"Heartbreak On Air" | Kim Sejeong x Male Reader

People say that time will help you move on from a devastating break-up, but it was all lie.

Instead, it brings you the opposite. It just makes things harder for you to let go.

Especially if that girl you still keep your heart linked for truly had you believing that she’s the most perfect woman you’ve ever had the golden luck to once claim as yours.

Until this day, you remained to be a lonely man who is still holding on for girlfriend who is now your ex after an unforgettable 3 years of relationship. You didn’t want it to happen, which is the reason why its still hard for you to forget it. However, there’s also another thing that keeps you uncomfortable every night when you suddenly think of her.

You’re aware to yourself to you are the cause of each other’s downfall. Back then, you didn’t admit it because of something that pulls you back. Although the consequences was that she had to watch you disappear and leave her with many questions she may be wondering at that time.

Regret eats you alive, and it disturbs you. That’s why if only an opportunity will be given to you someday, you’ll use it for one particular purpose: and that is to apologize for what you’ve done. For the peace of both worlds that once shared but has now gone apart.

That is until one day, when you were on your way home riding a taxi, the driver was playing this channel on the radio where it tells a random story from an anonymous person. You suspected that this is probably the main point of the show. As you gave it a listen, you also found it even more investing not only because of that person’s story… but also to the voice of the DJ narrating.

It almost sounded like… her.

You shook it off, not wanting to let the delusions get onto you. Yet you couldn’t blame it for happening, everything reminds you of her. You’re the one who still deeply attached for Sejeong.

The story wasn’t finished yet and you’ve reached the destination. Before you were dropped off, you asked for confirmation to the taxi driver what’s the radio channel he’s tuned in. He answered and gave it a little extra information that its currently popular which made you thanked him before leaving.

He didn’t bothered asking more, but if he did then your response would probably be only that you wanted to listen more to this show. But no, there’s more to that. Realizing that it grants people the freedom to tell their unspoken stories to others, an idea was formulated in his mind.

Meanwhile, a week later, Sejeong who has been doing great these days notably due to the new installment of her own radio program called “Confessions Beyond The Nightsky” after a friend encourages her to be a DJ. She always wanted to try using her voice more not only through singing when she came up with an idea from her friend on how she’ll do that.

That is to become the voice of the voiceless for people who had something to say deep within them but unable to do so because of hesitations in their emotions.

“Thank you again to our second sender for getting in touch to our program! Again, I wish you all the best to your decisions in the future and if you know to yourself that it’s the right thing to do, then go ahead for it..” Sejeong now in her alias known as DJ Sam for work, said on the mic as she refolded the paper she was reading.

“Many people would probably gonna be so related to what Danica said in her letter, especially on being the breadwinner of the family.” She added with a tint of sympathy in her face. “Okay and now for our last sender to this week’s episode, let’s take a look beneath its story!”

She grabbed the envelope that was given to her by the manager. She unwrapped it and revealed its content. “So this one is coming from a guy named (your other name). I hope you are currently listening to me right now YNN because yours is up next to be told by yours truly. Let’s begin with our last story.”

“Dear, DJ Sam. You can just call me by the name of YNN, that’s the name my ex-girlfriend loves to call me.”

Sejeong paused for a moment. A strange familiar feeling crept up inside of her. His image emerged in his mind brought by the suspicious message.

“I just want to share a little bit about us first. I’ll just gonna call her “Sesang” h-”

Sejeong felt like her heart dropped after pronouncing that name. This wasn’t just a normal coincidence anymore. Her speculations were right, this was indeed coming from the only person… the only man she is thinking of.

“Sam, is anything okay?” The manager asked her dumbfounded state. She gulped and nodded. “I’m fine. I just… remember someone.”

“Okay, sorry listeners if I stopped for a moment.” She said, shifting back to bring a professional despite trying to conceal herself from getting exposed. “To continue, he mentioned that her name is going to be Sesang in his story. Sesang and I had a relationship that lasted for 3 years.”

It came from him. She confirmed it in her thoughts. She forced her emotions not to burst out with just a reminder of you.

“She was my first and definitely I could tell the best I’ve ever had. Setting aside the thoughts of me looking for somebody else or not, but I just have this confidence of mine that I could never find another woman who as perfect as her.” She continued, a bittersweet smile formed on her lips.

“Our relationship was something I would cherish for the rest of my life. It was unforgettable, a once in a lifetime moment of mine, and definitely because I got to spend those times with her. I still couldn’t believe these days that I got to make her fall in love with me too.

Knowing how much of an average guy I am before while she is the center of attention by most of the guys back then in our campus because of how breathtakingly beautiful she is. Maybe her being conservative of me and I just doing what I always do that separates me from the rest was probably the reason why we ended up together.

Our relationship was nothing more of a rollercoaster ride. We had a lot of ups and downs, we did struggled during the early period when we get to convince both sides of our families to accept each other which fortunately I did. I was so happy, because all I ever wanted is to officially call her mine without any limitations.

I was proud to have her as my girlfriend and so did she, that’s why I know she must be highly disappointed of me when the end of us didn’t went the same as how we started.”

