Chapter 19: Decisions, Decisions

Tuesday | October 31th, 2023 | 2:44 PM

"Ouch."

"Oops, sorry."

The three of us, Karina, Chungha, and I, were bunched up together and spying through the service window at our manager and a younger girl who were engaged in a conversation in front of the cash register. Our manager was tapping away at the screen, explaining something to the young girl with both their backs facing towards us. The two of them had walked into the store just moments ago, and they've been at the cash register ever since.

The three of us were ushered to the back by our manager, but we were curious. It was a slow day, and the customers in the cafe had their drinks. There was nothing we could do other than sit and wait, so we decided to watch the conversation from the service window.

"Is she a new coworker?" Chungha whispered. It seemed like the obvious answer. Though, I didn't know that we were hiring as of lately. It wasn't like there was a sudden surge of customers that we couldn't handle ourselves. We still have our regulars, and the rest were just the occasional passersby.

"Must be," Karina replied, her voice quiet while she adjusted the devil horns headband that rested on top of her head. To celebrate Halloween at work, we all wore accessories that we found from last year's Halloween supply box. Karina put the most effort in her costume, finding the most accessories to work with. She sported a bright-red devil horns headband, a long devil tail that clipped onto the back of her apron, and these plastic devil wings she wore over her shoulders.

Chungha went the simple route with hers, finding a witch hat and carrying around the work broomstick that we use to clean with when we close up. Other than that, there wasn't much to work with in the supply box afterwards. I threw on a long black cape, and found one of those cheap plastic disguise glasses with a comical nose and mustache. I didn't complain though, the thought was funny and it made the three of us laugh as we played with our costumes.

I squinted through the glasses which were kind of hard to see through, trying to get a better view of the girl with our manager. The girl was pretty looking. She had long dark brown hair, big doe eyes, and a cute smile. She looked young, maybe a high school student? She couldn't be our age, she had a babyface and was shorter than the three of us. She was dressed nicely, in a skirt and a button up shirt, but the most striking thing about her was her accessories. She had on a lot, and a lot of them were expensive looking.

Our manager finished up at the register, guiding the girl to the back. The three of us scrambled to look like we were busy. The kitchen sink, which was empty, was suddenly a very interesting and important place for Karina to wash her hands, and Chungha and I had to pretend to be rearranging the shelves.

Our manager poked her head into the kitchen, "And this is the back area. You'll be spending a lot of time back here with these three. I'll introduce you to them now." Our manager motioned for the girl to come into the back. She entered while smiling and bowing her head at us.

"This is Yoo Karina," our manager gestured over to the sink, and Karina stopped her fake handwashing to greet her. She was polite and she didn't seem to notice us peeping on her just a few seconds ago. "She's been working here since the cafe opened. She's a hard worker."

Karina bowed her head, "Hi, nice to meet you."

The girl returned the bow, and replied, "Nice to meet you."

"Over there is Chungha. She's also been working here for a while as well. She's a very bright and cheerful person," our manager gestured to her. I held back a laugh, feeling a disagreement with our manager's description of her.

Chungha gave her a tight-lipped smile, waving, "Hello. Welcome."

The girl nodded and bowed her head, "Thank you."

"And last, but not least, is Hwang Minjae," she announced. Some part of me was disappointed I didn’t get some fancy introduction like the other two did but I brushed it off. She looked over at me, and I stood there awkwardly. I bowed, giving her a polite smile. "Nice to meet you," I greeted her. She laughed a bit, likely noticing my low effort costume.

"It's nice to meet you all," she smiled, looking at each of us, "My name is Ning Yizhuo!"

"She's actually my niece, and I promised my brother I'd help her out with a part-time job so I took the opportunity to have her work with you guys," our manager explained, patting Yizhuo’s shoulder. That explained the sudden hiring. It was just nepotism.

"I hope the three of you can take good care of me. Please teach me," Yizhuo bowed again, her eyes closed. She had a serious expression, her face completely earnest and pure.

"Of course," the three of us answered in unison. Yizhuo was adorable, and it was hard not to fall under her charms. Even though we just met, we were already starting to feel protective of her as if she was a little sister.

Our manager clapped her hands together, "Perfect! Let me help you with our menu, Ningning. You three can watch the front while w-" The ringing bell of the door interrupted our manager. We had a customer. "Great, I'll have Ningning take her first order! Chungha, go take care of the customer, will you?"

"Sure thing," Chungha replied, a small smile tugging at her lips. "This'll be fun to watch." Yizhuo was quick to comply, and Chungha went to the front to serve the customer. Karina and I stayed in the back, watching our manager point out every syrup and toppings. Before long, the receipt for the drink was printed out. Our manager ripped the receipt out and pointed out the drink orders on the receipt to Yizhuo while guiding her around the station.

Karina and I sat back and let the newbie do our job for us. Yizhuo was attentive, listening to every word the manager said. She followed every direction carefully, taking everything into account. The way she moved and carried herself was careful and graceful. Even if it was a simple task, she did it with a determined attitude, like it was something bigger and more important.

That sort of passion was admirable. I wish I had that sort of enthusiasm working here.

"She seems like a fast learner," Karina muttered, leaning towards me. "Chungha wishes she could move that quickly. Maybe we can permanently put her as cashier now."

I nodded my head, "Definitely."

"I can hear you two," Chungha shouted back through the service window, and the three of us laughed. Yizhuo turned her head, glancing at us with an amused look on her face. Our manager was caught up with telling her what else needed to be done that she didn't notice us being dumb.

"Once you finish the drink orders, you can either come out and deliver it yourself, or one of the three can do it. Whichever way works for you," our manager instructed her, patting her shoulder.

Yizhuo nodded, a serious look on her face, "Understood. Thank you, Auntie."

Our manager waved her off, "Please, call me Auntie only in private. While you're on shift, I'm your manager, got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," Yizhuo nodded. Our manager smiled and patted her shoulder before turning to the two of us spectating, "Minjae, Karina, I'll be leaving now. Please make sure to get Ningning familiarized with everything here, and please don't make things too hard on her. Okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," Karina and I echoed.

