The Nineteenth Letter From Her

November 19, 1995

Dear Nayeon,

I’m tempted to do the same but that would probably prompt a long loop of us just doing that over and over again. But I love how silly you are.

Also, I see your point and please spare me. My heart can only take a few good words about me at a time. But don't worry, I believe you. It's just new. I mean, it's not like I never get any compliments at all, because I do. I just didn't have the chance to really prepare myself whenever it did happen. Please bear with me. And it's coming from you, I think my heart will explode.

I wasn’t expecting you to feel the same. Then again, you didn’t expect mine either, right? But it warms my heart to know that’s how you feel about me and my letters. Sometimes I wish that the next letter I get from you would just be you… in an envelope and then you’ll have a stamp on your cheek, and I’ll hug you so tightly and then feed you.

I don’t know I’m rambling. But yeah, I agree, it does make it special :)

Now that I think about it, maybe you two would get along. Chaeyoung has a quirky personality, she's very creative and she loves to speak her mind. There are moments where she does fight for what she believes in, but on most days, she likes to keep things to herself. She honestly doesn't even like arguing with people most of the time, but when it comes to something she's passionate about, all of that gets pushed to the side. Maybe your confidence would complement that. I think you would like Mina as well. Her presence alone calms you and she knows how to knock some sense into you when you do something dumb or if you're losing your confidence and need someone to hear you out. But yeah, they are meant to be for each other. They're great friends too, so I think you'd like them.

I'm glad that you're okay now, and I'm glad that you have Momo. There are a lot of things that could have happened to you, but I'm thankful that you found strength in the experience, and you have Momo as well! No wonder she's your best friend.

Tzuyu knows. And we had a lengthy conversation about it. Of course, she told me that she didn't feel the same and that she only saw me as a friend. I didn't want to expect anything more when I know that I didn't have a chance. Maybe because I already knew that she had feelings for someone else. I guess it was easier that way. But after that, I haven't really felt the same way for anyone. Tzuyu and I became closer as well. It was a nice experience, and I learned a lot from it.

Also, you're too kind. If anything, I would have said the same to you. Because of what happened to you, I know that what you deserve is a genuine kind of love. Where your feelings aren't taken for granted, and that you're cherished and valued in every single way. If that were me… I'd be the luckiest person on this planet. I'd wake up and be happy to know that I'm being loved and taken care of by you, of all people, it's you. Your love should be treated differently, because it's precious, one of a kind, genuine. I'd hold your feelings gently in my hands and pretend I'm loving it for the first time. Or something like that. I'm not very good with my words. But please know that if that were me, being in that position, to be loved by you, I would give my love tenfold. And what I would give you is nothing but pure and genuine love. Because you deserve it. Everyone deserves the love they think they should receive. Especially you.

I think… I want to find out with you as well.

But what does that mean?

Does your chest hurt? Do you think about that person all the time? Do you say their name over and over again even if no one is talking to you? Is that what falling in love is as well?

It's scary. But exciting. I don't know what all of this means. But yeah… I do want to find out with you, Nayeon. Where do we start?

Sincerely,
Dahyun

As she placed the pen down, folded the letter carefully to be placed inside the envelope, she felt the weird and scary thumping inside her chest. It was hurting, but she wasn't in any pain at all.

The thoughts in her head had always had Nayeon in it. Her mouth had only spoke of her name whenever she had the chance to. Even when Chaeyoung would call from a thousand miles away on a paid call, Dahyun would still find a way to mention Nayeon.

She placed the sealed envelope down, picked up her pen once again and carefully wrote Nayeon's name on the back of it. Memorizing each detail by heart, like it was a ritual that she refused to stop. The name that her heart was starting to sing, that made her fingers want to touch her piano once again, for her voice to let out a tune that only love could define.

Was that it?

Was she finally going to admit that she was feeling something?

“It could just be nothing,” she murmured to herself, placing the pen down, and picking up the rabbit printed stamp to place on her envelope.

She got up from her seat, chest still hurting and her heart still beating wildly, she grabbed her coat, slipped it on, kept her envelope securely inside the pocket and walked out of her bedroom. When she got everything she needed, she took a moment before turning the doorknob. Her heart was beating so loud that she thought that she was going to die.

“But it could just be nothing,” she said out loud and then she left her apartment.