Letters From You

The bell chimed that afternoon. Gaeul noticed that Wonyoung arrived a little earlier than usual.

When she looked up from the counter, Wonyoung stepped in, already taking off her coat and placing it in the fold of her arms. Their eyes met immediately, Wonyoung didn’t move, Gaeul didn’t either. It wasn’t awkward, not anymore. It was simply a small pause of acknowledgment, and for Gaeul to register a couple of things before coming back to life. 

Looking at Wonyoung now meant remembering the words, remembering the way she held her, the confession of her love, the kiss and now the letter. Gaeul felt like Wonyoung was making things difficult for her on purpose. Because it was. She hated that it was.

Then again, how could she blame it entirely on Wonyoung when her own heart was betraying her as well?

“Hi,” Wonyoung greeted her with a small smile as she finally approached the counter.

Gaeul hated how something as simple as that made her heart stutter. She swallowed slowly before muttering, “Hi.” Then she took a deep breath, composing herself as always. “Coffee again?”

Wonyoung nodded. “Yes, please.”

She didn’t ask any more if she wanted it black. Wonyoung always got the same order. As it should be. 

Gaeul turned away from the counter to face the coffee machine, grabbing the cup out of habit, pressing buttons she was used to pressing, pouring things accurately out of memory, waiting for the aroma of coffee wafting in the air. She needed this time to think to herself. Because there were still too many things going through her mind, and too many things that were making her feel more than she should. 

Welcoming Wonyoung back to her life meant a lot of things. It meant change, it meant forgiveness, it meant being familiar with something she hadn’t experienced for a long time. But she was struggling with accepting the fact that the love she thought was wasteful and kept, had been reciprocated all this time, and now that it was able to land on the ground safely, it was now attacking Gaeul in the weirdest ways possible.

Here she thought she was an expert at self-control. And yet, Wonyoung had to exist and ruin everything so beautifully. Gaeul was not ready to admit that out loud. 

By the time the coffee was done, she served it carefully to Wonyoung, letting the cup slide towards the young woman, for their fingers to touch briefly.

Gaeul didn’t pull away. Wonyoung didn’t leave. They stayed close, but not touching. 

“Was it busy earlier?” Wonyoung asked as she slowly brought the cup to her lips.

“Sort of,” Gaeul answered back, diverting her attention to anything but Wonyoung’s lips. She then shrugged. “Coffee runs. No one usually stays in the morning.”

Wonyoung nodded thoughtfully, then turned around to look at the tables. It was only then where she noticed that someone was sitting on her table. But the table behind it was empty. “Well, people should come for the coffee,” she quietly said, turning to Gaeul, a small smile appearing on her face. “It’s worth coming back to.”

Warmth bloomed inside her chest, but Gaeul kept her composure. If she showed Wonyoung how much that sentence meant to her, then that would be embarrassing. Gaeul looked away from those lips again. “Thank you,” she mumbled.

She meant it. Even if there probably was some meaning to what Wonyoung said, she was thankful. She just didn’t want to explain the specifics. It wasn’t required anyway, not unless Wonyoung asked for it. Gaeul hoped she wouldn’t.

Wonyoung suddenly reached inside her coat pocket, shifting slightly, and Gaeul didn’t mean to watch her every move, but she was dangerously curious about it. Then Wonyoung took out a folded piece of paper. It was thicker than the last one she gave. Like something inside was preventing it from fully closing. Wonyoung then handed it to her. 

Gaeul blinked. “What’s this?”

“For you,” Wonyoung simply said, patiently waiting for Gaeul to accept it. “But—” Wonyoung spoke again before Gaeul took the paper, she visibly looked nervous, which was honestly kind of surprising. “It’s nothing big. I… I made it but you can read it later.”

The way she said it was careful, familiar. It was as if Gaeul was speaking to the Wonyoung that she knew back in middle school, the girl before she learned her own confidence and elegance. It made her chest tighten; it was like Wonyoung was trying her best to do better. 

Gaeul reached out again to take the paper. Their fingers brushed again, but this time, it was intentional. Neither of them pulled away immediately, like Gaeul was allowing a little bit more time before it ended. 

