Raw Cookie Dough and the Respondence of Love

Minjeong couldn’t stop fidgeting in her seat.

Because it felt absolutely strange that she was here without Jimin next to her.

She wasn’t sure if that fact amused her, because of how dependent she had become. Or saddened because she was once reminded that Jimin was in fact, not next to her.

But she had to hold it in. Aeri called her here for something important, and she knew it was because it was about Jimin. Even if she was a nervous wreck when it came to serious conversations with people she wasn’t entirely familiar with, she was willing to bite the bullet and sit there if it meant she would get any update on Jimin.

Or if Aeri and Chaeyoung had a game plan on what they were going to do while Jimin was away.

At the very least, Yizhuo was there as well and that alone was more than enough for her. She had an anchor, if ever Aeri or Chaeyoung was going to tell her something that might make her heart break even more, at least she could hold onto Yizhuo if they did. Not that it was their fault. She didn’t plan on blaming anyone throughout this meeting. She was simply worried that the situation was even worse than she expected.

She didn’t want that.

As much as it sounded too immature of her to think. But she only wanted to hear something hopeful. Just something that she could cling to. Something that could help her believe that all signs didn’t point that they should give up on Jimin. She knew they wouldn’t anyway.

Chaeyoung came out of her bedroom, Mina following her after. Aeri was sitting across from them, who was next to Yizhuo, then her, then Tzuyu sat on her right. They were all waiting for the couple to settle down so they could start. Her neighbor made Mina sit first, but before she did, she addressed everyone.

“Hi guys, glad all of you can make it,” she said with a small smile. She took a deep breath and kept her hands in her pockets. “We wanted to gather everyone here to discuss what happened to Jimin with Minjeong and Yizhuo around.” Her brows furrowed and looked down. “But first, I want to apologize again for making everyone worried and I want to assure you that I’m fine as well. We all knew the gun wasn’t loaded. But this is the first time Jimin kind of… Did something this intense because of her nightmares.” Mina then held her arm when she let out a shaky breath, Chaeyoung smiled at her momentarily and continued. “Most of them were usually just her shouting and crying when she abruptly woke up after a nightmare.”

Tzuyu raised her hand. “Where’s Jimin right now?”

“Joohyun unnie brought her to their house for now. I think it’s best if she stays there until she’s better,” Aeri answered her. Minjeong honestly felt bad with how shaken Aeri still looked. But at least Yizhuo was holding her hand under the table. “We… We all agreed to it,” she muttered after.

Then Yizhuo turned to look at her. “What about her work? Are they going to suspend her?”

Aeri sighed. “The sarge and I agreed that she goes on sabbatical again. The first one didn't last long because Jimin insisted that she goes back to work. Which was why she was placed in office work instead, so she doesn’t have to deal with anyone,” she explained, but paused to take a moment. Then she gave a weak smile. “I knew it wasn’t enough, but Jimin insisted.”

“Guess it took a toll on her,” Mina added, as she looked around the table, eyes eventually landing on Aeri. “Is she going to get therapy soon?”

“Her sister said that they called Dr. Im. Hopefully she got to visit this morning, actually.” Aeri then leaned back on her seat. Minjeong could see that she tightened her hold on Yizhuo’s hand. Guess her best friend was the anchor for both of them that evening. “She might have to keep visiting just to make sure Jimin is stable again.”

What a sad thought, Minjeong said to herself. She couldn’t imagine the entire process of what Jimin had to go through because of what happened.

She wondered how it was when it just happened that year ago. It probably was way much worse than what they witnessed a few nights ago. Jimin never divulged the details to her, but Minjeong never forced her to anyway. She only wanted Jimin to tell her when she was comfortable enough.

Minjeong knew that it took a lot of courage for Jimin to even tell her something like that happened to her. And she was still proud of Jimin. If only she could have told her that before this happened. She wanted Jimin to hear these words. But she hated that she always felt like she was too late.

The thought made her chest tighten, and she clenched her skirt, balling it up in her fist. Resisting the urge to cry again.

It wasn’t the time to show any of her vulnerability. She needed to focus.

“You alright though? I know you said you were, but I just wanted to make sure," Aeri suddenly asked, eyes looking at Chaeyoung.

She wondered how many times Chaeyoung had been asked that question. She had resisted from asking that as well. Because Chaeyoung always gave the same answer.