Sejeong sighed for a second, she already expected that this is about to get heavy the longer it gets. “Yes, I blame myself. I am well-aware that I was the cause of our separation. Back then I became insecure, I was depressed, and I was scared. All of that whenever I just remember her, and knowing how my family went rock bottom when my dad got scammed abroad by his relatives of moving to another country for a better job opportunity.”

Sejeong started to furrow her eyebrows as she became more focused on what you have been mentioning in the letter. She didn’t know any of this and narrating your story would be the only way to reach the answers she was begging for a long time.

“Financially and emotionally, my family was torn apart because of what happened. My dad became very stressful and desperate to rebuild all of what he spent to provide for us that it affected his mindset and his personality. It caused him and my mom to argue, I tried to to be the bridge to get them back together but instead it just grew worse to the point they weren’t communicating with one another anymore.

That’s why most of the responsibilities of attending to every concern regarding about us not only in the house but through stuff like my brother’s studies, I catched them all. It affected me as well that I had to abandon my dreams and look for a job to contribute since my dad’s salary wasn’t enough anymore. All of the burden started to get onto me, that I slowly changing from the type of person that Sesang used to love me for.”

“She did noticed that, I know she was.” Sejeong recalled the times she had to witness him suddenly acting cold, short-tempered, and unable to be present at times when she needed him, painfully agreeing to what you’ve said. The following lines referred to what she had thought, which confirmed it further.

“I tried to mask it whenever I’m close or I’m facing her but I just can’t. The responsibilities I’m carrying is too heavy for me to withstand. Which is why I thought that if I have to let go one important thing, maybe it’ll do for the better and it’ll won’t continue to affect us any longer.

“I didn’t want to… but I chose to let her go.” Sejeong squeezed her eyes shut to fight her tears. Her heart clenching as she seethes how those words sting. “My family needed me more. I know she does but… I just can’t keep on bringing her more to my problems. I can’t let myself be with her, making her believe that she’s spending time with the same guy that she loved from the beginning.

“I know I’ve gone different. I tried to fight it but it’s too exhausting that I just wanted for us to be free.” Sejeong’s hands trembling as she grips the paper. “I was the one who ended our relationship, and here comes the biggest mistake that I regret within this day, DJ Sam.

I refused to tell her why. I told her nothing. I just left her there, probably wondering if she was the problem instead. I just said that it’s for the better and I just couldn’t do this anymore.”

That memory was still fresh for Sejeong as well. Standing in front of their house, watching you walk away wiping the tears on your eyes, desperately calling for your name to come back but you never did.

“I disappeared for 2 years. My family returned to the province and we got assisted there by my mom’s relatives. Fortunately, our life slowly went better and it eased me for doing a lot to them. I just hope that my happiness for my family was just as same as I am for me and Sesang. The cost of my decision was that it led me to sleepless nights, regretting my actions of cutting ties with her like it was nothing.

That’s why Sesang, if you’re out there, listening right now to DJ Sam’s show as she read this letter of mine for you, I want you to know I thank you for everything that we had and despite our breakup, I never stopped loving you.”

Sejeong curses under her breath. This is getting too much of a struggle of her to endure this amount of gut wrenching moment for the sake of her job and to not get embarrassed at the public. It was just handwritten sentence, but imagining him and his voice speaking it out loud for her and for the whole world to listen how much he regrets leaving her and that he still has her in his heart, she can’t deny that it touched her a lot.

She smiled through the pain and admired your final paragraph. “I should’ve fought for us. I’m sorry if you had to be the one I have to sacrifice for. I don’t know if what I did is right, but trust me when I tell you that you doing fine these days, probably together with somebody who won’t break your heart and value your love unlike me is what I wish for you to be.

But if you ever want to talk, I’ll be here waiting and I won’t ever go again. With love, YNN.”

Sejeong breathed deeply before closing the letter and smiled bitterly. “Wow. That was… pretty tragic.” She chuckled and wiped her tears. “You guys may not see me right now but I’m literally tearing up, I know some of you may be as well.” She faked her own surge of emotions to fool everybody.

“Well uhm, thank you YNN for that wonderful yet heartbreaking letter.” Sejeong cleared her throat and reached for some tissue that was handed to her by her manager. “You made some of us emotional here in the studio so great job, I suppose.”

“Anyways, here’s what I could say to your story, YNN. I know you’re listening right now just as she is too. You don’t have to wait anymore because I’m sure she has heard your words of longing and sorrow.

And if I would be the one in place of her, I’d say that I forgive you.” She smiled within her teary eyes. She looked at her manager and some of the staffs monitoring her, she lowered her herself as she leans at the decision she had to do.

To end both ends’ unresolved conflict for good.

"YNN… or should I say, YN… you have no idea how many nights I stayed up, wondering why you left. I thought maybe I wasn’t enough, maybe I did something wrong. But hearing you now…" She pauses, collecting herself.

"I realized you weren’t trying to hurt me. That you gave up on me and abandon me like all we had was nothing. You were trying to protect me in the only way you knew how. But the thing is… I never needed protecting from you. I just needed you just as how I much I am willing to be there for you.”