☾︎✿︎☽
"What is it now, muscles for brains?" Roobin deadpanned.
"Hey, Roobin. I think I may have done something really stupid." Abby said, running a hand through his messy hair. He was seated hunched over on the couch in the living room as he held his phone to his ear.
"Oh god. Don't tell me you got someone pregnant. I packed condoms in your bag for a reason," Roobin groaned.
“What? No! Why that of all things?” Abby exclaimed.
“Because your tomfuckery knows no bounds. Like the time you walked in halfway through a wedding with a 16-inch Hawaiian pizza.”
“Okay, first off, it was two pm, and it was clearly pizza time. Second, I wasn’t about to cough up money on food at an event I was invited to.”
“Okay, but a haiiwan pizza? Like, I know your standards when it comes to food are in the trenches-”
“Roobin, I’m in a crisis here!” Abby snapped, already getting impatient.
Roobin let out a long, exasperated sigh.
“What did you do?”
“Okay, hypothetically speaking.”
“No hypotheticals. It’s already bad enough that you woke me up at 4 in the morning. Speak.”
“Okay, so if two people are fake dating… and one of them accidentally helps the other with uh… stress relief.”
A beat.
“Define stress relief.”
“... sexual stress relief.”
“So you did get someone pregnant!”
“No! I helped Zoey jerk off last night!”
There was a pause.
“Roobin?” Abby called.
“Give me one sec.”
Roobin immediately hung up the phone.
Abby blinked, staring at his phone. Not even a second later, it rang again.
This time it was a group video call.
Abby frowned and hit accept.
Three faces appeared on screen.
On the top left of the screen was Jinu in the studio, headphones around his neck and looking deeply confused.
At the bottom was Bohyun half-buried in his pillow, hair messy and eyes barely open.
And Roobin at the top right, sitting upright in his living room, legs crossed, wearing the most insufferable grin Abby had ever seen
Abby's face turns bright red as he sees the entire squad on camera. He fumbles with his phone, nearly dropping it. “Roobin, what the fuck!
"You better have a good explanation for waking me up at 4 in the fucking morning, Roobin," Bohyun grumbled.
"In a minute." Roobin leaned in with that infuriating smirk of his: "So what’s this PG-18 situation you have going on, Abs?" He wiggles his eyebrows dramatically while Bohyun groans and flops back onto his pillow.
“Bitch! This is a private matter for two. Not the whole squad!” Abby yelled.
“Technically, three-quarters since Myungho isn’t on this call. Not that he needs to be part of this convo anyway,” Roobin said, waving his hand.
“Okay, what is going on?” Jinu finally spoke.
“Our dear Lee Woojin took ‘fake dating’ to a whole new level under the pretence of helping Zoey ‘relieve’ some pent-up stress. The sexual kind,” Roobin shared.
Jinu's eyes went wide, and he choked on his saliva. Bohyun, who had been lounging in bed just a few seconds ago, sat up abruptly, suddenly wide awake. Abby’s face was a brilliant crimson as he averted Jinu and Bohyun’s stares.
"Wait, what?" Bohyun asked in disbelief, looking at Abby like he'd just grown a second head.
"Please tell me that’s a different Zoey and not Mira and Rumi’s Zoey," Jinu pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Nope... it's the very same Zoey we all know and love,” Abby admitted.
Bohyun lets out a groan, burying his face in his pillow. "That explains why Myungho isn’t on this call. I wouldn’t want to wake up at four in the morning to hear how one of my homies fucked my ex."
“I didn’t sleep with her!” Abby retorted. “I just helped jerk her off! That’s it!”
“And that’s supposed to make it better?!” Bohyun retorted back.
Jinu pinched the bridge of his nose again, looking weary. "Okay, back up. How did this even happen?"
"Well, I was asleep. I heard her moaning and figured she was masturbating, and I kinda offer to help her out..."
Roobin clutches his chest dramatically, gasping. "Hold on—hold ON. How does one wake up and offer to help with that?”
Jinu looked absolutely done. "So let me get this straight... she was already doing it herself, and your contribution was just... adding extra?"
“I was helping her out!” Abby responded defensively.