"Okay. Have a good rest of your day," our manager gave us a wave and an extra smile for Yizhuo before leaving the kitchen. From outside, we heard Chungha give her a greeting goodbye. The front door rang, signaling her exit, and I looked at Yizhuo.

"Are you going to deliver those, or would you like me or Karina to do it?" I pointed behind her at the two drinks sitting on the table. Yizhuo looked back, her mouth forming a small o as she realized she had left them sitting. "Sorry about that," she apologized, rushing to pick them up. Within seconds, she left the kitchen with drinks in hand.

Karina and I went out to the front, joining Chungha at the cash register. Yizhuo handed the two drinks to the customer with a polite smile, and the customer returned her smile and thanked her before heading out the door. She turned back, her face expectant, and looked at us.

"That was good," Karina complimented her.

"Thank you," Yizhuo grinned.

"Now," Chungha started, pointing at Yizhuo. "The hardest part of the job. Finding things to talk about to pass the time until we close."

Yizhuo's eyebrow lifted in confusion, and I stifled a laugh.

"Oh, I was being serious. There's literally nothing to do when we have no customers," Chungha frowned. She crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter.

Karina and I looked at each other. We knew she was right. When there were no customers, we were basically just waiting for them. Sometimes we had a group of students sitting around, or a regular having a quick meal, but for the most part, we were stuck standing around until it was time to clean up.

"Oh," Yizhuo's tone was one of understanding. "So that's what Auntie meant."

"What did Auntie mean?" I asked, looking over at her. Seeing how Chungha and Karina were looking at me made me understand, "I'm sorry, I meant our manager."

"I know," Yizhuo giggled, the sound was a little airy. "She just mentioned that working here will be easy and light. She didn't go into detail though."

"Ah, well," I paused, scratching the back of my head. "Yeah, it's usually like this. It can be a lot busier on some days, especially during the morning and late afternoons, but most of the time, you'll have plenty of downtime."

"I'm not used to not doing much, so this will take a bit getting used to," Yizhuo laughed sheepishly. "This is my first job, so I'm a bit nervous."

Chungha's eyebrow bounced up, "First job? How old are you, Yizhuo?"

"I'm a freshman in university, and I'll be 18 next month," she replied. The three of us glanced at each other, and I let out a breath. I didn't want to say anything, but I was surprised. I was expecting her to be a high school student, not an actual university student.

"You look so young, what the hell," Chungha gasped.

"Really?" Yizhuo smiled shyly, "I get that a lot."

"It must be nice," Chungha mumbled.

"Well, you have a baby face, so that helps," Karina pointed out, gesturing at her. Yizhuo's face flushed, her cheeks tinted pink. "Thank you, I guess," she laughed.

"No problem," Karina grinned, then she looked over at the rest of us, "So, you call our manager Auntie, and she calls you Ningning. I think that's so cute," she dug up, trying to move the conversation around.

"Right? It's so cute," Chungha agreed, "So what should we call you? I mean, should we call you Yizhuo, or can we call you Ningning too?"

"Either one is fine, you can just use whichever you want," she replied, waving her hand nonchalantly. Soon enough, Karina and Chungha filled the air with a combined chorus of 'Ningning' and 'Yizhuo' while deciding which was cuter and more comfortable. Ningning looked a bit uncomfortable, not sure of how to handle their chatter.

I leaned forward and whispered, "Ignore them, they do this sometimes."

"I'll remember that," Ningning laughed, "It's just a little embarrassing."

"You'll get used to it soon," I told her. "Once you ease up around us, you'll start teasing the two. You'll see, there's a lot of material to work with. You're gonna have a good time."

"I'll trust you," she gave me a warm smile.

"Hey, you're not safe either," Chungha interrupted. "Ningning, you can start by teasing Minjae about his love life, or the lack of it."

Ningning looked at me, her eyebrow raised, "What about his love life?"

"Oh, nothing, except that Minjae is completely stupid when it comes to girls," Karina laughed, shrugging her shoulders. I rolled my eyes at them, and Ningning giggled, looking at the three of us, "Is it that bad?"

"Well," Karina dragged out, her mouth pulled down in a frown. "It's not bad, but he just has trouble making his moves. He can talk and joke around with any girl, but when it comes to doing something about his crush, he's kind of awkward."

I couldn't even disagree with them. While they ragged on me, I let my mind wander off, thinking back to Haerin. It's been a few days since I drunk texted her, yet there was still no word from her. We haven't talked since, neither one of us wanting to make the first move, although I wasn't even sure if Haerin even wanted to talk to me.

There was no way for me to find out if she was still upset. My drunken mistake left us with a wall between us. And if that wasn't enough, there was another wall that was slowly building up. My brief time with Chaewon seemed to have unearthed a lot of feelings that were long buried inside me, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't suppress them anymore.

Haerin, Chaewon. Both of them had me in a complicated spot, and I didn't know how to move forward. I couldn't figure out how to approach Haerin again. It was obvious that she wasn't comfortable around me anymore, and it was also pretty obvious that it'd be hard to go back to how we were.

Then there was Chaewon, who was slowly coming back into my life. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, and what it meant for the two of us. If I was feeling anything at all, then it meant something. And if I was feeling something, what was that going to mean for Haerin? Was it fair to her, to be caught up with another girl after I just made a stupid drunken mistake with her?

And what did I feel for Chaewon? There was definitely a sense of comfort between us, but I wasn't sure if it was romantic or platonic. It was hard for me to tell the difference. The line was so blurry and ambiguous that it was impossible for me to understand it. All I could really tell was that I didn't want her to leave again. I didn't want her out of my life anymore. And if that meant we couldn't date, that was fine by me. I would be willing to do that, for the sake of keeping her around.

Fuck. Too much to think about. I was just making everything overcomplicated with all of this thinking. I was so caught up with everything going on, that I barely noticed Ningning, Chungha, and Karina watching me, waiting for a response.

