Two weeks had passed since Minjeong had left the concert venue, dragged away by her seething mother. And ever since then, the three other girls hadn’t heard from the young woman at all.
It doesn’t help that right after the college’s festival, they had started their mid-semester break. But it had already been a week since classes started again, and Minjeong still hadn’t came back.
And for the nth time that day, Jimin sighed, and felt like breaking down into tears. To say her heart had been ripped apart would be an understatement.
A selfish part of her heart regrets not being able to confess to Minjeong on that day. She had built up the courage to do so ever since she admitted to liking her friend to Aeri. And the small outing they had with Minjeong the night where they bumped into each other at the library had given her even more courage to confess. Them being together had felt so natural and comfortable. And Jimin will never forget the sensation of Minjeong’s slightly bigger hand in hers, nor the adorable blush that adorned her chubby cheeks when Jimin had put her jacket around her shoulders.
Jimin thinks she never felt as happy as she did when the four of them had stood on stage, happily playing. It felt right. Like this is where they belong.
But to Jimin, having Minjeong there with them, with her, felt even more right. If she has to be honest with herself, she has a hard time imagining how she managed to even live before meeting Minjeong. It feels like her life is finally complete now.
Obviously, they are two independent human-beings. But Minjeong made her life all more colorful and joyful. Over the course of time, they had learnt more about each other, and Jimin genuinely loves Minjeong’s presence.
In fact, Minjeong is one of the only people who truly understands her deep down. Even if they’re so different on paper.
Jimin is bright and charismatic, and she knows it. But those expectations pushed upon her quickly became too much for her to carry. And for a long time, Jimin was convinced that she needed to be perfect, to make everyone around her happy, even if she had to put her own needs and wants to the side.
Luckily, finding the bass and meeting Aeri around the same time, back in middle school, helped her toning this burden down. Their arrival in her life had felt like the chains that were holding her down finally cracked a bit. Because no matter what, the constant need to do better, to be seen as someone perfect was still there. At this point, it was something that was fully implanted in her genes.
But what she hadn’t expected was how Minjeong managed to break all of those expectations, in such a short amount of time.
But if meeting Aeri and playing the bass had cracked her chains, Minjeong’s arrival in her life fully broke them. And it had been like that ever since their first meeting.
Jimin can be awkward sometimes, she has to admit it. However, it’s a side of her that she only shows to those close to her. Because this kind of awkwardness only shows when she feels surrounded by familiar presences. And at first, she thought that she felt nervous only because she found Minjeong extremely pretty.
But the more they talked and got to know each other, the more Minjeong blew each one of her walls up. Aside from Aeri, she’s the only person she allows herself to be vulnerable with, and she quickly understood why.
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that Jimin is completely heads of heels for Minjeong, and she herself doesn’t exactly know how or when it happened. But just like everything else in their relationship, falling for Minjeong had felt natural. Like it was bound to happen no matter what.
Jimin is proud of the independence she earned over time. First, it was independence from her family, ever since she moved out and finally stopped only being painted as the youngest and the baby of her family. Then, she acquired independence when she learnt how to live alone, and to sustain her own needs without needing anybody to spoon feed her.
And for the first time in a while, Jimin feels like she lost her lifeline. And it’s making her feel completely disoriented.
In the time where they got to know each other, Minjeong became such a pillar in Jimin’s life. And it was so comfortable that Jimin never really imagined her just vanishing away from her life like that. So quickly and fleetingly, as if Minjeong had just been the product of her imagination. A fragment of a dream.
But Jimin doesn’t really dwell on her own feelings. Because the part of herself that cares unconditionally is dead worried for Minjeong. Jimin thinks that she’ll always remember the frightened look in Minjeong’s eyes when her mother somehow showed up backstage. It had all felt like a fever dream. How did she even get there? Why did this happen at that moment out of all of them? And why did Minjeong suddenly petrified at the sole sight of her mother’s icy gaze?
So many questions, but so little answers. And the fact that Minjeong had been radio silent ever since then was all the more worrying. After the concert, her mother had just forcefully dragged her away from the backstage, and Minjeong, like a lifeless puppet, merely followed her, her head looking down like a small child who was about to get scolded after making a mistake.
