The Holy Trinity of Meats

☾︎✿︎☽︎

"You're going to ruin your nails if you keep gnawing at them like a chipmunk," Abby said.

They were already in an Uber halfway to Tati's house.

"I can't help it." Zoey replied nervously, her knee bouncing frantically. "Brunch with Gigi, Caleb his entire family. No pressure at all."

Abby watched her, then pinched her cheek.

“No! Bad Saja boy!” she slapped his hand, her tone childish but firm.

He chuckled, putting his hand on her bouncing knee. "Relax, Zo, we’ve got this."

"Define 'got this'?"

"Fully prepared. Confident. Unflappable."

She turned to him. "So 'winging it.'"

Abby sputtered. “I have a plan. And it's foolproof."

“And what is this plan of yours?" Zoey arched an eyebrow.

He opened his mouth then closed it.

"Thought so," She scoffed, turning her gaze to the window.

“Hey…” he leaned closer and poked her cheek. “Look at me.”

When she did, he offered her a lopsided smile. “It’s just brunch. What’s the worst that could happen?”

"Yah! Don’t say that!" She swatted his arm. "Do you want to jinx it and blow our cover?"

"Come on, geobug-i. You know me. I'm great at improv."

"Great at putting your foot in your mouth, you mean."

"Hey!"

"I calls it like I sees it."

"You're supposed to be nice to your fake boyfriend."

"My fake boyfriend thinks birds are government drones and we are not having that debate right now. I need every brain cell and sanity I have left to survive this brunch, please and thank you."

"Let me speak my truth, woman!”

"This is what I mean by putting foot in your mouth."

"It's the perfect explanation for why pigeons bob their heads when walking. Come on!"

"I will Spartan kick you out of this moving chariot on wheels."

Abby raised an eyebrow. "You and what upper-body strength that you have in that five-foot body of yours?"

Zoey smacked his arm.

"Owwww!” he whined rubbing the spot dramatically. "I'm fragile, geobug-i. Have some mercy."

"In words of Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls: 'Mercy is for the weak." She quoted, her voice flat.

"Of you'd quote the outwardly cute but secretly a demon crash out." He muttered begrudgingly.

"She's a cultural icon. Put some respect on her."

"And what does that make you, Miss I-have-no-mercy-for-the-fragile?"

"A realist. Now shut up—we're here."

The car slowed to stop. Abby's eyes widened as he took in their destination.

It wasn’t just a house. It was a sprawling mid-century ranch, carved into the Burbank hillside as though it was sculpted from the earth itself. The structure blended with warm redwood slats and the sweeping wall of glass. Honestly, the house felt like it was just the backdrop, whatever was happening inside had to be where the real magic was.

"Jeez, is his sister rich-rich?" Abby asked.

"She makes decent money from running her boutique." Zoey shrugged.

Abby gawked at her like she just grew an extra head. “You call this ‘decent money?!’”

"It's decent as in 'I have enough money to buy a house, a car, and still have enough left over for multiple vacations a year'."

“Woman, this ain’t no house. She can gaslight people into thinking she owns a villa and they’d believe her!” He pointed dramatically at the house. “I make decent money. This makes me look poor! Are you sure you’re not Jackson Wang?” he eyed at her suspiciously.

“Really, Abby?”

“No, ‘cause there’s no way you would call this decent money.”

"The wonders of budgeting and saving money," Zoey patted his back.

"Yeah, I wish I had budgeting skills like this," He muttered.

Zoey smirked. “You could start by not spending your money on protein shakes.”

His jaw dropped at her audacity. "Excuse me! Those are for bulking up. They're a necessity."

"For who?" Zoey asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You of course, my dear geobug-i," he wiggled his eyebrows. “How else am I going to make people jealous that you got a hot fake boyfriend."