The transition from highschool to college was always known to be quite the tough step in any person’s life. For some, it’s a sign of freedom. No more parents to nag you to clean after yourself, or to tidy your room even if no one else but you gets in there. No more curfew if you want to stay outside late to party with your friends, or to just wander the quiet streets of your city alone.
But in Aeri’s case, going from being a highschool student to eventually enrolling in college had been anything but freeing. Sure, at first, she was overjoyed when she came home late, and nobody would scold her. She could party until dawn, play around with anyone who crossed her path, and drink as much alcohol as she wanted.
But this freedom came with a cost. Aeri learnt the hard way that everything comes with a cost. In this case, it took the shape of mountains of dirty dishes piling up inside her small one room apartment’s sink, and of endless chores, like having to take care of her own laundry, or having to actually cook, which she absolutely couldn’t do. At that point, she had resolved to live on instant ramens until the end of her life, accepting her terrible and pitiful fate.
But at some point, when she entered her second year of college, Aeri decided to change. She started to go out less, and completely stopped sleeping around with everybody who fit her taste to the minimum.
Instead, Aeri began to take better care of herself. Long gone were the piles of dirty dishes, instead replaced by a clean and shining bright sink. She also went as far as taking cooking classes during her free time, and now can actually feed herself without having to rely on junk food like an unhealthy lifeline.
And the most impressive aspect of Aeri’s new life resolutions was that she actually started to properly focus on school. The year before, she had messed around way too much, and she ended up having to retake some first year student’s classes for her current semester. But despite those mishaps, she actually managed to pass her first year, to her teachers surprise, but also to her own! And she was fiercely determined to successfully ace all of her upcoming classes as a second year student.
Wanting to wipe off her less than glorious past in the mind of the people around her, she also took the drastic decision to physically change. After years, she decided to finally bid farewell to her bright pink hair, and finally dyed it back to a soft dark chocolate brown. She also started to properly wear her glasses, and chose more discreet-looking clothes. In the end, she fully adopted the lifestyle of a sane and healthy adult, and even looks like one now!
Long story short, Aeri is now a professional at managing her life decently. And she intends to keep this up for as long as she can.
Alas, the past always comes biting your back when you least expect it. And sometimes, this popular saying takes the shape of a person, who’s so strongly linked to your past that they literally become the embodiment of it.
It was supposed to be a regular morning for Aeri. Keeping up with her great resolutions, she arrived early in class, not wanting to catch herself running late the very first week of classes. Her first period for the day was Arts, a class that she unfortunately had to repeat, due to her painfully low grades. And it’s a bit of a problem, because Arts is actually very important, especially if you want to become a Fashion Designer in the future. You need to be able to know how to draw clothes if you want to be given the possibility to create some after all!
And also, Aeri intends on redeeming herself, and on showing her professor that she can actually be his best student of the semester! And a good impression starts with good manners, like showing your involvement by arriving early and properly greeting your teacher.
Which is what Aeri did, before things started to go downhill in her mind. She pushed the door open, and immediately went to talk with her teacher, Mr Son, a man of a certain age. She politely greeted him, apologizing for her phantom behavior of the past year, and assuring him that she intends on being extremely diligent this semester. Her professor seemed delighted to hear this, and a few pleasantries were exchanged before she took her seat, waiting for the lecture to properly start.
She waited a couple minutes and at that point, almost all of the seats in the small classroom were taken, except for the one right next to her. And deep down, she hoped nobody would take a seat next to her. She wants to be as focused as she can be, and doesn’t need any external distractions.
But alas, her pleas definitely weren’t heard. The class had already started for around ten minutes, when the door suddenly flung open, revealing a petite girl who frantically looked around the room, seemingly heavily panting.
“I’m sorry mister, I couldn’t find the classroom!”
The teacher merely laughed, telling the girl that it was just a common occurrence for first year students to get lost. And then, to Aeri’s utmost horror, he instructed the late student to go sit on one of the only vacant seats. And he specifically pointed to the seat right next to Aeri’s.
The brunette groaned under her breath, and forced her gaze to stay focused on the board, not wanting to engage on the distractions this potential troublemaker could possibly be. She felt the girl sitting down next to her, and frustratingly started to tap the desk with her pencil at the sound of the intruder loudly ruffling through her bag.
