introspection / retrospective

foreword

figured i’d hop on the blog hype and get a piece of youth i’d never thought would find it’s way back to me. but, this time we’ll keep things within the guidelines of appropriate talking points (per my PR team ahahah).

the soundtrack of odysessus is a piece that’s been ringing in my ears since the first watch of the odyssey. specificially, the little click of metal - kind of like a link of chains hitting a bronze gong, but with the woodwinds complimenting the strings midway in the song tugs on my heart and puts my mind in a pensive space; can’t really describe it besides that, so it stays.

going back to the blog, however. its blank canvas really gives me an opportunity to say or put down well- anything. i want to treat it as an additional journal of sorts, the voice memos of samples that i compiled while making music on the garageband app for a time, the videoes of myself at different points in my life where i was convinced that things were pretty bleak. of course, that’s certainly not the case.

why the lapslock (heh) ?

okay, puncuation aside, it really just stemmed off of disabling the auto-capitalize setting on my iphone and macbook, since the pains of trying to make it look formal and pretty for someone to read.

if anything, i prefer this manner of writing on the blog to be my actual voice, so to speak. (though, we’re not really speaking if im just typing this in a textbox on a fanfic website but- i digress.)

laps was just comfortable for me; never really had a problem with it when writing f reader fics long before shifting to m reader. i’ll save that topic for another time, maybe.

i text all of my friends and family in lowercase. unless if it’s work related and logistical, then that is the common ground where i’d have to actually type like a proper human being and use the shift key more than i would have liked.

healing and getting back what’s lost

i can’t lie to myself. not in my voice memos, the physical journal, and i won’t do it here.

this year has been…something.

i can’t really brush it off my shoudlers that easily and gaslight myself into saying that everything’s fine. no. i wasn’t made that way.

a lack of ambition and direction in my life is pretty commonplace for people in my age/generation. making it past one huge chapter of your life and being stuck at a crossroads where there’s nothing but the immediate unknown - like operating in a fog and there’s no cell service on the phone that just says ‘SOS’ in the top right corner (or left, for the android users - i wouldn’t know but i don’t judge here).

which is where i’ve been slowly returning to things that were worth my time, and what i enjoyed. i recently finished norweigian wood and while it was a cesspool of questionable decisions and somewhat relatable experiences, it was a good read! i’d give it an 8.6/10.

i’ve got the remainder of the year and maybe a few months give or take, to finish the heated rivalry novel and read it’s fated sequel before the second season releases. so that’s the current work in progress reading wise.

on that note, i’ve also been getting the penguin classic novel series where ‘the odyssey’ has made it’s mention in there, but the ‘brothers karamazov’, ‘pride and predjudice’, and ‘the count of monte cristo’, are all works of many that i want to read at some point in my lifetime.

on top of that, walking was on my list for resoutions this year! and i have been killing it!!! it really saved my mind from a creative block every single time i open the drafts or try to read where the feeling of it would be stale? i’m not so sure about it either way, but it’s good for 10k steps a day.

another note: i undertand the full appeal of having a treadmill in your own home. the convenience.

the slate

being in the writing game has been a doozy, but i love the creativity it still challenges me to take head on. i may not have been here for a while compared to others, but i still amaze myself at the ideas/headcannons my deluded mind provides from time to time. along with the help of lovely friends.

untitled winter draft - currently at about 4k words at the time of writing. nothing concrete to note but it’s the key for a connecting fic i’ve been long overdue for. on that note-

the ‘doomsday’ fic - scrapped 25-27k words this past week because i hated the way it was written. who would’ve thought, hm? too many plot holes and connecting references from the first part all make this a dragon to slay altogether. then again, longform fics were what i went by and i have full confidence that this one would be worth writing, rewriting, and experimenting dynamics and scenarios to give it that ‘oomph’ from a literary standpoint.

there’s a handful of other drafts that are either short or blank. so it really depends on who’s got the big hammer to hit me on the head day-to-day.

why koomfics?

because they’re koomfie.

kidding.

leeched off the idea from prael and caps into giving myself wiggle room to still produce shorter form fics that are a quick read and fueled into a madness of filth that doesn’t exceed let’s say 2-5k words. now, they’re not the only ones with short burst fics in anthologies, but i’ve been reading their content lately so it’s somewhat relevant. (ilu guys btw)

also curse me for trying to come up with convoluted plots and not sticking with the ‘simple is best’ mantra for like 90% of the time. ugh. overcomplicating as i am, i think the standard of creating something catered to others rather than myself did take over in my head for a while, and it’s still a thought in the back of my head whenever a draft is opened.

as long as i write this for me (and only me, in a selfish sense), no one else will have that luxury until the draft is released for everyone to see.

‘writing’ writing and the producing music comparision?

i recently talked to xndr about this in our dms about overcoming a rut when getting an idea going and one suggestion that really inspires me every now and then is watching musicians produce music. while it’s a different profession/hobby entirely, i think of the characteristics to be more of the same.

i come back to this video of tyler, the creator making his most popular work to date: chromakopia. seeing the elements of his capabilities and instrumentation are also seen in flashes of what’s good with my writing and what others like about it, too!

for me: i like to think of writers as their own music producers. everyone has their own tune to sing and every once in a while there’s that instance where someone might be having the same song in the same space. some days you’re on it and other day’s you’re not. release dates and schedules are also a double-edged sword and i think everyone has their own patience and drive to perfect the craft as they see fit.

then again, it’s just a little tidbit that’s stuck with me for a while and worth a topic on this first post.

what now?

the spotify playlists stay getting created, some songs stay on repeat for an hour or two, and the world spins.

nostalgia is an escape the mind tricks us into thinking from time to time in moments where we’re yearning for what we want or what’s already lost. i’m writing this blog 12 years after my first iteration because this is by me; for me.

i’ll keep reading, get inspired, create something of my own, etc...

(everyone that reads is just joining along for the ride.)

hello, and goodbye.

if you made it this far, hi. nice to meet you - or- see you again. whether you’re a friend of me or a passer-by on the interwebs in this specific niche of reading and kpop combinations. i hope you enjoy your stay.

until next time,

it’s been koomf.