routine, she could see Haum getting dragged out by the bodyguards. Jiyu smiled sincerely, all the tension in her body relieved in an instant. “Thank you.”

Jiyu only had one string of movement left for her to finish the routine. She was about to do a Yurchenko Double Pike, a move notoriously known as the most difficult for women in this sport. The move involved a round-off onto the springboard, followed by a half turn onto the vault table, then a double back salto in a pike position off the table. It requires immense strength and pinpoint accuracy to pull it off—which normally would only be possible if it was done by men due to their physiology. Jiyu though, was special. She knew that she was capable enough of doing this move to end her routine. She already did it several times in practice, after all. She ignored her coach's reminder to never attempt this on a grand stage, because the stakes were too high. Messing up the move even a tiny bit would mean a horrible landing, which would make for a possible career ending injury.

“This is for you, Haum,” Jiyu thought to herself before starting the sequence. She ran towards the springboard. The round off into the half turn was done smoothly. Then the double back salto, a swift motion despite the difficulties. Her body was so light, it felt like she was flying. Her body moved fast. Way too fast. The coach and the safety personnel realized that and immediately ran towards her. Jiyu couldn’t see anything, but she felt it. “Ah.”

It all happened too fast. The safety could not reach her in time to cushion Jiyu’s landing. Could you even blame them for being mesmerized by Jiyu’s performance to the point of them missing a fraction of a second to react? The coach also wasn’t fast enough to reach her in time. The audience gasped, then they fell completely silent. An ear splitting scream emanated from the person curling on stage. Jiyu was screaming in excruciating pain. For the first time in her entire career, she made a mistake. She missed her timing. She landed way too hard. It was sheer luck that she could spin upwards again just before touching the ground. But, as lucky as she was, the damage was still severe. She landed way too fast, way too hard on her legs. Her knees were shattered on impact.

A week before the finals, approximately one and a half months after the accident, Jiyu was still using crutches to support her legs—although the doctors had strongly advised to use a wheelchair instead. She only had approximately two months to prepare for her upcoming finals, which she really hadn't considered doing at all since winning competitions over a conventional learning method to advance in life always came naturally for her. Luckily though, for the entire time she was hospitalized, and also the times when she was undergoing home treatment/rehabilitation, Haum was there.

The injury from the Olympics turned out to be worse than what was initially thought. Jiyu’s legs were basically ruined, along with some internal bruising in her hips and a shoulder dislocation. All the ligaments in her knees were ruptured, and those in her ankles were partially torn as well. There were stress fractures all over her leg bones, and her shoulders. Jiyu was basically on the verge of being permanently disabled by the accident.

Despite it all, there was still some good news to be had. The doctors said Jiyu could still return to training after some months of rehabilitation. Especially considering Jiyu hasn’t even hit her twenties yet, so recoveries were expected to be fast. Although, entering a professional gymnastics scene again was prohibited for at least two to three years to ensure maximum recoveries on the delicate parts of her body.

“Jiyu, listen to me carefully alright? You are an amazing athlete as much as you are an amazing person. I believe you can recover from this no problem, but, you should remember this. Your biggest strength as an athlete is also your biggest problem. You have outstanding muscle flexibility and extreme body balance, which is the main reason why you have been so great at this sport. But, as I said, it could be your worst nightmare, too. Your physical traits make it so that you have an explosive power, problem is, your frame is small and delicate. Thus, as you have experienced, your body could not contain the force of your full power. I am really sorry to say that there’s nothing either us, or you can do about it,” the orthopedic doctor explained to Jiyu carefully, on the very day before she was discharged from the hospital.

Jiyu listened carefully. She was silent the whole time. Beside her was Haum, also carefully listening to the words of the doctor. They were not-so-secretly holding hands under the hospital blanket.

“I believe you are Haum, yes?” asked the doctor. Haum ardently nodded. “Hmm. You come here almost everyday. You have a great friend on your side Jiyu. Cherish her,” the doctor paused to smile alternately between the two girls.

“Well, Jiyu. I believe we have already established that it is very possible for you to re-enter the world of professional gymnastics. But once again, I remind you that if you were to have an accident, again, you’ll be paralyzed for life. Of course, God forbid an accident would happen. But as it is now, your body can no longer sustain any more injury than it already has. I hope you really consider this if you ever decide to compete again. My personal advice would be to always take extra care of your body,” the doctor gave his last suggestion before leaving them alone in the room.

As the doctor left the room, Haum cried. “I-I’m so sorry. It’s my fault you have to go through this. I-i-hic-I-”

“Haum. It’s okay. I never blame you for any of it. I made an honest mistake, that’s it. You have nothing to feel guilty of. If any, it could be much, much worse of an accident if you weren’t there that day,” Jiyu tried to soothe her friend.

“N-no. I mean, it’s my fault for introducing you to this sport in the first place. I-”

“Haum,” Jiyu said sternly. Haum raised her head to look at her. “Thank you. But no, being a gymnast was my choice. Despite everything that has happened, and how much I hate it sometimes, I still would choose to be a gymnast if I were to start my life over again. And you are the reason for it to happen, so thank you once again. If I could freely move my hand right now I would hug you, Haum.”

Haum smiled, her eyes still full of tears. She moved forward to hug Jiyu gently. “In this short time that we have before the finals, I swear I’ll teach you everything I know.”

“Sorry Haum. I’m really sorry for making you worried this much. But I have no other choice,” Jiyu thought to herself as she enjoyed Haum’s warm embrace.

Jiyu remembered she was groaning in pain, with Haum running towards her immediately after she landed horribly on that Olympics stage. She calculated the jump, the fall, the injury, everything. She knew she wouldn’t land on her head, nor her neck. She knew she would be injured nonetheless. She just didn’t think that she would have it this bad. She didn’t know that she would make Haum this remorseful.

Yes, the fall back then was deliberate. Jiyu herself wasn’t sure what caused her to make such an impulsive decision. She couldn’t remember anything more than the thought about losing Haum. She very simply acted based on that thought alone.

“IT’S ALL MY FAULT!”

Haum restlessly tapped her pen right on the exclamation mark. She gripped her pen harder, and harder, and then threw her pen across the room. She was crying, her palms went to her eyes to suppress the tears. 

She just dropped Jiyu off at her house after the discharge from the hospital, and left her alone there, as per usual. Her parents weren’t even coming to see her when Jiyu told them about the Olympics, nor did they pay her any visit for the whole time she was hospitalized–other than some phone calls, but that’s about it.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Haum was curling on the floor, the tears haven’t stopped. She was drowning in guilt. She still thought that everything that happened was her fault.

The finals result has finally been announced. Jiyu thankfully passed, barely enough to escape from a remedial trial. Meanwhile, Haum passed with flying colors. Her grades ranking put her to the top 5 parallel rankings across the whole nation. The two were a bit relieved as it was, but there was still the university entrance exam waiting for them. They couldn’t fully relax yet.

As usual, Haum visited Jiyu’s house after school was over. They have been learning together for the last two months. The university entrance exam though, was exponentially harder than the final highschool exam. Learning with Haum was fun, the chemistry between them was great—to be fair, they’ve been spending time together since forever—so the exam material was flowing into Jiyu’s head with almost no problem. They have at most three months to prepare for it, and that was enough.

Once again, Jiyu thankfully got enough of a score. Her body was also getting better by the day. By then she only had to use a walking cane instead of two crutches. Haum, as expected, got by exceptionally well. So well even, that she got an offer to study abroad under a scholarship.

“Haum!”

“Jiyuuu!” Haum said loudly along the way as she ran towards her friend waiting on the porch.

“Whoa, whoa slow down!”

“Come here!” Haum, completely ignoring the fact that her friend was still barely recovering from a possible life altering injury, jumped to her embrace.

“Aaaaakh!” Jiyu screamed. Fortunately, Haum was still an experienced gymnast herself, regardless of their skill gap. Haum carefully avoided putting her whole weight on Jiyu, then maneuvered to hug her from the side instead, with her own body as the pivot. Haum laughed wholeheartedly, Jiyu followed.

“You passed, right?” Haum asked after letting go of the hug.

“Yep. Thanks to you that is,” Jiyu grinned stupidly wide.

“Don’t mention it. You did great absorbing all of the teachings!”

“Only because you make it so easy to understand.”

“Hahahah! Well, at least now I can say I’m better than you at something,” Haum said as she playfully bumped her shoulder.

“Oooh, you have my gratitude, O Genius of the Nation, Oooh~”

The two laughed. It has been so long since they felt like the world only belonged to them at the moment.

“Jiyu. I have something to say.”

“Hm?” Jiyu looked at her friend dearly.

“I’m going abroad. This might be the last time we meet for a long time, if ever,” Haum looked to her side. She looked at Jiyu’s eyes so deeply as if to devour her entire being. She noticed that Jiyu’s pupils were constricting. They both stared at each other. There was silence. A really long and uncomfortable silence.

.

.

.

Jiyu finally opened her mouth. “What?” 

Just like that, Jiyu’s world collapsed.

“You can do this Jiyu, I believe in you!” those words always came up in Jiyu’s waking moments. Those were the last words that came out of Haum’s mouth, before she left Jiyu alone.

Jiyu remembered vividly about the day Haum departed to study abroad. It was the day Jiyu wanted to forever bury and forget, but she couldn’t. It was the last day she saw Haum in the flesh. They never contacted each other after that. At first, Jiyu tried to understand why Haum left her. She even spent hours and hours to almost attempt contacting her, formulating the best sentence to ask her for clarity. But in the end she never sent any of it. It wasn’t without reason, of course. Haum herself prohibited Jiyu to contact her in any way, unless it was completely urgent. And so, they each went off to their own way.

For the first year of Haum’s departure, Jiyu’s life was hell. She was so used to living with Haum close in her reach that when she was gone, the effect immediately started showing. The first thing Jiyu noticed was how she never actually decided on things by herself. Even the littlest of things such as picking a meal, she almost always did it under the guidance of someone else whether it be Haum, her parents, or her coach—mostly Haum. She slowly learned to take liberty of herself, which admittedly wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

Having spent the majority of her life doing gymnastics most probably took a toll on Jiyu’s ability in every other aspect of life. Also the absence of Haum on top of it all, slowed Jiyu’s growth to maturity. The realization of this grew the feeling of hate in her heart. Slowly, she started to resent everything. The center of that hate though, was none other than Haum.