Aeri likes to qualify herself as a chill and relaxed person. She doesn’t often get pissed off by people. But there’s one thing that she absolutely hates in this world, aside from insects. It’s people who can’t see to keep quiet, and cause ruckuses wherever they go.
Now full on boiling with anger, she violently whipped her head towards the troublemaker next to her, and was about to spill out all of her venom right in her face. However, probably sensing Aeri’s sudden movement, the other girl turned her head in an almost perfect synchronization with Aeri, and their gazes met.
Abnormally wide cat eyes, a small button nose, long dark hair and… a small mole under her left eye. This girl… Aeri knows her. And sometimes, she wishes she never did.
The troublemaker who almost caused Aeri to snap in the middle of her Arts class was none other than Ning Yizhuo. Her ex summer fling slash first love. Great. Just great.
Baffled at the sight, Aeri vividly turned her head back towards the chalkboard, her eyes wide open like a deer caught in headlights. However, it was way too late. Yizhuo, who had always been more straightforward than Aeri, relentlessly poked Aeri’s arm with her pencil.
Aeri frowned in annoyance, but tried to keep her act up, and hopelessly attempted to not notice the obvious and now almost aggressive pokes on her arm. But if this Yizhuo is the same one that she met around three years ago now, then she will definitely soon-
“Aeriiiii. Hey, that’s you, right? Don’t ignore me or I’m gonna shout!”
Aeri let out a deep and pained sigh, before reluctantly turning her head towards Yizhuo, whose face was plastered with a huge and dumb grin at the sight.
“Oh my gosh, it’s really you!” loudly whispered the girl.
Aeri, not wanting to gather more attention on them than they already probably did, put her hand over Yizhuo’s mouth, before gesturing her to keep quiet. “Don’t shout please, everybody is looking at us! And just let me focus on the lecture please…” she almost pleaded.
She could almost sense Yizhuo’s soft lips moving under her hand, and fought against her heart, trying to persuade it to not erratically beat at the sensation. It’s not like it was anything new between them after all. Instead, and wanting to immediately put an end to this already troublesome moments, she got a tad closer to Yizhuo’s face, before quietly whispering to her.
“If you want we can talk after class but just… keep quiet for now, please.”
The brunette let out a long sigh of relief when she saw Yizhuo slowly nodding in front of her, and tried to focus back on the lecture, not forgetting to remove her hand from the top of Yizhuo’s hand.
However, with Yizhuo standing so close to her, Aeri couldn't help but to get distracted from the lesson, unconsciously choosing to go down memory lane in the confines of her mind.
Yizhuo and her had met three years ago, on the beach back in Okinawa, where Aeri’s family had gone on vacation. That day, Aeri had found herself shakily sitting down on the burning sand, her arms tightly wrapped around her knees. Her younger self had just gotten into a huge argument with her parents surrounding her future. With the both of them being deeply involved in the fashion industry, they had always wanted their daughter to walk through the same path. But Aeri never dreamt of this. Instead, she had always wanted to do a more… practical job. Like a florist for example. Aeri had always wanted to be in direct contact with customers. She longed for a more ‘human’ job, where she could help people directly, but also work with her hands. She always wanted to have a purpose. To help make people’s days brighter.
But her parents were completely against this, claiming that she was fated for something much bigger, that mattered way more than simply cutting and selling flowers, as they put it.
Completely fed up with their nonsensical arguments and their endless shouting whenever the subject was brought up, Aeri had decided to run away. She didn’t care where, she just wanted to be able to breathe for once in her life. And her feet had ultimately brought her to a quiet beach.
Aeri remembered feeling at her slowest at that time, her gaze lost in the sight of the endless blue sea. She craved for freedom, and hopelessly hoped for her parents to understand. But deep down, she knew that she didn’t really have a say in this matter. She never really did.
And that’s when she met her . Yizhuo appeared on the beach with a nonchalant expression, and almost breezy steps. At first, the younger girl hadn’t noticed Aeri at all. But eventually, Aeri, who tried to stop her tears from flowing down on her cheeks, had sniffled a bit too loud.
