Clueless for Three

Being Seulgi’s roommate, you mostly have experience with the soft, kind side of her. The ditzy side, the one who would burn her tongue on piping hot tea you brewed for her without fail, the one who cracked so many dishes while washing them that the chore became your sole responsibility, the one whose beaming smile could light up a city and whose energetic disposition could stir even the dead with life.

Right now, the Seulgi that is looking at you is the other Seulgi. The one serious one, the deadly one, the one who comes out during volleyball matches, the one who takes over while studying or as she is otherwise concentrating on something, the one who is now looking at you with a piercing, sultry gaze, the one threatens to bring you to your knees.

“I thought you said you wanted to take these off.” Perhaps emboldened by the alcohol in her system or the positive reaction you gave to her advances, Seulgi’s normally beaming, gentle demeanor is long gone, replaced with a confident seductress, a shameless harlot, that’s shaking her chest at you.

“I do.” you don’t want to admit that you’re feeling a little light-headed, that you feel in over your head, and now that you’re actually here, you don’t want to let Seulgi know that you’re panicking. “But…” Slightly.

“But?” Then Seulgi bites the tip of her finger, lips pulled apart in a coy grin, and your brain malfunctions.

“Um—” Ok, you can admit it: you’re full-on panicking. You can hear your heart racing at ten million miles a minute. “—but, er—”

“You know, you have to come over here to take my clothes off.”

Where did all this confidence come from? You can never comprehend it, how Seulgi manages to flip a switch so quickly, to such a different persona. You sometimes wish you could do the same, but instead, you’re left in your usual bumbling, blustering state, except now, it’s forced to the surface instead of kept inside you.

Breathe. Focus. Stop panicking. Seulgi already pushed herself so much to get to this point. Me hesitating almost made her cry. So, stop—

…

Ok…

You feel like an absolute idiot for only now realizing this, but…

Seulgi likes me?

Her kissing you out of the blue, the atmosphere that was created from that—even before that, the hints she was dropping about that guy, how he was so oblivious—no, even before that, when you learned that Seulgi is only physically affectionate to her female friends, and you? Were you supposed to pick up on that? It all happened too quick, your mind a blur, your thoughts a mess. Not only today, but this entire time. Seulgi is just a good friend, she’s just a kind person, she’s just clingy, she’s just, she’s just… then, all those times she’s told me that she loves me … did she mean more than platonically?

And now, you’re back to panicking. You’re trying to think harder, to see how you could’ve missed it, how it was even possible for this to sneak up on you, how you’ve been so focused on your own burgeoning feelings for Seulgi, suppressing them as much as you could, that you somehow didn’t even notice Seulgi’s burgeoning feelings for you … even thinking that feels atrociously egotistical. Unnatural. Like, Seulgi…? Seulgi? The woman who has been confessed to more times than you’ve has crushes, times twenty, maybe even times fifty? The one who’s gaining campus-wide popularity for her luminescent personality and her radiant beauty, the one who you’ve heard jealous remarks from multiple guys about, wishing they were also as close to Seulgi as you were. That Seulgi. That Seulgi.

Fuck.

“Hm?”

It’s just a word. It’s not even that, it’s just a sound, a short interjection, but hearing it, whipping your head up to look at her face, and you realize: the sultry stare, the teasing bite of her fingertip, it’s all just an act. Seulgi is just putting up a façade of confidence, because now, you see through it: her own hesitation, her fear, her self-doubt, and that calms you. The fact that Seulgi is also, perhaps, struggling with the same mental battles that you are, and more importantly, seeing her revert back to the kind, gentle, slightly ditzy Seulgi that you’re used to pulls you back down to Earth.

Stop making her wait so much. Stop making her be so doubtful.

Stop thinking. Just—

“Is it wrong to stop to admire how great you look in that outfit?”

Seulgi smiles: a mix of bashfulness and sexy allure, like she’s trying to regain her composure but is suffering such hard whiplash from switching back and forth between her two personas that they inadvertently mix together. “Oh. Well…” Another crack in the mask forms, but you can tell that she’s trying, and that is somewhat endearing to you. “…come here and take a closer look.”

You oblige, and Seulgi responds by scooting back on the bed and widening her legs. There’s a small grin adorning her face, although you can’t tell if it’s from nervousness or excitement, or maybe a mix of both. “Of all the people, me…”

“Mmm~” the sound of acknowledgement, bordering on a moan, dips low, takes upon itself a husky quality, and it’s driving you crazy. When you place a cautious hand on her exposed waist, you can feel her flinch for a brief second, but then, just as quickly, lean into your touch. “you…”

“…Why?”

You can’t help but ask. Seulgi is the first woman whose attention you’ve captured, and to make such a claim is beyond wild: it would be like saying that the first time you ever played basketball was in the NBA, or the first time you ever ran an official 100m sprint was at the Olympics.

“Because.” The lingering curiosity in your eyes draws out a fuller answer from Seulgi. “You always ask me if I want something when you’re going to the vending machine at the rec center, and even when I say no, you always know when I’m lying and bring me just want I need anyway. You always find fun places to hang out during the weekends. You spend so much effort in not only our relationship, but classes, making sure everyone is comfortable, and you even attend all my volleyball games. You always remember all the little details, like how I like my coffee with two pumps of syrup or how I always trip on the third step of that one staircase at that one library so you always have your hand hovering around me just in case. You’re always there for me, you always listen to me complain about things, and you’re always so supportive and helpful and you also get along so well with all of my friends…” The speed at which Seulgi is able to rattle off all of that astounds you, and for a second, you’re frozen, your knee pressing down on the spot between her legs on the bed, hands planted on either side of her waist, looking into her dark, shimmering eyes that were but a handful of inches from you. In that moment, she’s absolutely breathtaking, she’s positively glowing, and you’re utterly captured in the sparkling look in her eyes. “…the better question is, how can I do anything but fall in love with you?”

