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"What is it now, muscles for brains?" Roobin deadpanned.
"Hey, Roobin. I think I may have done something really stupid." Abby said, running a hand through his messy hair. He was seated hunched over on the couch in the living room as he held his phone to his ear.
"Oh god. Don't tell me you got someone pregnant. I packed condoms in your bag for a reason," Roobin groaned.
“What? No! Why that of all things?” Abby exclaimed.
“Because your tomfuckery knows no bounds. Like the time you walked in halfway through a wedding with a 16-inch Hawaiian pizza.”
“Okay, first off, it was two pm, and it was clearly pizza time. Second, I wasn’t about to cough up money on food at an event I was invited to.”
“Okay, but a haiiwan pizza? Like, I know your standards when it comes to food are in the trenches-”
“Roobin, I’m in a crisis here!” Abby snapped, already getting impatient.
Roobin let out a long, exasperated sigh.
“What did you do?”
“Okay, hypothetically speaking.”
“No hypotheticals. It’s already bad enough that you woke me up at 4 in the morning. Speak.”
“Okay, so if two people are fake dating… and one of them accidentally helps the other with uh… stress relief.”
A beat.
“Define stress relief.”
“... sexual stress relief.”
“So you did get someone pregnant!”
“No! I helped Zoey jerk off last night!”
There was a pause.
“Roobin?” Abby called.
“Give me one sec.”
Roobin immediately hung up the phone.
Abby blinked, staring at his phone. Not even a second later, it rang again.
This time it was a group video call.
Abby frowned and hit accept.
Three faces appeared on screen.
On the top left of the screen was Jinu in the studio, headphones around his neck and looking deeply confused.
At the bottom was Bohyun half-buried in his pillow, hair messy and eyes barely open.
And Roobin at the top right, sitting upright in his living room, legs crossed, wearing the most insufferable grin Abby had ever seen
Abby's face turns bright red as he sees the entire squad on camera. He fumbles with his phone, nearly dropping it. “Roobin, what the fuck!
"You better have a good explanation for waking me up at 4 in the fucking morning, Roobin," Bohyun grumbled.
"In a minute." Roobin leaned in with that infuriating smirk of his: "So what’s this PG-18 situation you have going on, Abs?" He wiggles his eyebrows dramatically while Bohyun groans and flops back onto his pillow.
“Bitch! This is a private matter for two. Not the whole squad!” Abby yelled.
“Technically, three-quarters since Myungho isn’t on this call. Not that he needs to be part of this convo anyway,” Roobin said, waving his hand.
“Okay, what is going on?” Jinu finally spoke.
“Our dear Lee Woojin took ‘fake dating’ to a whole new level under the pretence of helping Zoey ‘relieve’ some pent-up stress. The sexual kind,” Roobin shared.
Jinu's eyes went wide, and he choked on his saliva. Bohyun, who had been lounging in bed just a few seconds ago, sat up abruptly, suddenly wide awake. Abby’s face was a brilliant crimson as he averted Jinu and Bohyun’s stares.
"Wait, what?" Bohyun asked in disbelief, looking at Abby like he'd just grown a second head.
"Please tell me that’s a different Zoey and not Mira and Rumi’s Zoey," Jinu pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Nope... it's the very same Zoey we all know and love,” Abby admitted.
Bohyun lets out a groan, burying his face in his pillow. "That explains why Myungho isn’t on this call. I wouldn’t want to wake up at four in the morning to hear how one of my homies fucked my ex."
“I didn’t sleep with her!” Abby retorted. “I just helped jerk her off! That’s it!”
“And that’s supposed to make it better?!” Bohyun retorted back.
Jinu pinched the bridge of his nose again, looking weary. "Okay, back up. How did this even happen?"
"Well, I was asleep. I heard her moaning and figured she was masturbating, and I kinda offer to help her out..."
Roobin clutches his chest dramatically, gasping. "Hold on—hold ON. How does one wake up and offer to help with that?”
Jinu looked absolutely done. "So let me get this straight... she was already doing it herself, and your contribution was just... adding extra?"
“I was helping her out!” Abby responded defensively.
“Abby,” Jinu sighed. “That's not a situation you just stumble into like 'Oh, hey Zoey needs some help.'”
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