And that when their gazes met for the first time. On that beach during a fleeting summer, Aeri met the one who never really left her thoughts. It’s on that day that Aeri first met her own symbol of freedom.
The strident ring of the school bell indicating the end of class abruptly woke Aeri from her reverie and before she could realize it, everyone around her hurriedly started to gather their belongings, eager to leave. She sighed, realizing that she had spent half of the lecture being lost in her thoughts, instead of properly listening like she had intended to do.
“Hey!”
Aeri almost jumped at the sound, before turning her head on the side. Yizhuo was planted there, looking at her with a curious gaze.
“You said we were gonna talk, right?” questioned the younger girl.
Aeri, still not quite realizing who was standing in front of her, clumsily cleaned her throat. “Ah huh… yeah. Let’s just get out of here first, okay?”
Yizhuo happily nodded, and practically skipped behind Aeri as they both left the classroom. The brunette eventually led them to a quiet corner of the courtyard, thankful that her next period was completely free.
When they arrived there, Aeri turned around, her arms crossed. The sight of Yizhuo unconsciously made her raise all of her defenses.
“So, what do you want?” she started, her tone far from friendly.
This made Yizhuo frown, visibly offended. “Woah, who knew you became such a distant person in those what… three years?”
Aeri rolled her eyes in annoyance. However, she couldn’t help but to observe those once familiar and such Yizhuo-like features. Her eyes looked the same as they always did: two black orbs which seemed to be able to see right through your souls. And during a time, Aeri could physically feel their warmth whenever they would land on her. However, her gaze looked fiercer now. It might be influenced by her new makeup though, which greatly accentuates her cat-like features.
Aeri’s gaze slowly descended on Yizhuo’s small nose. It has always fascinated Aeri, and she was almost happy to see that it hadn’t changed in the slightest. Its tip was so small, like a tiny button. Aeri remembers softly kissing the small beauty mark situated almost on its middle. Yizhuo would always loudly giggle in her ears to stop because it tickled. The joyful memory caused Aeri’s heart to ache, knowing that those easygoing times were long gone.
Lastly, Aeri’s gaze fell on Yizhuo’s lips. Just like her nose, they hadn’t changed in the slightest. Yizhuo always had plump lips, and Aeri could vividly remember their sensation against her own mouth. How from touch alone, she could perfectly trace their outline. In the back of her mind, she could perfectly remember the first time she was ever able to taste them.
It was on a rainy day, around two weeks after she had first met Yizhuo at the beach. The two girls, after their initial encounter, had spent all of their days together, playing inside the water and chatting under the shining moon every night, sharing their biggest worries and dreams for the future.
They were carefree teenagers at the time, but even they had their own fair share of baggage to carry. Aeri quickly opened up on her worries related to her future career, and Yizhuo optimistically cheered her up, encouraging to do whatever she wanted. Aeri can vividly remember the younger’s words.
“It’s your life, not theirs, so why should you do everything they tell you to do? In the end, you’re the one who will have to do it, to work in this field you don’t give a damn about, not them. You need to please yourself first Aeri, because you’re your most loyal companion, and nothing will ever change that.”
Aeri had almost teared up at the words, and remembers engulfing Yizhuo in a tight hug.
But sometimes, it was Yizhuo who felt the need to confide her worries in Aeri’s safe hands. She would tell her about how she’s always stressed when she realizes she failed to pay attention to the teacher’s instructions in class. How everyone around her always gets annoyed at her for her lack of attention and diligence. She even told Aeri one of her deepest secrets, how she actually has ADHD, and fights everyday to live outside of her head, and to force herself to stay calm and composed, despite always finding herself fidgeting at any given time of the day.
The first kiss the two shared had been fleetingly innocent. They were sitting down on the beach, both silently gazing at the sea.
“Hey, can I kiss you?” had boldly asked Yizhuo, in her usual blunt fashion.
Aeri had clearly been taken aback by the girl’s boldness, but she couldn’t help a small and nervous giggle from escaping from her mouth. It was just so Yizhuo to ask about something this important so casually.