“I’m fine,” she said again. Minjeong wasn’t wrong. But she wondered how Chaeyoung really felt. Her neighbor then gave a weak and dismissive chuckle. “It caused a huge ruckus in the apartment building, but Aeri and their sergeant managed to get the other tenants to calm down.” She finally sat down next to Mina, leaning her elbows on the table and ran her hands through her face and then hair. “I just… I just wish I could take away the pain. You know?”

“Same here,” Tzuyu muttered.

“Minjeong?” Aeri called her and that made her shoot her head up.

“Yeah?”

Aeri gave a small smile, but she couldn’t find it in her to give one back. “How about you? Are you alright?”

God. How was she supposed to answer this without wanting to cry?

But she felt Yizhuo hold her hand, making them unclench and then hold onto it. She took a breath in.

“I’d be lying if I said I was,” she said. She really couldn’t find the strength to break her demeanor. It was hard. “But mostly because I’m very worried about her. I’m sure we all are. I wish I could stay with her, but I know that she needs to be with her family first,” she added. She wanted to be honest, since everyone else was trying to as well. Then she waved her hand. “It’s okay. Joohyun unnie said I can visit once she’s okay. So I’m going to wait for that.”

It was the only thing she had to look forward to. Since she knew that her days and nights were going to be a little lonelier since she couldn’t get on a call with Jimin.

“Okay,” Aeri said with a nod. Then she softened her look. “Thank you though. You were the only one who managed to calm her down.”

Her heart received another pang of uncontrollable sorrow. The memories of that night flashed again, the look on Jimin’s face, the amount of tears that wouldn’t stop falling, the way her voice cracked and begged, saying things that hurt Minjeong’s heart more and more.

She looked away, unsure if she was capable of hiding her tears. Yizhuo held her hand even tighter.

“I honestly feel like it wasn’t enough,” she whispered. Feeling disappointed in herself, even if she didn’t know exactly why but she did. However, she didn’t want to falter her determination, she took another deep breath and looked up, eyes darting from Aeri to Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. “But would it be okay if I asked for updates about her?”

The three nodded. “Of course. We’ll message you if anything comes up,” Chaeyoung said, finally breaking into a smile. “Thank you, Minjeong.”

How many more times were they going to thank her when Minjeong didn’t feel like she deserved to be thanked? Because if she was actually being honest with herself, she still felt like she wasn’t able to do enough for Jimin. Or she could have done much more than what she did already.

Held Jimin a little longer, soothed her with more words or maybe kissed her hand or her forehead.

But what was done was done. She couldn’t turn back time and change the turn of events. Minjeong had to settle with what was there and just accept that people were thankful for her even if she felt like she didn’t deserve it.

Chaeyoung decided to end their talk there and Mina got up to prepare everyone dinner. Saying it was the least she and Chaeyoung could do since she gathered everyone there after work. No one protested anyway, Mina was an excellent cook.

But it made Minjeong miss Jimin a little more since Mina served them soup. Anything that was remotely close to a hot pot made Minjeong remember Jimin, their meals together, the laughs and small smiles they shared.

She tried her best not to cry when she was eating her food. Gulping down the food without even taking the time to savor it, because if she did then her walls might crumble down because of how much she missed Jimin and that she badly wanted to share this moment with her.

Yizhuo probably noticed because the entire time, Minjeong remained quiet. It wasn’t new, but it was definitely something to worry about. Minjeong knew herself, but she didn’t want to ruin the mood, she didn’t want the attention to be on her when Jimin was their main concern.

As she finished her meal, and placed the utensils she used by the sink, she thanked everyone, bidding her goodbye as she needed to rest.

Or she just needed to finally cry it all out and she couldn’t do it in front of Jimin’s friends.

To her surprise, before she left the apartment, Yizhuo caught up with her and quietly walked her to her own unit.

The moment the door closed, Minjeong felt Yizhuo’s hands hold her shoulders, caressing them and that was when she finally allowed herself to let her emotions go.

“Hey? You okay?” her best friend asked gently, rubbing her hands on her shoulders.

“I-I—” she took a moment to breathe, feeling the tears fall from her eyes finally and let out a breath. “I just…” she hiccupped and then ran her hands through her hair. “I-I just wish she wasn’t suffering like this.”