Congratulations! You’ve Been Unselected.

“Mr. Namgung, I believe your tenure as a trainee with our organization has come to an end. I wish you the very best. Thank you for your time today.”

So this chapter is how it ends?

This sensation feels so delusive to me as my past seven years as a trainee are reduced to something insignificant. They were determined and dismissed me, as my seven years of experience fall short of the requirements. That would be a lovely version. In other words, I am just not good enough to debut. All restless nights spent on rehearsing, only to rise again before tomorrow’s dawn. Countless skipped meals, sleep deprivation, and a routine I continue like an autopilot till it has become my second nature. Nonetheless, they abruptly terminated me, which turned out to be inadequate. When all is said and done, with just a single sentence, delivered so composedly and professionally as if nothing had happened. I am a vicenarian. A likelihood for me debuting each passing year, getting slimmer. Now, the door of possibility receded into the distance, and perhaps for good.

I walk soullessly toward the elevator as a hollow feeling creeps up on me. My knees are about to give way, feeling tired suddenly. All I want to do is sleep as an escape from this cruel reality. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I never imagined that after 7 years of training, I would still be unable to make my debut. Perhaps if I met her later, it would offer a modicum of reassurance.

The elevator door slides open, and I meet the familiar gaze, eyes that haunted my dreams. It is indeed her. The person who went above and beyond has been a mainstay for the last six years. My closest friend. I step inside and press the button for the ground floor. A silence falls between us, an awkward pause hangs in the air.

“So you're back in the meeting room? What exactly did they want, Hyunwoo?”

“You are aware that the new male group will be making their debut, correct? And they wanted to see—”

Her eyes light up, and her expression brightens instantly.

“So, you are going to be on the debut team?! Wow, Hyunwoo! "That is fantastic!” she exclaims with excitement and wraps her arm around me.

“I am confident that your efforts will not be in vain!” Her sudden hug caught me off guard and floored me, and I stood stock-still, rooted, or perhaps reluctant, to recede from her. Plus, I am not quite ready to lay all my cards on the table.

She is retreating with a smile that refuses to fade. “We should mark this occasion!” she suggests, sounding light and airy, oblivious of the heavy things not being spoken.

“Perhaps. Maybe not.” I mumbled, avoiding making eye contact with her.

“What is it, Hyunwoo?” She asks, her gaze lingering on me, as though she senses the unease I am trying to hide. She is much busier these days after her group drama comeback, performing on many major broadcast station end-of-year festivals, and Aespa's maiden global tour. Notwithstanding the dating prohibition never being enforced by SM Entertainment, it was just an unspoken convention that every idol conscientiously followed. Perhaps this is the moment, a clear sign for me to wear my heart on my sleeve.

“Nothing at all, Jimin.” I quickly assure her. “I will text you when I have time. Besides, I have something to say to you. Later, okay Jiman?” I managed a slight smile, hoping it was enough to reassure her.

“So, what is it? Can’t you tell me right away?” She posed the question, her voice gentle yet persistant. If this were a simple, no-effort confession, I would be able to do it in a heartbeat.

“Jimin, later! You appear to have something urgent to do.” I try to deflect her query. Carefully do not lose myself in those eyes, or else I might tell her everything.

She posed on her head curiously. “Yes, Manager Kim would like to see me. Do not know what it is, maybe simply another comeback for this year!” Soft giggles escaped as she spoke. That smile appears again, a bright and dangerous one for the faint of heart.

“Just another? Woah, you better hurry, leader!” I exclaim as the elevator chimed, reaching the ground floor. Oh God, I wish she would stop beaming. “See you later, Jimin!” I waved to her as I stepped out.

“Don't call me that, Hyunwoo” she exclaimed.

Even after all these years, that girl still can't bear her moniker, but that's what makes her allure heightened. Plus, she is breathtakingly beautiful, and to crown it all, she is the leader of one of the fourth-generation female groups that wield considerable global clout. I still feel astonishing once in a while that girl who stood before me went from being one of the fellow trainees I met when I first joined the company to a spellbinding, angelic woman so radiantly perfect that a netizen could say her being the insanely attractive girl could be mistaken for AI. It is strange to imagine she's the same person I know from previously.