It was Aeri’s first proper kiss, and she knows that it also was Yizhuo’s. However, she wasn’t stressed about it at all. Quite the contrary in fact. In the few weeks they had gotten to know each other, Aeri eventually realized that she was strongly attracted to the other. Mentally, and physically.
When Yizhuo talked, Aeri couldn’t focus on anything else than her plump and inviting lips. And whenever they were apart, she would practically daydream about them slowly inching closer, leaving no room between both of their mouths, before eventually meeting halfway, in a passionate exchange.
So to say Aeri had been waiting for this moment would be a severe understatement. She basically craved Yizhuo at that time, and obviously didn’t waste any second to taste Yizhuo’s lips.
Their kiss had tasted like strawberry and tiramisu cake, the dessert they had shared earlier when their family had eaten dinner together. But Yizhuo’s lips felt way softer than any cake ever could. However, despite her eagerness, Aeri had kept the kiss innocent, and they had separated as quickly as they had started.
Aeri physically felt her cheeks burning, and couldn’t properly meet Yizhuo’s eyes, too scared of seeing any kind of judgment there. But Yizhuo got ahead of her, bluntly erasing all of her worries.
“I like you Aeri, really.”
Yizhuo had taken Aeri’s hand in hers, and gently squeezed it. Sensing, and now knowing that she wasn’t the only one feeling strongly about the other girl, Aeri had finally met Yizhuo’s gaze, and softly smiled at her.
“I like you too Ning.” And without really realizing it, she felt Yizhuo’s lips on her again. This time, hungrier. Long gone was the innocent and respectful first kiss they had shared. Instead, it had been replaced by a bolder and more passionate exchange.
Aeri’s eyes widened when she suddenly felt Yizhuo’s tongue softly licking her lips, seemingly requesting access. Aeri gladly indulged the younger girl, and opened her mouth a tad more, leaving a complete entrance for Yizhuo to satisfy her desires.
Their kiss quickly grew even hungrier and heated, and Aeri soon felt Yizhuo’s hands burrying themselves in her hair, softly scratching her scalp in pleasure. The sensation felt completely foreign to Aeri, and her heart jumped out of her chest when she heard herself quietly whining against Yizhuo’s mouth.
And apparently, Yizhuo had been taken by surprise as well, because the both of them slowly distanced their mouths, and rested their foreheads against each other. Wanting to crack the awkward tension between them, Yizhuo gently poked Aeri’s cheek, already teasing her.
“Who knew my first kiss would be this hot,” she devilishly smirked.
Aeri, now completely flustered, lightly smacked the other’s shoulder, a wide grin painted on her face. “Shut up!”
That night, their only witness had been the obscure blanket of stars above them, gently watching over the beginning of a young love story.
“Just get to the point Ning, I don’t have all day.”
“I just arrived there and saw a familiar face, so I thought of saying hi. You know, like any normal and polite person would do?” Her tone effortlessly matched Aeri’s annoyance.
“Well hello then Ning, welcome to this hellhole.” Aeri offered Yizhuo the fakest smile she could possibly muster. “Can I go now?”
She didn’t even wait for Yizhuo’s answer, and walked past her, bumping the girl’s shoulder in the process. She heard Yizhuo letting out an indignant scoff, but couldn’t care less. Not after everything that happened back then.
That night, when she arrived home, Aeri was beyond frustrated. She didn’t expect to meet Yizhuo at all, let alone sitting next to her in class! This was a nightmare, and Aeri physically felt herself boiling over the thought of having to share the same space as the girl who she grew to almost despise.
But under the thick walls of anger she had built over the years, lied a deep and excruciating pain, built over years of incomprehension and confusion on how such a meaningful relationship ended up becoming one of Aeri’s biggest failures.
***
Unluckily, but as expected, Aeri had found herself indirectly meeting with Yizhuo more often than she would have liked. But in her desperation, Aeri found a little solace in the fact that the two of them solely share their Arts class, meaning that Yizhuo is actually out of Aeri’s sight during most times.
However, it seemed like the world was completely against her spending a nice and peaceful second year in college. She had a terrible feeling in her gut going to her Arts classroom that day, and when the teacher had opened his mouth to give them some instructions, she finally understood why.