"Huh?" I looked up, finally snapping out of my thoughts.

Karina sighed, shaking her head, "Nothing. Let's talk about something else."

"Like what?" I asked, leaning my back against the wall.

"Anything that isn't Minjae's nonexistent love life," Chungha quickly spat out, and the three of them burst into a fit of laughter. Before the conversation could continue, the ringing of the door stopped us. A group of four girls came through the front door, all of them talking excitedly. Using this as a good chance to teach Ningning, the three of us hovered around her as she took her first official order.

Tuesday | October 31th, 2023 | 9:02 PM

"So how was your first day?" Karina called out to Ningning while sweeping the floor behind the cash register. I was in the back, preparing a new batch of boba for tomorrow. Chungha had just finished cleaning up, and was wiping the tables. The shop was closed, and we were the last ones left.

"We made you do a lot of work today," I added, dumping a bag of tapioca into a bin. "Was it hard for you?"

"It was good. I learned a lot, and the three of you are so helpful and nice. I don't think there was anything difficult about it," she replied, putting away her apron.

"That's great," Chungha hummed, throwing the dirty towel into the bin. She playfully glided past Ningning while fake-wiping a tear from her eye, "God, we did an amazing job with you today. So talented. Such a fast learner."

"Please," Ningning laughed, pushing her shoulder gently. "You guys taught me everything."

"Oh, we know!" Chungha sang, spinning around. I stifled a laugh at her unusual flamboyant behavior. It appears the addition of Ningning must've unlocked some sort of hidden gremlin within Chungha, one that resembles some sort of older sibling energy.

Karina came to her rescue, "Ignore her, Ning. She's just being extra." Karina set the broom against the wall and stood next to Ningning. "You did a good job today," she complimented.

"Thank you," Ningning beamed. "I had a lot of fun working with you guys." While they continued their conversation, I set my attention back to my work. My workflow was short-lived, as my phone vibrated from my pocket. I took a while awkwardly using my pinky and ring finger to try and fish my phone out of my pocket without using my more dirty fingers.

Once I was able to take a hold of it, I looked down and saw a message from Chaewon. I couldn't stop the grin spreading across my face. I swiped my thumb across the screen, not caring about the dirty streak I left:

Chaewonhappy halloween!!!

I tapped the screen with my pinky, spelling out a simple message to send right away:

hpy halloowen to you too

I grabbed a towel near me to wipe my hands clean, seeing how I made myself sound like I was stupid and didn’t know how to spell. Chaewon sent another message, and I went back to see it:

Chaewonsoooo what are you doing for halloween then

oh wait right

you said you were working tonight

ya i am

Chaewonboooooo

boring. why can't you have halloween off or something

halloween isnt one of those important days like christmas yk

Chaewonsuckss

anyway are u at least enjoying your work night

im about to get off actually

just cleaning up now

what about that party you said you were going to

Taking a moment away from my phone to finish prepping, I reached for the lid to the boba bin and sealed it shut. I carried it over to our fridge for the workers on shift tomorrow to have ready, and made my way back to my phone. Chaewon sent me a picture of her posing in front of a mirror. She was dressed up in a black top and skirt combo with a large brown cowgirl hat. The top showed off her stomach, and the skirt hugged her waist and hips tightly. The bottom of her skirt ended halfway to her thighs, leaving a generous amount of her legs exposed:

Chaewonlook at me im so cute

this is my costume for the party

very cute

Chaewon

thank you ^^

are you dressing up at all?

I scooped up my phone and fixed my funny glasses for a quick selfie, snapping the photo and sending it to her:

this is me at work rn

Chaewonomg lol

im like a village idiot

its so stupid lmao

Chaewonlolol

well you look cute too

those glasses fit you

I couldn't help the blush spreading on my cheeks. Even though it was an innocent comment, I was feeling a bit too giddy about her calling me cute:

have fun tonight okay?

Chaewonofcccc

if i get bored at the party can i bother you?

sure go for it

ill try to entertain you

Chaewonlmaoooo

bye minjae have a good rest of your night

see you later!

"You're smiling so much," a voice suddenly chimed. I nearly jumped in shock, looking over to see Karina leaning her head in through the service window, grinning widely at me.

"You were just grinning down at your phone, and you're blushing," she teased, wiggling her eyebrows at me. "Who was it? Haerin, right?"

"No," I bluntly put it. "It's complicated right now."

Karina's expression fell, her eyes widening in surprise, "Wait, really? But weren't you guys doing so well together?"

I didn't answer. Instead, I looked back down at my phone, locking it and putting it away. I was sure Karina was expecting me to give her an answer, but there wasn't much for me to say. We weren't talking, and it was for the best. That's what I was thinking, at least. I wiped down the table I was working at and walked over to the sink to toss my towel in. It was only after I had come back to my space and turned around, did I realize Karina had never gone away. She was still standing at the window, a thoughtful frown on her face as she stared me down.

"What?" I asked her.

"Did something happen? Between the two of you?" Karina asked quietly, her tone low.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair. This was a little awkward, I had to admit. It felt weird for me to talk about these types of things with Karina. We weren't 'close', just coworkers. But I knew she meant well. She was always a good listener, and a good person in general. Maybe a different perspective on the situation wouldn't hurt.

"I think I messed up," I confessed, leaning against the table. "It was definitely my fault, and now she's mad at me."

"Well, that's a bit vague," Karina muttered, her fingers tapped against the interior of the service window. "Would you tell me what happened?"

I thought back to the text messages, and how upset Haerin was with me. My shoulders slouched forward, and I let out a breath, "I was drunk one night, and I drunk texted her. It wasn't exactly... good."

"What'd you say?" Karina frowned.

"I don't want to get into it. Trust me when I say it's bad, and that we haven't talked since," I answered. Karina nodded, not questioning it. Instead, she asked, "Have you apologized?"

"No" I muttered, "I wanted to, but I don't know what to say."