Jiyu fully regained her ability to walk normally by the time university registration started. She initially wanted to focus on learning gymnastics again through university—or really to learn athletics as a whole—but the hate in her heart stopped her from doing so. Out of spite, she decided to learn Business.

University life was bleak, to say the least. To no one’s surprise, she hated business. She hated the fact that she wanted to do business solely because of hate. She hated the fact that she didn’t want to do the very thing she liked only because she decided to hate it. Much sooner than later, Jiyu hated every single thing in her life. Jiyu loathed being alive.

There wasn’t a single night spent without Jiyu furiously cussing at businesses books. She always started her morning with stomping her university notes and the multiple projects she was doing. The worst of it was when she started her master’s degree—yes, spite is a wonderful motivation. People around her always saw her in a messed up state while attending the class, or even outside class. This made her pretty much unapproachable since nobody in their right mind would befriend someone looking insane, especially in this very degree.

Her injury had already completely healed by the time she graduated with a Bachelor's degree. Which meant that Jiyu could now train for as much as she’d like. Training was Jiyu’s only way to cope with all her pent-up anger. Now that her debilitating injury has gone, the time has arrived for Jiyu to go back to her insane training regime. But Jiyu still didn’t have the guts to go back to gymnastics as it always brought back the memories of Haum. With that in mind, Jiyu decided to just do a combined routine of callisthenics and weightlifting. Luckily for her there was a gym near her dorm that opened 24 hours. 

The master's degree demanded a lot of focus, so she could only go to train before dawn until the sun fully rose. More often than not, she didn’t even care to take a bath before attending her classes, even more so taking the time to polish her appearance.

Jiyu wanted to fail. She did everything she could in order to not be accepted in that new environment. She was always alone in her class. Always trained alone in the gym. She was doing everything alone. She was desperate. Desperately trying to prove to herself that she was shit at anything other than gymnastics. On the contrary, she continuously proved herself wrong. She could in fact just do things. She even did the things that she was doing quite well. There were times when she could think of nothing else but stupid, harmful things in the middle of her loneliness. But every single time that thought came up, Haum also did. And out of every single time Haum came up in her mind, Jiyu immediately ceased whatever it is that she was thinking.

The first semester of her last year in Master’s degree was when Jiyu got approached by a boy of the same year as hers. It was noon after class when he approached Jiyu—who looked as messy as ever—who was sitting alone in the campus cafeteria.

“Uhhh, hello there,” the boy said as he got closer.

Jiyu didn’t answer the greeting as she only looked up to scrutinize the boy. He looked kind, at the very least.

“Uhm, yeah, so uh, you’re Jiyu right?”

“Just cut it short. What do you want?”

“Ah. Well, I was just wondering if you perhaps want to eat lunch together? You’re always alone every time I see you.”

“Sure. Help yourself,” Jiyu said carelessly as she took a bite of her homemade lunch, which was just a plain looking boiled chicken breast and some red rice. A diet from her gymnastics days which she didn’t bother changing.

“Do you always cook lunch yourself?”

“Hm?” Jiyu turned her head towards him. Her mouth was full of food. There was some rice spilling out from the corner of her lips.

The boy chuckled. “Nevermind. I’m just saying this just as a suggestion, but would you mind if we eat lunch together all the time from now on? I can bring you some more food if you’d like. And uhm, some napkins as well,” he smiled awkwardly while bringing out some napkins from his bag to then hand it over to Jiyu.

Jiyu only eyed those napkins while keeping her silence. She rolled her eyes before taking the offer. “Fine, why would you want to accompany me anyway? I’m weird you know, oh, and a bit gross too,” she said as she pointed to her mouth and her messy shirt—actually, her entire body was messy from top to bottom.

The boy chuckled again. “Well, you’re cute. That’s the first reason. The next one is, uhm, I just want to know more about you,” the boy smiled at Jiyu sincerely.

“Huh. Thanks, I guess,” Jiyu said a tiny bit more expressively as she stared blankly ahead, unconsciously taking another bite of the boiled chicken.

It was Jiyu’s graduation. A grand ceremony was held in the campus’s auditorium. Jiyu’s parents were there. She smiled briefly at them when they catched each other’s eyes. Her parents were always only available whenever Jiyu’s done something considered ‘good’ for them. Not when she actually needed help. Jiyu noticed this when she recalled the time of her injury, her parents never once gave her a visit in the hospital. They didn’t even bother trying to give her a special course for her to catch up on the upcoming exams back then. It was always Haum who did everything for her.

Suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes. Jiyu remembered Haum again. She quickly shook her head and wiped her eyes. The boy beside her noticed and gave her a pat on the back. That persistent boy whom she met about a year ago in the cafeteria, was already her boyfriend.

“Smile, honey, it’s a big day,” the boyfriend said, trying to cheer Jiyu up.

Jiyu could only respond with a forced smile. It felt like she’s lost something more than what she gained for the past 6 years of her universities.

After the ceremony was over, her boyfriend came up to her parents to greet them. He immediately told them that he has already secured a job as a Financial Analyst in the largest bank of the country. Her parents accepted him with open hands. The boy was everything that they wanted to have as a child. An honest and hardworking person, walking a ‘safe’ path in his life. They saw him as a major investment in their life. Something they couldn’t ever see in Jiyu’s self.

Jiyu overheard the conversation. She already knew how her parents looked at her, so it was not surprising when they accepted her boyfriend very dearly. That doesn’t mean Jiyu liked it. She hated it. But she tried to just let it pass in the moment. And then she swallowed all her emotions.

“I wish you were here.”

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. Jiyu felt like she no longer grasped the concept of time. It felt like she was always burdened by something so large in the back of her mind. She couldn’t quite point out what it was, nor what it might be. It’s just that this particular thing was draining her energy rapidly to the point that she couldn’t process literally anything else in her life. Somehow though, Jiyu always associated the burden with an image of Haum.

After graduation, Jiyu felt a huge mental block from the burdening image of Haum in the back of her mind. She didn’t know what it was at the time, but it was for sure greatly reducing her productivity. Despite being a master’s degree graduate, she couldn’t find a job for a long period. Unlike the time spent in Uni when she was always kept busy by the neverending tasks, the complete absence of those tasks made Jiyu’s mind very prone to spiraling. She was lucky her parents were still kind enough to support her financially, and also to be allowed to live under the same roof as her boyfriend’s helped to mitigate a large sum of her problems. For Jiyu though, none of those so-called ‘help’ actually helped her. In her mind, she was still fighting her problems. Alone. With no one who understood her enough to help.

This problem was getting worse and worse by the day. Jiyu started to get thinner, and thinner, due to her not continuing her training schedule. She didn’t eat enough. She barely slept at night. She isolated herself in the day. Her muscles deflated. In just about a month, Jiyu lost approximately 4kgs of muscleweight. She was depressed. 

Living under the same roof made her boyfriend the person who noticed first. He actually already realized there was something not quite right within Jiyu’s self by the time it hit the second month of them living together. It’s just that Jiyu has been so unapproachable that he didn’t have enough courage to just ask her what’s up. He was afraid of losing her, to be exact.

“Jiyu, I made you a chicken burrito. I counted the macros too, if that’s what you’re worried about. Or is it not? C’mon honey,” he said one time, wildly guesstimating what Jiyu might have wanted. Jiyu of course, only reluctantly responded with a simple ‘yes’.

Then came another chance. Her boyfriend asked her parents about what Jiyu liked as a child. Her parents told him about gymnastics–they further explained how it was bad for Jiyu to get so absorbed in it that she didn’t want to do anything else but gymnastics for a while. And so, her boyfriend decided to give it a try.

“Jiyu, it’s Saturday tomorrow. A day off that is. Do you fancy a date tomorrow? ... You know what, it’s more of an order than a request. Let’s go out tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Jiyu said halfheartedly.

Saturday came. Jiyu had no idea what they were about to do, nor where they were going. Her boyfriend didn’t tell her anything about visiting a gym specialized for gymnastics. It wasn’t until they reached the front of the building that Jiyu realized what was going on. Suddenly, the vivid scene of Haum giving her a word of encouragement came alive in her mind. Jiyu’s body instinctively jerked. Her torso shot forward from the seat, yanking the locked seatbelt. Her mind processed the pain from the straining belt a lot later than it processed the sharp imagination.

“Argh!”

Her boyfriend almost jumped out of the seat himself when he saw that Jiyu suddenly moved in an extreme manner like that. “Does she like gymnastics this much?” he thought. 

“Are you okay honey?” her boyfriend said while grabbing Jiyu’s shoulder in order to calm her down.

“Ungh. Yeah. Thanks. I just, yeah. I guess I’m just excited,” Jiyu said, shooting up a smile. She was trying so hard to mentally remove the glaring image of Haum replacing her boyfriend in the driver’s seat.

“Okay. I’m sorry okay? I thought you’d like it if I brought you here, to a gymnastics gym. I guess it’s not it huh?”

“No no! I think this is the correct thing to do! It’s just that, it’s been so long for me. And it’s quite an integral part of my life, so I overreacted. No need to be sorry,” the image of Haum slowly disappeared. Strangely, Jiyu felt like she gained a bit of energy after seeing her. Was she glad about it? She wasn’t entirely sure herself.

Her boyfriend was surprised. For the first time ever since they lived together, Jiyu finally showed an expression. “Wow! I mean, cough, Whoa. I’m glad. Then, should we continue?”

Jiyu smiled sincerely. “Please.”

Jiyu started to get more and more life into her. She was slowly regaining herself. The reason for it all was none other than the gymnastics session she started to undergo, again, after a lengthy hiatus of almost seven whole years.

The first day of her return was surprisingly easier than what she always thought it would. Ever since Haum left, the idea of gymnastics has always been much more daunting to her. Unknowingly, Jiyu restricted herself from truly living, exactly because of this fear. She was afraid of being hurt again. She was afraid of not having Haum around to take care of her if an injury was to occur again.