“Alright class, I’ll need you to pair up with your neighbor for the next project. You will need to compose a painting together that captures what you like the most. This will count as a group grade, so make sure to properly work together for this.”
Aeri didn’t even bother hiding her groan. So now she was stuck for god knows how long with Yizhuo and a shared project? If the ground could swallow her right at this instant, Aeri would gladly dive in head first.
“I’m not happy about this either, you know…” hissed Yizhuo, who was already turning her back to her.
Aeri sighed. “We need to cooperate Ning,” she tried. But she was only met with a deafening silence. She did bring this upon herself though, with the way she shot down Yizhuo’s weird attempt at reconciling back in their first week.
But her grade was going to be in danger if she doesn’t manage to cooperate with the younger girl. Having no choice but to swallow her pride and her angsty feelings, Aeri lightly poked Yizhuo’s arm, in a similar way than the other girl did on their first week. And just like Aeri did back then, Yizhuo eventually turned around, the annoyance crystal clear on her face.
“What?”
“Let’s plan a place and time to meet,” asked Aeri.
Yizhuo rolled her eyes at her, not having any of it. “Can’t we just pretend we did this together when the teacher asks?”
“Absolutely not Ning, we can’t! We need to finish this together.”
Hearing this, Yizhuo let out a mocking snort. “Who knew you became so serious about your studies Aeri.”
“I’ve decided to get my shit together, Ning,” hissed the brunette, rolling her eyes at Yizhuo’s disdain. “And I won’t let whatever happened between us get in the way of my work.”
Yizhuo gave her a questioning gaze, before putting her mask of annoyance back up again. “Whatever happened huh… It’s easier to put it that way, yeah.”
Aeri’s eyes widened a bit at Yizhuo’s tone. It’s almost as if she had heard some form of… longing in the girl’s voice? How is it possible though, when Yizhuo is the one who left her without a word.
How dare she looks at Aeri as if she’s the one who caused things to uglily fall apart the way they did.
It had been around a month now since Aeri and Yizhuo first met, and about two weeks since they’ve properly started to date. Well, they hadn’t put a proper label to their relationship yet, but already admitted to liking each other, and kissed each other countless times since then. And a few days before, they had even finally crossed the symbolic line existing between humans and, in the stillness of the night, fully committed to each other, in both a physical and a mental way.
That day, Aeri had eagerly waited for Yizhuo, in their usual quiet spot at the beach. Aeri’s parents had told her that they would need to return to their house soon, because school was going to start again. Aeri felt way better than at the beginning of the summer break, but couldn’t help but to feel heartbroken by the fact that she would need to be away from Yizhuo for who knows how long.
So she really wanted to tell the girl about it, and to discuss the future of their relationship together. For Aeri, it was pretty easy to conclude that she really wanted to try to stay together, even if they had to become a long distance couple for a year or two, with her living in Japan, and Yizhuo living in China. The second she laid her eyes on Yizhuo, she knew that she wanted to stay by her side for a long time.
At that point, Aeri was already completely in love with Ning Yizhuo.
She had texted the younger girl about it but, for some reason, Yizhuo had yet to answer. Which was really weird for the chinese girl, who Aeri knows is an avid and particularly rapid texter when Aeri is involved. But she decided to brush it off, and waited for the younger girl to show up.
She waited for five minutes, then for thirty, and eventually, she reached her first hour of waiting for Yizhuo to finally arrive.
It was only by the fourth hour that Aeri finally decided to make her way back home, her heart completely shattered. Yizhuo hadn’t answered any of her messages, and had never shown up.
And before she knew it, she never saw Yizhuo again. Even after coming back home, she helplessly tried to reach for the other girl. She texted her, called her, and even went as far as to try contacting her parents. But nobody answered.
Aeri was kept in total darkness surrounding the situation.
At first, she had been terribly worried, thinking about all of the worst cases scenarios. But her worries immediately ceased, when a couple months later, she saw Yizhuo, happily grinning and carelessly doing a peace sign in a picture on one of their mutual friends’ Instagram post. But at that point, Aeri was way too hurt to try to reach out for the other girl.
Ning Yizhuo had broken her fragile heart in pieces.