At that moment, none of them could do anything else but to just helplessly stare at the scene unfolding in front of them. And Jimin’s heart had shattered into pieces seeing the defeated look in Minjeong’s eyes. Did her mother have to do anything with her complex relationship with music? Jimin really couldn’t see anything else.
The Minjeong she had seen then looked completely void. Kind of like the state she found her in back in the empty classroom, where Minjeong had pressed on her guitar’s strings so much that her hands had been all bloody.
“Hey Jimin.”
Jimin, who had been laying down on the club room’s couch during all of this time, was greeted by her best friend Aeri, who had a big frown painted on her face. “Still no news?”
Jimin shook her head. “Still nothing…” The three of them had desperately tried to contact Minjeong, but none of them had received answers. Not even Yizhuo.
“Nothing there as well. Did this witch ground her or something?”
Speaking of the devil. While Jimin had been devastated on the ‘sad’ side of the spectrum, Yizhuo had been more on the ‘absolutely fuming from anger’ side. From what Jimin knows, Yizhuo is aware of Minjeong’s situation. But out of respect for her best friend, she had not spilled any major information. She had just told Aeri and her that Minjeong’s mother was responsible for Minjeong’s apprehension towards music, and that her taking their friend away was not a good thing at all.
And Jimin honestly respected Yizhuo’s carefulness and frankness. But she couldn’t help but to feel all the more worried about the situation.
But one thing is for sure. She doesn’t plan on giving up on Minjeong. Not now, nor any time soon. They will find a way to reach out for her. They have to.
“Should we just go get her?” suggested Yizhuo. Aeri and Jimin both looked at each other in surprise. How could they have not thought about this earlier?
If Minjeong couldn’t come back to them, the only logical thing left to do was just to directly go to her!
***
Things seemed to pass by in a blur ever since her mother had brought her home with her, right after the concert the girls and her had held at the college’s festival. And obviously, she had been shouted at during the whole ride home.
As expected, her mother had not been happy at all to learn that she was still playing the guitar, despite her countless attempts to keep her away from it. But she had been especially mad at her joining a band, out of all things.
Minjeong had kind of dissociated in the course of her mother’s venomous words though. All she managed to pick up was how disappointed her mother was, and how much she hated how her father had badly influenced Minjeong by even showing her music and guitar to begin with.
But what Minjeong had definitely registered was how, the first thing her mother did as soon as they set foot in the family house, was to take away her guitar and her phone from her.
The guitar, Minjeong could understand. But the phone, seriously? She wasn’t fourteen anymore! And so despite how void she was feeling, she still tried to fight back.
“I’m not a kid anymore mom, why are you doing this?”
And her mother’s tone had been even icier than earlier. “Because I refuse to know you’re still in contact with those… girls.”
Minjeong could accept slander towards herself. Coming from her mother, she was used to it after all. But looking down on her friends like that? That, she definitely couldn’t let it slide.
“Those ‘girls’, like you call them, did more for me in a couple months than you ever did in my life!”
Okay, thinking about it now, maybe this hadn’t been the smartest way to word out her thoughts. And the way her mother’s face constricted in anger really showed her how… brainless she had been. And honestly, Minjeong didn’t know it was possible for an already fuming face to be even more distorted from anger.
She didn’t regret her words though, because they were the truth. And maybe it was finally about time her mother finally heard this. At least, Minjeong felt already way lighter after getting this out for her chest.
But in the end, her mother is still her mother. “You’re prohibited from getting out of here for the next two weeks.”
Minjeong was speechless. So now she wasn’t even allowed to get out?
“What the fuck mom?! What about school-”
“Language Minjeong!,” her mom shouted in her face, making Minjeong jolt from fear. This was getting too much, and she’s not sure if she could keep this up any longer.
So, as usual, Minjeong ran away. She didn’t even bother looking at her mother again, and ran towards her bedroom, locking herself in it. And when she found herself standing there, in her darkened childhood room, she simply broke down.
Minjeong finally thought that she deserved to be happy, and to enjoy her passion freely. But obviously, reality had caught up to her. It always did.
Mindlessly playing with the girls already seemed like a distant memory. And thinking about the three other girls made Minjeong cry even harder. She didn’t even care if her parents could hear her. But what had been panicked and breathless sobs at first, quickly evolved into painful ugly crying.