Jiyu entered the gym without the company of her boyfriend, as per her request. She wanted to feel it herself. She wanted it to be personal. She wanted to know how it felt like to fight for herself, by herself, with herself, without the help of Haum. The first step was the most important after all. And so, she stepped inside.

She entered the gym with her eyes closed. Her breath was uneven, she remembered the feeling of her knee being ruptured in front of everyone. Her knees were suddenly stinging from that same exact pain. Her knees were shaking hard. Jiyu’s body suddenly fell forward, she’s holding on to her knees. Jiyu started breathing even more heavily. She blinked repeatedly and took some deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down.

“You can do this Jiyu, I believe in you!”

Jiyu’s eyes suddenly shot wide open. It was a familiar voice. She could instantly recognize whose voice it was. It’s Haum’s. The voice was so clear that it actually shocked Jiyu to the core. She fell forwards on all fours. Jiyu was perplexed. She turned her head around in hopes that she would actually find Haum hanging around, to no avail. Jiyu then laughed to herself in disbelief.

“Even after all these years, you still decided to come up and help me. Haha. Guess I can never truly hate you, Haum. Thank you,” Jiyu said to herself as she slowly gathered the power to stand back up.

It was smooth sailing from that point onwards.

The gymnastics session she had was unbelievably fun. Jiyu came back home smiling wide. Her widest smile in seven years. Jiyu herself probably didn’t realize it, but she was overjoyed. She was happy with the fact that her body was still capable of doing gymnastics, albeit not as good as she was seven years ago. She was happy with the fact that even though she abandoned this world, it still accepted her just the same. She was happy with how she could finally forgive Haum for leaving her.

Haum. That name was ringing in Jiyu’s head for the whole time she was on the workout. Even now, when Jiyu was already back in the apartment cleaning herself, she couldn’t get rid of the thought.

“Haum...”

Jiyu’s body was heating up. Granted she was under the shower, in warm water, but this was something else. She was heating from the inside. Almost like there was a bonfire warming her entire body. It felt so, so good for Jiyu to the point of her moaning. Her hands unconsciously went to finger herself.

“Mmmmh..., Haum..., Ah”

Her fingers started moving faster. She was rubbing her clitoris in a circular movement. She crashed her back onto the wall. Still moaning all the way. Her other hand started to reach for her own tits. She squeezed her breast alternatingly. Jiyu moaned harder. Her fingers were now rubbing her folds. Her crotch was intensely hot, and her pussy was sopping wet. The hand on her tits was starting to pinch the nipples.

“Ah...., Ahh...., mmmffgghhhhh”

Jiyu’s hips moved forward as if she was pulled by an invisible force. She started to insert her middle finger into her pussy. Jiyu’s crotch was hot, but the inside of her pussy was even hotter. It was scalding hot, her walls were. She almost screamed if she hadn’t bite her bottom lip. She squeezed her breasts roughly. The finger inside her pussy moved faster. Her thighs started trembling. Jiyu removed the finger inside her pussy to savor the taste of herself. She licked her middle finger. She then also licked her ring finger alongside it. When it felt like she had given it enough of a saliva, she dragged those wet fingers on her skin. Rubbing herself from her neck slowly down towards her pussy again. She finally reached her clitoris. She flicked it softly, which earned herself a moan. Her fingers traveled slightly down. She rested her finger on top of her folds for several seconds, feeling her own heat, her own slick. Jiyu’s heart was thumping hard. Without waiting any longer, she inserted her middle and ring fingers into her pussy.

“Agh!”

She moved her fingers up and down. Inside, outside. She was so wet. She could hear the sound of her fingers frantically moving inside her pussy. Her thighs were trembling harder. Her fingers started hitting on a spot that felt particularly good. So good that each time she hit it, her body jolted. It didn’t take long for her muscles to gradually stiffen up. Her hips shot forward and her body tightened. She released her fingers. Jiyu squirted hard under the shower.

“NGGGHHH..., GAAAAAH!” Jiyu finally screamed before she felt her strength entirely leaving her body. Jiyu passed out.

The feeling of water hitting her unconscious body woke her up. She must’ve been out for several minutes. She turned off the shower to try remembering what just happened as she slowly stood back up. It took her a lot of strength just to stand. Was it because her body was surprised because of the gymnastic training? Was she really that exhausted for her legs to still tremble this wildly?

But then she remembered. Her face suddenly felt hot. She was limping towards the sink as she slowly got out of the shower. She covered her face with both of her palms. She leaned forward, down into the sink.

“I just masturbated to Haum,” she thought to herself as the realization kicked in.

Jiyu was ashamed. Her face was burning. But, there was no anger in her heart. There was no more hate in her body. She was smiling behind her hands. She was content with what just happened. If anything, she felt like the weight that has been weighing her mind for all this time was finally gone.

Jiyu discovered something within herself. She loved Haum.

Jiyu finally landed a job in a tech company as a junior in tech analyst. The job required a largely different set of skills from what she had, but Jiyu learned things pretty quickly. Ever since the time she returned to her gymnastic ways, Jiyu felt like she could do everything. Her mind was sharp, her body was light, she felt like she could take life itself head-on.

Jiyu got the job approximately two months into her new routine, which included a day of gymnastic practice. This newly energized version of Jiyu came alive from the fact that she has accepted herself fully as the way she was meant to be. To still love being a gymnast even with her responsibilities. To forgive everyone. And most importantly, to realize that she loved Haum. 

In the three months post-gymnastics, Jiyu mustered up the courage to ‘fix’ her relationship with her boyfriend. That is, to ask him to have sex with her. Jiyu felt guilty about the fact that they’ve been dating for almost two years by then, and they still haven’t gone as far as having a proper kiss. But that guilt was much much smaller than the embarrassment she had from hiding the fact that she masturbated to Haum every Saturday night after her gymnastics session.

It was a random Sunday night, she shyly asked her boyfriend about it.

“I’m getting used to this, you know, these high protein diets you’ve been eating lately, especially since the day you started training for gymnastics again. Just, probably needs a little more salt next time. Would you mind if I cook for you tomorrow? I promise I’ll give you the fitting macros for it, although it might be a little higher in calories, hehe,” her boyfriend said lightheartedly.

“Of course honey. I’ll let you in on this little secret, but I actually don’t really care about the calories of my meal. Protein is the most important for me, that’s it.”

“Wha... that doesn’t explain why the food you made has been so ... bland.”

Jiyu threw her chopstick at him. He laughed. Watching him laugh made Jiyu laugh a little too. The apartment was filled with warmth that night.

“You know what honey, you’ve been behaving a lot, humm, I don’t really know how to say it properly, but you seem really happy lately. And seeing you happy is all the reason I need to be happy as well,” her boyfriend said in front of Jiyu. He rested his chin on one of his raised palms. He smiled so sincerely at her.

Jiyu smiled back. It was still a subtle smile, but it wasn’t a forced one.

“Uhm, I’ve been meaning to say this for some time now. I think ... I think I’m ready to have sex with you,” Jiyu said straightforwardly. Her tone was so serious that her boyfriend actually choked on his own saliva.

“What the...” her boyfriend finally managed to say something after some nasty coughing. He looked up to her to see that she hadn't changed her expression at all. “Jiyu are you sure? This is a big commitment you know.”

Jiyu only nodded slightly.

“Okay then. Okay. Let’s just, clean the table first alright? Then we move to the bedroom,” her boyfriend proposed the idea. Again, Jiyu only nodded silently to it.

The clean up probably only took 10 minutes, but it was a lengthy 10 minutes filled with only the sounds of plates and cooking utensils clanging. They were both completely silent all the while.

“Bedroom?” her boyfriend said after washing his hands post the clean up.

“Bedroom,” Jiyu answered firmly. Her heart was beating so hard.

They walked together towards the bedroom, with her boyfriend leading the way. Upon entering the room, her boyfriend politely asked her to sit on the edge of the bed. Right when he was about to undress himself, Jiyu suddenly shrieked.

“WAIT! Ah, sorry. Wait,” Jiyu stood up to walk towards the light switch. “You don’t mind this right?” she asked as she was standing right beside the switch, with her hand already on it. Her boyfriend gave her an understanding smile. Jiyu turned the lights off.

Humans have the ability to adapt to complete darkness by heightening their sense of hearing. Jiyu felt it. As soon as the lights went off, she could hear everything that’s happening in the room. Her own breathing, her boyfriend’s breathing, the subtle move she made, and finally, the rustling voice her boyfriend made as he tried to take off his pants. Jiyu gulped before walking towards the bed. Once again, she reassured herself. “You can do this Jiyu.”

Jiyu walked closer, until she was just right beside it. She couldn’t see anything, but she could clearly feel the presence of her boyfriend sitting on the bed’s edge. He was already naked. She slowly started to undress herself. Even in the dark, Jiyu couldn’t stand the fact that she was naked in front of another human being, despite it being her own boyfriend. She very slowly climbed the bed to sit in the center of it. Jiyu’s body was cold, contrasting with the heat permeating from his boyfriend’s body. Jiyu was afraid.

His boyfriend inched closer to her, he brought his hand to her shoulder, feeling the temperature of her skin. “Jiyu...”

“I-it’s fine. W-we can do it. I’m sure about this.”

“Okay...” her boyfriend said as he slowly pushed Jiyu to lay flat on the bed.

Jiyu was laying on her right side, with her boyfriend behind her slowly getting into a spooning position. As he got closer and closer, his body heat felt intimidating. And then, she felt a throbbing piece of meat rubbing on her back. It was her boyfriend’s penis. At this point, Jiyu was crying. 

“Haum, help me...”

The thought of Haum somehow brought her a little bit of peace. She relaxed for a second. She felt her boyfriend’s hand start to reach for her bare thigh. She forced herself to dissociate, to feel anything but her boyfriend. The hand started to slide onto her pussy, slowly rubbing the opening. Jiyu was panting at this point.

“Here I go,” the boyfriend whispered after what he felt was enough rubbing. Jiyu didn’t get any wetter, if at all.

