So a while back, I talked about Zoey Redbird and her harem of boyfriends and the mess that is her love life that makes Elena, Caroline and Bella look like nuns.
But oh boy, Neferet is a very special breed of what the fuckery that has been happening in the house of night series.
So, Neferet is the High Priestest of the House of Night in Oklahoma. Think of her as the head mistress vampire of the vampire boarding school. This woman is described to be gorgeous goddess like redhaired who carries herself with such power and respect. Very mindful, very demure.
And yet this woman is out here beefing with a sixteen year old.
This woman who is centuries old feels so insecure and intimidated by a literal child who was chosen and favoured by the vampire goddess because this child who is basically the vampire avatar (I’m not even kidding. Zoey is basically the avatar in this series. She can control fire, water, air, earth and spirit) keeps standing in the way of her cartoonishly evil plans for world domination that she sends her boyfriend Loren to groom and manipulate only for her to end up killing her mans just to mess and traumatise Zoey.
I’ll say this again, giving your boyfriend permission to cheat on you just so you can groom and emotionally traumatise this one teenager is CRAZY work.
Speaking off, let’s talk about Neferet’s love life.
So she was dating Loren for God knows how long. Remember this woman has been around since the 1800 and Loren is 24 years old. And thinking about this now as I’m writing this I don’t think I wanna know when and how these two even got together coz it’s already bad enough that there is a HUGE age gap between them.
But Lizzie. Loren is 24 and basically a legal adult.
And this bitch has lived to witness two world wars, the great depression, the cold war, the assassination of JFK, the civil rights movement and 9/11 and has probably lived longer Loren’s entire bloodline. Let’s be real, a 112-year age gap crosses the line from "uncomfortable" straight into "ancient historical artifact dating a toddler."
But the age gap is honestly the least of his problems. Neferet didn't love him; she used him like a disposable chess piece. She had him seduce a 16-year-old Zoey just to mess with her head and isolate her from her friends. Loren thought he was playing the field, but he was really just a puppet for a centuries-old narcissist.
And how did Neferet reward this nigga for his service? She didn't dump him over text. No no no. She sliced his head off and crucified him on the school gates just to make a statement. So yeah, the power dynamic was toxic, but the dating exit strategy was flat-out lethal. He should have checked her references.
Then she moved to Kalona, the fallen angel turned rapist and father of an army of Raven human hybrids he procreated with the Cherokee women he assaulted and got trapped by a mud doll underground for centuries until he was freed by Neferet via Stevie Rae’s blood. I don’t really know much about their relationship because I skipped some books, but I do know these two were together and she basically sent Kalona to follow Zoey into the afterlife and have her killed after he snapped Heath’s (Zoey’s imprinted human boyfriend) neck and eventually broke up at some point.
Oh and Neferet killed him with a gun. Bullet to the chest.
Imagine being an immortal fallen angel and you’re taken out by a Smith and Wesson. Wow.
And that brings me to her current boo thang. Her consort. Her one true love.
Who is also a bull….
Not a man who can shapeshift into a bull.
Not a bull with a human form he can change into.
An actual bull.
A. FARM ANIMAL. WITH HOOVES. AND A BELL.
And not just any bull. The White Bull of Darkness. The living personification of evil. The concept of chaos and darkness, conveniently packaged as a majestic, pale, horned creature who probably didn’t even moo—he ominously lowed.
I need everyone to pause for a moment and let that sink in like a stone in a swamp.
This woman—ancient, powerful, dripping with dark goddess magic—decided that after manipulating men, torturing teenagers, and trying to become a deity, what she really needed in her life was… a boyfriend who grazes.
Was she lonely? Probably.
Was there a shortage of immortal beings, vampires, or even moderately attractive humans in Oklahoma? Apparently.
Did she look at a pasture and think, “Hmm, he’s sturdy. Loyal. Doesn’t talk back.” ABSOLUTELY.
This is beyond bestiality. This is supernatural agriculture meets a midlife crisis. Did she take him on dates?
How do they even have se—
You know what? Let me not got there. I don’t want to traumatise y’all and myself with that obscene imagery.
It’s already bad enough that Stephenie Myers made Jacob at his big grown age imprint with Bella and Edward’s kid when SHE WAS A LITERAL BABY just coz he didn’t get with Bella.
And now this…..
I’m telling y’all 2000s YA novels were just a whole lot of what the fuckery and what drugs and coke have these writers been smoking.
But hey, they got a lot of money from it so…. yay for them??????