But it still did, and Gaeul knew she missed the feeling already. 

“Thank you,” Gaeul said softly, but it was definitely real.

Wonyoung relaxed at that, nodding her head and then pointed at the table that wasn’t hers. “I’ll go now.”

Gaeul nodded as well, quietly watching Wonyoung take her coffee and walk towards a table she wasn’t used to staying in. Even for Gaeul it looked odd that Wonyoung wasn’t sitting on her usual table, but the younger woman could adapt. 

Perhaps Wonyoung wanted Gaeul to open the letter when she wasn’t there. The thought made her smile suddenly. Wonyoung was still capable of feeling shy, and that made her feel more than she should. 

But she didn’t want to act on impulse. Gaeul carefully kept the letter in her drawer, closed it, then went back to her chores. She wiped the counter, washed the mugs that were used, cleaned the coffee maker, entertained a customer that wanted to borrow two books, then sold a book to the next one. 

Wonyoung stayed by the window as always, busy sipping on her black coffee while she was busy with her phone. Perhaps answering emails, perhaps looking at documents, or she was just looking at other things. Gaeul didn’t know what really was in Wonyoung’s world. But for some reason, she felt like she was slowly seeing it bit by bit. 

Eventually, when the shop got quieter, the person who took Wonyoung’s table left already, there was only one customer perusing the aisles, and then there was Wonyoung, who remained on her table, still on her phone.  

Gaeul watched carefully, checking if she was going to look in her direction. She didn’t, so Gaeul opened her drawer again, taking the letter and with both hands, slowly opened it. 

It was another letter, but what caught her attention was the small, pressed flower that was taped gently onto the page. It was a pink camellia, in a shade of pink that Gaeul loved so much back when she spent a lot of her time in her grandmother’s garden. The alignment was slightly crooked, but it showed that it really was done by hand. 

You loved these flowers. Your grandmother used to have them in her garden.

And you loved pressing flowers between your books. 

You said it’s because they lasted longer that way. 

I didn’t understand why you liked keeping things that were already gone. 

But I think a lot of things make more sense now.

But I’ll always remember this.

I’ll always remember you. 

I love you.

– Wonyoung

Gaeul’s hand shook as she read each word.

Wonyoung remembered the flowers. She remembered her grandmother and the garden. She remembered how Gaeul liked to carefully press flowers between her books because she thought it was a way to preserve them within pages of words that mattered to her. 

Did Wonyoung remember sitting underneath the tree Gaeul’s grandfather planted? Or how Wonyoung stayed with her when she was busy finishing a chapter of a book? Did she remember the face Gaeul made when Wonyoung picked a flower for her and placed it in her ear and called her pretty for the first time?

Gaeul honestly wished Wonyoung remembered.

But asking might make things real, hearing the answer didn’t guarantee anything. Wonyoung might say no, or she would prove to Gaeul that what she wrote in this letter was true. 

She glanced at Wonyoung, still on her phone, and still unaware of the chaos she created in Gaeul’s heart.

How shameless. And yet—Gaeul welcomed it.

The bell chimed.

Wonyoung was early again. 

She stepped in as always, taking her coat off and folding it neatly. Gaeul found herself reaching for a cup already. The coffee machine was already ready for Wonyoung’s order and all Gaeul needed to do was just allow it to pour. 

“Hi,” Wonyoung greeted as always, approaching the counter with her usual careful steps. The smile on her face was soft as ever. 

Gaeul turned around, unsure if she should smile back, but seeing it had made her heart skip a beat so suddenly. She faced the machine again, hoping Wonyoung didn’t notice her face heating up. “Hi,” she greeted back, hands trying to be busy so her mind wouldn’t think much of it. 

For the first time, Wonyoung didn’t state her order, nor did Gaeul ask. It was already set in stone for the both of them, and perhaps Gaeul liked that more than usual. She was starting to welcome the silence knowing that Wonyoung was sharing it with her this time. 

That was something she couldn’t really grasp at first since she spent most of her life pining and hurting over the same person. So all of this was absolutely new to her. For Wonyoung to be consistently going to her bookshop every day, ordering the same cup of coffee, saying hi when she entered, saying that she was coming back when she had to leave. Now she was giving her these small letters that had words sincere enough to make her chest bloom into spring flowers.