"Just say sorry, dummy," Karina said with a light laugh. "I'm sure she's waiting for an apology from you."

"I think you're wrong," I shook my head, "I don't think she wants anything to do with me. Not anymore. And if I'm honest, I don't blame her." Karina's lips dropped into a harsher frown, her brows knitting together.

"Why would you say that?" she questioned.

"Can I ask you something, and please don't judge me," I murmured. Karina nodded, and I sucked in a breath. I took a moment to think about my question, and I slowly asked, "Is it wrong if I feel differently about Haerin than I did before? Does it mean I never liked her at all, and it was all some sort of mistake ?"

Karina leaned against the service window, and she gave me a soft smile, "Minjae, of course not. Things are just different, isn't that all?"

"I, uh, I got back in touch with an ex that I used to have," I said slowly. I could already tell Karina was a little surprised. I had never mentioned having a past girlfriend. But even then, she kept her composure and waited for me to finish, "It was a mutual breakup, but we recently saw each other again and it brought a lot of things back. Now I feel like, maybe, my feelings were just buried instead of gone and now they’re unearthing. That's all."

Karina thought for a moment. She pursed her lips, and said, "So what do you think of Haerin, then?"

"I still like her," I replied, rubbing the back of my neck. "But because of our current situation, it feels wrong to like her. And with my ex finding her way back into my life, it just felt easier to give up on Haerin. The truth is, I still want her in my life. Just not as a girlfriend."

"Yo, what are you two talking about?" Chungha cut in, appearing beside Karina and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Ningning came up on the other side, looking back and forth curiously at us.

Karina stammered, but I gave her a nod, letting her know it was fine to let them in on the conversation. They listened quietly to what Karina explained. Once she was finished, Chungha hummed thoughtfully.

"I can't say much, because it feels like you're making this hard. What's wrong with liking both girls? You said yourself, you aren't sure about what you want, and that's fine," Chungha commented. Something about what Chungha said struck a nerve deep within me. It felt wrong. And after letting it sink in, I knew why.

"Because you sound like Dad." I picked my head up and bit my cheek, rattled by the foreign input. I looked around me, confirming I was by myself in the kitchen and the girls were outside. I didn't like the idea of being interested in multiple girls at a time, just like how Dad used to be. It reminded me too much of him. Of course, Chungha would have no way of knowing this, but it was still upsetting for me to hear.

"I don't know, I don't feel comfortable pining over both of them," I mumbled. "If I like my ex, shouldn't that be the only thing? Or if I like Haerin, shouldn't I just focus on her?"

"I mean, I'm all for loyalty so I see what you mean Minjae," Karina said softly, giving me an apologetic smile.

"But dating and talking are two different things. Just because you like both, doesn't mean you're cheating or anything like that," Chungha argued, shrugging her shoulders. For as quiet as she was, Ningning finally made her presence known.

"Me personally, I've never dated but I think Chungha's right. You're not officially dating either girl, so it's not really cheating. It's just a crush," she piped up, leaning over Chungha and Karina.

"She's got a point," Chungha hummed, reaching a hand around to pat Ningning's head. Karina shook her head in disagreement and looked back to me with defeated eyes.

"You don't have to figure everything out right now, Minjae," Karina added, giving me an encouraging smile. "There's no rush to love. Just let it happen."

"That's a nice way of saying he needs to grow up," Chungha snorted.

"What do I do with Haerin? You told me to apologize," I asked.

"I did. If you believe what you did was as bad as you said it was, then apologize to her. Don't wait, either," Karina instructed. "Don't let your relationship with her fizzle out, because I know you value her friendship. Besides, you might be overthinking the whole thing, this shouldn't be as stressful as you're making it out to be."

"Don't feel guilty for having feelings. You can't control what you're feeling," Ningning added on.

I gave her a small smile, "Thanks Ning. You're right. I am overthinking this a lot. And yeah, I'll definitely apologize to Haerin. I need to make things right."

"See, there you go," Karina smiled. "Feeling better?"

"I do," I admitted, returning the smile.

"Aw, cute," Ningning said, giggling a little. Chungha looked down at her and smiled, pulling the younger girl into a tight side hug, and giving her head a pat.

"Now can we go? We're not getting paid overtime for Minjae’s relationship therapy," Chungha pointed out. Karina laughed, and nodded. We all walked around, doing our final checks around the cafe. After making sure we cleaned up everything, the four of us exited the cafe and locked the doors.

"Bye everyone, drive safe," Ningning said, waving to us as she made her way to her car. Chungha waved back at us and went to her car.

"So, this ex of yours. Is she pretty," Karina cooed, walking alongside me.

I simply nodded, "She is."

"That's good, Minjae. I really hope you get into a relationship. You're a really sweet guy," Karina sighed. She paused by her car and pulled her keys out of her bag. She unlocked her door and turned to look at me.

"Thanks, by the way. For the talk. You're pretty good at this," I said. Karina giggled, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around me in a brief hug. She pulled away and winked at me.

"Of course. Have a good night, I'll see you at intramurals tomorrow," she chirped.

"You too," I called back, waving at her. I watched as she got into her car, and I headed over to my own. Soon enough, my car was the only one left in the parking lot as the others had already left. I got in and sat back in my seat. With the air conditioner on and the radio playing, I felt myself relaxing and sinking into my seat, letting their advice simmer and marinate in my brain.

Wednesday | November 1st, 2023 | 5:14 PM

My hands flexed around the straps of my backpack, and I stared blankly at the doors in front of me. I should've been headed to the recreational center for a quick practice before our game but I found myself standing in front of the library. After the talk with the girls after work last night, I couldn't stop thinking about Haerin and how I should approach the topic. I was worried and also nervous. I was worried about the state of our relationship and the possibility of her cutting me off completely. And I was scared shitless because it was going to be the first time in a while since we've actually talked in person.

