in another life

“There’s something I wanna tell you—I love you.”

Those words are simple yet it results in thousands of meanings, perhaps, mostly confusion at your end. You never thought she'd utter these words out of her mouth.

Not even a single second.

It hurts to hear it not because you don’t like it, but because she's not the person you thought would bluntly say this out of the blue.

Quite frankly, the feelings confessed are completely understandable for the fact that you felt the same, but rather platonically on the heavier side of the plate—you love her as a friend and you’re grateful for seeing and being with her for all these years.

But then, never as someone you’ll be with for the rest of your life.

You’re quite stunned, frozen for seconds actually as she turns away and practically locks eyes on her again, scanning you and anticipating your response.

“Minju—wait, you love me like, as in, you love me?” You’re blunt and she’s used to it and you may not be the best guy to be handling this situation but you’re trying your best.

You’re trying your best to ignore this but you can’t, because it’s Park Minju, your closest friend, your best girl, and your everything—and you mean everything for the fact that she’s your safe spot, the girl you’ll always be comfortable with, the girl you’ll always be grateful for being in your life and everything positively.

All of this just to be rejected? No, you won’t do that because you’re not equating almost seven years of your friendship with her into the void, embracing the next day as empty as the abyss, and as broken as the epitome of discordance.

You love her but you’re afraid. 

Afraid to hurt her feelings when the mood is gloomy.

Afraid to poison your relationship with her knowing you can’t possibly suffice a healthy one.

Afraid to let her down and even yourself whenever something isn’t going the right path.

Afraid of the fact that the both of you will break up and will face the consequence of that action—emptiness.

You’re just afraid because you know you’re not the one for him and it hurts.

“Yeah—I’ve been wanting to really say this for months and I think now was the right time…” You catch that faint smile, the chuckle right after, feigning frivolity and you love it. But then, even with that sight, you can’t just sit her and let her rot waiting for your response.

You can sense her trying even though she’s not the best at these things—even you are, and her efforts are something you appreciate.

But then, something clicks in you.

“Minju, I—” You sigh, deeply. She catches and it piques her ever so slightly, as you face, scan that beautiful face and then flashed a smile, reassuring her for what could possibly come. “—really appreciate this time and your effort actually. But please, listen to me carefully, I wanna tell you something.”

This alone piques her as she can feel your hand skating around her waist, then a deep stare on those eyes to let her know how genuinely things will be in the next seconds. 

“I really loved how we always bond together, even with our own friend circles for fun, in the hotpot place you love to go, in the movies, in the late night drinking sessions, absolutely every time we spend time together, I will always cherish that.” You gulp as you feel those emotions in you starting to creep up, eyelids fancying a wet spot as she can feel the sudden emotion around the ambiance. “I love you too, Minju, but—”

You stop as she asks, “But what?”

It was sudden and it caught her off-guard—you smash your lips on hers, falling into a passionate kiss as your actions are louder than words, closing your eyes and letting yourself feel Minju’s pillowy lips. Something sparked in you to stop being in denial, to refrain from being afraid, to tell her that you also feel the same.

It may look sudden but you can’t contain it either. It may not result in something perfect in the long run, the fear still instilled in you for the inevitable worse in a random day but you truly adored her so much that all you can think of is to do this.

It may not be vocal, but she can feel it deep and thorough.

She reciprocates the kiss, the lingering effect lasting for more seconds as she pulls out right after, feeling butterflies and the utter shock that her best friend suddenly did that to her, and it was out in the blue.

She turns her easily, but there’s a slight guilt in you that thinks this was way too much of a reply, a message laced with something to 

“Wait, I’m sorry, Minju—” You manage to derail what just happened as she continues staring at you, hands on her lips and in utter shock as she manages to grasp the situation that suddenly unfolded. “—I didn’t mean it to be like that but I hope I—I just want to to l-let you—”

“Hey…” Minju grabs you by the wrist, and gives you that reassuring look—those eyes ever so endearing, glistening with warmth and gratification, and those lips curling up that contagious smile you’ll never get tired of. “I really liked it, honestly. I j-just never thought that would come out like that…”

Your hands are shaky, evidently nervous as she holds on it tight, feeling her warmth and that alone relaxes you. Minju inches closer towards you enough to smell her minty breath, and the hotness emanating from each other as the heat of the moment ignites further like your feelings for her in your heart right now.

“I am not really the best guy to deal with this but, hey—” Your hands tuck her hair behind her ear, earning that slightest chuckle out of her as she stares at your eyes with need, and longing for you and you only. “—I really love you too, Minju, but I am just scared of something…”

Uncertainty reeks out of you as her reassuring stare and her touch calms you down, and her being your comfort girl, she’s willing to listen to that. “What are you scared of? I’m here to listen, alright?”

Her expressions paint curiosity and that concern, because she doesn’t want you seeing this uncertainty of something, especially in this profound situation of confession. The both of you don’t know how this may end but the both of you are trying, and you appreciate that as much as she appreciates you.

“I’m just scared like what if we got into each other—like in a real relationship, what if one day we’ll just fight and start to break—”

“No.” Yours is poignant, but she translates it to assure you that she won’t let that happen. “I mean, that will be normal though, no? It’s not like we fight at least once a week…”

You laugh it off as she does so too, but then she reassures you that things will go in the right path for the both of you; the trust towards each other is something that can solidify this newly-pronounced relationship—if that’s what you want to call each other for now. 

“Oh come one, Minju—I mean you’re not wrong but yeah, I was just anxious I guess…”

“Hah… I think we’re pretty bad at this but—” Now, Minju has the upper hand, pressing her lips onto yours as now, she feels your lips enveloping your upper lip, a taste she’ll never forget.

It’s the first time the both of you kissed this passionately and by the looks of it, the both of you are clearly longing for each other and for such a long time, this was worth the wait. The both of you close your eyes as each second feels euphoric, a high you never thought you could achieve something monumental. You never thought kissing your girl best friend that suddenly confessed her feelings towards you would feel this good but here you are, savoring it as the reciprocation turns into that tad bit of intimacy. She yearns for you and you can feel it, the way she skates her hands on your shirt and the way your hands find her bare shoulder says a lot. Eventually, oxygen was to blame and as much as you don’t want the kiss to end, it was inevitable. “Never thought you could kiss this good.”

“Jeez—same, Minju. Well, I really think we should go before someone sees us like this.”

“Like where, babe?” Minju calls you by that name and it cringes you out so much that you pretend to puke. 

“Eww, don’t call me that! Let me just buy us some dinner first and we’ll talk about more of this in the meantime.”

“What do you mean?” Minju asks again, and this time, it’s somewhat lying between curiosity and a bad gut feeling. 

“Even though we have known each other for a long time, I really think it’s fair for me to throw out a date for you.”

Minju’s eyes sparkles with your remarks as she finds it endearing for you to initiate something, especially when it’s going to be possibly a romantic one. Sure, you’ve bonded with her enough to know her enough and have that love-hate dynamic with her but with this profound relationship with her now brewing, it’s maybe time to take things seriously and be pretty different but also not losing the man she knows—you know that she just wants you to be yourself.

And so, day one has officially begun, perhaps?

It was late at night and Minju’s staring at the ceiling with her body laying flat on the bed, asking herself how she was after what happened.

She goes up, sits and reflects. “Well, at least I tried.”

Minju sighs deeply, as if she’s just vexed about the situation. In all matters, she shouldn’t be feeling that way but the complete opposite but then all of those were complete fragments of imaginations, like that big “what if?”.