One was enough. 

The second one was going to kill her. 

After the coffee finished, Gaeul paused for a moment, staring at the coffee that was still in the pot. She thought about pouring it in the usual cup, and she wasn’t sure what was going on in her head or what came over her. Instead of reaching for the usual disposable cups, Gaeul moved around and opened a cabinet that had some of the mugs she kept for special occasions. She hadn’t used these yet, and she honestly didn’t want to give an explanation to that. 

The mug Gaeul picked for Wonyoung was white with a red trim over the lip, the size was enough for her usual consumption. After washing it thoroughly, she poured the coffee in. It was just the right amount. When she turned to place the coffee on the counter, she didn’t miss the small surprise in Wonyoung’s expression. 

Luckily she didn’t comment on it, she simply smiled and said thank you. 

Gaeul expected her to carry the mug towards her usual table, seeing that it was finally empty today, but instead, Wonyoung reached inside her pocket and placed something on the counter, slowly slipping it towards Gaeul’s hands. Their fingers touched again, lingering and electrifying at the same time. But it was then when Gaeul realized it was another letter. 

Wonyoung slowly pulled her hand away, not saying anything, as if her eyes were enough to make Gaeul understand what she wanted to say. Then Wonyoung took the mug in her hands carefully and walked away. 

Another letter.

Gaeul wasn’t sure what to do with this. But she waited for Wonyoung to reach her table, place the coffee down gently, and sat down. When Wonyoung wasn’t looking, Gaeul slowly took the letter and turned around. The paper was thick, folded neatly, small marks of a pencil shown at the edge of the paper, showing her that Wonyoung tried her best to cut within the lines but still failed. Gaeul thought this was still perfect. 

Without wishing to wait, because her heart was beating that fast, she opened the letter. 

Is it too bold to say that I think you’re pretty?

You’ve always been pretty to me.

Back then, you always talked about a book so passionately and got lost in the explanations.

But I got lost in the way you looked.

So pretty.

I wanted to kiss you at one point.

But I managed to control myself.

I don’t know if I can now.

Control myself, I mean.

Sorry. I love you.

– Wonyoung

The bell chimed. 

Wonyoung was early again, but Gaeul still didn’t comment on it. Not that it bothered her, it was just a simple change that was noticeable to her. 

Although, that should be the least of her worries because Wonyoung had been giving her letters, and each one had shot her directly at the heart and Gaeul wasn’t sure what to do with herself. Glancing at Wonyoung’s face felt like a struggle. Because each time she could see a glimpse of it, her heart would beat faster than usual.

She needed to keep her cool.

They were letters. Letters were meant to be heartfelt that way. Wonyoung’s letters had a more potent effect on her, that was all. It was the only excuse she could give at the moment. 

Making coffee for her was becoming muscle memory, the mug with the red trimming was used again, somehow becoming unofficially Wonyoung’s. Still no comment about it, still accepting it with care. 

The coffee was ready, Gaeul did her usual routines, and handed the coffee to Wonyoung. There was a small thank you, and Gaeul was bracing herself for another letter, but a part of her wasn’t sure if she could compose herself for that. So she simply dismissed the feeling and turned around, cleaning the mess she didn’t mean to make on the counter. 

She needed to get a grip. 

When she turned around, Wonyoung was gone from the counter, already settling on her table by the window. Gaeul was about to go back to cleaning when she noticed that there was another folded letter on the counter, being kept by one of her paperweights that she left on the counter. There was a single flower folded in the flower, not pressed, freshly picked, with its vibrant purple petals staring at her. 

Her heart was beating fast again. But she still picked the letter up, taking the flower and staring at it. Then quietly, she opened the letter. 

I found another flower. It reminded me of you.

I thought that maybe you’d want to be the one to press it this time.

Everything reminds me of you now.

The sound of rain.

The smell of coffee.

The flowers I see from outside my window.

I hope it’s not too bold of me to say that you make my heart stir in ways I can’t describe.