I had made the decision last night that I needed to talk to her, and soon before our friendship fizzled out like Karina said. I couldn't put this off. Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the library doors. My feet robotically carried me to the stairs and up to the second floor, where I instinctively knew she would be. It felt like all I could hear was the beating of my heart and the pounding of my footsteps as I walked. I moved towards the back of the library, where I knew Haerin liked the privacy and secureness away from other students.

I stopped in my tracks in between rows of bookshelves once I could see the brunette seated at her usual table, a notebook opened out in front of her. I recognized Hanni, who was sitting across from her. Haerin was focused, scribbling furiously. She reached up with her hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, revealing a black headband she wore. Her brows were furrowed, and her bottom lip was stuck between her teeth. I had forgotten how pretty she was, and my stomach suddenly flipped.

Everything seemed to erase itself from my head. The late night tossing and turning dreading this moment, the speech I had mentally rehearsed over and over, all the possible outcomes and outcomes of this meeting. Everything was wiped from my brain. I was frozen in my place. All of my previous confidence walking up here was washed away and replaced with anxiety and uncertainty. I could feel myself start to sweat, and my heartbeat picked up.

My eyes were flickering between her and the ground, unsure of what to do as I stood there like a doofus. Why was it that in the moment I felt like retreating away? But the longer I stood there, the more awkward it would be if Haerin noticed me. I could already feel the judgemental stare from her. So, with a shaky breath, I gave up.

I anxiously rubbed my heart with my palm, as if trying to rub out the anxious feeling. It didn't help much, but at least it was something. My legs were wobbly as I slowly moved backwards, each step felt harder than the last. My heart was telling me to move forward but my head was telling me to get the fuck out.

In this fight, my head ended up winning, I turned my back to her. I could just find her another time. However, standing in my way and staring at me was Danielle. She must've gotten here late as I noticed her backpack hanging off of one of her shoulders and a folder pressed to her chest. How long had she been there? I watched as her lips pulled up into a sly smile, and she gave me a nod, beckoning me over. My eyes flickered back and forth from her and the stairs back to the first floor, but my feet took the hint and headed towards the dark-haired girl.

"Hey, Minjae," Danielle greeted in a hushed whisper once I was closer.

"Hey," I replied, shifting on my feet. She peeked behind me and back at me, her smile turning into a knowing grin. She fixed her backpack from slipping off her arm and leaned forward.

"Thought you'd be in the recreational center, you have a game tonight," Danielle mentioned. To my surprise, she didn't ask about the elephant in the room and just went straight to small talk.

"Uh, I'm headed there right now," I replied, clearing my throat. "Had to pick up some books for a class." I didn't even need to think about it to know that Danielle wasn't buying it. But she didn't comment on it, and instead she said, "Oh, well, good luck at your game today! We can't make it today, Haerin wanted to get a head start on some homework. Maybe next week?"

"Yeah, that's fine," I nodded, swallowing thickly. Danielle's smile was genuine and bright, and she was giving me this look. This knowing look. How much did she know about the situation between me and Haerin? I wanted to assume a lot unless Haerin was the type to bottle up her feelings, which was totally likely, but I had a feeling Danielle knew more than she was letting on.

"Well, have fun. It was good seeing you again," Danielle said. Danielle bowed, reaching out and patting my shoulder. I nodded at her, and said, "Yeah, you too. I should head out. See you, Danielle." She gave me one last smug smile before walking past me and towards Haerin and Hanni's table.

I quickly moved out of the way and ducked into some bookshelves, using my height to peer through the shelves and watch the scene unfold. Haerin looked up and smiled at her friend, giving her a little wave. Danielle bent down to give her a hug. Haerin had the most adorable confused face, and it made my heart ache. Danielle situated herself at the table and pulled out her materials.

I pitifully walked out from my hiding spot, slapping my hands on top of my head, and letting out a quiet groan. This wasn't the ideal meeting I had planned in my head. I walked off slowly, mulling over what I could've done, or what I could've said. Maybe Karina was right, maybe I was overthinking this too much.

But even if I was overthinking it too much, it didn't matter because in the moment I would just blank out. I couldn't even say a simple "hey" to her without having a mental meltdown. How would I ever talk to her about something that was a lot more serious than a "hey"? With a defeated sigh, I walked back towards the stairs.

"Minjae?"

I felt the color drain from my face. My blood ran cold, and my breath hitched. Standing at the end of the bookshelves was Haerin. Her face was painted in confusion, her eyebrows knitted together, her mouth was slightly parted. I felt my face flush, and my mouth ran dry. My hands were trembling, and my legs felt weak.

I couldn't read her face. Was she upset seeing me? Disgusted? Relieved? Happy? Angry? I had no idea.

"Hey," I managed to croak out.

"Hi," she said softly, her fingers fidgeting and messing with the knuckles on her fingers. We awkwardly stood there, staring at each other and shifting nervously. I scratched the back of my neck and cleared my throat.

"What are you doing here?" I coughed out, mentally smacking myself.

"Just doing homework with Hanni and Danielle. Danielle told me to buy her a coffee, so," she trailed off. I nodded slowly, and I took a few steps back.

"Ah, well, I should probably leave you to it. I'll see you later, yeah?" Haerin pursed her lips and nodded. Was I really going to leave it at that? I had her right in front of me, even having a comfortable conversation with her. I didn't have an opportunity like this, and I was just going to leave.

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you around," she said softly. She started to move, looking to walk past me but I quickly sidestepped, blocking her path. Fuck a script, fuck the words I had practiced. Just apologize.

"Um, wait, actually I wanted to talk to you about something," I began. My mouth suddenly felt dry and my voice shook. But Haerin remained patient and stood there, her cat eyes looking up at me curiously. "About that one night, I just wanted to apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable or anything. It really wasn't my intention and, um, I'm really sorry. Honestly."

Haerin was quiet for a minute, her face still unreadable. I took the moment of silence to add more, "I know I sounded stupid and desperate but I think I was just confused that night and didn't want to leave on a bad note because that's just how I am. Honestly, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, again."