Jiyu felt his boyfriend’s penis slowly barging in. It felt like her body was literally split into two pieces from the crotch upwards. Her entire pussy was hot, but not in a pleasant way. It felt like it was burning, the dick ravaging her inside felt like it was made from a molten lava. She tried her best to suppress the urge to scream. She never felt pain like this. Not even her injury was this painful.

He started to move further inside. As much as Jiyu was afraid of this, her body was nicer to the both of them. She started to get wet, despite being as unwilling as she was. His boyfriend didn’t know about this at all though. All he knew was that Jiyu started to ease herself up. And so, he started moving faster. From this point on, Jiyu completely blanked out.

.

.

.

Jiyu regained consciousness after the deed had finished. She had no idea how long she was in this passive state, when her mind completely stopped working but her body was still active. She didn’t want to know the specifics though. Most importantly, it seemed like her boyfriend fell asleep immediately after he was done, judging from the state they were in. She hurriedly—also as silent as she could—jumped out of bed to go to the bathroom.

Jiyu threw up in the toilet. She felt horrible. Horribly disgusted by her own actions. She felt dirty. It’s like her body was no longer her own. She cried her eyes out, sitting in front of the toilet like that. She felt violated. Knowing full well that she fully consented to it only made her cry even harder.

After several minutes of emotion dumping, Jiyu stood up to take a shower. She set the shower to the hottest setting. For a split second, the hot water shocked her, but still it was nothing compared to the pain of letting herself in the situation she was in before this. She stepped inside. She massaged her pelvic area, pushing and trying to clean out her insides. There was some visible thick white liquid coming out of her. Once she got a sight of those, she threw up again in the shower.

The morning came up. Jiyu woke up earlier than her boyfriend. She made breakfast soon after—the usual, boiled chicken and red rice. Her boyfriend woke up not long after that.

“Mooorniinggg!” he greeted Jiyu who was preparing to cut the boiled chicken.

Jiyu smiled at him. “Morning.”

“Last night was awesome! I still can’t believe we actually did it. Hahah. It felt really good honestly, thanks honey,” he said as he walked closer and kissed Jiyu on her cheek. He hasn’t taken a bath so he still reeked of last night’s activity.

Jiyu just smiled, but without looking at him.

“Wait honey, did it feel good to you too? I don’t want to be the only one in this. Really sorry I fell asleep right after we did it, but please tell me it felt good for you.”

Jiyu initially wanted to cry. She wanted to be honest. She wanted nothing else but be honest in front of him. “Yeah, it felt great honey.”

Her boyfriend grinned at her. “Well that’s good to hear then,” he said before approaching her to give a hug from behind. “Ah, you’re cooking this again?! Let me take over from here!”

He laughed. Jiyu laughed too, but deep down, she was screaming at herself for never being able to tell him the truth.

Three months later. Jiyu felt stuck right back in her depressive state. Her life felt like nothing but a perpetual cycle of hollowness. She slowly started to feel less and less alive as time went on.

She and her boyfriend had sex about once a month. Sometimes two, and maybe three in the extremities, if her boyfriend really insisted. Out of every sex they had, it felt worse for Jiyu. Her body might be capable of forcing itself to accept her boyfriend, but her mind was never capable of doing so, not even for the slightest. She couldn’t ever accept anyone but Haum in her heart.

Jiyu began to hate everything, again. But this time, she centered the hate around herself. Her self loathing was so bad that even Haum’s voice, who could usually calm her down whenever things went rough, could no longer affect her in any ways. The only thing that she clung onto was Saturday. The day of her gymnastic training. She put every anger, every sadness, or pretty much every emotion into her routine. The result? Well, she got stronger and sturdier as time went on. She completely disregarded her doctor’s advice to take extra care of her body. Frankly, at this point she could no longer give a shit about it.

One day, her phone rang. She was in the bathroom when it happened, so her boyfriend noticed it first.

“Honey! There was a phone call. It’s from Haum, your childhood friend!”

Jiyu freezed under the shower. Time suddenly stopped running. She could see the droplets of water stopping all around her, floating in the air. The world has stopped itself for her.

“Coming right up!” Jiyu said. Her boyfriend was waiting by the bathroom door for at least 10 minutes of silence, wondering why the hell it took her so long to respond.

Jiyu came out of the bathroom in a towel wrap and nothing else. Her boyfriend almost spat the water he was drinking. Thinking back, he had never seen her fully naked before. “T-the phone is on the living room table, p-put on some clothes please...”

Jiyu nodded and went straight to her phone. But before she tried calling Haum back, she asked him a question. “How do you know she was my childhood friend?”

“Uhmm, you told me about her several times. And, please don’t take offense to this, isn’t she pretty much your only friend? You also moaned her name a lot in your sleep.”

“What?” Jiyu frowned. This was the first time she ever heard about this.

“Sorry! I just thought that she was someone important to you, so I never really tried to tell you about it. And if you really hold her in that high regard, then it’s only normal if I show some respect to her, right?” he said while scratching his head.

“Right. Well, I’m not mad or anything. She really is my best friend, no, my only friend actually. It just shocked me that I even go as far as mentioning her in my sleep. Sorry if it’s bothering you.”

“Believe me when I say I don’t mind it at all honey. Now go and call her back, must be important,” he said, giving her a wink and an understanding smile.

Jiyu nodded. For once, she was glad to have him as a boyfriend.

“Day 1.
I’m leaving. Wah, a new life. Exciting! I’m starting anew, but I left Jiyu alone. I hope she’s fine. Ah, she will be fine, I’m sure of that! We’re both grown already, not the same kid who played together everyday at the park, or at my house. … Besides, I already told her to contact me if she had any problem, everything will be okay.”

Haum felt the pen trembling in her hand. She stopped writing her diary to lower her head. She was gritting her teeth as she gripped the pen harder. Haum was crying inside the plane as she was leaving her hometown.

“Day 21
It’s already been three weeks since I left home. Doesn’t feel like there’s any trouble at all back home. My parents called every day, although that might be a bit much, haha! Jiyu on the other hand, she never called me, at all. So I guess she really is doing fine, even without me.”

Haum wrote inside a small Chinese restaurant her college friends invited her to. It was the cheapest option for dinner, they said.

“Hey, what’s that?” her friend asked.

“Ah, it’s a diary of mine. I like to keep tab of interesting things, especially being a foreigner myself~”

“That’s neat, but then again, what’s so interesting about this place?” the other friend asked, but said the last few words as quietly as possible. The group laughed together after. Haum slipped her diary back inside her bag as they were laughing.

“Day 94
Numbers are nowhere near this complicated back in high school. When did it get this difficult? And why the hell would I choose Engineering, out of everything? Abroad as well, as if it wasn’t enough of a torture. Ughhh. I will never get through. Everything is hard. Every day is heavy. I feel lonely…
Urgh! Well, no point complaining about it now, I do feel better pointing it out though.”

Haum wrote it in the middle of the night in her dorm, right after finishing a class project.

“Day 365
It’s been a year. Jiyu never contacted me. So I really was never that important to her after all? Well, I’d guess so. She was always better than me. She was always prettier than me. She was always more than me. I guess I was the one who needed her…
You know what? Screw her! You can do this alone, Haum. You don’t need her.”

Haum nodded to herself in affirmation. She was a bit annoyed after writing this one, but when her phone rang, she excitedly picked it up.

“Heyyy?!”

“Hello kiddo! What’s up?!” it was the sound of her dad.

“Ah, Dad. Hi there.”

Her dad laughed. “What? Are you not excited to hear from your parents now? Do you have new parents there or something?”

Haum forced a laugh. “No dad, I was just … you know what, nevermind. Are you doing well over there? Is mom okay?”

They talked just briefly. Haum told her dad that she was fine, but her feelings didn’t just disappear. She really wanted Jiyu to be the one calling. She wanted to talk to her. Haum missed her, but she knew better than anyone to not expect anything from her.

“Day 1359
It’s finished! This university life is over, finally! Gosh. It took such a long time to get here, such a hard time, too! All’s well that ends well I guess, yippie! 
I’m lucky to have Sui by my side. She’s been such a great help for all this time. I may not be able to survive through all of this if it weren’t for her. I love her.”

Haum raised her head after writing. Sui was laying on her stomach on the bed, watching Haum close her diary. Haum stood up to walk towards Sui.

“Graduation is in about like, a month or two from now on, right?” Haum asked as she sat right in front of Sui’s face.

“Ooo, thank god you bathed already” Sui said, they laughed–not without Haum playfully smacking Sui’s head. “Yeah, it's 70 days from now, to be exact. Why?”

“It’s my parents. They’re gonna come here to celebrate. I missed them so much actually. Ah, you’re gonna meet them too! I’ve told them about you. They seem to like you actually, you’re 100% gonna like them back.”

“Heh. Must be nice to have such supportive parents. Well, can’t relate to that whatsoever …Anyway, can’t wait to meet them!” Sui said, she then sat herself up. “But first, let’s-” she stopped her words to kiss Haum.

They made out, again, for the third time that night.

“Day 1792
Things aren’t going well with Sui. We fight a lot. We argue about everything. She said I could never understand her. Why did she say that? She never tried to understand me either. I think this is it for us. I’m sorry.”

Haum closed her diary. She was sad. She was heartbroken. There were tears in her eyes, but somehow it just refused to fall. Haum ended her four years relationship with Sui the next morning.

“Day 1900
I heard mom is sick back home. It’s pretty serious. A stage two pancreatic cancer. I wish I was there. I call her every day, hopefully it eases the pain. Dad is sitting beside mom almost every single time we have a call. At least she’s not alone. 
I’m doing fine here. Work is tough, sure. It’s all within expectation though, was never expecting an easy time working as a tech engineer. But seriously I could go for some holidays to go home. I’ll ask my boss tomorrow.”

“Day 1901
My boss allowed me to go just like that? I got a whole week off to myself, too. Wow. You sir have my biggest gratitude. I’m going back tomorrow, yey! It’s been so long since the last time. I wonder how many things have changed.”

