TWENTY FIVE

My fingers restlessly drummed against the car door’s arm rest the whole drive. I was so excited, I almost forgot to receive my change from the taxi driver. I had to actively stop myself from running to our designated meeting location. Just the thought of our date made my heart race. Was this normal? Was I just being obsessive? Or maybe this was just my inexperience coming out?

As I approached the location, a smile involuntarily formed on my face as Tiffany’s figure came into view. However, I slowed down when I saw her face and stopped completely when I saw her engaged in a conversation with someone else—a woman, who was donning an expensive-looking dress and high heels, that I’ve never seen before. Judging from the uneasy look on Tiffany’s face, it was someone she wasn’t too keen on encountering.

I found myself hiding myself from her line of sight, lingering just close enough to be within earshot of the two. Why I was doing this, I had no idea: guilt gnawed at my consciousness, but I just couldn’t bring myself to confront the two. It was clear that Tiffany was uncomfortable, but unlike the situation with the guys from before, this situation seemed different: the woman seemed more fierce, more confident … more scary.

Why was I like this? I cursed at myself for being too scared to protect my girlfriend; if I wouldn’t do it, who would? Even yesterday, Tiffany came to my rescue the moment I needed it. Some girlfriend I was.

“I know you recognize me, Tiff,” the woman said. Even her tone reflected her appearance: confident. Fearless. Terrifying.

“I’m sorry,” she said timidly, more so than I’ve ever heard in the month I spent back in Korea. She was like a completely different person. “I’m busy right now, I’m waiting for someone,” she said, trying to step around the woman to scan the area. I quickly shrunk away, making sure I wasn’t visible by her. Why was I doing this? I was deeply ashamed of myself, but still, I couldn’t pry myself from my hiding spot.

“Oh? Is that why you quit? Did you get a boyfriend?”

“No, that wasn’t it,” Tiffany replied. If I wasn’t watching her mouth move, I wouldn’t have ever been able to tell that it was Tiffany speaking.

“Come on, you must have had some reason,” the woman pressed. Tiffany’s body language further implicated what I could already tell from her tone: her darting eyes, her nervously clenched fists, her constantly shifting legs—they all screamed ‘get me out of here’. I wanted to rush in and save her, but now it was a combination of fear and curiosity that rooted me just behind the pillar I was standing behind. My shame made me sick to my stomach, but still, my legs remained frozen.

“I did,” she replied softly, taking a step to the side. However, the woman followed Tiffany’s actions, blocking her again.

“You were the most popular one. The bread winner. Do you know how many of our customers were sad when they found out you left?” Although I couldn’t see the woman’s face, her tone made it sound like she was sneering. My chest inflated, my fists inadvertently clenching, a surge of anger flooding my body: who was she, and how dare she bully Tiffany?

Just as I took a step from the pillar, Tiffany replied in a loud enough voice to draw pointed glares of passerby, “You don’t have the right to be mad. My leaving ended up benefitting the rest of you, didn’t it?”

The sudden attention seemed to put the stranger on edge. “Tiff—”

“Do you want me to make more of a scene?” Tiffany’s voice had regained its confidence at this point; I just stood there in awe, admiring my girlfriend’s display of strength.

The woman backed off, eventually melting back into the crowd of people. Tiffany took a deep breath and sat back down on the bench.

I followed suit, calming my emotions down. It was best if I didn’t bring this up, I decided; in fact, I may as well forget that ever happened. Tiffany will reveal everything in time; something like that felt like something I shouldn’t rush. Would Tiffany hate me if she discovered this lie?

I expelled the thought from my mind. Don’t overthink things, Taeyeon; Tiffany’s the one person I can never predict, remember?

I situated myself properly, counting to 90 before walking out from my hiding spot.

“Fany!” I greeted as I approached her; she looked up, a beaming smile erupting on her face. That was all I needed to feel at ease again. Her smile, her laughter, her touch: did everything about her have magical soothing qualities?

“Taeyeon! Oh my gosh, you look so adorable,” she said, standing up and pulling me into an embrace. Although the compliment embarrassed me, I miraculously found myself not blushing. “Did you just get here?”

Inside my brain, I applauded her acting ability. It was an innocent question, and if I hadn’t just witnessed what I did, I certainly would’ve assumed it was; however, I knew it was probably to address her conversation just now. If I had walked out immediately, it would’ve been difficult to pretend to not have even heard her shouting, which was why I had stalled for a bit before emerging from that pillar.