And since then, Aeri had been living with the passing thought of Yizhuo, wondering how her ex-fling/maybe girlfriend was doing. To Aeri, it had been way more than just a dumb teenage experience though. Along the way, she really fell hard for Yizhuo, and still feels wronged about the whole thing.
She still doesn’t know why Yizhuo never came that day. She still doesn’t know why she completely ghosted her overnight like that. But somehow, the two of them had met there, in Korea out of places. Aeri isn’t too superstitious, but if life wanted to give her a sign, it definitely is an odd way to do it.
“Anyways, I’ll be waiting for you at the library around 5. You better be there.” Aeri quickly left after, not wanting to be any later for her next lecture.
***
Yizhuo did end up showing up at the library at 5 sharp that afternoon, to Aeri’s utmost surprise.
“Damn, I didn’t know you were capable of actually showing up,” she grumpily muttered. She couldn’t help but to send a small thorn at the younger girl, already having been in a similar situation with her.
Yizhuo only rolled her eyes in response, and took a seat next to Aeri. “Let’s just get this over with.”
The two girls quietly started to work on their own sketches of what would become their shared painting. And when they were done, they looked at each other, in disbelief. They had both drawn the sea, although their artstyle is inherently different. Aeri’s lines are sharp, almost cubic, while Yizhuo’s style is more flowy, and seems more carefree.
At the sight, Aeri awkwardly scratched her cheek. “Well… at least we won’t have to brainstorm about our work for long.”
Yizhuo, who looked just as surprised as her, rapidly nodded, a small flush painted on her cheeks. “Y-Yeah.”
The fact that the both of them had immediately thought of the sea somehow broke a small part of the lingering tension between them, replacing it by a faint and fragile sense of familiarity.
“A-Anyways, let’s get this done with,” said Aeri, her gaze already back on her own drawing.
And like that, they were both back to work. It would be lying to say that their way of working didn’t perfectly match. In fact, both of them actively participated in the conversation, suggesting things to add, and stepping up whenever they could sense that they were going in the wrong direction. And by the end of their first working session together, they had made some significant progress.
“Is tomorrow at the same time good for you?” sheepishly asked Aeri, walking on eggshells around the younger girl. It’s not like she regrets the way she acted in the first week when they finally reunited. But a part of her can’t help but to feel guilty by how bitchy she had acted by then.
Maybe Yizhuo had her own personal reasons that could explain her extended silence. Or maybe she didn’t even see what they used to have as a proper relationship. Although the thought immediately broke Aeri’s fragile heart even more.
“Okay, see you tomorrow then,” answered Yizhuo, slowly reuniting her stuff, before walking away from Aeri’s table. However, she suddenly turned around, and shyly waved at the brunette, before making her way outside of the library.
This simple gesture was enough to make Aeri’s heart flutter, followed by the feeling of a small butterfly quietly flapping its wings inside of her stomach. She was just as weak as three years ago…
***
Yizhuo and Aeri finished their project in exactly a week. And during that time, they had met everyday at the school’s library, efficiently working together on their painting.
Despite the years of silence and the heavy package between them, the girls actually managed to put all of their refrained feelings to the side, and actually properly focused on their task at hand.
And by the time of that week, they had finished their painting. It pictured the endless sea they used to watch everyday together, back in Okinawa. They used different shades of blues to mark the nuances of the waves and of the relaxing flow of the water that would always successfully calm both of their nerves, whenever things got too heavy on their young minds.
In the painting, the sky was colored in a bright pastel blue, reflecting the joy of its admirers, the two girls in that case. Aeri remembers watching the skies for hours with Yizhuo back then. Yizhuo used to tell her how the sky was the only thing that could calm her down whenever life around her would feel too overwhelming. And in the short amount of time they had been together, Aeri had learned to appreciate stopping and gazing at the blue sky from time to time. Sometimes to reflect, sometimes just to take a breather, and momentarily slipping away from her frantic life.
What was more surprising about this whole ordeal is that, to celebrate finishing their project ahead of time, the girls had agreed on meeting at a nearby café. At the time, it felt only right to properly mark the end of their flawless cooperation with a small celebration.
But now that she was sitting down in her chair, inside of the café, Aeri realized how bad the situation actually was. Because she hadn’t been alone with Yizhuo, outside of school, since that summer in Okinawa three years ago.