Haum arrived the next day. She realized that she shouldn’t be feeling like how she was, all giddy and happy. She only returned to her home because her mom was ill. Definitely not a happy cause, but still, she couldn’t stop herself from being excited upon her return.

Five years abroad simultaneously brought a lot of changes and nothing at all. The airport was a lot busier, but at the same time it was still that same old airport. The city’s stadium has changed its color, but it was still the same old stadium the Olympics was held in. Her high school was getting bigger, but it was still the same school she was once a student of. Haum contemplated the whole trip towards her house. There’s still something else she would like to know the state of after her more-than-five years of absence.

She finally reached the road to her house. On the way, she saw the park where she used to play at, as a child. She smiled realizing that it was still the same old park. Shortly after, she was already in front of her house. She got out of the uber. Her house was still the same old house, just a bit dirtier than usual. She took a deep breath to gather some courage before deciding to turn her head around.

“It’s okay, Haum,” she said to herself as she turned around.

Then she saw it. Jiyu’s house. It has changed drastically. It was nothing like the house she knew before. Somehow, this hurt Haum a lot more than the fact that her mom was suffering from cancer.

“Day 1909
I saw her house yesterday. The layout has completely changed. It just felt so different somehow. Like it belonged to someone else. Like it mocked me for expecting it to be the same. It really broke my heart. I initially wanted to visit, I wanted to say hello to the old friend who I’ve been longing for quite a while, but as it turned out, she has moved out. According to my parents, they moved right as I went abroad.
.
My parents are fine. Mom is going through a lot of therapy, yes, but she is stable. Doctors said the only thing I can do is just stay in contact with them. Something I already do this whole time, so on that front there’s really nothing to worry about.
.
I miss her”

Haum slowly closed her diary. She thought about it for a second, then she reopened it and furiously scribbled the last three words. She closed the diary in anger.

Haum never opened her diary again after returning from her hometown. She felt pain then, every single time she was reminded about the thought that Jiyu didn’t care. Inside her heart was a gaping wound, unhealing even through the time. Haum was hoping that she could find a person who could fix her. She hopped on a lot of relationships, she even tried dating a man once, still in the hope of finding a cure, to no avail.

Until Leesol came, her latest girlfriend–although it might be more fitting to call her a situationship. Leesol was a colleague from the office. She was in the marketing division, as opposed to Haum in the technical. They met at a club one night. It was New Year’s Eve, everyone was hammered–except Leesol. A drunk Haum approached Leesol that night, and next thing they knew was that they woke up in the same bed, with no clothes adhered to their body, with their crotches wet and sticky.

They agreed to continue on meeting one another since. Their bond got closer, and closer, but they never actually dated. Leesol was a very perceptive person. She knew from the beginning that Haum was desperately looking for someone, she just didn’t know what it was. Which was the reason why she decided to stick around, because who knows, she could give her that something she has needed for so long.

Until their relationship hit the one and a half years mark. Leesol said something about Haum.

“That thing you have always been doing this whole time, I think I know what it is,” Leesol said–or rather, lectured–calmly. They just finished bathing, after sex.

Haum, who was patting her hair with a towel, threw a confused look at the one who just said that. “What?”

“You know what I’m talking about Haum. It’s your eyes.”

“I …, don’t know what you’re talking about Leesol.”

Leesol exhaled slowly, she averted her gaze from Haum for a second, looking for the right phrase to say outloud. 

“You’re hiding something deep inside yourself. Like, hmm, I don’t know, some kind of a desire? A desire to be seen, a desire to be loved even. You’re actually obsessed with it? I don’t know what exactly. It’s just that every time I see your eyes, there’s only sadness, anger, hate, just negative emotions in general. Of course I don’t blame you for that. I mean, everyone has got their own story, right? If anything, I wanted to help. Trust me, I really do. But I think I could only help if you wanted to be helped, if you know what I mean.

I have this vague feeling that you actually already know the answer. It’s the way you look at me, Haum. You never actually looked square at me. You’re always looking past, searching for someone else inside me, which, I’m really sorry to say, would never be available. You see Haum, I’m just me … not whoever it is that you’re looking for.”

Leesol closed her remark with a single slow clap. She stood up to walk closer and closer towards Haum, who couldn’t even raise her head the whole time Leesol was talking. Leesol gently wrapped her hands around Haum, embracing the weeping girl.

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not angry at you. Never was. Sorry for making you cry. I really wish you would finally get your person, no matter how difficult it might be. There, there.” Leesol said, patting Haum in the back.

They separated after that night. It was the most gentle break up Haum ever experienced. She will forever be grateful to Leesol for actually accepting her broken self, while also breaking the illusion of ‘love’ she had. Because the only person she ever truly loved was none other than Jiyu.

“Day ?? Day 2xxx??? Day 25xxxxxxxxxx“

Haum hands trembled. She couldn’t continue. She just received a call from the hospital where her parents were treated. They passed away. Her mom’s cancer flared back again in a much more aggressive manner about 5 months prior, she couldn’t survive it. While her dad had a fatal heart attack not even two hours after her mom’s passing. For a slight moment, Haum considered following them. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” Haum screamed at the top of her lungs. She threw her diary across the room. She then went to the living room and pushed everything off the top of the table under the TV. Things instantly shattered. There were vases, a table clock, a PS4, framed pictures of her parents, and some more. She screamed at the broken things on the floor. She didn’t stop there. She stormed to the kitchen. Opening her fridge, there was a bottle of whiskey inside. She considered downing the whole bottle, she was close to actually doing it, before an image flashed her mind. The image of the last time she saw Jiyu’s teary eyes at the airport where she said her goodbyes. It was her last time seeing Jiyu.

Haum put down the bottle. She slumped on the kitchen floor. She sobbed, letting her heart out. She cried as loud as she possibly could, until it felt like she could no longer. She then slowly crawled towards the disheveled diary–she threw it from the bedroom to the kitchen, quite far–, picking it up carefully. She wiped the dirtiness off. She then held it as close to her chest as possible, hugging it tightly. The diary of Haum was the last thing connecting her to her hometown. She clung onto it like her life was on the line. She fell asleep, crouching, still with the diary in her embrace.

The next morning, she decided to come back home. To give her parents a final, proper goodbye. To give her hometown a final goodbye. And possibly, to let Jiyu know about her feelings. She grabbed her phone. Her fingers were shaking while typing in Jiyu’s number. She prayed and prayed for that number to still be active. She had nothing else other than her.

*ring*

Haum’s parents died the day before Haum called. She called Jiyu to let her know about it, and that she’s returning to the town the next day. 

Jiyu responded as much as she needed to in the call, but as soon as it was ending she was jumping on the floor in celebration. Part of her knew that the reason for her return was nothing to celebrate. She was actually closer to Haum’s parents too, compared to her own. So she was sad about it, but she just couldn’t hold herself back from the fact that she was finally about to meet the love of her life. She couldn’t wait for it.

Haum arrived on a Sunday. Jiyu has already been waiting for her in the airport for an hour before the plane’s landing. Her boyfriend has offered to accompany her, but she refused. Jiyu said that she wanted to make it personal. Her boyfriend understood and let her go by herself.

“Haum! Right here!” Jiyu waved at the familiar figure entering the airport arrival gate.

“Oh, Jiyu!” the girl from afar waved back, she waddled quickly towards Jiyu.

They finally reunited with each other. There was a feeling of indescribable relief floating in the air. Jiyu looked at Haum’s eye as deeply as she could, so did Haum. There were so many emotions hidden beneath each other’s gaze. They were silently looking at each other for several seconds. Little do they know that each of their hearts were really close to jump out of their own ribcage.

“Come here,” Haum finally said as she opened her arms. Jiyu jumped in it.

“Haum!”

“I missed you Jiyu.”

“I missed you too!” Jiyu said as she tightened her arms around Haum’s body. They hugged for a whole lot longer than they stared at each other before. The warmthness was something entirely different from any other sensation they ever felt.

“Ouch, ouch! Jiyu you’re hugging me a bit too tight,” Haum laughingly said as she tapped Jiyu’s head from the back.

“Ah, sorry. I was just so happy to see you,” Jiyu released her bear-hugging hands.

“Oof,” Haum stretched. “Heheh. It’s alright. Happy to see you too! And holy shit you really hugged me hard there, I can feel it on my ribs! Are you still training?!”

Jiyu scratched her head. Her face was turning red. “Y-yeah. Not much though, I only recently started doing gymnastics again. I guess I just couldn’t stay far away from it.”

Haum laughed at that response. And for the first time in a long, long time, Jiyu laughed from seeing Haum laugh.

They walked to the lounge, then Jiyu asked her to sit down for a bit. “Haum, I’m sorry about your parents.”

“Ah, uhm, thanks. But really you shouldn’t be, they died happily, in each other’s embrace from what I’ve heard. My mum died first, and my dad had a heart attack not even two hours later. Kinda funky right?”

“Are you not sad?”

“Me? Naahh, I’m actually content with it. I mean, they lived a good life, died a good death too. Why should I be sad about it? I mean if you’re saying ‘but you haven’t met them for a while’ then you’re wrong! I kept in contact with them ever since I started living abroad!”

“But still, it’s your parents...”

Haum smiled. “As I said, I’m alright Jiyu, trust me! Also, I’m a grown ass woman! I can live my life independently now, it’s no problemo. If anything, the one who’s sad is actually you, right?” Haum changed her tone to an extremely soft and reassuring voice as she asked the last question.

Jiyu nodded. She then silently cried while looking down.

“Oh Jiyu, come here,” Haum said as she opened her arms once more. Jiyu cried in there.

“How have you been?” Haum asked as soon as Jiyu stopped crying.

“It’s a long story,” Jiyu answered while raising her head and wiping her eyes. “But you’ve got time right?”

“Heh. Clever girl. Damn right I have, I’m spending the week here, my boss gave me a lot of downtime as soon as I mentioned my parents death. I took a week off, but I can just extend it if I need some extra time. So, walk me through this city would-ya!” Haum bumped shoulders with Jiyu, as always, Jiyu didn’t even budge.

“Motherfucker, you really are still as strong as ever,” Haum said immediately after bumping. She laughed after saying that, as if she just said the funniest thing in the world. According to Jiyu though, she did. They laughed really loudly together. 