She wasn't scowling at me or anything. She wasn't giving me a blank stare either. She was just quiet and looked as if she was thinking about what I was saying. Eventually, those monotone eyes softened, and she looked away.

"No, I know, and thank you for the apology. It was me, though. That night really threw me for a loop. It brought up some bad memories and I wanted to leave you out, which wasn't fair to you. So, I'm sorry," Haerin admitted in her monotone voice.

"You don't have to apologize. It's totally fine," I stuttered. She nodded, her cheeks tinted pink.

"If I don't need to apologize, then neither do you. You weren't the only one who was confused," Haerin reassured, "We're okay."

Relief filled my chest, and I could feel myself deflate, the tension lifting from my shoulders. So I didn't have anything to worry about, it seemed to work out fine. We were fine. Haerin was looking up at me with a small smile and those pretty cat eyes, and I felt a flutter in my stomach.

"Okay, good. That's good," I sighed. A silence fell upon us once again, but this time the air was much more relaxed and less tense. It was a comforting silence.

"We're back to being friends then?" Haerin asked. Friends. The word stung, and my smile faltered. But I kept it up, nodding my head and giving her a small smile. "Yeah, friends."

"Okay, good because I really wanted to eat at that ramen place again," Haerin added, laughing. She shifted her weight from her right leg to her left, and she was looking up at me with that cute little smile and those sparkling cat eyes.

"I'm sure we can do that," I nodded, still processing being put in the friend-zone. It wasn't ideal but being friends was better than nothing.

"Well, you have a game later and I should get that coffee for Danielle so I'll see you later, then," Haerin bowed her head at me.

"Yeah, alright," I nodded. She passed by me, and I turned and watched her disappear down the stairs. I was relieved that we were on good terms, but now I had a different feeling stirring inside me. It was a sense of finality, and acceptance. Acceptance that we were only meant to be friends, and nothing more. The girls were right. There was no rush, and things happen when it happens. I let out a deep sigh, and scratched the back of my head.

I started to walk off before I got that feeling of eyes on the back of my head. I glanced over my shoulder and all the way in the back of the library was Danielle and Hanni who were both staring and smiling at me. Both of Hanni's hands were raised above her head in closed fists, shaking back and forth as if she watched a game-winning basket. Danielle's face had broken into a grin and she held up a thumbs-up sign towards me.

I had to wonder if the two of them played a role in this conversation happening. If they did, then I would have to find a way to thank them. They single handedly made my entire week. 

Wednesday | November 1st, 2023 | 7:58 PM

"Game!"

I screamed and rushed towards Yeji, who had the last touch on the volleyball before it landed on the other side of the court. The rest of the team followed suit, with Jinho running and tightly hugging his girlfriend. I was panting, but grinning like a fool. My heart was pounding and adrenaline was rushing through my body. This game was definitely easier than last week's but the other team still gave us a good match.

From the sidelines, our other friends came to congratulate us albeit, fewer than last week. This week, only Wooyoung and Saerom came out to watch the game. Joy and the fashion duo got caught up doing their own stuff.

"Nice game," Wooyoung cheered, giving me a high-five and pat on the back.

"Thanks, dude," I panted, walking past him and towards my backpack. I unzipped it and pulled out a water bottle, taking a long chug. I sighed and wiped the sweat off my brow, walking away from my group and towards another court where another game was starting. I saw Karina stretching with her team, and her face lit up as soon as she spotted me.

"You guys won?" She beamed.

"Hell yeah, we did," I grinned, walking up to her. Her team greeted me but ignored us as we spoke to each other. Karina grabbed onto my shoulder for balance so she could stretch her legs.

"You ready to play against those monsters," I joked, nodding towards the court. On the other side of the net, we spotted the 'Wall Street' team doing their warmups. If their imposing physiques weren't intimidating enough, then their warmups definitely were.

"Oh yeah, don't worry, we've got this," Karina boasted, letting out a small groan as she stretched her hamstring.

"That's optimistic," I laughed, watching her.

"Even if we do lose, there's no harm. I just wanna play, regardless."

"There's that positive thinking," I smirked, making Karina chuckle.

"Well, we can't all be downers like you," she teased, pushing me off. "Will you be watching our game?"

I found my footing and looked back towards my team, "Hmm, probably not. I'm going to go back home before they convince me to do something with them."

"Boo," Karina pouted.

"You know, your advice worked," I said, turning back towards her. Karina looked up, "Yeah? What happened?"

"I spoke to her and we're on better terms," I replied, and her face lit up, "Oh, yay! I told you apologizing would be the best thing to do. It's a miracle cure."

"Yeah, you were right, but," I hesitated.

"But?" Karina probed, quirking a brow at me. I sighed, "But now I'm in the friend zone."

"What do you mean?"

"She was the one who made it clear that we were only going to be friends. She doesn't see me as anything else. Which is totally fine. I'm just glad we're friends," I sighed. Karina nodded her head slowly and patted my shoulder.

"Maybe she's just unsure or something? It's fine, now it's your job to convince her you're boyfriend material!" Karina suggested.

"It's not a huge deal, really. Like I said, I'm just glad we're friends now."

"If you say so, buddy. That's fine too, but now our gossip will be drier without teasing you about your love life," Karina chuckled. "Anyways, thanks for the pep talk. We're up next, so wish us luck!"

"Of course, good luck. Go kick some Wall Street ass," I smiled, waving her off. She smiled and waved back, and walked towards her team who were huddling up. I sighed and started walking back towards my teammates. As I approached, Saerom had a thoughtful look on her face. She was basically surrounded by the likes of Wooyoung, Haechan, and Sana while Jinho, Yeji, and Tzuyu stared on from the side.

"Minjae! Tell Saerom she should come on winter vacation with us," Haechan called out to me as I approached. Saerom rolled her eyes and sighed, turning to me with a pleading expression. I almost forgot about our trip, but then again, we had already made the plans for it a while ago, all the way back in summer.