Over the course of the months they spent together, those girls really became pillars in her life. Yizhuo, who had always been here, brought her the comfort of knowing someone she has known since forever has her back. Aeri, her ever so reliable senior, had offered her an unknown feeling of stability. And lastly, there was Jimin.
Jimin first taught her how to fight for your passions, and how great it is to live your life like you want to. But over the course of time, Jimin also taught her what affection and care are.
But Jimin also taught her what love is. And in the confines of her dark room, in this devastating moment of despair, Minjeong finally allowed herself to admit this truth to herself.
What she feels for Jimin is way more than just a plain and curious affection. She doesn’t know if she can call it love already. But she knows that deep down, she’s definitely on her way to fall this deeply for Jimin.
But how could she not? Jimin is Jimin, and Minjeong can’t seem to get enough of her.
Thinking about Jimin in particular made her cry even harder. It had only been a few hours, but she already missed her like crazy. Her warm touches, and soft glances, and her comforting words.
And suddenly, she found herself craving for this warmth Jimin brought her. But sadly, there was no way she would be getting it again. Jimin wasn’t there with her anymore. So Minjeong pitifully picked herself up, and managed to drag herself on her bed. She then grabbed her blanket, and engulfed herself under it.
Thinking about Jimin hurt way more than she thought it would.
But would Jimin really want that? Would she want Minjeong to cry about her unsaid feelings for her? How would it make her feel to know Minjeong was fully breaking down just thinking about her?
This made Minjeong stop. Sobbing like this wasn’t fair for Jimin. She’s Minjeong’s source of happiness. She doesn’t deserve to also be seen as her source of her despair, it’s not fair and doesn’t depicts Minjeong’s feelings for her at all.
Even in a moment like this, Minjeong wants to put Jimin first.
So, in an attempt to calm herself down, Minjeong looked up at her ceiling, and finally noticed the small sticky stars adorning it. And the sight abruptly made her smile a bit.
Those stars were kind of like Jimin in a way. They came into her life unannounced when she needed them the most, and managed to ground her as soon as she felt like she lost her footing.
Thinking about this brought her back to that time Jimin had comforted in the classroom, when she had broken down. The sensation of Jimin’s hand in hers had completely managed to ground her, and to this day, she still clearly remembers the feeling. At this point, the feeling of Jimin’s hand had been completely engraved in her brain.
And maybe she’s a sappy romantic at heart, but she would like to think that those sticky stars were a manifestation of Jimin trying to cheer her up, in a way. To tell her that everything will be okay, and that they will manage, together.
And weirdly enough, once again, the sight grounded her. She took a deep breath, and finally felt like she was breathing again.
Motivated by a newfound strength, Minjeong dragged herself out of bed, and sat in front of her desk.
Her mom tried to take music away from her, and she succeeded for the longest of times. But this time, Minjeong finally got to experience how playing music with others feels. And after getting a taste of it, Minjeong can confidently say that she will never get enough of it, and never push it to the side again, just to fit in some kind of deluded expectations.
It’s crazy how people can go from being at their lowest, to being driven by pure anger and picking themselves up in such a short amount of time.
But maybe Minjeong could redirect this anger to serve a better purpose. Like finally putting her real feelings on the paper for example. So she grabbed a random notebook and a pencil, and began to furiously scribble on it.
She didn’t have a clear idea about what to write, but she tried to organize her messy thoughts. Minjeong desperately wants to break free from the things that are holding her back. She just wants to live her life. Confidently, and proudly.
Thinking about all of this, she quickly and messily wrote a song title that she feels like fits her internal turmoil the most. She looked at it, and a small smirk made its way on her lips.
If Minjeong couldn’t contact her friends for the next two weeks, she will work twice harder for them. That’s the least they deserve, right?
***
Time seemed to pass so quickly, that her two weeks of lockdown were finally coming to an end. And during all of this time, Minjeong spent hours and hours scribbling in her notebook, helplessly trying to translate her deepest feelings into lyrics.
And in this tough process, she came to learn that writing your own song is a freaking hassle!
During the first few days, she had been super motivated. But then, the infamous writer block came into her life with the delicacy of an elephant carcass. And all of the sudden, putting her thoughts into words had been the hardest thing ever.