They were glad. Glad that they were still the same as they were before they separated years ago. Glad that they still see each other eye to eye, despite the long years of yearning and suffering.

The world finally belonged only to the two of them again.

*knock* *knock* knock

“Yeaaah! Comingg!” Haum’s voice is heard from the other side of the door. She was residing in her old house, the one located across the street from Jiyu's old one–before it was sold, since nobody lived there ever since Jiyu went to Uni. 

As she opens the door, she sees Jiyu standing there. Jiyu is sobbing.

“Jiyu! Oh my God, what happened? Come in, come in!”

Haum closes the door as Jiyu steps inside. Jiyu continues crying on the living room sofa.

Haum doesn’t know anything about the reason behind her friend’s crying, so she decides to brew some tea. The smell of chamomile tea really works wonders in calming the nervous system. Jiyu has noticeably calmed down after the tea is served in front of her.

“Feeling better now?” Haum asks carefully.

“Yeah. Thanks a lot. Really,” Jiyu answers as she’s sipping the tea.

“Now, would you mind telling me about it?”

Jiyu shakes her head. “No. It’s the reason I came here anyway,” Jiyu does a breathing exercise before continuing. “Okay, here I go, phew,”

“You can relax. Take it slow Jiyu. I have all the time in the world.”

“My boyfriend is asking me to marry him, and I ran away.”

“...”

“...”

“Wha-, that’s it?” Haum asks as she leans forward from her sitting position.

Jiyu nods to the question.

“Then why the hell are you crying?! Jeez! I thought it was something else. Like, idunno, literally anything else other than that!”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean ‘what do I mean?’ Jiyu it’s your boyfriend for fucks sake! Isn’t it normal for him to propose to you eventually? I mean, he’s kinda nice too from what I’ve been hearing from your stories this past week I’m here. If anything, why would you even cry? I mean I guess it does bring a weight to your life, marrying someone. Since y’know, lifetime commitment and all that. But you literally came here crying as if you were just heavily wounded, no, tormented even. And it’s just a marriage proposal? C'mon Jiyu!”

Jiyu feels insulted. Haum doesn’t even know what she has been putting up with for all this time. And yet, she dares to say it is just a marriage proposal. For the first time in her life, Jiyu let her anger flow.

“Just a marriage proposal you say? Just a marriage proposal? Haum do you even know anything about me to say that?!” Jiyu’s voice is low, but she is gritting her teeth. Her muscles are clenching. She’s trying to hold herself back from actually lashing out. The sight of someone as muscular as Jiyu holding everything back is not exactly something pretty, if not downright scary for Haum right at that point.

But, being Haum, she isn’t the least bit intimidated. “No. No I don’t! That’s why I asked you! Explain it Jiyu, please. Explain your problem to me!”

“IT’S YOU!” Jiyu screams. She is already standing up in front of Haum. She stands up so fast that Haum even fails at keeping up with her eyes. Jiyu looks even scarier from below.

“THE PROBLEM IS YOU, HAUM!”

Jiyu leans down. She grabs Haum by her shoulders while lowering her head. Haum averts her gaze. f or a slight second there, there is fear in her eyes.

“Do you know how much I've been suffering because of you?!” Jiyu says, now in a calmer voice, but still heavy with spite.

“Get off me,” Haum deflects Jiyu’s pressuring hands. It takes a lot of effort to shake it off. “What the fuck is it Jiyu?” Haum says firmly as she also stands up, leveling their gaze.

“It was all your fault,” Jiyu exclaims, she’s breathing heavily. “When you decided to leave me alone in this shithole, everything started to go wrong.”

Haum doesn’t answer. She only blinks repeatedly, as if she’s holding tears from falling from her eyes.

“I… started to hate gymnastics, you know,” Jiyu smiles at her. A smile so pure in its form, that it once again tells everything Haum needed to know.

“I couldn’t do anything even remotely related to gymnastics for at least seven years, Haum. Seven years I’ve been holding myself from the very thing that I love the most. There were honestly countless attempts of me doing something really stupid. But I never did, do you wanna know why?”

Haum still can’t answer.

“It was you, Haum. You. You’ve saved me countless of times. When things go very wrong, you were always there in the back of my mind, telling me to back the fuck off. I tried to hate you Haum, I really did, but in the end, I could never truly do.”

“I endured everything. I clung onto the hope of meeting you again. I depended on you. And now that you’re finally here, you’re telling me this marriage is not a big deal?”

“I never said that Jiyu.”

“Please shut up. We both know you meant it like that,” Jiyu hisses at her, completely shutting Haum off.

“Don’t you know? This whole time I’ve been with him, there wasn’t a single time that he truly understands me. Not a single time spent on me actually loving him. Not a single goddamn time I spent without thinking how to break free. And you so easily say that it’s not a big fucking deal?”

“Jiyu, I’m sorry okay-”

Jiyu’s face turns dark red. Her body is trembling while she’s clenching his fist. She opens her mouth several times, but repeatedly fails to speak. Finally, with eyes full of tears, she’s speaking. “Do you wanna know how it feels to get sexually assaulted every single time we had sex, Haum?”

“It’s terrifying. It’s painful. It’s–it” Jiyu’s shoulders tremble before she continues. “It’s just fucking awful. And do you wanna know who my savior is? Do you wanna know why I endured through all of it? ANSWER ME HAUM!”

Haum flinches to it.

“-it was you. It has always been you.”

There’s no more voice after that. Just silence. Jiyu is panting. It feels like she just freed herself off of a tremendous weight on her body.

.

.

.

“Haum.”

“Jiyu.”

They say, perfectly synchronized. It makes the both of them look up to stare at each other, before opening their mouths at the same time again.

“Do you know how much I love you?” Jiyu confesses.

“Do you know how much I hate you?!” Haum admits, a bit louder.

They declare their feelings simultaneously. Both of their eyes widened. Jiyu gasps. She is silenced. She’s rapidly losing strength. Her knees are getting weak.

“What?” Jiyu asks after spending some seconds processing what just happened. Her heart is thumping so fast. Even faster than the time she was performing in the Olympics.

Haum smiles at her. She continues saying in a very calm voice. “First of all, I wanna say I’m sorry okay? For spewing things without any thought behind it. I didn’t know you had it so rough.”

The calmness in her voice is terrifying Jiyu out of her wits. Her muscles unclench bit by bit every time Haum opens her mouth.

“But, you’re not the only one with a problem, Jiyu.” Haum chuckles for a bit before continuing. “You have always been so selfish you know?”

“You said that you are suffering. Yeah, I sympathize with that, I really do. But don’t you ever stop to think about the others? To think about how I suffer too?”

“To my eyes, you’ve always been someone great Jiyu. From the point you surpassed me in gymnastics long ago, I looked up to you. No, it was probably from the very first time we met each other. You were always so, free. You never cared about what the others were thinking, you just lived your life the way you wanted to. As time went on, I started to live my life catering to your needs too, have you ever noticed that?”

This time it’s Jiyu who can’t open her mouth.

“Yeah. You don’t. You never do. I guess in a way that’s what makes you special. But your light was so strong Jiyu, too strong. It got to a point where my entire being started to get swept under it. I don’t really know when I realized this, but at one point in my life, I felt like I was just your servant.”

Jiyu tries to open her mouth. Haum notices.

“Shush. It’s me doing the talk now. It was probably when you had that horrible injury that I started to find out that it wasn’t the best for the both of us to keep living alongside each other. I remembered feeling so much pain on my entire body, even though you were the one who got injured. Even now, I still feel a tingle in my knee every time I remember about that day.”

“Jiyu, the reason I escaped this town was because I believe that’s the only way for us to grow, but I was wrong,” Haum smiles with tears in her eyes. “I was very wrong.”

“I was alone too, out there. I was afraid. I kept looking for the solution to a problem that never should’ve existed in the first place. I searched, and searched, and every time I thought I got it, it only got worse. I believed that you were the problem to my life Jiyu, I believed that the further I get, the better I will become. Well, it never got any better.”

“I hated you Jiyu. I hated you so-fucking-much, to the point that I wished you’d have another injury, but without me around to help, so that you can truly suffer the way I did. Sorry for that.” Haum looks up, Jiyu’s taking a slight step backward, she is crying too.

“I hated you. I hated you so much. I hated how much you shine around me. I hated that you always needed me even though you can do everything better than I ever could. I hated how you made me feel like I was your slave. I hated how I always complied with your requests. I hated how I lost both of my parents, and all I could think about was you…

Yes, I realized it really late, Jiyu. Truth is, I am just obsessed with you. You always manage to set high expectations and just surpass it like it was nothing. You were always at the top of the world. You are always at the top of my world.”

“Jiyu, I hate that I love you.”

Haum ends her monologue with a miserable smile on her face.

“Haum, I didn’t know-”

“Well, now you do. I guess in a way, we’re even right now? I said things without considering your feelings, and you said things without considering mine,” Haum says as she’s shrugging. She stares sharply into Jiyu’s eyes, then throws her gaze outside the window.

A silence follows. Haum still stares outside, refusing to look at the other girl in the room. Until a thudding sound is heard, forcing Haum to turn her head. Jiyu is down, slumping on the floor. Her body is trembling.

“Whoa, Jiyu!” Haum immediately crouches too, watching the love of her life in that position. “Are you okay?!”

“S-sorry, I-I just, after all this time, I thought I was the only one. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it sooner,” Jiyu begins to sob pathetically.

“Hmph. I also hate how you can never convey your emotion clearly. Just like this. Oh Jiyu, what can you do without me on your side?” Haum says, her voice changes from calm and threatening to sweet and loving.

With Haum kneeling right in front of her, Jiyu moves forward to hug her. She’s crying loudly on her shoulder. “Haum..., I’m so sorry...”

Haum smiles. “Ssshhhh, there, there. It’s alright. I’m here now. Not going anywhere. Not without telling you the reason at least,” she says as she’s patting Jiyu’s head from the back. They hug for a long time in that position. 

Only after Jiyu calms down that Haum starts to speak again. “Done crying you big baby?”