The idea came up after a night of drinking with Wooyoung, who happened to throw out the fact that his parents had a cabin up north just sitting there collecting dust. Imagine the bewildered look on our faces when Wooyoung casually mentioned the cabin as if it was nothing. It didn't take much for us to try and convince him to take us there, and he caved, pretty easily if you ask me.

"What's stopping her?" I asked, crouching down to pick up my backpack.

"She says she doesn't want to impose," Sana chimed in. I laughed, "Aww, don't worry about it. You're part of the group at this point, might as well join us."

Saerom blushed, and she averted her gaze to the side, "I just didn't want to assume anything, you know? You guys are a tight group."

"Yeah, so we wouldn't offer for you to join us unless we're cool with it," Wooyoung added. "We want you to join us," Tzuyu added, giving Saerom a gentle smile. The whole group hummed in agreement and looked at her with anticipation.

"Fine, okay," Saerom sighed. The group cheered and whooped, with Haechan patting her shoulder and grinning at her.

"You know, fuck it. Let's invite Jennie and Xiaoting, if you guys are fine with that," Wooyoung announced. He made eye contact and quickly added, "Nakyung too." I held back a chuckle, knowing his intentions was for Jennie to come and added the others to keep it less obvious.

"I think your cabin is gonna get crowded, dude," Jinho pointed out.

"It'll be fine. I'll figure it out somehow," Wooyoung sighed, waving his hand. He had a small smile on his face, and he looked pleased. I threw my backpack on, "You guys figure it out, I'm going to go home. I'm tired and need a shower."

"Alright, captain, good game," Haechan gave me a fist bump. The rest of the group gave their well wishes before I bid them farewell and left. Behind me, Karina's game was just starting, and the whistle blew, signaling the start of the game. In my head, I wished them a quick good luck before I exited the gym.

Wednesday | November 1st, 2023 | 10:11 PM

I was scrolling through my socials when I heard a knock on the door. I got up from my couch, throwing my phone onto the cushion next to me and shuffled over to the front door. I unlocked the door and opened it, revealing Nakyung who walked past me with a big bag and a smile on her face.

"Hello to you too," I muttered, shutting the door. I followed behind her, watching her set the big bag on my kitchen counter. "What's that?"

"Alcohol," Nakyung casually answered, "A girl got bored."

I grimaced, remembering my last hangover, "I'm going to have to pass."

Nakyung ignored me and started unpacking the bags, and lining the bottles of alcohol on the counter. It was mostly just soju and luckily she had the flavored ones, the regular kind was gross and would have me gagging. Not only that, but Nakyung brought out packs of Yakult and cups for us to drink from.

"Don't be a bitch, Jae," Nakyung sighed, setting the empty bag on the ground and leaning her hip against the counter.

"You didn't let me know you were coming," I countered.

"That's never stopped you before," she shot back, a smirk on her face.

"That's true, but-"

"Are you going to make me drink all this by myself?" Nakyung whined, tilting her head. "I was in the mood to drink, but if you don't want to, then fine. I spent all this money for what." She started to repack the alcohol and cups, and I shook my head.

"Fuck you, just pour me a cup," I muttered, walking reluctantly over to her. She smiled smugly, and poured out an entire bottle of soju into a cup.

"Here," she handed me the cup after dumping about three Yakult bottles in there. I took a small sip, and smacked my lips. The Yakult definitely made the drink a lot more palatable, but the taste of the soju still lingered.

"What did you want to do?" I asked her, watching her pour a drink for herself.

"I'm down to watch a movie, or talk," she shrugged. "Just something simple."

That reminded me, "Hey, are you going to be free like late December?"

Nakyung took a long sip from her cup before setting it back down, "Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"Remember how I told you Wooyoung's family has that cabin up north?" I asked.

"Yeah, I remember."

"We're going up there, and we're going to hang for like a weekend or so," I explained, picking up my cup and swirling the contents inside. I leaned back and took another gulp. "They just wanted to know if you wanted to come."

"Oh really?" She asked, perking up. "I wouldn't want to intrude." I chuckled, "That's what Saerom said too. C'mon, they asked about you specifically, so it's not an intrusion."

"Alright," Nakyung shrugged, looking back at her cup. "It sounds fun!"

"Yeah," I nodded, downing another gulp out of my cup. "I'm excited to be honest. I've never been up north, so I'm looking forward to it."

"I went once when I was younger," Nakyung shared. "I do remember snow, though. Lots of it."

"Well, that's something to look forward to, then."

"Mhmm," she hummed, nodding. We both stood in silence, and drank our cups. I noticed that her cup was nearly done while mine was halfway, but that was because I was taking baby sips. I didn't want to drink too much because the last time I did, I almost jeopardized a relationship. Nakyung's eyes followed mine and landed on my cup, and she shook her head.

"Come on, quit holding out," she chuckled, picking up the bottle. She grabbed my wrist and forced me to bring my cup over for a refill. I groaned, "No, I'm tired of drinking."

"Shut up, you'll be fine," Nakyung giggled. I was still hesitant, after all I finally managed to close the awkwardness between me and Haerin. I didn't want to have to do that all over again if I got too drunk again.

"We're at your dorm, there's no worries, you know," She encouraged, putting the bottle down. "What's a couple of drinks going to do to you? Don't be a baby."

"I don't know. Literally the last time I drank, I completely forgot parts of the night and had the biggest hangover in my life," I grumbled, picking up my refilled cup.

"We're in your own dorm. I won't let you do anything stupid, promise," she insisted, tapping the top of my cup with hers before she downed hers.

I sighed and reluctantly drank from the cup. It was going to be a long night. So far, so good. I've basically finished an entire bottle and I was still coherent. That wasn't a record for me, but it was a good start.

"So, it turns out I'm part of the inner circle now," Nakyung brought up, leaning back against the counter. She crossed her legs and tilted her head.

"Hmm?"

"I'm talking about the student activities committee. Remember, with Jihyo and Nayeon and stuff. I've been hanging out with them more recently and it seems like I've gotten accepted into their circle," she explained, drumming her fingers on the edge of the counter.