It didn’t help that she had to keep face in front of her parents, and especially in front of her mother who very clearly ignored her, but still found every living excuse possible to scold her everytime Minjeong breathed.
But she tried her best to hold her frustration in. Her only hope in this situation was to successfully go through those two weeks in hell, to finally have the chance to go back to school and reunite with her friend. She can’t believe she’s saying this, but she’s almost kind of missing classes and Law!
And before she knew it, the night before those two weeks ended was already there.
Somehow, she managed to finish her lyrics. She doesn’t know if the quality will match with her feelings, but she wrote them with all of her heart, and put sweat and tears into it.
And that night, Minjeong was sitting down on her bed, reviewing her lyrics, as well as her class notes. She had missed a whole week of school because of her mother, so she really can’t afford to fall behind any more than she already did!
But suddenly, she heard a small noise coming from her window. At first, she ignored it, thinking it was just the wind. However, the sharp noise appeared again after a few seconds.
Curious, Minjeong got up, and opened her window to check for the source of this mysterious sound.
“Minjeong!”
To say Minjeong was surprised would be an understatement. Standing right under her window was Yizhuo. Seeing her best friend for the first time in weeks almost made Minjeong cry. But she had other priorities. Like asking why the hell Yizhuo was there.
“Shh!” she whispered, not wanting to alert her parents, who were probably watching tv downstairs. “What are you doing here Ning?”
Yizhuo rolled her eyes, as if the answer was obvious. “We’re obviously getting you out of here, duh.”
Hearing this, Minjeong’s eyes widened. “Are you kidnapping me or something?”
Yizhuo grinned. “Of course! Right Aeri?”
Because of her initial shock, Minjeong hadn’t even realized that Aeri was standing right behind Yizhuo. But wait. If Aeri is there, does that mean that Jimin is also-
As if reading her thoughts, Yizhuo immediately butted in. “Jimin is waiting in the car.” She then smirked. “Don’t worry, you’ll get to see your girl soon.”
“Wha-”
“Shh,” Yizhuo whispered, putting a finger in front of her lips. “Pack your stuff quickly, we’ll help you down! We gotta be quick before the devil notices though!”
Minjeong didn’t even attempt to bicker with her best friend, and quickly grabbed a duffle bag, packing all of her essential items in it. She didn’t have much to pack since her mother had basically taken her away, and didn’t even give her the chance to retrieve her stuff at her apartment.
But the biggest issues were her phone and her guitar. She’s not sure where her mother is keeping them, but she would definitely have to sneak into her parents room. And for any child, it was like, the biggest offense they could ever make!
But at this point, Minjeong couldn’t bring herself to care. So she carefully walked downstairs, and was relieved to see her parents sitting down on the couch, seemingly asleep in front of the television.
Seeing this as her biggest chance yet, Minjeong snuck into their room. And as expected, her phone, as well as her cherished guitar, were carefully positioned in a corner of the room.
She carefully grabbed both of them, and made her way towards her bedroom again. And as expected, Yizhuo and Aeri were still waiting for her. Luckily, her house isn’t that high, so her window isn’t that far from the ground.
“Imma throw my stuff now,” she whispered. She then furrowed her brows. “But don’t you dare damage my guitar!”
“Just throw it already!,” retorted back Yizhuo.
Reluctantly, Minjeong looked at her friends, and then at her guitar. Guess that she has no choice but to trust them. She hurriedly, but carefully, threw the case and luckily, Yizhuo managed to catch it.
Quickly, she gave them all of her stuff, before finally climbing down the window. And as soon as she put a foot on the ground, both Aeri and Yizhuo engulfed her in a tight hug. The action made Minjeong break into a soft smile, as she reciprocated the hug.
“I missed you too guys.”
She swore that she heard Yizhuo sniffle a bit. But before she could even question it, Aeri spoke. “We should hurry before your parents notice us.”
Both Yizhuo and Minjeong nodded, and followed Aeri towards the nearby road. And there, sitting down on the driver’s side of a parked white van, was Jimin.
The sole sight of the older woman made Minjeong choke on a sob. Noticing their presence, Jimin swiftly turned her head to face them, and her face seemed to immediately lit up when she saw Minjeong.