“Oh shut up,” Jiyu responds as she unlatches herself from the hug to then immediately crash her lips on Haum’s.

Haum is surprised, but only for a moment before she starts to reciprocate the kiss. They kiss slowly, lovingly.

The polite kiss lasted for a long time. They savored it as much as they could. At least five minutes were spent on pecking each other on the lips. The disengage isn’t entirely something the both of them might have wanted.

As the string of drool finally broke itself, Haum put her forehead against Jiyu’s gently. “That was nice,” Haum proclaims.

“This is wrong, Haum.”

Haum laughs a little. “Well, you wanna stop here? We could stop it right now, if you wanted to.”

Jiyu laughs in response. “No. I love you, Haum.”

Haum smiles. “Heh. I know. I hate you too, Jiyu.”

Jiyu laughs again, a bit louder then. She raises her hand to cup Haum’s jaw, then closes in on her lips again. She can feel her breath. It is warm, and welcoming. She opens her mouth to start kissing again. Only this time, she tries to invade Haum’s mouth using her tongue as the piercer.

Haum opens her mouth. She welcomes the entry of Jiyu’s tongue. Jiyu is aggressive from the get go, immediately trying to explore every single surface of her mouth. Haum let her do as she pleased, but not without retaliating as her hands slowly moved to unbutton Jiyu’s dress.

Jiyu moans in Haum’s mouth as she can feel a hand slowly taking off her dress. Those hands feel rigid, like they know what they’re doing. In a split moment, Jiyu is left only wearing her bra. Those hands move again. Slowly rubbing her entire body, making sure to leave no surface untouched. Jiyu moans a little bit harder.

Haum starts to get more aggressive. Feeling that Jiyu’s tongue has slowed down, she upped the intensity of her hands. What started as a gentle touch slowly turned into firm grabs. Jiyu’s firm muscles made every part of her body feel very nice to squeeze. Haum moves her hands onto the obliques, then slowly runs her fingers around back and forth, grazing both her spine line and her belly button, sometimes simultaneously. Jiyu jolts every time Haum grazes those areas. Then Haum moves her hands upwards from the front. Also slowly but surely unclasping her bra. Jiyu’s cute, firm tits presents itself to Haum.

Jiyu reflexively moves her hands to grab Haum’s right hand as she takes off her bra. Haum doesn’t care, she keeps on rubbing those tits, playing on those hard nipples. Jiyu unwittingly stops her attacks on Haum’s mouth. Her hands move to grab Haum’s forearms, encouraging the action. “Nggghh. Ah.”

It’s Haum’s turn to use her mouth. She closes in to peck Jiyu’s lips. Then her neck, to the right, to the left, and then she kissed the windpipe, putting a reasonable pressure on it. She moves to her shoulder, kissing those crevices around the collarbone—also the collarbone itself. She then moves her hands to Jiyu’s back while dragging her mouth to the standing nipples. Haum begins sucking on it alternately, earning a louder moan.

Jiyu throws her head backwards as she feels her nipples being sucked. She moves her hands to Haum’s head, gripping and pulling the hair. Jiyu’s grip on the hair gets harder and harder, on par with how hard Haum is sucking her nipples. “Haum. Ummfff. I’m cumminggg!” Jiyu says as she pulls Haum’s head away from her nipples. Jiyu soaks the oversized pants she is wearing.

Both of them have their heads backwards, although for different reasons. Jiyu is cumming. Haum is getting her hair pulled back by Jiyu’s strong arms that she has no choice but to follow the movement. They stay in that position for a minute or two, before Jiyu regains her consciousness.

“Ouch?” Haum says as she massages her own scalp.

“Sorry, that just felt really good,” Jiyu shyly explains.

“Heh, I’m just kidding,” Haum says while giggling. “Let’s continue on the bed,” she says as she stands up and leads the way. The crotch area of her pants is also visibly wet.

Jiyu, still in a half haze, also stands up to tail Haum. She never felt that good, nor cum that hard ever before.

“You wanna take a bath first or-” Haum’s sentence is cut short when she turns around in front of her bed to get a surprise kiss from Jiyu.

Jiyu wraps her hands around Haum’s neck as she is kissing. She tiptoes and pushes Haum onto the bed. She’s pinning on her, firmly grabbing her wrists on top of her head. Jiyu is still slobbering in her mouth, swirling her tongue around, aggressively tasting it. Jiyu really likes the taste of Haum’s mouth, it is addictively sweet. She lets go of the grip on her wrists, and assertively pulls her shirt off the tug of her pants to then unbutton it. She slips multiple times in the process. Being impatient, Jiyu just decided to rip it clean off. Haum moans a little when she feels the ripping of the shirt, Jiyu continues kissing regardless. Jiyu is starting to unhook the bra, luckily it is the front open type which makes it easier. click There it is, Haum’s tits are finally free for Jiyu to relish.

Haum can finally breathe freely again after having her mouth locked for so long. She gasps right away after Jiyu breaks the kiss—to call it the feast would be much more accurate.

“Well, like what you see?” Haum says to the silent Jiyu straddling her.

“I love you so fucking much,” Jiyu says as she goes down again.

Jiyu grabs Haum’s wrist again. This time the grip is so hard, Haum is actually squealing from it. Jiyu pays it no mind, continuing to suck and bite the neck. She continues nibbling her way down to the tits, which are bigger by her own.

“How cute,” Jiyu thought as she starts the feast.

Haum is screaming. Jiyu is being really aggressive with how she makes love. Her scream is that of pain, arousal, and adoration mixed into one. She can’t really move that much either since Jiyu’s grip strength is completely overwhelming her. She can only squirm helplessly under Jiyu’s hold. Jiyu notices Haum’s squirming body, so she clamps her knees, pressing the sides of Haum’s stomach. Haum’s body is trying its best to break free, but Jiyu is much stronger.

“Ergh, ahh, Jiyu, ouwch! Jiyu stop it, ngghhhh!” Haum says as she is writhing under Jiyu. She bursts out with her legs closed tight. The pants are still on, thankfully, protecting the bed from the flooding liquid.

Jiyu stops the rampage as she realizes Haum is cumming, but still never letting go of the firm hold of her body. Haum’s whole body is jerking before laying completely still as she is presumably squirting—again, blocked by the pants and undies. It doesn’t take long for Haum to begin panting again with a satisfied expression.

“Fuck. That was awesome,” Haum says in the middle of her gasps. “You were always so strong, so unfair, I hate it,” Haum continued in a minute, ending her words with a chuckle.

Jiyu finally let go. “I still am, innate talent remember?” she says, grinning from ear to ear.

They laugh together, with Jiyu still sitting on top.

“We really should take a bath now, we’re both drenched-” Haum’s words are cut short, again. Jiyu kisses her lips softly.

“I love you,” Jiyu exclaims as she stops the kiss, staring deeply into Haum’s eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You can stop saying that before it gets old,” Haum responds after a good portion of silence is spent staring into each other’s eyes.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you-” Jiyu rambles before stopping due to her breast being squeezed. “Yah!”

“Heheh. Alright, alright, jeez. I love you, okay?” Haum averts her gaze while saying that.

“Doesn’t count. Look at me while saying that.” Jiyu pouts.

“Hrnghh. Fine,” Haum sits up. Jiyu automatically backs herself away, probably a feet length. They’re sitting eye to eye. “I love you, Jiyu.”

Jiyu smiles sincerely. “There we go,” she says before hugging Haum.

Haum’s hand slowly creeps to Jiyu’s hips in the middle of them hugging. She starts to unzip the pants. Jiyu notices it and moves her own hands to halt Haum’s advance. Jiyu’s hands are slightly shaking.

“I’m..., scared,” Jiyu says nervously. She can’t see eye to eye right in the moment.

Haum stopped what she was doing to gently cup Jiyu’s jaw. “Hey, look at me.”

Jiyu’s eyes initially falter, but, as she feels the warmth of Haum’s touch, she finds a spark of strength from within her own. She feels courage slowly welling up inside. Jiyu takes a deep breath before staring back into Haum’s eyes.

Having a look at Jiyu convincing herself like that, Haum smiles. “There you go. Listen to me. You are safe here with me alright? We can go at it whenever you’re ready. I love you,” Haum says before she pecks Jiyu’s lips.

Jiyu blushes. She relaxes herself into Haum’s embrace, leaning her face into the warmth. Jiyu didn’t realize it at first, but the mere fact that she was already willing to make out with Haum in a room with the light fully turned on signified that Jiyu has fully accepted Haum. With Haum, sex—and all the steps towards—feels freeing rather than terrorizing.

“Sorry. It’s just, yeah. It has been, tough. ... We can do it now Haum.”

As Jiyu finishes her sentence, she slowly breaks herself free from Haum’s hands. She hops off the bed, standing beside it. Then she slowly unzips her pants, dropping it on the floor. Her underwear is soaked, so taking it out is a bit harder than it should. Still, it doesn’t take long at all for Jiyu to bare her naked body. Her lower body isn’t as smooth as her upper body—although her upper isn’t exactly the smoothest either, considering all the training she does. The accident from the Olympics left a scar on both of her legs. There is a large vertical scar on both of her knees. The skin around her leg joints—including the hips—is coarse, to say the least. Those narrow areas have darkened due to her constantly having bruises from training. Jiyu’s joints are also a bit enlarged, possibly due to the fact that she had multiple stress fractures from back then. There are multiple dark spots all around her legs, seemingly from newly formed bruises. Lastly, Jiyu’s arm insists on covering her genital area. It isn’t shaved.

Haum slowly moves towards the standing-awkwardly-still Jiyu. “You are beautiful, Jiyu,” she says as she reaches the edge of the bed.

Jiyu is blushing, but her arms are still covering her bush. She sees Haum below her approaching her stomach. Haum kisses the navel, licks around and stays there for a bit before standing up. Haum takes off her own pants and her underwear—also soaked.

As they stand in front of each other in their naked form, the world stops moving for them. Jiyu smiles at Haum, Haum smiles back. Jiyu sees Haum’s eyes signaling her to look below. They are indeed completely naked. They both revel in the warm presence of each other.