However, the chinese girl didn’t give her the chance to panic any further, because she soon arrived and sat right in front of Aeri, looking as cute as usual. Short flannel skirt, tight black crop top, a flannel tie and a small and chic headband. She also let her hair down, and Aeri had to physically stop herself from running her finger through Yizhuo’s dark and shiny long locks.
“Hey there,” greeted the younger girl, the air around her plainly radiant.
On the other side of the table, Aeri looked like a pure mess.
“Hi,” she awkwardly answered, coupled with a just as awkward small wave.
“Ready to order?”
Still under Yizhuo’s spell, Aeri lightly coughed, trying to pull herself back together. “Y-Yeah!”
The chinese girl simply giggled, before making her way towards the counter, a messy Aeri following her in tow.
They swiftly stated their orders, waited for a few minutes in silence, and finally went back to their table when they retrieved it. Aeri felt embarrassed though, because she hadn’t been able to mutter a singular word ever since Yizhuo and her had gotten up to order their drinks. But luckily, Yizhuo isn’t someone who does well when the silence is too deafening. She eventually broke from its mere pressure, and finally started a conversation.
“S-So. How have you been doing Aeri?” she tentatively asked.
Aeri softly stirred her coffee, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. “Pretty good. You?”
“Good too.”
Okay, that was super awkward. Aeri mentally slapped herself twice or thrice. She should have properly asked a question back or something! She violently took a sip of her coffee, frustrated with her inability of putting the past behind. How immature!
However, she failed to notice the coffee’s burning temperature. She immediately jolted when she felt the painful sensation on her tongue, before almost losing her grip on her mug. But gladly, Yizhuo managed to steady the cup in her own hands.
“Are you okay?” she asked, worry evident on her features.
Embarrassed, Aeri looked down at her lap, in an almost childlike manner. “I’m sorry…”
“Hey,” started Yizhuo, hesitantly but gently placing her palm on top of Aeri’s hand. “It’s okay, really. Now, are you okay Aeri?”
Aeri found herself having a hard time answering this mundan question. Was she really okay? Aside from the physical pain caused from her tongue now violently aching because of the burn, she couldn’t shake off the lingering pain in her heart whenever she looked at Yizhuo. Was now a great time to bring up what happened between the two of them three years ago?
Why couldn’t she just move on from this simple summer fling like it seemed to be the case for Yizhuo?
Maybe because for her, it had always been way more than a fling. Ever since Yizhuo, she hadn’t been serious about anyone. She never saw a future with any other person. Not because she didn’t like them. But because they weren’t Yizhuo.
But it’s too late, isn’t it? She’s already lucky Yizhuo doesn’t seem to hate her after how awful she behaved when they met again. Dumping all of her refrained feelings on the younger girl now that their friendship was starting to bloom, although still resting on shaky ground, would just work to destroy it. She would lose Yizhuo again.
“Hey, a penny for your thoughts?”
Yizhuo’s voice snapped Aeri out of her thoughts. Her mind was an entanglement of confusion and mixed feelings. And before realizing it, she started to talk. Her biggest mistake of the day, and maybe of her life.
“I was thinking about us.”
Yizhuo seemed taken aback by Aeri’s unusual honesty. She had expected the older girl to brush things off, like she often tends to do. But instead, Aeri directly brought this touchy subject up.
She felt her body immediately stiffening, but a part of her wanted to stop fighting. Ever since that summer, her attraction for Aeri had never stopped. Every day, she longed for the older girl’s presence again. And now that she was in front of her, it was hard to keep on pretending like Aeri’s newfound presence in her life wasn’t affecting her.
So Yizhuo chose to pry further. To make Aeri get things off her chest, like she should have let her since the beginning, instead of stubbornly choosing to fight against her feelings for the older girl.
“Tell me, Aeri. Ask me anything.”
Aeri looked at Yizhuo, her eyes full of a lingering and distant pain. Now that she was on this road, Aeri chose to just go with it, no matter the outcome.
“Why didn’t you come that day… Why didn’t you answer my messages?”
Yizhuo’s expression mirrored Aeri’s, remembering those happy yet agonizing times.
