The Burden

Your phone buzzed at 11:47 PM on New Year’s Eve.

You were alone in your apartment, half-watching the countdown show on TV, nursing a beer. Most of the members were with their families tonight. You’d expected a quiet evening.

Haseul

Oppa, are you awake?

You stared at the message. Haseul rarely texted you directly outside of work matters.

You

Yeah. What’s up?

Haseul

Are you busy? Can you come out for a bit?

You

Now? It’s almost midnight.

Haseul

I know. I’m at my parents’ place but I can’t sleep. I just… I need to talk to someone. Please?

There was something in that “please” that made you grab your coat.

You

Send me the address.

Twenty minutes later, you pulled up to a quiet residential neighborhood. Haseul was waiting outside her parents’ house, bundled in a leather tan coat, black scarf wrapped high around her neck. Her breath fogged in the cold air.

She climbed into the passenger seat. “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course. What’s going on?”

“Drive first. Anywhere. I just need to not be here right now.”

You pulled away from the curb, heading toward the Han River. The streets were relatively empty—most people were at home or at crowded celebrations downtown.

Haseul was quiet for a long time, watching the city lights pass by.

“I broke up with my boyfriend,” she said finally. “Three weeks ago.”

You hadn’t known she had a boyfriend. “I’m sorry.”

“He couldn’t handle it anymore. The lawsuit, the stress, my anxiety attacks.” Her voice was flat, controlled. “He said he loved me but he couldn’t keep watching me destroy myself over this. That I needed to choose between him and the group.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” She laughed without humor. “I’ve been a mess for months. Barely sleeping, constantly anxious, carrying everyone’s problems on top of my own. I wasn’t a good girlfriend. I wasn’t present.”

You didn’t know what to say to that.

“I came home for New Year thinking it would help. Family, familiar places, distance from everything.” She looked out the window. “But they’re all asleep now and I’m just… here. Alone. At midnight on New Year’s Eve, alone.”

You pulled into a parking area near the Han River. The path along the water was lit by streetlamps, mostly empty at this hour.

“Want to walk?” you offered.

She nodded.

The cold air bit at your faces as you walked along the river path. In the distance, you could hear fireworks beginning as midnight approached. The city across the water was bright with celebration.

“I’m sorry for dragging you out here,” Haseul said. “I just needed someone who understands. Who knows what we’re going through.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you called.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

“I know,” she said simply. “About you and some of the members.”

Your stomach dropped. “Haseul—”

“I’m in the chat,” she continued. “The secret one. I’ve been in it from the beginning. I just never said anything.”

You stopped walking. “You knew?”

“Of course I knew. I’m the leader, Oppa. I notice things.” She turned to face you. “Chuu was obvious after that first time. Then Heejin started acting different. Vivi got that look in her eye. Yeojin was walking funny after that late practice.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“At first, I was going to.” She started walking again and you fell into step beside her. “I was going to confront you, report it maybe. It’s inappropriate. Dangerous. You could lose your job. We could lose everything if it got out.”

“I know.”

“But then I saw how they were. Filled with bliss. Like they had something good in their lives despite everything falling apart.” She paused. “And I thought… who am I to take that away from them? Who am I to police how they deal with this nightmare?”

Fireworks exploded overhead. Midnight. New Year.

You both stopped, watching colors bloom and fade in the sky.

“Happy New Year, Oppa,” Haseul said quietly.

“Happy New Year.”