Chaewon & Kazuha: Bend and Break

Kim Chaewon dislikes people who make it look easy.

Seven years of being a trainee and then idol has instilled a work ethic in her that borders on insanity. Out-dance, out-sing, out-idol everyone else. But that’s what you need to make a mark in this industry, Chaewon would reason to herself at night as she massages the many aches and pains in her muscles. There are many preternaturally skilled idols in this world, but few who have the drive to improve themselves and make it to the top.

Chaewon is also fearless. At least that’s what she tells herself before every performance, before staring down her legion of fans. Before hopping on an airplane, before driving a car. Heck, before she crosses the road. Even then she’ll look both ways twice, because you can never be too careful. Despite all that caution, all that care and effort to protect herself and her emotions, Chaewon had done the one thing she swore long ago not to do.

Fall in love.

An utterly foreign concept to someone used to the cold, structured and frankly comforting walls of idol life. Sure, Chaewon professes her love to her fans all the time and she definitely loves her parents who raised her. But this is different. Terrifyingly different.

Because it involves the goofiest Japanese girl Chaewon has ever met. 

Said goofy girl is currently squealing her heart out while chasing Eunchae across a hallway in the company building. 

“Give me back my phone!” Kazuha whines, arms stretched out on either side. Eunchae smirks, shifting her body as if to move to the left, then feints to the right, before slipping past the Japanese girl who squeals again and sprints after the maknae. Chaewon shakes her head in disbelief. How can those two have so much energy to spare?

It is 10 p.m. on Tuesday and Le Sserafim had just finished another gruelling round of dance practice. They’ve been at it since three in the afternoon, polishing up their new choreography for the end of year performances. Chaewon, predictably, had run herself ragged, repeating a particularly tricky spin move again and again while the other members loafed around. 

Honestly, Chaewon’s thoughts weren’t even about the stupid spin move. Instead, her head was occupied by a certain loser. And Chaewon’s pretty sure she’s going insane over this very hot loser.

It’s been going on all day. A light grazing of knuckles when Kazuha hands her a bottle of water during practice. The way Kazuha’s voice drops low when she’s tired, a pleasant timbre that does things to Chaewon’s brain. How Kazuha chuckles at her dumb jokes – the kind that make the entire group groan and walk away. 

Yes, Kim Chaewon is now reduced to making a fool of herself just to hear the younger girl’s sexy laugh. 

The thing is, Chaewon knows that Kazuha likes her. There was that small moment shared between them beneath Chaewon’s sheets that is burned in her memory forever. The Korean girl thought it would change things with her favourite younger member. 

Except Kazuha is still acting the same way. Still the same energetic, goofy ball of fun who hangs onto Chaewon’s every word like a big puppy. Her puppy. Not just in a sex petplay kind of way, but like an actual, affectionate, 1.7 meters tall Samoyed puppy kind of way.

If anything, it’s Chaewon who has changed. Every glance, every sound, every touch from the younger Japanese girl makes her stomach run an Olympic gymnastics routine and her ears turn bright red. She has deduced long ago that she has fallen for this lovable idiot. And she has no idea what to do with this revelation. Scream to the heavens? Weep in joy? What the hell does it even mean to be in love?

So Chaewon mulls over this conundrum. She’s mulling over it so hard that she zombie walks back into the practice room. Only to immediately freeze by the doorway as she spots, out of the corner of her eye, what could only be described as the most intimate moment she has seen in real life.

Yunjin and Sakura are lying together on the spray-painted leather couch in the far corner of the practice room. A tablet is propped up on the low table beside them, the soft sounds of a video blaring from its speakers, but their attention is clearly elsewhere.

Sakura’s head was resting on Yunjin’s chest, her smaller frame curled into Yunjin’s side as the younger girl’s free hand draped protectively over Sakura’s slim waist. The older girl's leg is hooked casually over Yunjin's thigh. They looked so snug and comfortable that their bodies slotted together like puzzle pieces. The ceiling lights cast a soft halo over the duo as if they were the main characters in a drama.

Chaewon held her breath, afraid to break the moment for the couple. What else could they be at this point? She’s seen them flirt before, sharing meaningful glances and affectionate touches here and there. But this was different. 

Sakura’s eyes were half-closed as she nuzzled Yunjin’s neck. The younger girl's fingers traced lazy circles along Sakura’s back as the older girl’s head rises and falls steadily with the younger girl’s breathing. Yunjin’s eyes were glued onto the top of Sakura’ head, the pupils literally the shape of hearts. Their actions were so intimate it made Chaewon’s cheeks burn.

It’s so cheesy, so sappy, it would have made Chaewon roll her eyes a few weeks ago. But now? She felt an ache in her heart.

That’s what I want. 

The thought blooms in her mind and courses through downwards, waking every single cell in her over-tired body and leaving goosebumps on her skin.

Not just the mindblowing and stress-relieving sex, but the quiet intimacy that comes after. Nothing sensuous, just sharing a moment like how Yunjin looks at Sakura as if she hung the moon and Sakura draping herself over Yunjin in a way that just seems right. 

Chaewon imagines it with Kazuha – her long limbs wrapping around Chaewon, Kazuha’s chin resting on Chaewon’s shoulder, that sexy low voice whispering sweet nothings into her ear until the older girl dissolves into giggles, her worries melting away.

The fantasy fills her mind with a deep desire. Chaewon backs away quietly, closing the door so slowly as to muffle the click of the handle.  

How difficult would it be to cuddle with Kazuha? Chaewon imagines it would be as simple as initiating the appropriate bonding activity, gluing herself onto the younger girl, touching her softly here and there, and basking in the romance of it all. 