“Abby,” Jinu sighed. “That's not a situation you just stumble into like 'Oh, hey Zoey needs some help.'”
“Exactly, you're supposed to pretend you didn't hear anything, then keep it as blackmail," Roobin added.
Bohyun mutters into his pillow, "I hate all of you."
"It just happened, okay? It was the middle of the night, and I was still half asleep."
"How the hell does that justify doing... that to her?" Jinu asked.
"You won't melt if you say 'masturbate,' Jinu," Bohyun removed the pillow from his face.
"Oh, shut up," Jinu replied, rolling his eyes.
"Alright, enough with the banter, back to the important stuff,” Roobin cackled. “Abby, how did she even react? Was there any conversation about it after?"
"If I did talk to her, I wouldn’t have called you if I’d known you were going to turn it into a conference call," Abby said, giving Roobin the stink eye.
Roobin just smirked, unrepentant. "Hey, you're were the one who needs advice - can't blame me for wanting to get the input from your hyungs and the baby of the group."
"First off, never call me that," Bohyun deadpanned. "Second, we all know this ain't about giving advice, you drama junkie. You are the last person I'd call for advice—"
"Hey, I'm offended by that—"
"Probably one of the stupidest moves you've ever made, Abby," Bohyun added.
"Fuck all of y'all and your fake asses," Roobin flipped them off. “I am the pinnacle of certified emotional—ask anyone!"
Bohyun scoffs. "Yeah, supportive like a car crash."
Jinu rubs his temples again. "Focus, you animals—Abby’s out here possibly ruining Zoey's life, and we're bickering about who called who fake?"
“Ey, man! I didn’t ask to listen to the muscle pig freaking out over helping his fake girlfriend orgasm and then rebuilding the Berlin Wall at four in the god damn morning,” Bohyun retaliated.
Roobin grinned unrepentantly before turning back to Abby. "Sooo... still no word from the lady herself yet?"
"No…” Abby sighed. “She's not answering her phone."
Roobin's smirk finally faded—just a little and sucked his teeth. "Ohhh, so now it’s problem-problem."
Bohyun sat up fully, eyes sharpening. "She’s gone-gone? Like... left the country or just your Airbnb?"
Roobin leaned in with sudden intensity and whispered. "Did you at least clean up?"
"Really, Roobin?" Jinu asked, lidding his eyes, unamused.
"What? Hygiene and aftercare essential!" Roobin pointed out.
"Did you at least try to talk to her? Figure out if she's okay. Or are we in full ‘ghosting mode’ here?" Jinu asked.
"Ghosting is not an option since we’re stuck together until the wedding. She just went to do some wedding errands with her best friend. But I'm convinced that's a convenient excuse to avoid talking to me," Abby said.
There’s a pause.
"She’s definitely avoiding you,” Bohyun finally concluded with a firm nod.
"Oh, you don't say," Abby replied sarcastically.
Bohyun rolled his eyes. "Don’t get smart with me; this is your mess."
Jinu gave an exasperated sigh. "You kinda deserve it, you know? You couldn't keep your hands off her for one freaking night."
Roobin snorted. "It's not his hands that were the problem, if you get what I—"
"If you finish that sentence, I swear to God—" Bohyun warned.
"Aw, too explicit for you, Baby Saja," Roobin batted his eyes.
"'Goo goo gaga' suck my dick," Bohyun flipped him off.
"'Goo goo gaga' kiss my ass, you undeveloped embryo," Roobin flipped him off back.
Jinu just shook his head, clearly exasperated. "Can you two act your age, please? Just once?”
Roobin rolled his eyes, unrepentant. “But acting my age is so boring, Papa saja.”
"Please don't call me that," Jinu deadpanned.
"Oh, so do you want me to call you da-"
Jinu cut him off. “If you finish that sentence, I will reach through this screen and strangle you.”
Roobin raised both his hands in mock surrender and grinned. “Touchy, touchy.”
"How do you have a girlfriend?" Bohyun sighed.
Roobin just shrugged. "Charm, wit, good looks—need I go on?"
Jinu sighed. "Just talk to her. And I really mean talk."
"He means use your words and not your dick," Bohyun said.
"Well, he used his fingers. I'm disappointed he didn't add tongue to the mix," Roobin replied.