"That's good. You finally have more friends to bother," I smiled.

"Wait, no, I think you've misunderstood me. I'm not talking about an inner circle of friends. I meant the inner circle for the club. Nayeon keeps dragging me to these smaller meetings that most of the members don't attend."

"Oh, okay. I think I get it, sort of. What do they talk about, if you don't mind me asking?" I asked. At the same time, I took a long sip from my cup and swallowed hard, feeling the growing burning sensation build at the bottom of my stomach.

"Nothing serious, it's basically them going over the groundwork for the club. There's also talks about the budget, and what to use that on. It's nothing too big. The last time I went, Nayeon had a presentation for some of the projects and activities that were requesting more money. It was just them debating over which ones were actually important, and which ones weren't," she continued, shrugging.

"Oh, so it's more of the management side of the club. What does that mean for you, though?"

"To be honest, I don't even know," Nakyung huffed, running a hand through her hair. "She didn't say why she invited me to these, and I was too nervous to ask. But, I guess they're thinking of giving me some more responsibility. Which I'm fine with, it just means more work. Ugh, kind of tiring if I think about it."

I laughed, knocking back another gulp from my cup, "Sucks to be you."

"Thanks," she chuckled. She opened up another bottle of soju and poured herself another drink, pouring some into my cup as well. "Don't forget why I'm even there in the first place."

She took a moment to take a deep breath before swallowing down her drink, letting out a heavy sigh, "Someone got rock-hard staring at my president's mommy milkers. So now, I'm infiltrating their inner circle in hopes to steal some undies for my bestie. Sounds right?"

"Oh, whatever," I scoffed. I rolled my eyes and finished off my cup, and placed it on the counter. Nakyung smiled at me for a bit before she finished her cup and reached to open up yet another bottle. At the rate we were going, it wasn't going to take too long for us to finish the entire stash.

"Hmm, you remember Jihyo right? Don't tell me you forgot all about those jugs, because I certainly haven't," Nakyung laughed. She leaned forward and nudged me with her shoulder, wiggling her eyebrows. "Those things were like the size of melons. Like seriously, her bra size is huge. I've seen them too many times to count."

I found myself starting to zone out while she talked. I tried my best to bring forward the memory of when I first met Jihyo. I can clearly remember how she introduced herself, and I could remember her being super nice. But the only other thing that came to mind was her large chest, and how they were squeezed into a tight sweater.

The alcohol was making itself known at that point. My throat felt warm, and the burning sensation from the liquid was starting to slowly travel up towards my brain. I had already lost a few inhibitions, and that's when I noticed my eyes wandering all over Nakyung. Her eyes were studying me with a small smile on her lips, and her hands folded behind her back after she set down her cup.

I licked my lips and found myself leaning closer to her. My vision was slowly starting to become fuzzy, and everything was beginning to feel like a dream. But my mind was still clear enough to know exactly what I was doing. Nakyung giggled and placed her hands on my shoulders. She pushed me away and looked up at me, shaking her head.

"What are you doing?" She asked, her voice light and playful. She reached up and wrapped her hand around the back of my neck, her fingers playing with the hair on the nape of my neck. Her voice dropped into a whisper, "You're imagining things, aren't you?"

"Hmm? What do you mean?" I drawled.

Nakyung's fingers ran through my hair and down to my jaw. Her hand grabbed onto my chin and forced me to look her straight in the eyes. She pouted her lips and said, "I think you're thinking about something naughty. Yes or no?"

I nodded in her hand, "Maybe."

Her hand glided across my face and her thumb pulled at my bottom lip. She gave me a devilish smirk, and pulled my lip down slightly, "You feeling it?"

"I don't know," I lied, shaking my head. I knew what she was talking about, and the answer was yes. The alcohol was working its magic and was causing a growing ache between my legs. I had no idea why I was feeling this way, but I didn't care. I wanted it.

"Hmm, another cup should do the trick then. Open up," Nakyung giggled. Her thumb on my lip released and she moved her hand up, grabbing onto the top of my head. She tilted it backwards, and I opened my mouth slightly out of reflex.

Nakyung grabbed the cup off the counter, and brought the cup to my mouth. She slowly tilted it and poured a small amount of the drink into my mouth. My throat felt the burn as the alcohol slid down my throat, and my body reacted. A low moan escaped my lips and my body shook from the sensation.

Nakyung shushed me quietly, "C'mon, almost done. Just a little bit more."

My eyelids fluttered as I stared into her eyes, the alcohol was working its way throughout my body. Everything was starting to become numb, and my senses were fading in and out and I was having a hard time staying still. Her hand roughly let go of my head, sending me stumbling in place as I found balance on the countertop.

"Hmm, you're not drunk enough yet but this should be fine. Are you ready, Minjae? Time for your training," Nakyung whispered.

"Huh," I slurred, my head rolling to the side. I was too focused on the aching between my legs. It was starting to become overwhelming and I didn't know how much longer I could deal with it. Nakyung didn't answer me, and instead took a step closer to me, staring at me with those mischievous and devilish eyes.

"Let's get started," Nakyung simply said, swinging her hand down and aggressively cupping my cock and balls.

Another chapter down! Hope this tiny cliffhanger leaves you hyped for the next chapter which will definitely be a M rated chapter! As of right now, I have a rough draft of the next chapter, and all I need is to polish and add/remove things that I believe will push my story further than I ever thought! It's amazing to me how far this story has come. I look back and I still get shocked that this was techinically four years in the making, and the funny part is that I only ever got up to like Chapter 5 in my first run! There was no NewJeans, no LE SSERAFIM, no aespa when I first started writing this! The character for Karina used to be a SNSD character before I retconned her before publishing! It was only until a year ago that I picked this idea back up and pushed out all these chapters since I had a better sense of direction. That's why from the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate the love I've been getting for the series! It makes me feel as if these years of buildup meant something and that my years of improving my writing didn't go to waste. Like always, thanks again! - PI