Reality, however, has a weird way of not shaping up to expectations.

The first attempt started in the dorm living room after dinner. Eunchae had locked herself up in her room, Sakura and Yunjin were suspiciously absent. Chaewon hopped onto the couch, fiddling with the remote to play a mindless rom-com on the TV screen.

“Zuha~,” she called in a passably casual tone. “C’mere. Let’s watch a movie together?”

Kazuha perked up from the kitchen. “Okay, unnie!” She bounded over, cup of yoghurt in hand, settling eagerly beside Chaewon. So far, so good.

Right as Chaewon leaned over to wrap an arm around Kazuha’s shoulder, the younger girl plopped her head onto Chaewon’s lap. Just like that. Chaewon froze, her brain glitching as Kazuha made herself comfortable, nuzzling her cheek right into the valley between Chaewon’s firm thighs. Then the younger girl proceeds to tear into her yoghurt while watching the opening scene of the movie. 

This was not in the plan. She had envisioned draping an arm over Kazuha just like Yunjin did with Sakura in the practice room, all cool and effortless-like. Except Kazuha threw a goddamn curveball with the lap-pillow move. Chaewon’s hands hovered awkwardly in the air, unsure of what to do. 

A moment passes, then Chaewon lowered her hand to Kazuha’s hair, stroking it tentatively. Her fingers glide through Kazuha’s luscious raven locks in a mechanical fashion, wondering if any of this felt good for the younger girl. Frustratingly missing in all of this so far was the sense of romance. Where are the gooey heart eyes? The sighs of content?

“You uh … look extra cute today?” She cringed inwardly for the weird phrasing, her voice lilting up in the end as if she asked a question. Kazuha simply hummed happily, the younger girl oblivious to Chaewon’s inner turmoil as her eyes were fixed on the TV screen.

“Thanks, unnie! You’re a great pillow,” Kazuha turns her head briefly to flash a warm smile at the older girl before settling her gaze back on the movie. Chaewon felt like tearing her hair out. How is Kazuha so relaxed in this situation?

Chaewon could feel everything now – the rise and fall of Kazuha’s breathing, the way Kazuha’s cheeks tickled her legs as she ate the yoghurt, and worst of all, Kazuha’s heartbeat heartbeat. Steady and strong, vibrating up her thighs. It was distracting, and the older girl was now horribly aware of her own breathing and heart rate which was rising by the second. 

Stress started creeping in, worse than any pre-performance nerves. Am I doing this right? Too much pressure? Not enough? Chaewon’s fingers tensed in Kazuha’s hair. The younger girl reached up to grab Chaewon’s hand and pulled it down to twine with her own hands on Kazuha’s chest.

“This is nice,” Kazuha murmured in that low sexy voice that dripped like honey. Nice? Chaewon was unraveling – the effort to stay calm, to bask in the romance, exhausted her more than any practice session. 

Before she knew it, her eyelids grew heavy. The flashing images on the TV screen blurred and Kazuha’s warmth on her thighs and hand was a lullaby she could not fight. Chaewon conked out, her head lolling back on the couch.

She woke up with a start sometime later, noticing that the credits were rolling on the TV screen. Disoriented, Chaewon blinked away the sleep and realised that she was now lying on Kazuha’s lap. The younger girl was gently massaging Chaewon’s arm in slow, rhythmic fashion. Kazuha was humming softly, her puppy eyes crinkling as she looked down at Chaewon. 

“You fell asleep,” Kazuha whispered, her head tilted to the side while a small smile played on her lips. Chaewon blushed as she jerked herself upright on the couch. So she had slept through the entire movie and basically bombed the cuddle session. Amazing.

Frustration bubbled up in her gut, but then Kazuha’s fingers brushed her hand, dampening her disappointment. Maybe if cuddles don’t work, Chaewon could find some other way to spark the romance in their budding relationship. 

Chaewon’s next idea was to bring Kazuha out on a date. A Christmas date at a fancy restaurant. Perhaps a fancy dinner would help her figure out this whole love thing. Chaewon had settled the reservation and rented the outfits for both of them, pulling out all the stops to make sure this night was a romantic one. No chances of falling asleep in public after all.

“Wow, unnie, this suit is really soft!” Kazuha’s voice echoes from the bathroom as Chaewon slips into her dress. It’s red, the neckline covered in a white bow while the flowing tresses billow past her knees. Chaewon fiddles with her bangs in front of the mirror, hoping the spray would hold through the night and for the after-dinner “activities” she planned if everything went well.

The first sign that things would not go well that night was when Chaewon walked into the living room arm-in-arm with Kazuha. Sakura and Yunjin were cuddling on the couch, and Eunchae was snacking on some chips while mindlessly scrolling through her phone. A tall Christmas tree sits by the corner next to the TV, its branches decorated with all manner of ornaments and lights. Chaewon remembers Kazuha topping the tree with a golden star, flashing her bright smile as she looked down to her beloved leader for affirmation of a job well done.

Chaewon cleared her throat. “So, how do we look?” Three heads swiveled to look at the duo. You could hear a pin drop with the ensuing silence.

“Are … are you going out looking like that?” Sakura sputters, her voice cracking at the last word. Yunjin simply gawks while Eunchae wordlessly lifts her phone up to snap some pictures before typing away furiously on her phone.

“Is something wrong with my outfit?” Chaewon asks, looking down to check her dress for any signs of imperfection.

“Not you. Zuha!” Three voices shout in unison. The younger Japanese girl simply stares at Chaewon, nonplussed. Chaewon’s face heats up. Truthfully, she had chosen Kazuha’s outfit because it looked so damn good on the younger girl.