Because you do. In the best way possible.

I love you.

– Wonyoung

Her heart skipped a beat when the bell chimed that morning.

Gaeul looked up, and to her surprise, Wonyoung was there. She blinked, then turned around to look at the wall clock hanging behind her. 

It was still ten in the morning. Wonyoung always came by two in the afternoon. Well—lately she had been coming in a little earlier than that, but this was significantly earlier than usual. 

“Hi,” Wonyoung greeted her, then looked at her for a brief moment as if she understood the confusion in Gaeul’s face. “I wanted to spend a little more time here,” she explained, but then looked away, almost shy. “If that’s okay.”

Gaeul was already holding Wonyoung’s mug in her hands, she chewed on her bottom lip before answering. “You’re free to come by whenever you want,” she said, it was out of habit, even if she should have said something else. She then turned around to place the mug on the counter, pressing the usual buttons, and waiting for the familiar whirr of the machine. 

She looked at the wall clock again, then to Wonyoung, who was standing behind the counter, waiting patiently as always. She gulped. 

“You’ve been coming in earlier,” Gaeul suddenly said, it wasn’t really much of a question since she had noticed for the past few days, but the words came out of her before she could really think about it. Which was odd, even for her.

Wonyoung nodded, then she smiled. “I adjusted my schedule,” she answered, like it was a simple question to answer.

Gaeul felt her heart skip a beat again. Her brows furrowed. “Why?” 

But Wonyoung’s expression remained the same, she thought about it for a moment, but ultimately just shrugged. “Like I said, I wanted to spend more time here,” she replied, but added, “With you.”

Her chest suddenly felt like a garden blooming again. Flowers grew in every inch of her chest and lungs, ticklish and at the same time, it tightened at the mere thought of Wonyoung doing all of this just for her. And for her to say it out loud so boldly. 

Wonyoung was always like this. 

Gaeul turned around, grabbing the pot, carefully pouring the coffee into the mug then promptly placing the mug onto a saucer. She then passed it to Wonyoung as always. For some reason, she was struggling to keep eye contact as she did so. The sudden confession was bolder than she thought. 

“Don’t you have work?” Gaeul asked, her heart beating against her chest.

Wonyoung hummed, leaning towards the counter. “I do,” she said, like it was such an easy thing to dismiss. “But today isn’t that demanding, so I have time to spend it here.”

Gaeul wanted to sit down and maybe hide forever. This was worse than dealing with Wonyoung’s letters. Because Wonyoung had always been bold and expressive, but experiencing it now felt a little more… intentional. Because they were adults now, Wonyoung knew what she wanted. So for her to say that she was doing things with Gaeul in mind, just made things a little real.

For a moment, they both just looked at each other. Wonyoung patiently waited for a response, and Gaeul was trying to figure out what she should say. 

Perhaps she should say something about it as well. Maybe she should stop making it sound like an inconvenience when all of this stopped being one. She wasn’t sure if she could admit it easily, but Wonyoung had been consistent, it still scared her, but each attempt in winning her over had worked so easily it made her feel pathetic. 

But deep down, as Gaeul tried to think and feel everything she wanted to for Wonyoung, it was definitely pointing to a direction that Wonyoung wanted. Because eventually, all of this was starting to become something Gaeul wanted as well. 

Perhaps… she should—

“Guess who’s back from vacation!” Yujin shouted as she busted through the doors, making the bell chime harder than usual, making Gaeul and Wonyoung startle. 

But Yujin’s bright smile and her excitable walk came to a screeching halt when she saw them. Her eyes flickered towards them, to their hands, almost touching, and then to the way Wonyoung leaned on the counter. 

Wonyoung then slowly straightened herself, bowing at Yujin. “Good morning.”

Yujin didn’t respond immediately, and Gaeul knew that wasn’t good. 

Of course it wasn’t good. Gaeul never gave her the update. She hadn’t told Yujin nor Rei about what happened between her and Wonyoung. So she understood why Yujin was looking at them like they grew fifty heads at once. All this time, Yujin thought that Gaeul was still heartbroken about Wonyoung, and yet Wonyoung was here, standing inside her bookshop, ordering the same cup of coffee and probably going to give her another letter that was going to make her heart explode.