You don’t know what you were expecting when you asked the question. To you, the answer to the inverse question is simple. Seulgi is so luminescent, so unwaveringly kind and always makes sure to include you on everything whenever she can, and it obviously doesn’t hurt that she’s probably the most beautiful woman you’ve ever laid your eyes on, that falling in love with her is simply an inevitability. You know you aren’t any of those things: you aren’t remarkably handsome, you don’t have an amazingly built body, you aren’t extremely talented or competent at anything, so you at least knew to not expect that kind of an answer to your question.

Then what were you expecting? Maybe something like, ‘I spend so much time with you’, or ‘you’re the only man Irene approves of’. Something understandable, logical, something that you can go, ‘aah, ok, that makes sense.’ But everything Seulgi just listed … you’re really trying your best to understand her, but … are any of them special? Are they really things that would make someone fall in love? Aren’t they things that anyone could do?

“Tell me it back.”

You snap out of your haze at Seulgi’s question. “Hm?”

“You still haven’t told me you love me back.”

Despite everything, you break out into a giggle. It’s so childish, so pure and innocent, and also, so Seulgi. Seulgi, the immensely affection woman that she is, showering all of her friends with all the love and attention they could possibly want from such a stunningly beautiful and wondrously kind individual as her, and thus, is showered equally in love and attention in return. But, however much she gets from her friends, she still wants it from you.

“I love you too, Kang Seulgi.”

The unstoppable smile that breaks out on her face, slipping over her lips and onto her eyes, stops your heart. Then, she stops your breath by pressing her lips against yours.

There are a million things that are attractive about Kang Seulgi, and among her attractive physical traits, you would have to say that her lips are at the top of that enormous list. Perfectly proportioned, a pretty, soft-pink hue, and on the rare occasion they aren’t stretched into a warm smile, they take upon a naturally pouty shape. It’s gotten to the point where you had to pay extra attention to not stare, but it’s so damn hard to not, especially after moving in with her. Enjoying some pastries at one of her favorite cafes, or sitting opposite her while eating your dinner, or walking home with boba in hand, or even just talking to her normally, you’ve had to make sure to rip your eyes away from her lips on more than ten, probably more than twenty occasions. The question of if her lips are as soft as they look has, of course, come across your mind, and just minutes ago, you were able to confirm that, indeed, Kang Seulgi’s lips are incredibly soft.

This kiss feels different, though. She’s closer to you, her body pressed against yours and her face so close that you can feel the puff of air from her nose on your cheek; whereas before, the two of you remained relatively static, this time, Seulgi is moving more. Intensely, desperately, like she’s gone without food for two days and your lips are her means of sustenance. You can feel her hands wrapping around to the back of your head, but likewise, your right hand is on her waist, pulling her closer to you while you lean into the kiss. You can feel her legs starting to wrap around your waist, sinking deeper and deeper into the mattress until finally, Seulgi’s back is flush against the soft bedsheets adorning her bed.

The two of you are forced apart to adjust to the new position, but your eyes remain trained on each other as the two of you shift your position. There’s a slight flush on Seulgi’s cheeks, shooting the same beaming grin at you. “Say it again.”

This time, you laugh. “You’re so needy.”

“Say it again!”

You lean down before answering, your face a mere few centimeters from hers before saying, “I love you, Kang Seulgi.”

The pout on her lips turns into a smile in an instant. Her hands loop around up your nape and to the back of your head, and then, you’re kissing her again. The proximity of her face, the feeling of her body heat that’s caressing your skin, the way that she’s kissing you, greedy and impatient and sloppy and wet, the way that her legs are wrapping around your back again and pulling your bodies closer together, the amount of oxytocin flooding your system feels like it’s starting to verge on lethal levels.

You don’t know if it’s the heater that’s been turned up too much or the fact that your bodies have no gaps between them or the incessant motions both you and Seulgi are doing, but you soon find yourself having to separate yourself from her for fear of overheating. “I love you.” Seulgi barely lets herself finish the declaration before pulling you back in. You find yourself inadvertently moaning into the kiss, your hands holding either side of her face. “I love you,” this time, Seulgi has to murmur it against your lips, barely giving any space to breathe before reconnecting to you. “I love you so much.”

Again and again, Seulgi tells you the same thing, never giving you time to process it before going back to kissing you. Each time she says the words, it gets the slightest bit more intense and the slightest bit hotter, until it reaches to the point where you can feel Seulgi’s hand slide down the backside of your neck, down your back, and to the hem of your shirt. Feeling her bunching the edge of your shirt in her hands, you understand her intent and break the kiss. The shirt flies off your head, and you throw it somewhere to the right.

“Oh…”

Her eyes bulge out of their sockets as they land on your torso. However, you aren’t so much as wondering why she’s reacting in such an extreme way and more so trying to remember what about this seems so familiar, when your mind finally travels back far enough and you connect the dots.

“It’s not like this is the first time you’ve seen me shirtless.”

“…hm?”

The tips of Seulgi’s ears are a burning bright red, and from her genuinely confused expression, you can tell that your words went in one ear and exited out through the other.

“I said, it’s not like this is the first time you’ve seen me shirtless.”