Time seemed to stop as the two of them gazed at each other. They hadn’t seen each other for only two weeks, but it had felt like years for the both of them. It’s crazy sometimes how a singular person can throw your whole world upside down with their sole existence.
And for Minjeong, it was definitely the case. Before being apart from her, she hadn’t fully realized how much Jimin means to her. But now, the only thing she wishes for is to run towards the car and throw herself in the older girl’s comforting arms.
Alas, things never really turn out in her favor. Because as soon as they had finished putting her stuff in the trunk, and Aeri and Yizhuo had sat down inside the car, the front door of her house abruptly opened, revealing her fuming mother.
“Minjeong!”
Minjeong’s heart suddenly stopped hearing her mother’s voice. She shakily and slowly turned in her direction, and held her breath.
“Minjeong, come back here now!”
And as if her body had a mind of its own, her feet started to move in her mother’s direction.
She desperately wants to go away, to be free from her mother’s control over her life. Over her love for music. But at the same time, it’s still her mother. And when Minjeong is in front of her, she’s nothing but a small girl who’s hopelessly seeking for her parents’ approval.
“Minjeong, don’t!”
Minjeong turned back towards the van, and saw a frantic looking Jimin. “Minjeong please,” she was practically begging at this point. “Put yourself first for once and come with us!”
“Don’t listen to this stupid girl Minjeong, come back here now!” shouted her mother back.
Minjeong felt like she was trapped in a game of tug of war between her mother and Jimin. Between the two women who influenced her the most in her life.
On one side was her mother. The very woman who raised her, and shaped her to become the person she is now. The woman she has desperately been seeking the affection and attention of. Because no matter how much her mother had hurt her, she was still her mom, who took care of her no matter what.
But on the other side was Jimin. The girl who turned her boring and gray world upside down, and who managed to make her life colorful again. Jimin who had encouraged her to pursue her passion. Jimin who had taught her so much about life, about love and care…
Those two women that Minjeong cared for the most.
But right now… she had to make a choice between the two of them. And there was no running away from it anymore.
Her mother represents familiarity and stability. Whereas Jimin represents courage and freedom.
“Minjeong!” both shouted Jimin and her mom at the same time.
Should she stick to her norm and stay with her mother who brought her so much pain? Or should she finally put herself first, and chase her own dreams?
Minjeong knows that she belongs with her three friends, in their band. But at the same time, she doesn’t even want to imagine how things with her mom… with her family will become if she enters the van and runs away from them.
But would going back inside her house really change anything? Because at the end of the day, she just knows that returning on her mother’s side won’t change anything. Minjeong will still crave for music, and will have to hide the most important thing in her world. Sure, she will still have a decent relationship with her family, but is the pain really worth it?
Because going back to her mother also means giving up on the band. Giving up on Jimin.
Could she really bear this loss?
However, it was time for her to make up her mind. Time was running out.
But honestly, Minjeong feels like she made up her mind ever since the first night she spent at her house, back when her mother had forcefully brought her back.
Maybe her brain feels conflicted. Maybe her body wants to act on its own.
But Minjeong’s heart knows where she belongs deep down.
She took a deep breath, and turned towards her mother.
“Minjeong!” Jimin’s voice sounded so broken, as if she was crying.
Minjeong took a step towards her mother, ignoring Jimin’s cries. But even if the sound of it completely ripped her heart apart, she had to do this.
“Mom…,” she started. Her mother’s face seemed to viciously light up. However, it comically fell when Minjeong proceeded.
“I’m sorry.”
Minjeong quickly turned around, and dashed towards the van, clumsily opening the passenger’s door. She could hear her mother shouting in the back, but forced herself to ignore it.
She knows that things will just escalate further from now on. And things will obviously become even uglier.
But Minjeong doesn’t care anymore. She’s tired of pretending to be someone she isn’t. She’s tired of pushing away her biggest passion just to satisfy her mother’s desires.
Minjeong just wants to live her life.
“Jimin, start the engine!” shouted Aeri. And without wasting a second, Jimin pressed her foot on the accelerator.
Minjeong was scared. She was so scared of what was coming for her. But she was sure that deep down, as long as she was surrounded by those three girls, everything would be okay.
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