Haum moves first. She wraps her arms around Jiyu’s neck before making out with her. She slowly sits back down, simultaneously pulling Jiyu with her. Jiyu follows the lead, now sitting on top of Haum with her legs firmly pushing towards the inside of Haum’s hips.

“Hey, relax for a bit, that hurts a little,” Haum says as she lets go of the passionate kissing. She taps on Jiyu’s inner thighs several times before Jiyu snaps out.

Jiyu opens her eyes after that. “Ah, sorry! I was a bit nervous.” Jiyu says as she eases her clamping legs.

“Yeah no shit. I can tell,” Haum says, followed by a small laughter from them both. “Now, shall we continue?”

Jiyu only responded with a tense nod. Haum chuckles at it.

“Try to let yourself go, okay?” Haum says as she gently grabs Jiyu’s neck from the side, kissing her again.

They start to make out, again, but a little bit more passionately this time. Jiyu is rubbing Haum’s backside. Haum is still hanging onto Jiyu’s neck. Their body gradually heats up. Their hearts are pounding faster and faster. Jiyu leans forward, so does Haum. They press their tits onto each other, feeling the heartbeat. Their hands move quicker, desperately rubbing whatever surface of the skin parts they touch. Haum moans in the kiss, Jiyu moans harder. Jiyu starts to tangle her hands in Haum’s hair. Haum breaks the kiss, they gasps together.

“Jiyu, hold it,” Haum says in the middle of her running breath as Jiyu is still desperate to continue.

“Mmmhhh,” Jiyu is drunk on the feeling, thankfully she is still somewhat conscious. She lets go of Haum’s hair.

They pause to stare at each other in admiration, but only for a second before the lust kicks in high gear again. Jiyu pushes Haum to the bed, once again top-ing her. Haum’s breasts are heaving, out of anticipation. Their love is permeating through the air, heating up the entire room. Jiyu doesn’t wait any longer to start swallowing Haum whole. Jiyu crashes her mouth onto Haum’s neck, briefly, then moves onto her breasts to suck it, but also briefly. Jiyu’s mouth travels lower, and lower, and lower, until it meets Haum’s pussy. Absolutely perfect, is what Jiyu’s thinking when she sees it for the first time.

Jiyu spends some seconds just indulging in the view. It is cleanly shaven. Wet and glistening. It is glorious. Jiyu looked up for the last time before eating it out, to see Haum is already looking at her in anticipation. Haum give her a slow nod. Jiyu nods back, then dives into that heaven on earth.

Jiyu starts eating her out. She nosedived into it, sniffing Haum’s scent. It smells of jasmine and sweat combined. Jiyu loves the smell. She grabs Haum’s hips, keeping the legs spread out. As she holds the base of the hips, she licks the pussy lips open from downside up.

“Nggghhh!” Haum moans as she hangs onto Jiyu’s hair.

Jiyu upped her ante?. She laps more intensely. She occasionally drives her tongue inside in between the licks. Jiyu then moves to the clitoris, licking and sucking the pink pearl. Haum’s pull on Jiyu’s hair is getting harder, she moans harder, too.

“Jiyu! Ngh, ffuck!” Haum says as she sprays Jiyu’s face with her orgasm. Strangely, Jiyu opens her mouth instead of evading the squirt, she bathes in the liquid.

Jiyu raises her head—only after Haum finishes squirting—to see the look in Haum’s face. Haum looks hammered. Her face is flushed red, with her mouth open and drooling everywhere. She’s staring blankly at the ceiling. Jiyu chuckles at the sight, satisfied with what she just did.

Several seconds later, Haum opens her mouth. “That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” she says, now looking at Jiyu.

“T’was my pleasure,” Jiyu blows a kiss. They both laugh.

“Now come here,” Haum points at her own mouth. “Let me return the favor.”

Jiyu takes a deep breath before nodding to the invitation. Haum opens her arms, in preparation to serve Jiyu. Jiyu then crawls forward, stopping when Haum grab her thighs. Jiyu is now right on top of Haum’s head—to be precise, her crotch is. Jiyu is kneeling there, with her knees right beside Haum’s ears, she’s still floating right on top of her head. Haum’s hands then move to Jiyu’s hips, firmly grabbing the curve separating the stomach and the legs, then pulling it down. Jiyu—'s pussy—is now firmly sat on Haum’s mouth.

Jiyu moans when her labia makes contact with Haum’s lips. Her clitoris is right on Haum’s nose. Haum nuzzles against the clitoris, which earns a half laugh and a half moan. Haum strikes once more, while nuzzling the clit, she also starts licking the folds to all directions, opening it up nice and slow. The rhythm of Haum’s licks varies, slow, fast, unpredictable. Jiyu’s crotch is spasming at that stimulation, but of course, being Jiyu, she doesn’t go down that easily. Haum understands it well though, she starts stabbing the vaginal opening with her tongue.

“Gah!” Jiyu finally goes down. Her thighs are tensing up, she grabs the top of Haum’s head to drive her pussy even lower.

Haum increases the intensity of her attacks. She uses her tongue to invade the pussy walls, and her nose to flick all the area above it. Suddenly, she feels Jiyu pressing really hard downwards. Jiyu’s body tensed all the way. It almost feels like her shoulder is being crushed by a bus with the sheer pressure of Jiyu on top. Jiyu came shortly after.

“Aaaagghhhhh!” Jiyu screams as she floods Haum with her liquid, exactly returning the favor as Haum intended. Her body goes limp. She passes out.

“...”

“...”

“Jiyu? Earth to Jiyu hello, The Star of the Nation, Jiyu~~~!”

“Whuh...?” Jiyu finally wakes up from the black out.

“Ah, finally, hi there,” Haum says, laying right beside Jiyu. It looks like she’s still stained with Jiyu’s squirt.

“Ungh. That was good Haum, thanks,” Jiyu says with her hand slowly moving to Haum’s hips, drawing her closer. “Huggies, please.”

Haum only smiles, she obliges. They’re facing each other now, although with Haum positioned slightly higher, so Jiyu’s face is pressing her tits. “There, there, selfish girl.”

“Heh. Shut up,” Jiyu says as she nuzzles closer. “My body is super sore Haum.”

“Yeah, tend to happen when you cum that hard ... hahah, speaking of sore, my shoulder is actually in pain right now, you really drive your knees down.”

“Pfft, ahahah!” Jiyu laughs.

“I’m serious! ... pfft hahahahah!”

They laugh in each other’s embrace. In the naked, sticky, and hot embrace. They spend their remaining energy laughing through the night—which doesn’t take that long—before drifting asleep in that cuddling position.

“Morning sleepyhead~”

Jiyu yawns, then stretches her body before sitting up. Jiyu opens her eyes to see Haum already looking clean. “Morning,” she says, with a smile.

“I’m being serious now, you should take a bath. You reek of sex. There’s clean clothes in the bathroom, clean towels too, now go clean yourself,” Haum says as she pretends to be disgusted.

“Alright boss,” Jiyu replies with a salute, followed by a lighthearted laughter from the two.

Jiyu comes out of the bathroom to see the bed is already cleaned up. To be precise, Haum took everything off to throw it into the washing machine, since almost everything was stained with their filth. She then walks towards the dining area to see Haum there preparing coffee.

“Ssup, took you a long time to bathe, u good there?”

Jiyu smiles briefly, while looking down with increasingly red cheeks. “Yeah. I was just savoring the feeling, you know? Your smell lingered, I don’t wanna wash it straight away.”

Haum gives a nasty side eye as a response. “Ew. Disgustang.”

They laugh together.

Haum then sits across the table, pouring coffee into the glass that was already prepared. There’s a decent amount of food available on the table. A freshly made omelette—judging by the size, probably about 4 eggs–, some shredded chicken, and rice on the side.

“So. What will you do now?” Haum starts the conversation as she takes a sip of the coffee, only to shriek shortly after. She burnt her tongue.

Jiyu laughs at it, but then her face turns serious. “I, I don’t want to get married, yet. Not now. Not with him.”

Haum only nods.

“Don’t get me wrong. He’s not a bad person or anything. He’s actually really kind, patient, and hardworking, my parents love him too. He’s basically everything you want as a husband, but ... b-but,” tears start to well up in Jiyu’s eyes.

Haum quickly grabs the back of Jiyu’s hand on the table. “But not what you want. It’s okay. So, what do you want, Jiyu?” Haum connects the sentence as softly as she can.

Jiyu nods. She wipes her eyes, then stacks her hand on Haum’s. She takes a deep breath, then looks at Haum straight in the eyes. “I want you, Haum. It’s always you. It’s only you.”

Haum’s lips tighten, slightly curving on the edge. Her eyes show a deep sorrow. She takes a big gulp before opening her mouth. “You know what that means, right?”

Jiyu looks at the face of her worried friend. Then, with a calm voice, she answers. “Yes.”

Haum is still silent. Her lips quiver.

“Yes. Haum ... I know now. That life is never easy. I know how it feels to try, to fail, to fall, to get stuck. I know it all. Heh, thanks to you that is. You taught me how to learn. You taught me how to face troubles. You taught me how to get back up. You taught me how to live. 

Haum, I will be honest with you, I cannot imagine life without you on my side. I don’t care how many times I might make you angry, or sad, or jealous, or anything. I don’t care how much you might hate me, or even how much you love me back. I really don’t care about any of it as long as I can love you. Without any restriction. Without any obstruction. Without any abstraction. I wanna love you, for as hard as I possibly can. I love you, Haum, and I’ll throw away everything in this world if it means that you’ll be by my side.”

Haum is looking down now. Her body is shaking. There are wet spots on the floor, right below where her eyes are looking. She is crying. She’s crying so hard that she doesn't want to be seen.

Jiyu interlocks her fingers with Haum’s hand that is holding her. She’s showing an unwavering conviction. Her fingers hold Haum’s so steadily.

“Y-yes, Jiyu. I-I love you, I-I, l-love you so much...!” Haum cries louder. She pulls Jiyu to hug her, she’s crying on her shoulder. Jiyu hugs back.

The world finally truly belongs to them.