“Wow… that is… that is very interesting imagery that I could have gone about my whole morning without knowing,” Bohyun replied.
Roobin feigned hurt, placing a hand over his heart. "Basic anatomy, gentlemen. Two points of interest. That’s all I’m saying."
"Die,” Bohyun deadpanned.
"ANYWAYS," Abby cuts in. "None of us breathes a word to anyone. Especially Myungho. I'm side eyeing aggressively at you, Roobin."
Roobin rolled his eyes. "Relax. I’m not suicidal."
“Debatable,” Jinu replied.
“Extremely debatable,” Bohyun agreed.
Roobin flipped them off with both fingers.
"Wish me luck. Fighting!" Abby raised his fist.
The boys each gave a half-hearted 'fighting' as the call ended and Abby's screen went blank.
Meanwhile with Zoey
"GUYS, HELP ME!"
The three of them were on a video call while Zoey paced outside the flower boutique, waiting for Gigi, her face twisted with panic.
Rumi, ever the voice of reason, spoke up first. "Okay, calm down, Zo. Deep breaths. Start from the beginning.”
"Did you accidentally send Jungkook your feet pics, thinking that you're sending them to Abby again?" Mira asked.
"Okay, first off, fuck you. Second, that was one time," Zoey retorted.
Mira raised her hands. “Just trying to lighten the mood.”
Rumi rolled her eyes. "What happened?"
Zoey stopped pacing for a moment, attempting to gather her thoughts. “I made a huge mistake last night."
"Did you kill someone?" Mira asked.
Rumi smacked Mira's arm. "That isn't funny."
Mira rubbed her arm, pouting slightly. "I was joking! Sheesh."
Zoey sighed, running a hand through her hair. "No, I didn't kill anyone. It's... Abby related."
Mira let out a long, exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Oh, God. What did he do this time?"
Zoey bit her lower lip, hesitating before finally blurting out, “He jerked me off."
Mira's eyes widened to an almost comical extent, and Rumi's jaw dropped open.
"He what-?!" Rumi managed to utter.
Zoey covered her face with her free hand, feeling utterly mortified. "I know. I know, okay!? It just—it just happened, and I don't know—"
“Hold on,” Mira said. “He or you?”
"He..." Zoey answered.
"Where?"
"In bed..."
"How?"
"He caught me masturbating..."
The silence that followed seemed almost deafening, punctuated only by Mira's sudden choking noise as she tried to hold back a laugh.
Rumi finally found her voice. “H-How…?”
Zoey groaned, throwing her head back. "Can we please not do this right now?"
Mira crossed her arms, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Oh, we're absolutely doing this. You can't just drop a bombshell like that, like it's nothing. We need details."
"Fuck no. I'm not giving the Ao3 explicit detail, ya nasty," Zoey exclaimed.
Mira feigned offence. "Hey, asking for more details and being thorough does not make me nasty.”
"Bitch, I've seen your Ao3 archive, Wattpad library and Kindle. You ain't slick,” Zoey retorted.
Mira stuck out her tongue. "I wear it like a badge of honour.
"Okay, let's put that aside for now,” Rumi chimed in, trying to get back on topic. “Zoey, can you at least tell us why exactly Abby... ended up in your bed?"
Zoey took a deep breath, bracing herself for their reaction. "Because the Airbnb I booked only has one bed."
Mira let out a low whistle. "Living dangerously, are we?"
Rumi arched an eyebrow. "You booked an Airbnb with just one bed?"
"I didn't know it had one room," Zoey retorted.
Mira quirked an eyebrow. "You didn't check the details?"
Zoey sighed, feeling sheepish. "It was last-minute, okay? I got a discount, and it looked nice."
Mira snorted. "Nice, and with just one bed."
"Guys, come on. I'm having a crisis here," Zoey whined.
"Right, right. Sorry. Carry on," Rumi said.
Mira couldn't hold back a cheeky grin. "But we are coming back to this one-bed thing."
"You're the worst."
Mira just winked. "You love me."
"So, back to... last night. You said, Abby, uh, 'caught you'. What exactly happened?" Rumi asked.
"Well, I was a little loud when I was jerking myself off, and he woke up," Zoey said.