I wander toward the cafe, down the street from my place, and cannot shake the heavy feeling from this morning. Hunger kept gnawing at me ceaselessly as I bolted out the door and forwent breakfast to get to the company, and my stomach went into a riot, growling continuously till I fed it something. If I had foreseen this tragedy happening to me, I wouldn't have rushed and eaten at least this morning. Now that the debut thing is just a pipedream, I could eat freely as I wanted, freely without having to watch my weight. As of this moment, a chocolate ice blend paired with three slices of chocolate cake is very appealing at the moment. I know that I might overindulge in one meal, but at least nothing can match chocolate for a momentary sanity break and my moment of solace.

“A chocolate ice blend and three slices of choco cake, please!” I said.

“Three slices, right?” The barista asked, and bewilderment and confusion appeared for a moment in her expression.

“Yes. It's just one of those days. I needed a breather and found myself in need of some stress relief, quite like chocolate.” I managed a small smile back at her.

She proceeded with my order. After paying, I walk to my usual seat by the window cafe. I felt blessed by the seclusion, which brought a precious stillness.

Here, alone with my own thoughts, what am I going to do as harsh reality finally sinks in over me like a shroud? It never occurred to me to be anything other than an idol, as it was the only oath I ever knew. Then, like a gentle memory, Jimin dawned on me. What am I going to say to Jimin when we meet tonight? The last time we saw each other was before the Aespa global tour began. And due to misunderstanding earlier, that girl is joyfully anticipating my debut with heartfelt fervor, a day where we could share the stage and talk passionately about music as fellow artists.

Unfortunately, it pained me as I realized that the dream was impossible to fulfill anymore. We would never stand under the same spotlight, much less share the conversation about the same dream anymore, reduced to a fading illusion.

Karomi

Jiman, are you free right now?sent 19:52 PM

Oh, what should I reply to her? If I tell her the truth, how would she react to it?

Yes, I am. Do you want to meet me right now?20:05 PM

Why? Do you have something to do?
sent 20:06 PM

Maybe she is just too busy with things her manager asked her to do.

Hyunwoo, maybe next time we hang out because I have something to take care of right now. Sorry, Hyunwoo :(20:30 PM

I felt a profound sense of ease, as I am nowhere near ready to tell or lay everything bare to her. Hopefully, next time when she wants to see me, I will muster my courage and confess. I would prepare myself mentally and physically before that day happens.

Jimin, wait for me.

My eyes open biologically after sleeping for a certain number of hours. Ugh, how much soju did I drink alone last night? What time is it? I squint my eyes to look at my phone. The brightness is blinding my eyes. Is it 9 in the morning? For a split second, my body moves like second nature to me. I am late to the practices.

I threw off my blanket and rushed to the bathroom. 

Halfway through splashing water on my face to sober up, I suddenly stilled. 

The harsh truth hit home. I was no longer a trainee. All those morning practices till night—that chapter had closed for me.

This is my first time waking up without any plan or purpose besides trying to find the part-time job this evening. I finished washing my face and stepped into the shower. Even though I have nothing to do, I felt an urgent need to banish the rank, nauseating funk of soju that suffused my body. I loathed it as I loathed vegetables, yet I can't stop drinking. I need it to escape from what happened yesterday.

Afterward, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through Naver to see what was on the news today. No headline caught my interest other than the creative hateful comment on certain news. People with nothing to do with their lives live as keyboard warriors yet are proven to come up with shitposter comments.

“Get a job and life already!” I mutter to myself as if laced with irony.

Huh, new article?

BREAKING: Dispatch Reveals aespa’s Karina And Actor Lee Jae Wook Are Dating!

I stopped scrolling. Wait…just a minute. I blinked several times as if my eyes were playing tricks on me. This could not be happening. Was I seeing it right, or am I not sober yet, clouded by my hangover?

Sharp tightness seized my chest. I clicked on the article to find further information, adrenaline flooding over me.

Dispatch has revealed that Aespa‘s Karina and top actor Lee Jae Wook are in a relationship.

According to an exclusive report from Dispatch, Karina and Lee Jae Wook are in a relationship. The two were able to spend time together at Prada’s fashion show on January 14, where their relationship started.

They were able to spend time together both in Seoul and in Milan, Italy, despite their busy schedules with filming and aespa’s performances.