you put my life through hell (can't forget bout u)

Okay, so maybe after going on this many dates Yizhuo should be better at knowing how to leave when it clearly wasn’t working. Maybe she should've developed some sort of internal warning system by now, some type of survival instinct. The ability to recognise a lost cause and cut her losses before wasting an entire evening.

Yet here she was, twenty minutes into a date she’d known was doomed as soon as he opened his mouth. 

Five minutes. That’s how long it’d taken for her to find him so incredibly annoying. Five minutes for him to transform from a handsome stranger into someone she definitely wouldn’t be seeing again. 

Sure, he was handsome. Objectively handsome, anyway, with his perfect teeth and perfect hair. The sort of face that probably did very well on dating apps. 

But by fucking God, was he boring. 

Catastrophically so. 

Yizhuo was pretty sure he was still talking. He hadn’t really stopped since they sat down. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to listen to whatever he seemed to be droning on about now, opting to nod every couple of minutes instead. 

She couldn’t help but think about how much of a waste tonight was. 

She definitely wouldn't be having sex tonight. Not that she'd wanted to, per se, but still. The option would've been nice.

This guy radiated ‘did you come?’ energy, and she totally wasn’t wasting her time with that. 

The thought should've ended there, but instead, it triggered a far worse one.

Her ex.

Immediately, Yizhuo groaned internally. Absolutely not. Not him, anyone but him, please. Because once he entered her thoughts, he never arrived alone. He brought memories, a very specific type of memories.

The kind that had absolutely nothing to do with his personality and everything to do with why she'd spent the last six months being disappointed by other men.

Their relationship had been a disaster, an actual train wreck, and objectively, their break-up was the healthiest thing Yizhuo had done in a long, long time. 

Yet the thoughts lingered. 

What if I already had the best sex of my life and threw it away because he was emotionally unavailable?

God. 

What if she'd accidentally broken up with a generational talent? 

No. 

No, no, no. 

That’s a ridiculous thought. There’s billions of men on this planet. Surely she can find one that can be emotionally available and sexually competent. 

Probably.

Well, hopefully.

Right?

A horrifying possibility occurred to her.

What if her ex was currently somewhere else making another woman question her standards forever?

“Yizhuo?” 

She blinked as the man across from her was looking at her expectantly. Apparently he'd asked a question. Oops. 

She smiled. “Sorry. I got distracted.”

“What were you thinking about?”

Unfortunately, the answer was absolutely not something she could say out loud.

“Work.”

A big fat lie. Maybe the biggest lie she’d told all year. But hey, what was she supposed to say?

"Yeah, sorry, I was busy thinking about how deeply unfair it was that the worst boyfriend I’ve ever had might also have been the greatest sex of my life."

The date ended twenty-three minutes later, with no dramatics involved. Yizhuo had simply reached her breaking point. Growth, you could say. She’d only wasted forty-three minutes of her life instead of the whole evening. Past Yizhuo would’ve sat through another drink, probably dinner. Maybe even dessert.

Present Yizhuo valued her time. And her sanity. Somewhat, anyway. 

The taxi ride home should have been peaceful. She’d escaped a bad date relatively unscathed. 

But no. 

Instead, Yizhuo found herself staring at her phone. Specifically, at one particular contact.

Good God no. Absolutely not, that is a terrible idea. The sort of idea people regretted immediately.

Her thumb hovered over his name before it drifted away again. 

Ugh, this was an unbelievably terrible idea.

The sort of idea that eventually got shared with friends years later.

Remember when I texted my ex because I was worried nobody else would ever make me orgasm properly again?

She locked her phone and unlocked it again thirty seconds later. Honestly, what exactly was the plan here? Ugh.

There was a reason they hadn’t spoken in months, a reason their relationship had ended. Yet sat in the backseat of a taxi she couldn’t help but feel like maybe texting him wasn’t the worst idea ever. 

Yizhuo sighed. No, she most definitely wasn't doing this. She was a grown and intelligent woman. One that made sensible decisions. Like not texting her ex because he was great in bed. 

She placed her phone face down on her lap, and three seconds passed before she picked it back up. Before she could think too hard about it, she opened their old chat and stared at the empty message box.

Slowly she typed out a variety of different messages, before deleting them all. She finally settled for simplicity.