“My parents caught me, a couple days before your family and you were supposed to go home. I was chatting with you, when suddenly my father entered my room, and stole my phone from me. He saw our conversations, and immediately learnt about our relationship.” Yizhuo’s voice started to tremble, the memories still vivid in her mind. But Aeri deserved a proper explanation, so she fought her own feelings, and kept going.
“Simply put, they took my phone, and ordered me to never meet you again. Saying shit about how you were influencing me to feel things I shouldn’t feel, and to do obscene and unforgiving stuff. They basically accused you of corrupting me, going as far as saying that they would cut all ties with your parents if it meant keeping you away from me.”
Aeri’s eyes vividly widened with each new piece of information Yizhuo shared. She was too stunned to speak. “S-So, you mean that they threatened you to just… get rid of me?”
Yizhuo let out an airy chuckle, desperately trying to ease the tension in the air. “Basically yeah. Of course, I managed to convince them to get me a new phone, and immediately tried to contact you. But I was a few months too late… Someone had taken my spot already.”
Aeri winced, remembering the useless boyfriend she has gotten during her senior year of highschool, in a futile attempt to forget about Yizhuo. She had quickly dumped him though, probably around two or three months into the relationship. But Yizhuo probably came across some pictures of them together, unfortunately.
“I’m sorry Ning, for what they did to you…” muttered the brunette, genuine care laced in her voice.
Yizhuo simply waved her hand in the air, offering Aeri a small grin. “It’s all good now, no worries! They didn’t have any choice but to accept my sexuality, or I would have cut all ties with them anyways. The threateners became the threateneds, the irony!”
Aeri couldn’t help a giggle at that. Despite everything that had been said during this small conversation, that seemed to be more of a confession than anything, Aeri actually felt way lighter than she did when she first entered the café. Because now, she finally knew what happened back then.
Yizhuo didn’t choose to leave her in the dark. She was forced to, against her will.
But somehow, they had found a way towards each other again. Maybe fate decided to be lenient on them, and finally allowed them to be reunited, not as lost and torn teenagers anymore, but as more confident and healthier young adults.
The two girls stared at each other for a while, in silence. Not the awkward kind though. It was a comfortable kind of silence. At that moment, they were just existing in front of each other, silently and slowly processing what had been said.
But as usual between them, Yizhuo was the first one to break the silence. “What do we do now?,” she quietly inquired.
Aeri looked at her, a mix of confusion and understanding painted on her face. Part of her is still wary about this whole situation. Because, despite still loving Yizhuo after all this time, three long years have passed ever since their two weeks long relationship. Was it really wise to risk trying out again, for something as fleeting as what had been a fling on the paper?
But part of her is ready to dive head first into whatever Yizhuo might be implying. Because no matter what, Aeri still loves Yizhuo with all her heart. And this might be her only chance to win Yizhuo’s heart over. Aeri silently let out a sigh, pondering over the two choices in front of her.
Sometimes, a leap of faith is all you have to take to change your life for the better. And maybe Aeri should take this leap, and break out of her comfort zone, filled with angsty and repressed feelings.
“I want to try out again, Ning.” she said in breath, almost muttering to herself. But, in direct contrast from her words, Aeri’s gaze was filled with an unusual glint of determination.
Yizhuo shyly held her gaze, seemingly fiddling with her fingers. Aeri’s heart squeezed at the sight, remembering the time Yizhuo had told her that, whenever she felt nervous, she would always fiddle with her fingers. Aeri guesses that she isn’t the only one who’s completely nervous there.
“O-Okay,” finally answered Yizhuo, a small and timid smile quickly stretching on her face.
Aeri gently grabbed Yizhuo’s hand, and softly squeezed it, scared to hurt the younger girl in any way. But she couldn’t contain the huge grin painted on her face.
“Alright then, maybe we should start with a proper date?”
Yizhuo, matching Aeri’s enthusiasm, brightly smiled at the girl sitting in front of her, her heart much lighter now that the whole truth of their misunderstanding was out.
“Of course, but you’re the one who needs to plan the whole thing.”
Aeri giggled at that, already used to Yizhuo’s princess tendencies.
“Anything for you Ning-ah.”
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