That made her realize that Wonyoung still didn’t give her one. Maybe there wasn’t any today?

Still. 

“So…” Yujin mumbled, jutting her lips out, eyes flickering towards the both of them again, then looking at Gaeul as if asking for an explanation. But she didn’t let Gaeul respond and she faced Wonyoung with a tight smile. “Good morning,” she said, then her brows furrowed. “I didn’t know you came here in the mornings.”

Wonyoung’s eyebrows raised. 

Shit. 

Yujin only knew about that because Gaeul told her. Did she have to explain that to Wonyoung as well?

“I had time,” Wonyoung simply replied, looking like the answer was enough.

“Huh…” It was obvious that Yujin didn’t buy it at all. 

Gaeul could already feel the weight of Yujin’s glare on her. She decided to shrug it off for now by making her coffee. But when she turned, she felt something beneath her finger tips. It was another letter. Wonyoung slipped it in without her noticing. Wonyoung then smiled at her and then to Yujin, dismissing herself and walking over to her usual table.

Once Wonyoung was out of earshot, and it was just her and Yujin, Gaeul quickly turned around, kept the letter in the pocket of her apron and went back to making another pot coffee.

On the very rare occasions that Yujin used her friendship to get what she wanted, she slipped behind the counter, and stood close to Gaeul, glaring at her. “What is she doing here?”

Yujin’s question felt like it sucked thirty years of her life. She sighed. “Things… happened.”

“W-What—” Yujin almost choked from trying to speak too quickly. Then she gave Gaeul a face, subtly pointing towards Wonyoung. “The last time I checked, you clearly didn't want to see her. Especially when she kept coming back. And she's back. What's going on?”

Gaeul sighed again. “A lot has happened when you were on your work trip, okay?” she tried to whisper her response. Still, even if she was being interrogated and the person they were talking about was literally in the same room as them, she managed to serve Yujin’s coffee without skipping a beat. 

Yujin mumbled a thank you as she took the cup. But even that made her halt, then pointed at the cup accusingly. “Why the hell do I get the disposable cups, but she gets one of your mugs?” she whisper-yelled again. “You told me those mugs were for special occasions only, but you never bothered using them!”

That made Gaeul freeze on the spot. She didn’t realize that Yujin actually remembered the mugs. Shit, what kind of excuse could she give for this? Gaeul looked at her, trying to keep a straight expression, she raised a brow in fake confusion. “Aren’t you taking that to-go?”

She only got a heavy stare in response. Yujin stammered her response. “W-What—Gaeul, I never take my coffee to-go!” she quietly exclaimed, eyes darting from where Wonyoung was sitting back to Gaeul. Then she paused, like her brain was starting to work. She looked back at Gaeul, studied her expression, then to Wonyoung, then back to her. Yujin suddenly gasped. “Oh my god, what the fuck happened between you two?”

Gaeul scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Wow, language.”

“You curse worse than me on a bad day, okay?” Yujin quipped back. Then she suddenly whined. “Gaeul, you owe me an explanation!”

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to think of what to do without panicking. A sigh escaped her, eyes darting at Wonyoung, making sure she hadn’t heard the commotion. Luckily she was still on her phone. Gaeul looked at Yujin. “I know, but I think it would be best if I tell you when she’s not here,” she whispered, nudging her head towards Wonyoung’s direction. “So either you wait until she leaves, or you come back when it’s closing time.”

Yujin took a moment to respond, staring back at Gaeul as if she was disappointed at knowing all of this too late. Gaeul honestly felt bad, but she knew that she couldn’t tell all of this to them so quickly because she wasn’t even sure what to say if they asked her how she felt.

And she was scared of the honest answer. 

Before Yujin replied, she paused, looking a little horrified. She then glared at Gaeul again. “Did you tell Rei?”

Gaeul raised both her brows. “I—”

“I swear to all the gods of the universe, if you told Rei first before me, I’ll literally scream right—”

She almost reached for Yujin’s neck, but her tall friend was able to dodge her hands in time. Gaeul almost groaned out loud. “No! You asswipe, I didn’t tell her, so please shut the fuck up!”