“Yeah,” I responded casually, “how long were you here?”

“Oh, it wasn’t that long. Thinking about you makes time fly by quickly,” she said, beaming at me. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sappy comment.

“Let’s get going then,” I told her, linking arms with her. Her usual antics were certainly helpful in regaining my excitement for this date, and while it was nice to see her return back to her usual self, I found this line of thought hypocritical. It was partially my fault that Tiffany suffered as much as she did; if I just had more courage, then I would have been able to protect my girlfriend.

“You said you had something you wanted to do, right?”

I nodded, quickly rummaging through my head. “Yeah! Should we do that first?” She nodded, urging me to continue. I dragged her to a tattoo shop, explaining to her along the way, “I thought it would be cute if we had matching tattoos or something.”

It didn’t feel proper to reveal my true intention: would Tiffany just laugh at me? Would I creep her out with my obsessiveness? I wanted a permanent form of verification that Tiffany belonged to me, as I had no intentions of ever letting her go. It was my way of reminding other people to stay away, even when I was back in America.

Tiffany seemed greatly enthused by the idea, and after receiving some advice from the people working there, we ended up each with a puzzle piece that uniquely fit the other, with the word ‘Tae’ written on Tiffany’s wrist and ‘Ny’ written on mine.

After we emerged, we admired our tattoos while heading to our next destination. However, after some time, the guilt in my consciousness built up to a point that I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Fany, I have a confession.” She stopped and turned to look at me, her eyes shining, urging me to continue. “Do you—um, the real reason why I wanted these tattoos is, um …” I found the words stuck in my throat, the fear of Tiffany reacting negatively seizing my body. Calm down Taeyeon; remember, Tiffany is someone I can never predict.

“Is it because you wanted a permanent reminder that I’m your’s?”

I inhaled so quickly, I nearly choked on the air entering my lungs. “Y—Yes,” I admitted, coughing a little while speaking. Tiffany chuckled, squeezing my hand.

“I love it. Wow, to think Taeyeon is so possessive over me … it honestly makes me we—”

I covered her mouth with haste, my face blooming in red. Darn it, I thought I had this under control; it was going so well until now, why did she have to do this?

“Don’t say that in public,” I scolded her quietly, looking around. Sure enough, we had drawn the attention of a few people, but most of them just glanced at us before walking by.

“Ah, sorry,” she chuckled after I retracted my hand.

“Anyway,” I continued, Tiffany leading the way once again, “honestly, it was because I wanted to remind everyone else, even while I’m back in America, that you’re taken.”

Tiffany frowned. “Do you not trust me?”

My muscles tensed up in panic. “No! It’s not like that, it’s just that I’m too insecure—”

Tiffany cut me off, laughing. “It’s ok TaeTae, I’m kidding. Honestly, I’m happy that you have that tattoo as well, it makes me feel safer too.”

“Don’t scare me like that,” I whined, frowning.

“I’m sorry TaeTae, seeing you pout like that is just so precious,” she said as if it perfectly explained her actions.

I huffed. So basically, if I wanted Tiffany to stop doing that, all I had to do was stop reacting like this. It was probably easier said than done, though…

Our lunch consisted of the food we bought from the various food stalls that were dotted about the massive shopping place. Tiffany didn’t seem to have a specific goal in mind, wandering about and entering random stores.

While usually, I avoided going shopping with Jessica because of the amount of walking we inevitably did, it was a completely different story with Tiffany; we similarly walked a lot, but I barely even noticed it. Just being in her presence, talking to her, holding her hand, watching her trying to contain her excitement (and failing miserably) while trying on numerous different outfits, it all made me inexplicably happy.

After Tiffany emerged from a store, bag in hand, she spoke up, concern in her voice. “Taeyeon, I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“Hm?” I said, taken by surprise, “It’s ok Fany, you couldn’t have known.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s … from our time together, I guessed that there was something about your past relationship, but I didn’t realize it was bad,” she explained. My mind briefly flashed to our chance encounter with Yoona a few weeks ago: did I give something away? “I shouldn’t have pried,” she concluded, adding, “I’m such a hypocrite, aren’t I? I claim to hate liars, yet I lie to you so easily.”

“What?” I said, utterly confused, “Aren’t you the one who told me so many times to not beat myself up over these kinds of things? No one can be perfect, everyone has been a hypocrite at one point. If you keep on doing this, I’m going to really be mad at you,” I warned her.

“Oh, really?”