Yves sits in front of her grandma’s headstone, a bucket of water and a cloth next to her. You sit under a nearby shelter, watching as Yves starts cleaning the headstone.
Yves seems to be saying something. As much as you don’t want to interrupt the moment, you can’t help but want to know what’s going on. After all, it’s not like Yves said not to come close to her during this time. You slowly wander towards Yves, wanting to go surprise her with a hug from behind.
As you get closer, you start to overhear what Yves is saying. She doesn’t notice you at all, with how quiet your footsteps are and how focused she is on her task. You hear a few choice words before you sneak close enough to hear everything.
—–
Hey Granny, it’s me, Sooyoungie. I’m back again.
I’m doing fine with school, a lot better since you left, actually. I got myself a tutor, and am finally taking the time to study again, instead of chasing all the fun.
I still miss you a lot. I wish I could have said goodbye.
Alright, on to happier things.
I’ve been having a lot more fun in school recently. It’s not just because of studying. I still have the urge to attend every party and drink all the alcohol I want, but I'm… trying not to right now. I have this girl I really really like, maybe… maybe I’m in love with her, and I promised her I’d study and ace the exams.
I used to think she was just another girl, at worst just annoying. When we were placed together as seatmates, we’d argue a lot about who was right: is it good old me, the “cool kid”, or her, the good girl who prefers to chase stability and plan for the future? I still think she’s wrong sometimes, and I still think I’m mostly right, but she… she made me reconsider some points recently. I can’t just chase fun, because I’ve slowly come to realise that I want a future, but I want that future with her in it. I’m really considering keeping her, hopefully for a really long time. I guess she’s right in some ways. I’m trying to fit her in my future now.
She’s somewhere around here, Granny. She said she wanted to wander around, so I let her.
Yeah, she’s my tutor and my seatmate. The same girl. I think I love her. I want to make her mine, but I’m scared, Granny. My reputation… isn’t the cleanest these days, and I’m scared if she lets me take her, then people might say bad things about her. She’s perfect, Granny. I’m scared that I won’t be a good fit for her.
I know you’re asking how I know, so here’s storytime, I guess. She was always annoying until recently, when she was made to tutor me. At first, I didn’t take her seriously, but she kept calling me and bothering me until I showed up. If anything, she was relentless, and I hated it. However, I pissed her off one too many times, and she confronted me. The way she did it was… unexpected, and that made me look at her differently.
I started getting interested when… when she came to class one day in a dress. You told me, Granny, when you first saw Grandpa in what, pants, suspenders, and a dress shirt with a cap? Was that what it was? Anyways, you said that when you saw him in those, time stopped, and all you could feel was the pounding of your own heart? Yeah, that was… that was me with her. She looked so beautiful, Granny, like… like the sun shone from her skin.
I dunno if she noticed then, but I think she did. She’s been wearing a lot of dresses recently, and it’s not helping my heart at all. She looks so beautiful, Granny, and everything in the world seems brighter. So much brighter.
Have I told you about her eyes, Granny? They’re brown. I know brown isn’t anything special. Just brown. But she… her shade of brown is special, Granny. The brown in her eyes shines with personality, with dedication and drive to do her best. I love it when her eyes flash with determination when she tries to teach me Math, Granny. When she looks at me with patience while figuring out how to get me to understand what she’s talking about. You used to tell me that Grandpa looked the best working on his passion, and it makes sense now. I finally understand all you’ve said.
She’s so kind, Granny. So, so kind. You know how outside our apartment there’s that stray cat, Granny? The one you kept feeding even when told not to by the guard? She does the same, Granny. She brings treats for the cat every time she comes over, and when she plays with the cat, she gets this beautiful smile that I don’t see often. When she does something nice, like give money to buskers, or like… shares food with me, she always has this really beautiful grin, like she’s so happy to do nice things. She’s so gorgeous, Granny, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to hug her and never let her go, Granny, and you know I’m not like that.
There was once she fell sick and I went over to her place to look for her. She told me she was sick and cancelled our study session abruptly, and I worried so much. I worried so much and brought her your porridge, the one you always made when I was sick? Yeah, I rode over to her place and visited her. She tried to chase me out so I didn’t get sick. Even when she wasn’t well, she still cared. I stayed though, because… because I didn’t want to leave her alone. I wanted to make sure she was okay.
I told her a bit about Dad and Mum, and showed her our pictures. I now know why you took so many when I was growing up, and I thank you for it, Grandma. I’ll do the same with her, and I wish you were here to meet her. I think you’d love her too.
Maybe… maybe one day she’ll be mine. One day I’ll tell her, and I hope she accepts me. If she does, I’ll come and tell you, Granny. I’ll bring her too.
I’ll come back, okay? I’m starting to miss her and I kind of wanna go bother her. Love you, Grandma!
—–
“Hey babygirl.”
“Hey. A bit of a long chat, huh?”
“Yeah, I spilled my heart to her.”
Yves takes your hand, slowly walking with you out to the parking lot. She is silent, a lot of thoughts visibly going through her head. Similarly, you have a lot of thoughts going through yours too.
“I talked about you.”
“Huh?”
“I told her about you."
"What about me?"
A futile question, of course. You know everything. All of Yves’ feelings, bared to her grandmother, but also unintentionally bared to you. You do not know how to feel—this is knowledge you’re not supposed to have, and yet you’re aware of how much Yves feels for you.
"It’s a secret, babe. You’ll know soon.”
“What if I wanna know now?"
You do. You want Yves to tell you how she feels. You want to confess to her too. You nearly spill everything to her on the spot, all your feelings, desires, and love for her. You want to pull Yves into your embrace and hold her against you forever.
"Then…”
Yves pulls you to face her, her lips inches from yours. You start to panic, and Yves strokes your cheek.
“Calm down.”
She moves in, and you close your eyes. Her lips impact the edge of yours, just at the side.
“Are you going to ask again?”
You shake your head, blinking rapidly.
“Fucking hell, you’re so goddamned cute.”
Yves kisses your forehead, arranging your hair when she’s done.
“Let’s go. I’m hungry.”
—–
Over lunch, Yves asks you in between bites of a burger, “Did I ever tell you why I preferred chasing fun over what you’d do, chasing stability?”
“No, why?”
“Because Granny just passed like that. Life is short, babe. I don’t think I should sweat too much when I could just… suddenly not be having fun anymore.”
You think about it for a while.
“But what if you do have a long life left? You never know. Plan for it.”
“And I agree. I gave it some thought, and I think you’re right. I’ve got some things I should sweat for, and I’ll do it.”
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