“L-Language!” Yujin stuttered back out of disbelief. “I never call you names!”

Gaeul felt like she was going to lose her mind. She quickly glanced at Wonyoung, still worried that she might hear their conversation, then she glared at Yujin. “That’s not the point right now! I didn’t tell Rei!”

“Okay fine!” Yujin huffed, taking her phone out of her pocket and started typing furiously. “I’m going to tell Rei, and we’re going to your apartment after your work tonight so you can tell us everything. You hear me? Everything—” Yujin comically widened her eyes even more, leaning closer to Gaeul. All just for emphasis. “Tonight.”

“Fine!” Gaeul groaned, nodding her head, but still pretty exasperated. 

Yujin shook her head after pocketing her phone and picking up her coffee from the counter. “I still can’t believe you gave me the dinky take-out cups,” she said, disappointed.

Gaeul rolled her eyes again. “Get over it.”

A scoff escaped her friend, then she adjusted the bag that was on her shoulder. “Fine, I’ll take my leave—” Yujin then pointed at her. “For now. I’ll be coming back to get you later. Tonight—”

“Yes, now please go,” Gaeul interrupted her, pointing to the exit. 

Yujin gave her one last glare, before looking at Wonyoung who was still seated on her table, looking like nothing happened. Yujin sighed then she waved at Gaeul before leaving the shop.

The bell chimed, and the door closed slowly.

Gaeul finally let out a deep breath once Yujin was gone and she was alone again. She glanced back at Wonyoung, still not noticing anything. But when Gaeul took a closer look, she saw the AirPods case that was on the table. She let out another sigh, but one of relief. That must mean Wonyoung plugged her ears in while Yujin was crashing out in the middle of the shop.

But still.

It felt embarrassing to be exposed like that. Because Gaeul knew why she used the mugs, she just didn’t want to say it out loud. She wasn’t sure if she was even ready to tell the others. But Yujin caught her and demanded answers. Gaeul knew that Yujin deserved those answers too.

She had no choice.

When everything settled down, Gaeul finished cleaning the counter, organizing the cups and the coffee machine, she went back to the counter, glanced at the customers that were still there, at Wonyoung who hadn’t moved at all, and then to the people that were walking outside, minding their own business and not knowing that there was a storm brewing inside of her chest.

Gaeul took a moment to settle her emotions. She didn’t want to feel overwhelmed; she didn’t want to overthink, she didn’t want to make any weird and impulsive decisions about anything. Sure, she was going to be with Yujin and Rei later, she was going to tell them what happened, the confession, their little arrangement now, and maybe—when she felt a little confident about it—her feelings. 

It was still a big question mark at the moment. Not because she really didn’t know. But maybe she just wasn’t sure. 

She was still pretty much in love with Wonyoung. Everything that Wonyoung did these past few days had been a lethal threat to her heart, but at the same time, she couldn’t find it in her to blame anyone but herself. She was allowing this, she couldn’t deny how much relief it brought her, and she also couldn’t really stop herself from loving a person. 

Or one particular person. 

Gaeul sighed. But without thinking, her hands reached into her pocket and went still when she felt the letter inside. It was as if Gaeul reached for it by instinct.

She knew that if she read this letter, things were going to become clearer for her. That the feeling of love she had wasn’t going to go away, that it might deepen, and it would grow. A part of her felt foolish for letting it happen. But at the same time… she wanted to know.

Carefully, she took the letter out of her pocket, admiring how Wonyoung wrote her name, even if it had always been so messy. She unfolded it slowly, feeling her heartbeat against her chest, knowing very well that Wonyoung was going to devastate her with words.

I don’t write these letters to make you fall in love with me so easily.

You need time, and I understand that.

I just need to let you know how I feel so you’d believe in me.

There’s no reason to deny it, no more reason to hide it.

I want you to know that I don’t want to lose this chance again.

If you still don’t trust me, then that’s okay.

I’m not leaving, not anymore. I’m going to be here.

Because my heart belongs to you.

It’s always you.

I love you, Gaeul.

– Wonyoung