"Did you come at least?" Mira asked.
"Mira!" Zoey's face turned red.
"For the love of God, have some tact," Rumi facepalmed.
Mira shrugged. "It's a valid question."
Rumi shook her head, turning back to Zoey. "Ignore her. Keep going."
"That's what she said," Mira smirked.
Rumi smacked Mira’s arm again. "Will you please focus?"
"Hey, it's good intel. Adds context."
Rumi rolled her eyes. "In what context is that necessary information for this situation?"
Mira shrugged. "It just is."
Rumi let out a long-suffering sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Okay, so Abby caught you. Then what?”
"Right, so he caught me, and I tried to play it cool. Then he offered to help me out..."
Mira raised an eyebrow. "And you just... said yes?"
"I was horny, okay? He kinda caught me before I orgasmed."
Mira whistled, clearly impressed. "Bold move."
Rumi looked torn between amusement and concern. "But... it's Abby. Your best friend, I might add."
"Well, thanks for pointing out the obvious, Rumi. Otherwise, I wouldn't be freaking out about it," Zoey remarked sarcastically.
"I just mean... you guys have been best friends since forever. This is a lot to process," Rumi reasoned.
Zoey groaned, throwing her head back. "What am I supposed to do. How am I going to face him?"
"By kneeling on your knees, of course," Mira said.
Rumi immediately groaned, "Mira, can you please keep it PG for five minutes?"
"Fine, fine," Mira waved her hand. "But real talk, don't you think that the reason you're freaking out is because you used to have a crush on Abby back in Uni?"
There was silence. Zoey's cheeks were beet red. "What? No! What does that have to do with anything?"
Mira raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. "You can't fool us, Zoey. We all knew you had a massive crush on Abby."
"That was a long time ago. Besides, he had a crush on you."
"Well, yeah, but I'm dating Roobin now. And he’s moved on from it," Mira said matter-of-factly.
“Okay, but that doesn’t mean anything. Plus, I’ve already moved on,” Zoey explained.
“So you just buried your feelings just like that?” Rumi asked, studying Zoey.
Zoey swallowed hard, feeling exposed and vulnerable in this moment. "Well... yeah. He's my best friend. I’d rather not complicate our friendship over a college crush."
“Well, it kinda already is with you know,” Mira gestured. “His fingers plus your coochie equals orgasm situation.”
Zoey threw her head back and groaned while Rumi sighed, rubbing her forehead at Mira’s blunt language.
"Okay, so what's the plan here? You can't just pretend this didn't happen," Rumi asked.
"She needs to talk to him about it, obviously," Mira said, rolling her eyes.
"And how exactly am I going to bring it up to him?” Zoey asked. “'Hey, Abby Can we talk about how you offered to help me orgasm after you caught me masturbating a few minutes ago and pray it doesn't get awkward and weird?' I will die."
"You literally just did."
Zoey shot Mira a glare, clearly not amused.
Rumi chimed in. "It doesn't have to be like that. Just be honest and straightforward with him."
“Define ‘honest and straightforward,'” Zoey asked.
"This is Abby we're talking about. That guy turns awkward conversations into jokes like it's second nature. You'll be fine," Mira replied.
Zoey groaned, rubbing her temples. "Great. Just what I wanted to hear. Oh, I gotta go. Gigi's here."
"Oh, right, you have wedding errands with the snake," Mira replied.
Despite her nerves, Zoey couldn't help but roll her eyes at Mira's nickname for Gigi. "Don't call her that."
“If it moves like a snake and talks like a snake, then what the fuck is it?” Mira asked, raising an eyebrow.
Rumi gave a little wave. "Go do your errands, Zoey. Just... try not to let things get any more awkward between you and Abby. Alright?"
"Alright. Thanks, guys," Zoey said, with a smile.
Rumi rolled her eyes. “Go. And make sure you talk to him!” Rumi called.
“And ask if he takes appointments,” Mira added.
“MIRA.”
Zoey ended the call immediately, slipped her phone into her bag and took a deep breath.
The worst part wasn’t what had happened last night.
The worst part was knowing she still had to go back to the Airbnb.
And face Abby.
Without spontaneously combusting
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