Good _arts (When everything feels lost but I am—)

“I just wanna love myself

난 좋을 때도 나쁠 때도

Love my weakness

화려했던 기대와는

달리왠지 볼품없다 해도

Find the good parts, the good parts—”

—

Breathe in; breathe out.

Just take a deep breath and you’ll be fine— just don’t overthink about it and you’ll be fine.

It doesn’t work—nothing seems to be working in the first place.

One more try. Calm yourself and relax your mind—feel the euphoric essence and not fall to the dark abyss lurking down.

“Hah…” you let out a deep sigh and smiled right after, knowing that you did what you could—your utmost performance. Gaslighting yourself that you did everything flawlessly isn’t gonna work and it never will.

“Ohh… I shouldn’t have gone over the limit, how stupid of me!” Another blame onto yourself for an unfortunate mishap leads you into losing your confidence. You frowned in frustration as the post-realization of your embarrassment is inevitable—you wanted to forget what happened but simply can’t.

Letting it slide off your mind wouldn’t help if you keep on thinking on how to forget it, and it shows. You puff your cheeks and let out a long breath, wanting yourself to ease the pain you’ve been feeling.

*phone vibrates*

You don’t want to answer it first as you— wait, what if it’s someone? Well, you don’t want to even put up a fight of your own demons on just a simple decision of answering a phone call, right? So, without a doubt, you picked it up without even looking at who it was and you were surprised by the voice on the phone.

“Hello babe!”

Your eyes widen; cheeks forming a shade of red as your lips involuntarily form a smile. You just can’t help but feel the ultimate delight whenever you hear her saccharine voice—even her scuffed voice on the phone can’t deny how sweet her voice is.

Chaewon. Kim Chae-won. The sweetest girl you’ve ever met; the cutest girl on the whole planet; the person that you can always lean on and trust—she just has everything a man wants and you’re lucky you’ve met her. Nothing in this world is perfect, but she’s the literal living embodiment, the absolute epitome of “perfection” and no one could change your mind with that—she’s your everything.

“Yah, Hello Chaewon-ah. Why did you call me?”

“Uhm, you know—just called you to ask you how things went…”

“Huh, what do you mean by that?” Of course, you play dumb and oblivious through the phone, hoping that Chaewon would change the topic but her curiosity is inevitable—it isn’t bad yet you don’t want to talk about the performance earlier as you wanted to forget what just happened.

“Hmp, don’t play dumb. I’m talking about your performance today! Did it went goo— ”

“No.”

A cold, unnerving tone breaks Chaewon’s sentence and the radiant energy that she emanates. Even though the both of you are just in a phone call, she can feel how spine-chilling your tone is. You don’t want to scare Chaewon in any way, it’s just the fact that you don’t want to talk about what happened earlier but she doesn’t seem moved by your sudden change of demeanor.

“Oh… I’m sorry for asking that, babe—are you good?”

“Uh-ahh, it’s a-alright—I’m alright, Chaewon. It’s just…”

“It’s just?”

You paused, pursing your lips, uneasy on what you’re going to say but you will, for you trust Chaewon with all your heart and you know how she’ll understand you.

“It’s just—can I just come over at your place?”

“Ohh… Sure, babe. It’s just that we’re in a cafe with Kazuha and Yunjin, so maybe I’ll come home later than expected.”

You frantically nod as you smile, knowing that you’ll meet her again.

“Ohh, alright… Uhm, can I just come and fetch you on your way home? So you don’t need to bother calling yourself a taxi. Just say where the cafe is and I’ll go there—”

“Oh, it’s alright, babe. I’ll just call a cab on my way home so you don’t need to bother—”

“Please, Chaewon-ah?” Your tone elicits need and sincerity, letting Chaewon know how much you trust her and how you wanted to mind fetching her in the first place because you need her comfort.

You need her.

Chaewon was having second thoughts at first as she thinks that you’ll be bothered enough but her heart says the opposite—she wants to meet you too and is unhesitant of thinking about denying it.

“If you insist… Sure thing.”

“Thank you, Chaewon-ah. Just call me if I’ll fetch you, I’m just in my car right now, okay?”

“Okay babe, bye.”

“Bye Chaewon.”

You ended the call right after and let out a deep sigh. The sigh wasn’t anything near of stress but rather, a sigh of reassurance to yourself knowing that your day is getting a little brighter after talking to Chaewon on the phone—even the anticipation of meeting her is enough to make yourself a little uplifted.

Ah, she’s really a gift from above and you’ll forever cherish—

*phone rings*

Your eyelids slowly open; your eyes adjusting from the bright light your car screen (the touchscreen device or basically a screen that can be called as an ‘infotainment system’) is emanating. Suddenly, you come back to your senses and the phone rings echoes around the vehicle.

You slept without even knowing that you actually did. It’s must be the pent-up stress earlier but the phone is still ringing, maybe you should answer it—

“Hello? Chaewon?”

“Hi babe! I already texted you on where the cafe is. Meet me there, right near the benches, okay?”

“Okay, Chaewon. I just slept all of a s-sudden.” You yawn quickly, exercising your jaw a little as you continue. “I’m sorry ‘bout that.”

“Babe, it’s alright. You’re not sorry; I understand how tough your day must be.”